Of Smoothies and (Internet News) Cycles
March 24, 2016 6:00 PM Subscribe
LIGHTS UP
Buzzfeed: “Gwyneth Paltrow drinks $200 smoothies for breakfast!”
Vanity Fair: “Actually, they’re just $10.52 smoothies.”
Washington Post: “Whatever! It’s a good excuse for us to make a video and talk about the theoretical health benefits.”
fin.
Buzzfeed: “Gwyneth Paltrow drinks $200 smoothies for breakfast!”
Vanity Fair: “Actually, they’re just $10.52 smoothies.”
Washington Post: “Whatever! It’s a good excuse for us to make a video and talk about the theoretical health benefits.”
fin.
obligatory ow my balls comment
posted by GuyZero at 6:11 PM on March 24, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by GuyZero at 6:11 PM on March 24, 2016 [5 favorites]
There are actually six different kinds of Moon Dust that Gwyneth sells on Goop. There’s one called Spirit Dust, which claims to enhance extrasensory perception. It was sold out.
Oh dear lord. Can we pass some laws already??
posted by Huck500 at 6:14 PM on March 24, 2016 [25 favorites]
Oh dear lord. Can we pass some laws already??
posted by Huck500 at 6:14 PM on March 24, 2016 [25 favorites]
I hate the word 'smoothie.'
posted by jonmc at 6:15 PM on March 24, 2016 [12 favorites]
posted by jonmc at 6:15 PM on March 24, 2016 [12 favorites]
My breakfast is much less expensive and, more importantly, does not contain any ingredients called "dust." I don't want to jump on the Gwyneth-hate train, but "dust" is not a particularly appetizing word for a smoothie ingredient. "How was your smoothie?" "Oh, kind of dusty." Does that sound like anything you want to consume for breakfast?
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 6:16 PM on March 24, 2016 [8 favorites]
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 6:16 PM on March 24, 2016 [8 favorites]
If you're taking any kind of health advice from a woman who steam cleans her vagina, you've got bigger problems. Like 2nd degree burns on your vagina.
posted by T.D. Strange at 6:21 PM on March 24, 2016 [16 favorites]
posted by T.D. Strange at 6:21 PM on March 24, 2016 [16 favorites]
I got unreasonably mad at the first $200 smoothie article for making bad assumptions and writing a bad thing. Accordingly, I am unreasonably elated to see the Vanity Fair article pointing out the (should be) obvious.
posted by wemayfreeze at 6:24 PM on March 24, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by wemayfreeze at 6:24 PM on March 24, 2016 [5 favorites]
Hey, it is her money to waste whether it is $10 or $200. I've bought a few lottery tickets in my life, a bread maker and don't get me started on the flowers for my wedding! So who am I to judge?
posted by Muncle at 6:25 PM on March 24, 2016 [8 favorites]
posted by Muncle at 6:25 PM on March 24, 2016 [8 favorites]
Just for the record, my morning smoothie:
posted by uncleozzy at 6:28 PM on March 24, 2016 [4 favorites]
Yogurt, some ........ $0.50 Banana, one ......... $0.20 Fox's U-Bet, 22oz ... $2.99 --- Total ........... $3.69So obviously I come out ahead, even if I add that $4.50/tsp sexy moon dust.
posted by uncleozzy at 6:28 PM on March 24, 2016 [4 favorites]
In other words: "The products throw a lot of Chinese medicinal products together for which the evidence is primarily anecdotal," Daniel Commane, a human nutrition expert at the University of Reading, told WIRED of the smoothies in question.
you know, goat and cow shit is also used in some villages in China as a traditional cure-all. y'know, probiotics and stuff. maybe it's time to get in on the yuppie appropriation before this fecal-health craze gets hot
posted by runt at 6:41 PM on March 24, 2016 [1 favorite]
you know, goat and cow shit is also used in some villages in China as a traditional cure-all. y'know, probiotics and stuff. maybe it's time to get in on the yuppie appropriation before this fecal-health craze gets hot
posted by runt at 6:41 PM on March 24, 2016 [1 favorite]
Fecl®
It's an app for your iPhone, a stat on your FitBit, and a little pinch o' poo to get you going in the morning.
posted by benito.strauss at 6:51 PM on March 24, 2016 [7 favorites]
It's an app for your iPhone, a stat on your FitBit, and a little pinch o' poo to get you going in the morning.
posted by benito.strauss at 6:51 PM on March 24, 2016 [7 favorites]
Does a frozen margarita count as a smoothie? Because that's my morning smoothie.
posted by Justinian at 6:55 PM on March 24, 2016 [18 favorites]
posted by Justinian at 6:55 PM on March 24, 2016 [18 favorites]
“Gwyneth Paltrow drinks $200 smoothies for breakfast” factoid actualy just statistical error. Gwyneth Paltrow drinks $10.52 smoothies for breakfast. Smoothies Georg, who lives in cave and drinks $10,000 smoothies, is an outlier adn should not have been counted
posted by oulipian at 6:58 PM on March 24, 2016 [44 favorites]
posted by oulipian at 6:58 PM on March 24, 2016 [44 favorites]
I hate the word 'smoothie.'
I love a nice moist smoothie.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 7:13 PM on March 24, 2016 [36 favorites]
I love a nice moist smoothie.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 7:13 PM on March 24, 2016 [36 favorites]
you are a monster, Johnny Wallflower
posted by Hoopo at 7:19 PM on March 24, 2016 [19 favorites]
posted by Hoopo at 7:19 PM on March 24, 2016 [19 favorites]
Almost half of that $10 is for "Moon Juice Sex Dust".
So if you want to save money, just make your own sex dust at home.
posted by thefoxgod at 7:26 PM on March 24, 2016 [6 favorites]
So if you want to save money, just make your own sex dust at home.
posted by thefoxgod at 7:26 PM on March 24, 2016 [6 favorites]
She should put actual snake oil in her recipes just to see if anyone catches on
posted by Alluring Mouthbreather at 7:27 PM on March 24, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by Alluring Mouthbreather at 7:27 PM on March 24, 2016 [4 favorites]
I hate the word ‘smoothie.’
I love a nice moist smoothie.
Once I made a drink from fish and yogurt: an orange roughy smoothie.
posted by Going To Maine at 7:39 PM on March 24, 2016 [8 favorites]
I love a nice moist smoothie.
Once I made a drink from fish and yogurt: an orange roughy smoothie.
posted by Going To Maine at 7:39 PM on March 24, 2016 [8 favorites]
goddamn it oulipian
posted by Earthtopus at 7:43 PM on March 24, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by Earthtopus at 7:43 PM on March 24, 2016 [2 favorites]
Once I made a drink from fish and yogurt: an orange roughy smoothie.
Make sure it's BLOATED!
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 7:46 PM on March 24, 2016 [1 favorite]
Make sure it's BLOATED!
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 7:46 PM on March 24, 2016 [1 favorite]
Once I made a drink from fish and yogurt: an orange roughy smoothie.
That sounds like an orange lumpy unless you've got a Vitamix
posted by discopolo at 10:04 PM on March 24, 2016 [2 favorites]
That sounds like an orange lumpy unless you've got a Vitamix
posted by discopolo at 10:04 PM on March 24, 2016 [2 favorites]
Surely you mean a Bass-O-Matic.
posted by benito.strauss at 10:09 PM on March 24, 2016 [11 favorites]
posted by benito.strauss at 10:09 PM on March 24, 2016 [11 favorites]
I vape my smoothies to maximize the moistness
posted by aydeejones at 10:18 PM on March 24, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by aydeejones at 10:18 PM on March 24, 2016 [1 favorite]
That sounds like an orange lumpy unless you've got a Vitamix
It was a lumpy roughy smoothie.
posted by Going To Maine at 10:31 PM on March 24, 2016 [2 favorites]
It was a lumpy roughy smoothie.
posted by Going To Maine at 10:31 PM on March 24, 2016 [2 favorites]
Almost half of that $10 is for "Moon Juice Sex Dust".
So if you want to save money, just make your own sex dust at home.
But where do you get your moon juice? Do you have your own moon? (The orbiting kind, you monster)?
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:30 PM on March 24, 2016
So if you want to save money, just make your own sex dust at home.
But where do you get your moon juice? Do you have your own moon? (The orbiting kind, you monster)?
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:30 PM on March 24, 2016
So obviously I come out ahead
Well, it depends. If she makes more than 2.85× your income, you're behind.
(That's 54.2× in Buzzfeed money.)
posted by effbot at 12:04 AM on March 25, 2016
Well, it depends. If she makes more than 2.85× your income, you're behind.
(That's 54.2× in Buzzfeed money.)
posted by effbot at 12:04 AM on March 25, 2016
I hate the word 'smoothie.'
I understand and sympathize. Many, many years ago someone told me that where they grew up, before the drink was common, "smoothie" was slang for a blowjob, and they couldn’t get past it. Ever since this long forgotten person told me that I can’t get past it.
posted by bongo_x at 12:49 AM on March 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
I understand and sympathize. Many, many years ago someone told me that where they grew up, before the drink was common, "smoothie" was slang for a blowjob, and they couldn’t get past it. Ever since this long forgotten person told me that I can’t get past it.
posted by bongo_x at 12:49 AM on March 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
There’s one called Spirit Dust, which claims to enhance extrasensory perception. It was sold out.
>Oh dear lord. Can we pass some laws already??
posted by Huck500 at 8:14 PM on March 24 [14 favorites +]
Jesus Christ guys, I'm just as angry and frustrated as you are but they will make more, I'm sure.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:51 AM on March 25, 2016 [12 favorites]
>Oh dear lord. Can we pass some laws already??
posted by Huck500 at 8:14 PM on March 24 [14 favorites +]
Jesus Christ guys, I'm just as angry and frustrated as you are but they will make more, I'm sure.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:51 AM on March 25, 2016 [12 favorites]
The recipe's not bad, but it could use more activated cashews.
posted by anthom at 3:45 AM on March 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by anthom at 3:45 AM on March 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
In my house "smoothie" is spelled c-o-f-f-e-e.
posted by tommasz at 5:01 AM on March 25, 2016 [6 favorites]
posted by tommasz at 5:01 AM on March 25, 2016 [6 favorites]
The best thing about this is that Buzzfeed was just passing along a weird little tidbit from the Daily Fail, and Vanity Fair took sufficient umbrage to actually fact-check it. In conclusion, I'd like to pass along this thing from the Toast re: La Gwyneth: If Gwyneth Paltrow Were Your Girlfriend.
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:08 AM on March 25, 2016 [7 favorites]
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:08 AM on March 25, 2016 [7 favorites]
Those are only $10.52 smoothies if you ignore the externalities like the social cost of an imaginary space program to get the required sex dust.
posted by srboisvert at 5:20 AM on March 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by srboisvert at 5:20 AM on March 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
bongo_x: before the drink was common, "smoothie" was slang for a blowjob
Who's the real monster here, Hoopo?
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 7:19 AM on March 25, 2016
Who's the real monster here, Hoopo?
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 7:19 AM on March 25, 2016
Huh. But, isn't sex dust the stuff you wash off after the act? {thinks} Ah, hang on, it would be moist by then so that must be before the act? I remain both terribly confused, and English, by all of this rumbustious tomfoolery.
posted by Wordshore at 7:26 AM on March 25, 2016
posted by Wordshore at 7:26 AM on March 25, 2016
Rumbustious is totally the name of my next band.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 7:54 AM on March 25, 2016
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 7:54 AM on March 25, 2016
Are you saying smoothie, or smoodie?
posted by sweetmarie at 7:57 AM on March 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by sweetmarie at 7:57 AM on March 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
A smoodie is made wid wudder and jawn.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:49 AM on March 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:49 AM on March 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
I had a smoothie earlier this morning. By which I mean that I defecated. With my butt.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:10 AM on March 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:10 AM on March 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
You still defecate with your butt?
posted by en forme de poire at 10:31 AM on March 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by en forme de poire at 10:31 AM on March 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
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posted by rossmeissl at 6:10 PM on March 24, 2016 [2 favorites]