The day the music died

March 29, 2016 12:57 PM

16 novelty British TV spin-off singles
posted by fearfulsymmetry (42 comments total)

Aw, no "Loadsamoney", which was also sampled in "Doctorin' The Tardis"?
posted by Rev. Syung Myung Me at 1:15 PM on March 29, 2016 [1 favorite]

"Tongue Tied" is really good.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 1:28 PM on March 29, 2016 [6 favorites]

God damn it. Now I have the Wombles theme stuck in my head.
posted by maxsparber at 1:38 PM on March 29, 2016 [1 favorite]

Unnnnncle Bulgaria
posted by maxsparber at 1:39 PM on March 29, 2016 [2 favorites]

Wrote the feem tune, sang the feem tune...

I loved The Chicken Song (I was 10 so that's ok) but I'm gratified that even as a child I thought Every Loser Wins and the Blobby thing were the works of Satan.
posted by billiebee at 1:41 PM on March 29, 2016 [3 favorites]

Why would you do this to us? Why?
posted by Artw at 1:46 PM on March 29, 2016 [2 favorites]

There's some insane mullets in that 'Every Loser Wins' vid. God I miss the 80s.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 1:48 PM on March 29, 2016

FATHER CHRISTMAS DO NOT TOUCH ME!

Yes, I know this one. And The Funky Gibbon, too. I am not ashamed.

This, on the other hand, should've been a hit with the (little) kids. Shame that it wasn't. I was seriously born a decade too late and in the wrong country.
posted by droplet at 1:48 PM on March 29, 2016 [3 favorites]

This has just come back to me along with memories of it being played down the actual disco. They're bloody Dizzy. Good times.
posted by billiebee at 1:52 PM on March 29, 2016 [1 favorite]

I have a soft spot for Doctorin' the Tardis. It was playing full volume on the quad on my first day of college as I was unloading my stuff. I met people and tried to be cool to that song.
posted by Nanukthedog at 1:55 PM on March 29, 2016 [9 favorites]

Doctoring the Tardis is an utter joy, on the other hand: Glitter beat.
posted by Artw at 1:58 PM on March 29, 2016 [6 favorites]

Wait. WAIT.
They've got The Young Ones on there and only a mention of the glory that is Hole in My Shoe?
I call shenanigans.

Was One Track Lover ever a single?
posted by Lemmy Caution at 2:11 PM on March 29, 2016 [4 favorites]

And no mention of Jasper Carrott's Funky Moped, which everyone bought for the (absolutely unplayable on the radio) B-side, Magic Roundabout.

I'm glad to say that while |I know the 70s and 80s novelty records really well, I haven't even heard of those from 2000 onwards. I have learned something, after all...
posted by Devonian at 2:29 PM on March 29, 2016 [1 favorite]

Then there's this.
posted by Paul Slade at 2:30 PM on March 29, 2016 [2 favorites]

Then there's this

Mullard in the Glitter team of well dodgy characters

Talking of which... holy fuck

Youtube commments, the gift that keeps on givingL 'God, half the people starring in this are now either dead, paedophiles or dead paedophiles'
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:39 PM on March 29, 2016

That Mr. Blobby one wouldn't be half bad if Mr. Blobby wasn't in it.
posted by ckape at 2:55 PM on March 29, 2016 [1 favorite]

Sing Lofty ... (spun from It Ain't Half Hot Mum, though I doubt BSM Williams ever sang in the series.)
posted by StephenB at 2:58 PM on March 29, 2016

Oh come on. No Unchained Melody by Robson and Jerome? That was number one for seven weeks and sold (literally) millions of copies. All the result of them doing it on post-Cold War British Army drama Soldier, Soldier whilst Simon Cowell happened to be watching at home.

And yes, that's Jerome as in Jerome "Bronn in Game of Thrones" Flynn.
posted by garius at 3:08 PM on March 29, 2016 [1 favorite]

Anyone Can Fall In Love was released by Anita Dobson, who played Angie Watts in the show and basically sang a ballad over the lyrics over the now-iconic EastEnders theme.

Accurate, awful and I would have picked that over Every Loser Wins which is merely banal. It has that awful "lyrics exactly follow the melody" quality: "any-ONE can FALL in LOVE".

On preview, yes: missing the Robson & Jerome oeuvre.
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 3:10 PM on March 29, 2016

Also missing: the Multicolored Swap Shop spinoff, Brown Sauce's I Wanna Be A Winner. Keith Chegwin! Maggie Philbin! Noel bloody Edmonds!

Wikipedia: "Neither Philbin or Edmonds had any musical background, although Chegwin had performed in bands in the early 1970s. The video depicted Chegwin and Philbin playing guitars and Edmonds playing drums, although they did not play these instruments on the recording."
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 3:19 PM on March 29, 2016

Oh, and of course Kids' TV presenter Timmy Mallet doing Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini can't go without a mention. Once seen, never unseen.

Special bonus mention: Timmy Mallet explaining Apartheid to kids on Saturday TV in 1991.
posted by garius at 3:21 PM on March 29, 2016 [3 favorites]

Mercifully, that exempts 1985's Doctor Who SOS pop single "Doctor In Distress," which didn't chart. If you're a new Whovian, we strongly recommend that you pull your ears off before going to look that up.

Muahahahahahahaha!
posted by stannate at 3:43 PM on March 29, 2016

Now then now then... what to make of Mike and Bernie Winters That Man Batman from 1966? I've heard some odd things about those two and their anomalously long TV career...

And I would also like to bring to the congregation the rather funny - but parody - @singlofty Twitter account. No idea who's behind it, but it's some kind of genius retooling of British comedy tropes of the 70s.
posted by Devonian at 3:50 PM on March 29, 2016

I've always felt that Soundhog's remix of Tony Rudd's Machadaynu* should have been released as a single versus the inevitable X Factor christmas single, partly because it's very very silly and partly because it's catchier than anything they'd ever come up with.

*Actually Kevin Eldon from Look Around You.
posted by Grangousier at 3:51 PM on March 29, 2016 [1 favorite]

Oh, and I'm sure I've mentioned it before, but the Wombles album Superwombling includes a Womble James Bond theme and their take on Rick Wakeman concept albums as well as the hit single Wombling White Tie and Tails. I probably rated it over Wish You Were Here and Born to Run as the best album of 1975, but then I was ten years old at the time.
posted by Grangousier at 4:03 PM on March 29, 2016

Notably missing: 1982 Clash song Should I Stay Or Should I Go rose to UK#1 nearly a decade later in 1991 because it appeared in a Levis commercial.
posted by Twang at 4:04 PM on March 29, 2016

The 1985 Launderette advert, with Nick Kamen in his boxers and I Heard It Through The Grapevine on the soundrack, was the first of those; the 1986 re-issue went to #8 on the back of it. And arguably Nick Kamen's subsequent music career was a direct spin-off from that ad...

(He's from my home town; although St. Marks was where the posh kids went.)
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 4:39 PM on March 29, 2016

Doctorin' the TARDIS was one of the first mp3s I ever downloaded. I think I spent an entire afternoon in the summer of 1997 playing it repeatedly just to watch WinAMP's spectrum analyzer bounce up and down on the "fire" setting.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 4:54 PM on March 29, 2016 [6 favorites]

Ooh: Three Lions probably counts as a TV spinoff single, right?
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 5:16 PM on March 29, 2016 [1 favorite]

They've got The Young Ones on there and only a mention of the glory that is Hole in My Shoe?

Hole in my Shoe, along with what must have been the b-side, Hurdy Gurdy Mushroom Man, were on a mix tape a friend gave me in grade 8. I'd left the UK before the Young Ones so it was about 20 years before I learned that it was a novelty British TV spin-off single, not some eccentric outsider artist.
posted by Flashman at 5:23 PM on March 29, 2016 [4 favorites]

More-or-less related: "To Me, To You", a grime single featuring the Chuckle Brothers
posted by LSK at 9:04 PM on March 29, 2016 [1 favorite]

"Tongue Tied" is really good.

The Cat (Danny John Jules) moves exceptionally well – which I guess should be expected, since they always land on their feet.
posted by LeLiLo at 9:40 PM on March 29, 2016

OMG I have been trying to remember that Cliff Richard / Young Ones video for decades! Yay!

This was a fun list. So many things I will listen to, so many other things I will refuse to listen to.

Thanks for posting this! Made my night!
posted by hippybear at 12:36 AM on March 30, 2016

"Hole in my Shoe" was also part of Neil's Heavy Concept Album with painstakingly accurate musical spoofs by Dave Stewart and others...
posted by TheophileEscargot at 12:53 AM on March 30, 2016 [1 favorite]

I bought a copy of "The Chicken Song", but only for the B-side, which was "I've Never Met A Nice South African". I also bought "Hole In My Shoe", again for the far superior B-side, "Hurdy Gurdy Mushroom Man".
posted by salmacis at 3:46 AM on March 30, 2016 [1 favorite]

Flashman: Hole in my Shoe, along with what must have been the b-side, Hurdy Gurdy Mushroom Man, were on a mix tape a friend gave me in grade 8. I'd left the UK before the Young Ones so it was about 20 years before I learned that it was a novelty British TV spin-off single, not some eccentric outsider artist.

Lots of mentions of Hurdy Gurdy Mushroom Man in this thread, it is actually a masterpiece of pop/hippy satire - I knew all the words to it and the A side when I was 8, and still do now.
posted by memebake at 4:41 AM on March 30, 2016 [1 favorite]

salmacis: I bought a copy of "The Chicken Song", but only for the B-side, which was "I've Never Met A Nice South African"

Someone could probably write a PHD about 'I've Never Met a Nice South African' - in which a seasoned traveller describes all the unlikely things he has witnessed but bemoans that he has never met a nice (white) South African. Its clunky reverse racism seems far too clumsy and offensive now but at the time (SA was still an apartheid state, with Nelson Mandela still in prison) it was a quite important piece of satire, broadcast on prime time TV as well as being the B side of a No 1 single.

I knew all the words to the chicken song, and this, and still do.
posted by memebake at 4:50 AM on March 30, 2016 [2 favorites]

I like how the Spitting Image South African song goes out of it's way to take the piss out of Rowan Atkinson for being mean for no reason at all.

The best Spitting Image stuff was their timeless versions of 'Every Breath You Take' - the faces have changed but the situations have not - and the horrific but prophetic 'Tomorrow Belongs To Me'
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 5:19 AM on March 30, 2016 [1 favorite]

I can't find whether it ever charted or not, but Jon Pertwee's "Who is the Doctor?" should have been in the top 20:
A presence science can't deny
Exists within, outside, behind
The latitude of the human minds.
I am the Doctor.

(And thanks to Grangousier as the Machadaynu remix has made my day infinitely better)
posted by Vortisaur at 9:10 AM on March 30, 2016

Excerpts of Doctorin' The TARDIS can be heard over the PA system at American football stadiums to this day, during breaks in games.

No, no, no. Bad writer/researcher. That's Gary "convicted pedo" Glitter's "Rock and Roll Part 2", which of course was sampled in "Doctorin' the TARDIS".
posted by MartinWisse at 10:17 AM on March 30, 2016

Does Diamond Lights count as a Tottenham Hotspur spin-off?

No, no, no. Bad writer/researcher. That's Gary "convicted pedo" Glitter's "Rock and Roll Part 2", which of course was sampled in "Doctorin' the TARDIS".
To be honest, I'd rather have a song that someone who Shazam'd it found out that was composed by two guys that burned a million quid than one by a notorious pedophile.
posted by lmfsilva at 11:03 AM on March 30, 2016

Does Diamond Lights count as a Tottenham Hotspur spin-off?

Hey, another home-town boy done good: Glenn Hoddle used to live just down the road from me when I was a kid. (Or maybe it was just Glenn Hoddle's mum by then? But I remember vividly that neighbourhood kids used to walk past and point and "hey look, Glenn Hoddle's house.")
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 12:18 PM on March 30, 2016