Man Up
April 28, 2016 2:54 PM   Subscribe

On the eve of the 2016 NFL Draft, as one of its most talked-about players faces domestic assault charges, Detroit Lions linebacker DeAndre Levy pens a heartfelt essay on masculinity, power, and sexual violence: "It’s important for men, especially in a hyper-masculine culture that breeds so many assholes, to stand up and challenge the values that have been passed down to us. This is not just a woman’s problem."
posted by soonertbone (38 comments total) 43 users marked this as a favorite
 
All those mock drafts will be lost in time, like losers' tears under the confetti. Time to draft.
posted by lmfsilva at 3:02 PM on April 28, 2016 [3 favorites]


Levy is going to find himself on the unemployment line with Klewe if he continues to speak truth to power.
posted by Keith Talent at 3:03 PM on April 28, 2016 [5 favorites]


That is a great essay. Thank you for sharing.
posted by misskaz at 3:05 PM on April 28, 2016 [3 favorites]


I was never even flat-out told not to rape or sexually assault anyone.

Does the average, casual, rapist-you-know think he's "raping" anyone? He might admit to wanting to "force" things a bit, if no one's there to judge, according to this study.
posted by cotton dress sock at 3:10 PM on April 28, 2016 [2 favorites]


I think what I'm getting at is, I think this is a great essay, but I wonder how many men who need to read it might bristle at some of the language, or just not connect with or see themselves in it.
posted by cotton dress sock at 3:14 PM on April 28, 2016 [2 favorites]


I copied about fifteen lines from this that I wanted to point out but now I'm just going delete most of them and suggest that you read the whole article if you haven't.

I will still point out that the pull quote

"It’s truly astounding the number of awful things that occur in this world because men are afraid of appearing weak."

reminded me of the line "Matt Lauer" has interviewing the Indiana Molewomen in the first episode of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt :

“I’m always amazed at what women will do because they’re afraid of being rude."

Two sides, same fucking coin.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 3:16 PM on April 28, 2016 [54 favorites]


Fast fingers and all, but don't feel like editing because I accidentally deleted what I had typed that was actually relevant to the point and won't have time in the edit window (feel free to delete that), but "a hyper-masculine culture that breeds so many assholes" is exactly the problem with a lot of pro sports. In academies everywhere there's always huge speeches ready on how they build men first and athletes second, but that is a big pile of bullshit for the most part. Most academies create mercenaries as close to a perfect athlete as means would allow, who'd gladly backstab their clubs if even a better opportunity comes, and are created in a bubble where morals are relative - I once said that an athlete may even be secretly hitting people with a baseball bat using a mask during the night, but the ones responsible would probably ask if he's at least getting enough sleep and using aluminium bat so he wouldn't get splinters on his fingers. Not sure how much of that is a joke.

Sports often bring the best of people. Competition does the exact opposite. As long as shitbags are allowed to play sports because they put good numbers, it will be hard to change course.
posted by lmfsilva at 3:20 PM on April 28, 2016 [5 favorites]


Yeah, there's no way to pull quote this without pull quoting the entire article. Well done, DeAndre Levy. I know he writes he's still learning (and we all are and we all should keep learning) but I hope lots of young men (and mentors of young men) see this and take action.
posted by Joey Michaels at 4:24 PM on April 28, 2016 [5 favorites]


Levy is going to find himself on the unemployment line with Klewe if he continues to speak truth to power.

The circumstances surrounding Kluwe's release by the Vikings were indeed suspect -- they drafted a punter in the fifth round to replace him; you almost never see a team do that. Punters, on the whole, aren't that valuable.

But if you look at the record, there's no real weirdness about Kluwe's career after that point. Kluwe was picked up by the Oakland Raiders only two weeks later and competed in training camp, and was released. He retired after the season. This is not at all unusual for a punter of his age (he played seven seasons) and past performance (he was good, but never great, and suffered from injuries well prior to his famous open letter). Kluwe thanked the Raiders for the opportunity to compete and wished his competitor well.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 4:29 PM on April 28, 2016 [3 favorites]


Maybe we need to stop treating this as an entirely moral failing that is solvable with a sermon. Brain damage from football causes behavioral problems.
posted by humanfont at 5:21 PM on April 28, 2016


Not to make a big detour, but Kluwe is one of those cases where I'm guessing the conversation went like "he kind of sucks now and his talk make a lot of people in the box nervous, so...". Not going to say it was mostly his off-field comments that ended his career with the Vikes, or half, or small, or negligible, but it played a part.
posted by lmfsilva at 5:22 PM on April 28, 2016 [1 favorite]


I was going to post that essay if no one else did.

I was very glad that after the part about considering that this affects our sisters, daughters, girlfriends etc. he followed it with (paraphrasing here) "But we shouldn't have to rely on that perspective to understand that rape culture is harmful and wrong." Until I got to that part I feared that hoping he'd make that point was too much.to hope for.
posted by under_petticoat_rule at 5:23 PM on April 28, 2016 [1 favorite]


Brain damage from football causes behavioral problems.

Please expand. This reads like you're suggesting the primary cause of sexual assault is brain damage. I suspect that's not your intention?
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:26 PM on April 28, 2016 [3 favorites]


Maybe we need to stop treating this as an entirely moral failing that is solvable with a sermon. Brain damage from football causes behavioral problems.

RTFA. He says he hopes to help start a conversation among people who need to have one, not that he wants to lecture people into changing their behavior.
posted by under_petticoat_rule at 5:27 PM on April 28, 2016 [3 favorites]


Maybe we need to stop treating this as an entirely moral failing that is solvable with a sermon. Brain damage from football causes behavioral problems.

If O.J. Simpson drops dead tomorrow and they cut him open and find out he had CET, he's still a double murderer and literally hundreds of NFL players with CET are not. This is the same thing and brain damage or not, it's still an inexcusable moral outrage.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 5:28 PM on April 28, 2016 [10 favorites]


Lots of men who've never had closer contact with football than hucking one around the yard on Thanksgiving rape women.

This was a fantastic piece. Thanks.
posted by rtha at 5:29 PM on April 28, 2016 [8 favorites]


Maybe we need to stop treating this as an entirely moral failing that is solvable with a sermon. Brain damage from football causes behavioral problems.

Yeah, CET, concussions going unnoticed (sometimes deliberately) is a problem, and the structures that let it happen are accountable, as far as that contributes. So is a culture of misogyny and homophobia that permits the kind of sexual aggression under discussion by dehumanizing anyone "feminine" and turning them into targets, and making certain men feel compelled to perform masculinity for their buds by dominating dehumanized targets, sometimes via rape.
posted by cotton dress sock at 5:36 PM on April 28, 2016 [5 favorites]


Coming from the perspective of a short, skinny, and nonathletic individual, "man up" was always a phrase that made me cringe or ashamed. It was great to see Levy use "man up" at the end of the essay as a phrase against rape and sexual assault, which I have never seen done before.
posted by Become A Silhouette at 5:38 PM on April 28, 2016 [18 favorites]


I am glad to hear men initiating conversations like this. All too often, talk about sexual assault revolves around what women can do to stop it - "If you do X, you won't get raped, and to prevent abuse, do Y and make sure Z." No, no, no. The conversation needs to be about how men can stop raping and abusing. What does consent look like, how to respect boundaries.

Men are not a force of nature; they are not biologically programed to abuse women. (And of course same-gender violence exists and needs to be talked about, too.) The onus should be on men to not rape, not on women to stop it (by how they dress or behave). It is not just a woman's problem.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 6:07 PM on April 28, 2016 [19 favorites]


So many vital points touched on that deserve exploration - fear and contempt of weakness - what is it for a man to identify it within himself, what does that involve? For a man in this culture especially. Or - identifying yourself as engaging in sexual coercion, vs. being "confident" or "persistent" (with someone isn't saying no, because she's afraid, doesn't have the skills to, feels conflicted - maybe wanting to be wanted in principle, if not by that man, by some man, and has been trained to want to please - how does a man understand what that's like, or even identify it? Even a spoken yes isn't really a yes, in every case - and we often hear what we want to hear.) If he thinks she's an object, even if just for a moment, how can he be compelled to care about consent, if he's driven by strong and multiple motivations (sexual and identity-related)? (And yeah, icing on the cake, maybe has an impulse control problem?)
posted by cotton dress sock at 6:10 PM on April 28, 2016 [2 favorites]


if men bristle and think it's a lecture when another man says: "Consent only occurs when a woman clearly says yes. Consent is not being naked, it’s not kissing, and it’s not touching or flirting. It’s a clear, freely given yes, which is not the same as the absence of a no," then we're really fuckin sunk.
posted by nadawi at 9:24 PM on April 28, 2016 [16 favorites]


Yeah :/ did you see the deleted comment? I don't know. I think it can be hard for both men and women, because of our respective socialization, to easily find our ways to that crystal clear yes, at least when people are young, or when there's an extreme and obvious power imbalance involved (as with e.g. pro athletes, presidents, radio stars, men of industry), not to mention the regular kinds of asymmetries). And many many other situations. I think for men (maybe of the future) to really get it, the reality of our subjectivity has to be front and centre, everywhere, from the time they're young, so the default setting for "woman" isn't "trophy" or "object to be used in my very important identity game". And I don't know what else. This concern many men have about weakness is deep, so much is built up around it. I think they have to know - at a minimum - how to understand their vulnerability in order to get ours, and it's probably different.
posted by cotton dress sock at 9:46 PM on April 28, 2016


i mean we can also start with some of what he talked about in the essay, actually discussing consent with boys instead of telling girls to become shut-ins who shroud their bodies and hold their keys as weapons when they dare to go outside.
posted by nadawi at 9:50 PM on April 28, 2016 [7 favorites]


Does the average, casual, rapist-you-know think he's "raping" anyone? He might admit to wanting to "force" things a bit, if no one's there to judge, according to this study.

I think what I'm getting at is, I think this is a great essay, but I wonder how many men who need to read it might bristle at some of the language, or just not connect with or see themselves in it.


I think Levy knows his audience very well and what kind of assumptions he has to break down. He speaks a lot in the essay about having to recognize normalizations and justifications of sexual assault.
posted by Krom Tatman at 9:51 PM on April 28, 2016 [6 favorites]


@ nadawi

Yeah, not saying otherwise, same page! (I think). I think there's work to do for both young boys (understanding consent) and girls (learning to shut out men's voices so they can hear their own, and say clearly to themselves, no, I don't want this, I really don't - because I think that can be confusing for lots of reasons).

I think a lot of the things Levy brought up about masculinity matter, though. Lots of the time (talking about little boys now, or guys who would use the phrase “running a train”, as in TA), they are, in part, fronting (as the kids used to say), for the sake of other guys' opinions and approval - bragging rights - or to protect themselves from various kinds of accusations. (I can't imagine that mattering to anyone so desperately, but it apparently does.)

@ Krom Tatman - I think it's just shifting between voices - going from "here is what rape is, this thing you do is rapey" to "stand up and be your moms' and sisters' ally, don't assault people" is good in principle but maybe a bit fast. I think the work of really getting from A to B is in the middle stuff. Which he also described super well. I'm just wondering about the mechanics of identifying those processes in oneself.
posted by cotton dress sock at 10:16 PM on April 28, 2016


In other NFL draft news, Laremy Tunsil was predicted to be the #1 pick in the draft until a couple of trades 2 weeks ago, and was still considered a surefire top 6 pick today.

10 minutes before the draft started, someone hacked his twitter account and posted (an old) video of him smoking weed through a gas mask bong. He dropped to pick #13, which cost him approximately $12 million.
posted by msalt at 10:24 PM on April 28, 2016


E.g., according to the writeup of that study I linked to above - a lot of men would reject the idea that they'd "rape" anyone if no one were to find out. But more (of the same men) wouldn't have a problem with "forcing sexual intercourse". Because a "rapist" is "some other guy", and just "being more persistent than normal". is something else. I think sticking with language that hits home is probably helpful.
posted by cotton dress sock at 10:25 PM on April 28, 2016 [3 favorites]


while tunsil was being interviewed right off stage, moments after being drafted, text messages were uploaded to his instagram account making it clear that the coaching staff paid some of his/his mom's bills. when asked live on camera about it a bit later he first denied it, then admitted it, and then was whisked off stage. ole miss is going to have a very interesting off season.

of course, the conversation should be about why someone who made so much money for the school couldn't afford rent or to help his mom with her electric bill, but instead it will be about improper payments to student athletes.
posted by nadawi at 10:38 PM on April 28, 2016 [13 favorites]


The fun part is, it's not actually illegal in any way for Tunsil to take the money, AFAIK and as it should be. It's against NCAA rules, but he was out of their system the minute he declared for the draft anyway.
posted by msalt at 11:04 PM on April 28, 2016


I've linked this before, but I'm going to link it here again in response to the post title: 10 Responses To The Phrase 'Man Up'.
posted by maryr at 9:58 AM on April 29, 2016 [1 favorite]


Generally, men need to be very, very critical when someone's telling them to "man up". Who's telling you that? What is their agenda? Is it manipulation or is it in your best interest?

Almost every TV commercial aimed at men is focused on cynically manipulating a certain picture of masculinity in order to sell stuff. If you buy Product X, you will be more masculine than if you buy Product Y. Trucks, beer, soap, and so forth.

The only situation in which a man should take the "man up" phrase seriously, is when he's being called to step up and do better by a group of his brothers, whom he knows have his best interests at heart. Otherwise, it's just manipulation.
posted by theorique at 12:24 PM on April 29, 2016 [3 favorites]


Almost every TV commercial aimed at men is focused on cynically manipulating a certain picture of masculinity in order to sell stuff. If you buy Product X, you will be more masculine than if you buy Product Y. Trucks, beer, soap, and so forth.

"...And a man comes on that tells me. How white my shirts can be. But he can't be a man 'cause he doesn't smoke. The same cigarettes as me..."
posted by Joey Michaels at 11:11 PM on April 29, 2016


What would it mean to "woman up"?
posted by msalt at 2:27 AM on May 1, 2016


not a whole lot in the context of an essay about how men need to do better at pushing back about rape culture
posted by Krom Tatman at 11:14 AM on May 1, 2016


Unless you think the gender binary and rigorously enforced sex roles are part of the problem.
posted by msalt at 11:17 PM on May 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


please do tell me more about how telling men they need to take responsibility for rape culture is the real sexism
posted by Krom Tatman at 11:58 AM on May 5, 2016 [1 favorite]


Who are you talking to? I asked an open-ended whimsical question.
posted by msalt at 3:15 PM on May 5, 2016


the essay is filled with how men need to push back against rape culture, how rape culture is entwined with toxic masculinity, and how we as a society need to teach boys what consent looks like so when they hear 'boys being boys' stories they will know enough to push back on it. how is that not a man telling men they need to take responsibility for rape culture?
posted by nadawi at 5:18 PM on May 5, 2016


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