You should be consuming one gram of protein per line of code written
May 5, 2016 5:32 AM   Subscribe

 
I sometimes think about my ex-boyfriend, and wonder how his asshole behavior would have developed in the current era of techbro. I'm fairly sure this satire has captured him better than I could...
posted by yueliang at 5:36 AM on May 5, 2016 [1 favorite]


I know this is satire but I've worked with these people in the past. The less reminders of them the better.
posted by mcstayinskool at 5:38 AM on May 5, 2016 [1 favorite]


I've run into a few protein powder muscle-head programmers over the years but not too many. Maybe it's more common on the west coast.
posted by octothorpe at 5:43 AM on May 5, 2016 [1 favorite]


This articles wins for the use of the word "swole".

Totally lost it in line to get my coffee at that word
posted by Annika Cicada at 6:04 AM on May 5, 2016 [2 favorites]


Physical Establishment of Dominance in the Office

So are those who are enthusiastic about this way of working PEDO-philes?
posted by aught at 6:04 AM on May 5, 2016 [4 favorites]


So basically do everything you would do at a gym if you are a douchebro powerlifter looking to be alpha.

Oddly enough it didn't talk about sexually harassing any attractive female interns or the receptionist. Maybe that's just territory reserved for the guys in sales?
posted by vuron at 6:10 AM on May 5, 2016 [3 favorites]


Nah, that's Week Two.
posted by at by at 6:11 AM on May 5, 2016 [3 favorites]


"Oddly enough it didn't talk about sexually harassing any attractive female interns or the receptionist."

That's all done via slack these days.
posted by Annika Cicada at 6:18 AM on May 5, 2016 [3 favorites]


Ah, Optimum Whey. I did a stint working with Bodybuilding.com and that was the go-to test product. This brings back memories.
posted by grumpybear69 at 6:39 AM on May 5, 2016 [2 favorites]


**beats chest, bares teeth, proves p=np - before lunch**

p=paleo np=no problem
posted by lalochezia at 6:44 AM on May 5, 2016 [17 favorites]


*hides tub of whey*
*hides mechanical keyboard*
*minimizes sublime text*

This article is so unrealistic guys
posted by Doleful Creature at 6:54 AM on May 5, 2016 [12 favorites]


I'm not saying that I work/worked with at least one dude who used a standing desk, protein shakes, hard-boiled eggs, and told people to take it offline, but... uhh...

some guys in my office literally take a football to the break room to throw back and forth while they wait in line for coffee oh god help me
posted by specialagentwebb at 7:06 AM on May 5, 2016 [8 favorites]


YOU GOTTA GET OUTTA THERE
posted by Annika Cicada at 7:07 AM on May 5, 2016 [3 favorites]


some guys in my office literally take a football to the break room to throw back and forth while they wait in line for coffee oh god help me

You work with Tommy Wiseau?
posted by Strange Interlude at 7:18 AM on May 5, 2016 [10 favorites]


SublimeText is an alpha-bro affectation now?
posted by acb at 7:20 AM on May 5, 2016 [1 favorite]


p=paleo np=no problem

If you were a real alpha brogrammer, you wouldn't bother explaining that.
posted by the_blizz at 7:31 AM on May 5, 2016 [4 favorites]


SublimeText is an alpha-bro affectation now?

I was wondering if it was SublimeText or a text indicating that Sublime will be playing at the Fingerhut Arena.
posted by griphus at 7:33 AM on May 5, 2016 [4 favorites]


After too many hours in front of a keyboard, I'd toss a football around during break if I had one and I fucking hate football.
posted by Bella Donna at 7:36 AM on May 5, 2016 [4 favorites]


I cringed so hard my face muscles telekinetically closed the tab. Then I promptly posted the article on FB to the more-than-one-is-too-many acquaintances that would write this sincerely.
posted by numaner at 7:40 AM on May 5, 2016 [1 favorite]


I work with a version of this person, tubs of whey on the credenza and updates about lifting regimens in IRC, oh yes I do. Also built his own mech keyboard.
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 7:45 AM on May 5, 2016


Yeahhhh, this took me back a couple of jobs to the point where I didn't actually finish reading it because erkkhhh.

I no longer join teams where anyone has whey protein in a big canister on their desk.
posted by town of cats at 7:56 AM on May 5, 2016 [2 favorites]


I'm happy to say I have never encountered an actual brogrammer. I want to keep believing that they are completely fictional.
posted by Foosnark at 8:35 AM on May 5, 2016 [3 favorites]


So basically do everything you would do at a gym if you are a douchebro powerlifter looking to be alpha

All the literal powerlifters (i.e. train to have the best total across squat, bench press, and deadlift) I've met have been really nice people.
posted by Gymnopedist at 8:51 AM on May 5, 2016 [3 favorites]


So basically do everything you would do at a gym if you are a douchebro powerlifter looking to be alpha

There's some overlap, but shitty people can adapt to any ecosystem.
posted by Dark Messiah at 9:20 AM on May 5, 2016 [1 favorite]


GIT GUD
posted by Foci for Analysis at 1:32 PM on May 5, 2016


git: 'gud' is not a git command. See 'git --help'.

Did you mean this?
         add
posted by sparkletone at 1:49 PM on May 5, 2016 [5 favorites]


$ sudo git gud
posted by DoctorFedora at 3:03 PM on May 5, 2016 [4 favorites]


that oughta take care of it
posted by DoctorFedora at 3:03 PM on May 5, 2016 [2 favorites]


I work with a bunch of devs and sys admins and in the last week or so eggs have become A Thing. People making scrambled eggs in the microwave, tupperwares packed with perfectly tetris'ed hardboiled eggs, even an electric egg steamer magically appeared last week.

This article is hilarious.
posted by iamkimiam at 4:38 PM on May 5, 2016 [1 favorite]


I JUST SLAM EGG WHITES CARTONS MY BROS

DRINK THEM STRAIGHT NO CHASER ITS SO MUCH MORE EFFICIENT

I MEAN



DO YOU EVEN LIFT
posted by Doleful Creature at 10:24 PM on May 6, 2016


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