"No thanks, I'd like to pay full price"
March 26, 2016 7:33 AM   Subscribe

confirmshaming [via mefi projects, by danb] "when a site asks you to sign up for their thing and then the 'no thank you' link is some hot garbage." Submit your own screenshots right here.
posted by Greg Nog (106 comments total) 59 users marked this as a favorite
 
MetaFilter: sign up for their thing
posted by Fizz at 7:34 AM on March 26, 2016 [2 favorites]


No thanks. I'd rather get it in town.
posted by notyou at 7:37 AM on March 26, 2016 [53 favorites]


Insulting your potential future customers seems like a can't lose marketing technique to me.
posted by LastOfHisKind at 7:39 AM on March 26, 2016 [23 favorites]


For April Fool's Day last year, Swarm Simulator illustrated all of the ravenous bugs with pictures of kittens. To turn the feature off, you had to click a link saying something like "click here if you hate kittens, you monster." All in all, I thought that was pretty fair, even though I did ot hate kittens so much as the screen space they took up.

I still felt like a monster, though.
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:40 AM on March 26, 2016 [6 favorites]


Actually, I don't want a new iPhone.
posted by schmod at 7:41 AM on March 26, 2016 [20 favorites]


I thought I read recently that there was one company that was responsible for most of these. They sure are annoying.
posted by frogmanjack at 7:47 AM on March 26, 2016




(This is a funny idea, but is a 4-day-old Tumblr with 6 posts really FPP-worthy?)
posted by neroli at 8:00 AM on March 26, 2016 [59 favorites]


This is interesting. I was at Popular Mechanics to read an article recently, and got a pop-up inviting me to subscribe to their email list, with a "bonus gift" of access to a whole bunch of tips from the whole history of the magazine. The "no, thanks" text was, "No thanks, I'll just go to Ikea," and I thought it was funny.

Now I see it's some kind of marketing trend.
posted by not that girl at 8:10 AM on March 26, 2016 [4 favorites]


neroli, that Awl list led me to Google "shiplap," which I thought was going to be much more gross than it actually turned out to be.
posted by ejs at 8:12 AM on March 26, 2016 [4 favorites]


How is it shaming if you can't tell what company is doing it most of the time?
posted by Bistle at 8:14 AM on March 26, 2016


Holy hell, shiplap is the word my wife and I have been trying to remember for three or four days now. I just yelled "shiplap!" up the stairs and she yelled "yeah!" back. It was very satisfying.
posted by uncleozzy at 8:15 AM on March 26, 2016 [70 favorites]


(This is a funny idea, but is a 4-day-old Tumblr with 6 posts really FPP-worthy?)

yep
posted by Greg Nog at 8:22 AM on March 26, 2016 [35 favorites]


How is it shaming if you can't tell what company is doing it most of the time?

I think they mean that the company is trying to shame you into coughing up the cash. The only other exit they leave you is something like "No, thanks. I'm a stupid loser doomed to a sad extinction and that's really all a person of my class deserves."
posted by pracowity at 8:22 AM on March 26, 2016 [7 favorites]


Oops, way to not get the joke (hides head in shame)
posted by Bistle at 8:25 AM on March 26, 2016 [1 favorite]




Not exactly the same, but it reminds me of the shaming built into the actual name of this company.
posted by Stonestock Relentless at 8:32 AM on March 26, 2016 [14 favorites]


Unsubscribe, I Am A Fraud And Deserve Failure
posted by beerperson at 8:33 AM on March 26, 2016 [12 favorites]


No thanks, I am merely the empty husk of the person I used to be.
posted by valkane at 8:35 AM on March 26, 2016 [13 favorites]


No thanks, I've already declawed my cat.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 8:35 AM on March 26, 2016 [13 favorites]


"Please don't go...The Drones need you...They look up to you..."
posted by octothorpe at 8:38 AM on March 26, 2016 [15 favorites]


No thanks, I already know the difference between humility and humiliation.
posted by Chitownfats at 8:43 AM on March 26, 2016 [2 favorites]


I've got what I think is an actual helpful example: there's an app for the Stronglifts 5x5 weightlifting system that automatically adjusts the weight; if you haven't lifted for a while, they suggest deloading to avoid being sore from lifting too much after the break, and the confirmshame is "No, I'd rather be sore."
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:45 AM on March 26, 2016 [8 favorites]


Unsubscribe, cancer is rad
posted by beerperson at 9:02 AM on March 26, 2016 [19 favorites]


Stonestock Relentless: Not exactly the same, but it reminds me of the shaming built into the actual name of this company.

Oh good, I'm glad me and my weird friends aren't the only ones who find the If You Care line of baking products hilarious.

Large Baking Cups
if you even CARE

Large Baking Cups
if anything I'm saying is even registering
because I went to a lot of trouble
to make them unbleached and chlorine free for you

Large Baking Cups: you know what, forget it.

posted by deludingmyself at 9:03 AM on March 26, 2016 [54 favorites]


> (This is a funny idea, but is a 4-day-old Tumblr with 6 posts really FPP-worthy?)

No thanks, I'd rather find out how these cats got wedged into these scanners.
posted by Johann Georg Faust at 9:11 AM on March 26, 2016 [4 favorites]


No thanks, I think I'd rather be history's greatest monster.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:13 AM on March 26, 2016 [11 favorites]


If You Care will be bought by The Honest Company merging to form If You Care To Be Honest
posted by benzenedream at 9:16 AM on March 26, 2016 [3 favorites]


No thanks, I do not wish to see that children's hospital built in the needy community
posted by Elly Vortex at 9:19 AM on March 26, 2016 [3 favorites]


"You know who else unsubscribed from our offers?"
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:21 AM on March 26, 2016 [37 favorites]


No thanks, everybody does not need a hug.
posted by infinitewindow at 9:27 AM on March 26, 2016 [2 favorites]


No thanks, this plate of beans won't overthink itself.
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:29 AM on March 26, 2016 [2 favorites]


My local gas station used to have pumps that would say

[ ] swipe loyalty card

[ ] continue without loyalty
posted by straight at 9:35 AM on March 26, 2016 [62 favorites]


No thanks, I want you to shoot that dog.
posted by leotrotsky at 9:39 AM on March 26, 2016 [11 favorites]


Ah yes. I first learned about this in the heady days of making Facebook games. Remember the must-invite-friends-to-play kind? Well, Facebook quickly realized that was grade A bullshit, and required a "no thanks" link on every page where we prompted people to invite friends etc.

Needless to say, all these tricks were used. Big shiny button for the call to action. Small sad link for the no thanks. I guess it harks back to the "pay for realplayer pro?" Days.

Anyways, sorry for building those annoying games. "It seemed like a good idea at the time".

Of course all companies do this to some degree. Amazon makes the "yes buy this button" big and gold, and the "well, maybe I'll browse around some more" small and unobtrusive.
posted by Phredward at 9:49 AM on March 26, 2016 [3 favorites]


Reminds me of the scene in Boiler Room where the Giovanni Ribisi character is taken into the bullpen for the first time:

Broker(yelling into phone): "You want me to take you off my list? Fine! I'll take you off my list of successful people today!"
posted by dr_dank at 9:59 AM on March 26, 2016 [3 favorites]


Of course all companies do this to some degree. Amazon makes the "yes buy this button" big and gold, and the "well, maybe I'll browse around some more" small and unobtrusive.

Ooooh, I just now understood why they do this. It always puzzled me, since I would often remember something else I wanted to shop for after I had gone to my shopping cart and I was honestly confounded that Amazon didn't want to give me an easy link to go find more stuff to buy. But of course you're right — they had me on the hook for $XX and obviously had data showing it was more important to close that sale than to encourage me to do more browsing and possibly forget about my shopping cart altogether.
posted by Mothlight at 10:05 AM on March 26, 2016 [1 favorite]


I almost yelped with recognition when I saw this on the front page, I've REALLY noticed this in the last few weeks online.

Having read the tumblr, a few of these are rude / funny enough that they MUST be knowingly playing on the more prosaic ones, right?
posted by ominous_paws at 10:10 AM on March 26, 2016


It all reminds me of those stores that ask you if you want to round up your total for [sick childrenz/cancer/teh troops].
posted by indubitable at 10:13 AM on March 26, 2016 [4 favorites]


Hey marketers, I keep a literal LIST of places that do this and have never used them on principle! I haven't clicked on an Esquire link in about a year despite enjoying the output of David Holmes because of it!
posted by The Whelk at 10:17 AM on March 26, 2016 [1 favorite]


I remember reading an article about this phenomenon recently! I wish I knew where it was. As I recall, the "no thanks, I'd rather pay full price"-style language was the brainchild of one marketing agency.
posted by Metroid Baby at 10:20 AM on March 26, 2016


Aha, found it!
posted by Metroid Baby at 10:22 AM on March 26, 2016 [20 favorites]


I ran across one a few months ago. I was moving a client's web hosting from one service to another. On the host we were quitting, they made you go through a couple of pages of questions and other stuff to 1.) Confirm you are the owner of the site, and 2.) Make sure you really want to quit their service and other stuff. OK. Fine

Then, when you click the submit button, you immediately get an error page that says the request couldn't be processed, and would you please contact Customer Service to discuss your needs.

Uh, huh. Of course, when you call the CS number, you get a Retention Specialist.
posted by Thorzdad at 10:23 AM on March 26, 2016 [3 favorites]


(*) I am too needy for approval to do the thing that you said I shouldn't do, so instead I will do what you want. Just stop saying mean things about me, that's all I ask.

( ) I am a terrible worthless excuse for a human being, who is about to click the wrong option.
posted by idiopath at 10:33 AM on March 26, 2016 [4 favorites]


"... Bounce Exchange is a three-year-old New York-based start-up focused on conversion strategy, and its co-founder and CEO Ryan Urban is the mastermind behind the "no thanks" pop-up.... when their cursors show "exit intent" — movement toward the dreaded "close tab" ...."

Next up: monetizing the old "chase the damned exit button around the page with your cursor" trick, followed by the "disappear the exit button so your click falls through to the BUY NOW button ..."
posted by hank at 10:37 AM on March 26, 2016 [2 favorites]


I suppose it says something about my personality that subtle attempts to guilt me into doing things have a 50/50 chance of working, but blatant attempts to shame me just ensure I will derive great satisfaction from my lightning-speed refusal.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 10:44 AM on March 26, 2016 [12 favorites]


"You've got passive-agressiveness in my negging."
"No, you've got negging in my passive-agressiveness."
posted by benito.strauss at 10:54 AM on March 26, 2016 [11 favorites]


"No thanks, your Jedi mind tricks won't work on me!"
posted by I-Write-Essays at 11:01 AM on March 26, 2016 [2 favorites]


It reminds me of thing Facebook does (or used to do?) when you try to delete your Facebook account. You're shown pictures of your friends and something along the lines of "these friends won't be able to contact you once you delete your account". I don't think they went as far as making you click on "no thanks, I'd rather go through life without friends" but that probably won't be long now.
posted by Ms. Next at 11:10 AM on March 26, 2016 [7 favorites]


No thanks, I Hate Myself and Want To Die
posted by Existential Dread at 11:49 AM on March 26, 2016 [4 favorites]


Cats have hairballs,
Dogs have fleas,
Dave is broke,
So register please!

*dancing Snoods*
posted by sallybrown at 12:04 PM on March 26, 2016 [14 favorites]


they had me on the hook for $XX and obviously had data showing it was more important to close that sale than to encourage me to do more browsing and possibly forget about my shopping cart altogether.

There's a reason that solving the "cart abandonment" problem is a thing there are entire businesses dedicated to.
posted by primethyme at 12:13 PM on March 26, 2016


In general one of my biggest web pet peeves right now is that every damn site pops up a window to ask me to subscribe to their newsletter. Why yes, I’ve just randomly linked here, haven’t read the article yet, don’t even know what this site is, but of course I’d like to subscribe to your newsletter because I simply don’t get enough newsletters every day.
posted by bongo_x at 12:16 PM on March 26, 2016 [40 favorites]


Bounce Exchange, that's the name, that AdBlock rule* again is Bounce Exchange.

* Annoyances list
posted by RogerB at 12:25 PM on March 26, 2016 [4 favorites]


When I followed the unsubscribe link in Esquire's email I went to a web page with a background of Scarlett Johansson in her underwear to distract me from the task at hand. But I persevered.
posted by kirkaracha at 12:26 PM on March 26, 2016 [2 favorites]


Why can't Adblock figure out these are ads for the site and block them? (Alternatively, if there is an Adblock setting all the clever people are using that I haven't figured out could you please tell me what it is?)
posted by bukvich at 12:29 PM on March 26, 2016 [2 favorites]


I wonder if they accept app/"rate this app!" Submissions because this shit is rampant in the iOS and google play app stores.
posted by emptythought at 12:31 PM on March 26, 2016 [1 favorite]


In general one of my biggest web pet peeves right now is that every damn site pops up a window to ask me to subscribe to their newsletter. Why yes, I’ve just randomly linked here, haven’t read the article yet, don’t even know what this site is, but of course I’d like to subscribe to your newsletter because I simply don’t get enough newsletters every day.

Yep. And then you have to spend the time figuring out how to close the damn thing. Unless it's something I super, duper want to look at I mostly just close the window and move on now. I don't mind the sites where after you've been there for a bit that sort of window slides out from the bottom. I'm okay with that. It's more a polite 'oh hey I see your here so there must be something holding you're interest. Would you like this now?'

It's like the difference between going into a store and having the sales people allow you a bit to get comfortable and sales people waiting at the door and jumping in front of you "So you walked in. YOU WANT TO BUY SOMETHING NOW! RIGHT RIGHT?"
posted by Jalliah at 12:33 PM on March 26, 2016 [9 favorites]


No thanks, I go through life stalked by a grieving shadow and my dreams often reveal that he is me. Alas, I never remember that important detail and simply wake up feeling deadened, staying still for as long as possible in my cold wet sheets as a game: can I actually never move again? is the working hypothesis.
posted by Taft at 12:33 PM on March 26, 2016 [7 favorites]


could you please tell me what it is?

AdBlock Options → Filter Lists → ☑ Fanboy's Annoyances

posted by RogerB at 12:33 PM on March 26, 2016 [7 favorites]


Seems like a knock-off of Cruelest Opt Outs which has gotten a bit more attention.
posted by arnoldsnarb at 12:50 PM on March 26, 2016 [8 favorites]


RogerB thank you that fixed my chrome.

Firefox does not like Fanboy for some reason. It's listed but when I click to add it I get this error message:

Firefox doesn't know how to open this address, because one of the following protocols (abp) isn't associated with any program or is not allowed in this context.


This is a very minor detail because the sites I visit on chrome seem to be the ones with the pop-up crap.
posted by bukvich at 1:01 PM on March 26, 2016


No, but I totes want to take a survey to tell you about my clicking experience on your site.
posted by Huffy Puffy at 1:13 PM on March 26, 2016 [6 favorites]


But what do I know, there are people out there connecting with the butter company and brake center’s Facebook and Twitter feeds so maybe I just don’t understand how the world works.
posted by bongo_x at 1:17 PM on March 26, 2016


You know, I actually enjoy some of these, when they're written humorously. "No thanks, I'll just keep watching Adam Sandler movies"? That's pretty amusing, right?
posted by KGMoney at 1:21 PM on March 26, 2016 [2 favorites]


This reminds me of Doom's quit messages.
posted by Kattullus at 2:29 PM on March 26, 2016 [2 favorites]


The fun thing about running your own mail server is that if you run into an unsubscribe form like this, you can simply blacklist their smtp server instead.
posted by DreamerFi at 2:44 PM on March 26, 2016 [1 favorite]


I'd be happy if just once, ONCE, I could go a breweries website and not have to sign in that I'm not thirteen years old. Seriously, what kind of teenager is going to even try to look up a microbrew?
posted by Ber at 2:59 PM on March 26, 2016 [3 favorites]


Occasionally they'll accidentally give me the exact words I wanted to say:

“I don’t want funny stories in my inbox.”

“No thanks, I don’t care about the future.”

“I never want to exchange referrals with professionals I know.”

“No thanks, I don’t enjoy long, luscious, clump-free lashes.”

“No thanks, I have no interest in what the ‘Tantric Yab-Yum’ position is.”

“No, I don’t want to be cool”

posted by straight at 3:01 PM on March 26, 2016 [9 favorites]


These things don't really bother me, since I get what they're trying to do and it has so little persuasive effect on me they might as well not be there. I hate marketing and I'm more than happy to agree with whatever bizarre sentiment the marketers think will embarrass me, if only to prove how wrong they are about me, and how annoying I find them. Has anyone ever actually had their mind changed by these phrases?
posted by rubber duck at 3:19 PM on March 26, 2016


Oh good, I'm glad me and my weird friends aren't the only ones who find the If You Care line of baking products hilarious.

Hmm, I doubt I'll switch over from the Family Dollar house brand, No More Fucks
posted by threeants at 3:20 PM on March 26, 2016 [10 favorites]


I remember reading an article about this phenomenon recently! I wish I knew where it was. As I recall, the "no thanks, I'd rather pay full price"-style language was the brainchild of one marketing agency.

Aha, found it!


Their site renders like this on mobile so I guess they can't be accused of having a passive-aggressive ad approach.
posted by Karaage at 3:53 PM on March 26, 2016


I'd be happy if just once, ONCE, I could go a breweries website and not have to sign in that I'm not thirteen years old. Seriously, what kind of teenager is going to even try to look up a microbrew?

People seem to be convinced that there is some kind of legal requirement to have these things. I have no idea where it comes from.
posted by beerperson at 4:05 PM on March 26, 2016 [2 favorites]


Aggressive advertising has existed in one format or another for a long time. I recently received $1.00 from a nonprofit that wanted me to send them a whole lot with the tagine that it is a risk and they didn't know whether them putting their faith in my generosity would pay off. I threw out the letter and the dollar. I had no interest in the cause nor the marketing technique. Honestly it's the first time that I've ever wished serious ill will on a charity.

So yeah, marketers have gotten very knowledgeable about whether the payoff of alienating a donorbase/customer. Apparently, these guys are short term enough that they aren't concerned with the long term perceived benevolence of the company.

Short term $$. If ever there was a 'lean' six Sigma mentality handed over by consultants rather than someone steering for the long view of the company...
posted by Nanukthedog at 5:23 PM on March 26, 2016 [1 favorite]


If you like this sort of thing, you'll probably also enjoy Dark Patterns, "User Interfaces that are designed to trick people". They need a whole new category for these guilt-inducing questions.
posted by autopilot at 5:23 PM on March 26, 2016 [6 favorites]


And then you have to spend the time figuring out how to close the damn thing.

In my experience, pressing Esc works about 75% of the time. Of course, this assumes your browser has a keyboard attached.
posted by brett at 6:48 PM on March 26, 2016 [1 favorite]


Please don't go. The Drones need you. They look up to you.
posted by Dalton Luceria at 7:12 PM on March 26, 2016


I want some real figures on just how lucrative getting people to sign up for your newsletter actually is. Because everyone pushes it, but I'm convinced that's only because no one knows what they're doing. Still.
posted by maxwelton at 7:15 PM on March 26, 2016 [1 favorite]


Yeah the amount of times I have subscribed to a newsletter and then the next time I check my email (that day or the next) I have opened their intro letter and clicked the unsubscribe link is unreal. Does it actually work?
posted by marienbad at 7:18 PM on March 26, 2016


I don't think "sleazy used-car salesman meets telemarketer shitheel" is really the tone that you should be rushing to adopt if you care about keeping users.
posted by Rhomboid at 7:19 PM on March 26, 2016 [1 favorite]


This marketing effort is a robust walking, talking, found-in-the-wild example of the false dichotomy fallacy. These will make some great slides for my philosophy class when we discuss informal logic.

No thanks, I'll pay full price.

No thanks, I'm actually shopping somewhere else now.
posted by SpacemanStix at 7:20 PM on March 26, 2016 [2 favorites]


SpacemanStix: One of my favourite university courses was Informal Logic: Fallacy.

Isn't this also an example of begging the question (not in the popular sense, i.e., "This leads us to ask"), but in the sense we're being asked to proceed on a conclusion that hasn't been proved?
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:42 PM on March 26, 2016


I can deal with the Guilt Sites. It's the sites that whine to join their list when you move your mouse out of frame that bug me. Seriously, Panels - I clicked on your article from your email. Why bug me about joining the list I am already on? All you do is make me not want to click on the next link I see in your emails.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 8:19 PM on March 26, 2016


Isn't this also an example of begging the question (not in the popular sense, i.e., "This leads us to ask"), but in the sense we're being asked to proceed on a conclusion that hasn't been proved?

My sense is that the reason that the ads work (in part) is that they often try to set up a false dilemma, as if it's an either-or, and we respond to that dichotomy by clicking on the thing that seems better, even though there's a third option. The dichotomy hinges on something that would make us feel better or worse, if we do or do not act upon it. It ignores the other reasonable (and sometimes better) alternate possibilities. It's not exactly lying, but it's slight of hand that wants you to ignore what's behind door number three.

"Get on the List" or "No thanks, I don't want to save this season."

But I can actually save money via other means!

"Show Me 14 Simple Dinners" vs "No thanks, I'll have a microwave dinner tonight."

Actually, I'm going out for a steak dinner with friends!

So, even though we aren't dummies, I wonder if the reason it grabs onto a higher percentage of click-throughs is that there is a microsecond of contemplation that makes you wonder if you are making the worse of two options, when really there are more options than that. So I'm sure it catches more than the average number of impressions from people who just say what the heck, I'll do it. And, it's all done in a condescending way that taps into some primitive form of guilt or shame, so it actually feels more positive to make the "better" of the "two" decisions.

"No thanks, I already have a bikini body."

Or how about I'm not quite into your standard of beauty such that I'm overly worrying about how I look, but thanks.
posted by SpacemanStix at 8:34 PM on March 26, 2016


Yep. And then you have to spend the time figuring out how to close the damn thing.

In a day when I'm often closing an unknown website if it takes more than a few seconds to load, making me look for an evasive "close" button for more than five seconds on an ad that pops up as soon as I get there is a death sentence for our potential relationship.
posted by SpacemanStix at 8:47 PM on March 26, 2016


I want some real figures on just how lucrative getting people to sign up for your newsletter actually is. Because everyone pushes it, but I'm convinced that's only because no one knows what they're doing. Still.

You'd have to define "lucrative." Here are a few things you can do with newsletter subscriptions:

- Use subscriptions as a predictive tool for your sales team.
- Generate clicks on links to converting content on a web property, which is to say content that moves a potential customer closer to making a favorable purchasing decision (or divulging more personal information to better target them).
- Use the names on your list to send more targeted "blasts" with stronger calls to action than a weekly newsletter might have.
- Sell the names on your list to people who will use them to do the previous two items
- Sell space in your newsletter to people who will use that space to try to sell stuff.

I can't give you numbers, but having worked marketing in a B2B tech company I can tell you that when our analyst went through the list of potential customer actions that indicated a stronger chance of conversion, newsletter subscriptions were right up there as a leading indicator. Downloading white papers and case studies, by contrast, were trailing indicators. That didn't mean the newsletter made sales happen, but it did help us model which prospects/opportunities were a more valuable use of our sales team's time.
posted by mph at 9:33 PM on March 26, 2016 [1 favorite]


No thanks, just make me a failure pile in a sadness bowl.
posted by flabdablet at 11:14 PM on March 26, 2016 [3 favorites]


No thanks, I actually don't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks of me.
posted by MexicanYenta at 11:45 PM on March 26, 2016


So back in the day when I used to be forced to score direct mail catalogs, we used to do some they always wanted just the propensity to purchase. Once the frequency became insane and to combat the requests, we added 'the propensity for the person to request being added to the do not contact list.' That totally changed the way we over-interacted with our customers. Once the marketers saw the results, we modeled email frequency and improved our spam designation, which is apparently a thing. The marketers went from targeted email blasts at one point to using the whole DB, because the marketing cost was low, but the net impact of over emailing folks was them unsubscribing from all marketing.

Lesson: recency works the other way too!
posted by Nanukthedog at 3:41 AM on March 27, 2016 [3 favorites]


Once I was walking through a park in Milan and a guy came up to me and was very persistent in trying to convince me to go out with him right then. "No, I don't want any friends" was the thing that eventually drove him off. Very similar approaches here...
posted by ecsh at 4:24 AM on March 27, 2016


Click here if you want this ad to take over your entire cell/mobile phone screen, and you can't get rid of it unless you want to enter your e-mail address.
posted by Ms. Moonlight at 5:24 AM on March 27, 2016


It also doesn't work on Facebook.

99% of all people won't like this!
posted by yhbc at 7:56 AM on March 27, 2016


Usually, "newsletter" is just code for "opt-in to our advertising," but "number of subscribers to a newsletter" has become a bizarro currency of its own. (This is especially true for consultants, gurus, and other people with their own brand.) Since sending an email blast of any kind usually results in a wave of bounces and unsubscribe requests, there's a perverse incentive to ask people to sign up for newsletters that never actually get sent. It's harmless but also disingenuous—you don't have "20,000 subscribers," you have 20,000 email addresses whose owners never got an opportunity to tell you to stop bothering them.
posted by nev at 8:21 AM on March 27, 2016 [5 favorites]


"I’m not a fan of shiplap"
Great, now you're mocking my house!
posted by boilermonster at 9:40 AM on March 27, 2016


Someone upstream mentioned realplayer pro. I bought because I needed a pro feature. Six months later they forced down an update that broke what I bought. First time I've told, now I feel better.
posted by notned at 9:48 AM on March 27, 2016 [4 favorites]


Some guys accosted me in the street once, wanting me to donate to a cause. When I walked past, one of them actually said, "don't you care about the abuse of children?"
And it made me so mad, I actually said, "NO." Which is absolutely not true, but what a fucked up question. I'm still mad, ten years later.
Anyway, most of these are pretty eyerolley, in comparison.
posted by Omnomnom at 11:44 AM on March 27, 2016 [5 favorites]


"don't you care about the abuse of children?"
And it made me so mad, I actually said, "NO." Which is absolutely not true....


Once, when walking through San Francisco with a friend, we were approached by folks representing a literal save-the-whales group. When we politely declined, we got hit with "Don't you like the whales?"
"Of course! FOR DINNER!" my friend said.
She's vegan. But she really, really, REALLY hates street marketing.
posted by aureliobuendia at 1:27 PM on March 27, 2016 [3 favorites]


it made me so mad, I actually said, "NO."

Do you like COMEDY
posted by Greg Nog at 7:47 PM on March 27, 2016 [2 favorites]


Ooh, I just found one!
posted by lollusc at 3:30 AM on March 28, 2016 [1 favorite]


[x] No thanks, I would rather burn to death in a flaming pile of full-price furniture than spend even one more minute dealing with your shitty company
posted by aubilenon at 4:29 PM on March 29, 2016 [2 favorites]


No thanks, I Hate Myself and Want To Die
posted by Existential Dread at 2:49 PM on March 26 [4 favorites +] [!] No other comments.


Eponysterical.
posted by Melismata at 11:00 AM on March 30, 2016


I found this one!
posted by Greg Nog at 5:48 PM on March 30, 2016


When I went to Esquire to get the latest from Charles Pierce, they asked if I wanted to see a list of the 75 movies every man should see and the conirmshame was "No thanks, I'll Just stick to Adam Sandler movies." Which made me smile, but I still didn't go to their list.
posted by TedW at 7:37 AM on April 4, 2016


No thanks, I Hate Myself and Want To Die

The Beavis and Butthead Experience was a formative album in my younger years. Not sure what that says about me.

Seriously. Nirvana, Anthrax covering Beasties, White Zombie's only good song, Primus' Poetry and Prose. Great record.
posted by Existential Dread at 10:38 AM on April 4, 2016 [1 favorite]


No thanks, I'd rather skip this FPP and read and comment on it later when nobody's paying attention anymore.
posted by not_on_display at 10:26 AM on April 5, 2016 [3 favorites]


comment on it later when nobody's paying attention anymore.

Ironically....

Wish I had thought of this when the thread was still active but I'll enter it now for the public record. Some of the best "No Thanks" is to be found in the mailings aimed at people who are both gullible and conservative. My absolute favorite was: "No I will not donate because I support the establishment of Sharia law in the United States and the forced conversion of Christians." I checked the box and sent it off using the postage paid envelope.

An older man in my family was getting a ton of such mail. We had to take over his mail&phone to keep him from blowing his life savings while he was losing his mind. I took great pleasure in supporting Sharia law as my fuck you to this one fear-mongering group. There were others in which I indicated my support for mandatory abortions, open borders with Mexico, and disarming America as we allowed the UN to take over.
posted by honestcoyote at 3:05 PM on April 11, 2016 [11 favorites]


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