'The vigour of our Ancestors,/ Whose shiting far exceeded ours’
May 23, 2016 8:09 AM Subscribe
Awww shiiiiiit
posted by OwlBoy at 8:26 AM on May 23, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by OwlBoy at 8:26 AM on May 23, 2016 [1 favorite]
Interesting!
I used to work in a natural foods store that also sold (sigh) supplements. It became clear pretty quick that people known colloquially as "woo-woo health nuts" are obsessed with pooping. Hardly a day would go by where I wasn't forced to listen to some story about poop, usually not enough pooping. And those people loved the idea of shoving stuff up their butts in an attempt to poop more/better/godlier. Apparently nobody poops as much as they'd like, and as a retail employee I developed a theory that the reason customers in general suck so much is that they're all constipated and cranky all the time.
posted by soren_lorensen at 8:38 AM on May 23, 2016 [14 favorites]
I used to work in a natural foods store that also sold (sigh) supplements. It became clear pretty quick that people known colloquially as "woo-woo health nuts" are obsessed with pooping. Hardly a day would go by where I wasn't forced to listen to some story about poop, usually not enough pooping. And those people loved the idea of shoving stuff up their butts in an attempt to poop more/better/godlier. Apparently nobody poops as much as they'd like, and as a retail employee I developed a theory that the reason customers in general suck so much is that they're all constipated and cranky all the time.
posted by soren_lorensen at 8:38 AM on May 23, 2016 [14 favorites]
Two t's please!
posted by Oyéah at 8:52 AM on May 23, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Oyéah at 8:52 AM on May 23, 2016 [1 favorite]
Omg are there really people who poop less than once a day? Those poor souls.
I am not a doctor and have no idea whether large BMs are healthy; however, I do know that, for me, they are intensely satisfying in a way few other things are.
posted by infinitewindow at 9:07 AM on May 23, 2016
I am not a doctor and have no idea whether large BMs are healthy; however, I do know that, for me, they are intensely satisfying in a way few other things are.
posted by infinitewindow at 9:07 AM on May 23, 2016
And those people loved the idea of shoving stuff up their butts in an attempt to poop more/better/godlier.
Well you know what they say: the higher the splash, the closer to God. At least I think that's the saying.
posted by bologna on wry at 9:19 AM on May 23, 2016 [2 favorites]
Well you know what they say: the higher the splash, the closer to God. At least I think that's the saying.
posted by bologna on wry at 9:19 AM on May 23, 2016 [2 favorites]
I think the saying actually goes like this:
posted by entropicamericana at 9:27 AM on May 23, 2016 [20 favorites]
Emptiness is loneliness, and loneliness is cleanlinessI mean, think about it.
And cleanliness is godliness, and god is empty just like me
posted by entropicamericana at 9:27 AM on May 23, 2016 [20 favorites]
I always considered that the Western medical interest in constipation that abided through the middle of the 20th century or so had to do with the fact that, until around that time, nobody really understood the concept of the balanced diet. You ate what you could afford, and the more money you had, the richer, creamier, blander and more binding your diet would be. When it stopped being fashionable to serve salads in Jello, and potatoes no longer counted as a vegetable, this problem gradually went away from the cultural radar.
Few Westerners, rich or poor, wanted to eat raw fruits and vegetables before the 20th century, because they were afraid of getting cholera or other diseases. This was not without reason, where human nightsoil was widely used to fertilize crops. It went unquestioned for many years that a President of the United States, entitled to the best of doctors, died from eating raw salad and cherries. For all we know, he did, because he caught listeria or something from them. But germ theory wasn't understood then; it was the rawness and freshness that was feared. Between that and the possibility of spiders under outhouse seats, it was no wonder people were miserable.
Omg are there really people who poop less than once a day? Those poor souls.
Here is some cryptic but relevant advice from my own life: if you happen to have a very shy child some day, don't send them to summer camp for two whole weeks.
posted by Countess Elena at 9:38 AM on May 23, 2016 [7 favorites]
Few Westerners, rich or poor, wanted to eat raw fruits and vegetables before the 20th century, because they were afraid of getting cholera or other diseases. This was not without reason, where human nightsoil was widely used to fertilize crops. It went unquestioned for many years that a President of the United States, entitled to the best of doctors, died from eating raw salad and cherries. For all we know, he did, because he caught listeria or something from them. But germ theory wasn't understood then; it was the rawness and freshness that was feared. Between that and the possibility of spiders under outhouse seats, it was no wonder people were miserable.
Omg are there really people who poop less than once a day? Those poor souls.
Here is some cryptic but relevant advice from my own life: if you happen to have a very shy child some day, don't send them to summer camp for two whole weeks.
posted by Countess Elena at 9:38 AM on May 23, 2016 [7 favorites]
Omg are there really people who poop less than once a day? Those poor souls.
I'm still scratching my head over pooping more than once a day.
posted by Thorzdad at 9:45 AM on May 23, 2016 [2 favorites]
I'm still scratching my head over pooping more than once a day.
posted by Thorzdad at 9:45 AM on May 23, 2016 [2 favorites]
I found the male vs. female pooping stats to be interesting. There's a reason Activia is marketed towards women. Estrogen and hormonal fluctuations really can screw with your gut.
As someone living with a multiple-times-a-day-pooper, though, that just seems so inconvenient. Like, when my husband has to go, he has to drop EVERYTHING and go poop, and that happens at least twice a day, and it appears to happen quite urgently. It seems like quite a disruption to one's day.
posted by soren_lorensen at 9:52 AM on May 23, 2016
As someone living with a multiple-times-a-day-pooper, though, that just seems so inconvenient. Like, when my husband has to go, he has to drop EVERYTHING and go poop, and that happens at least twice a day, and it appears to happen quite urgently. It seems like quite a disruption to one's day.
posted by soren_lorensen at 9:52 AM on May 23, 2016
Emptiness is loneliness, and loneliness is cleanliness
And cleanliness is godliness, and god is empty just like me
I think we can all agree this was the best phase for the Manics.
posted by biffa at 9:59 AM on May 23, 2016
And cleanliness is godliness, and god is empty just like me
I think we can all agree this was the best phase for the Manics.
posted by biffa at 9:59 AM on May 23, 2016
Emptiness is loneliness, and loneliness is cleanliness and cleanliness is godliness, and god is empty just like me
Of course God is empty. God takes supplements.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 10:18 AM on May 23, 2016
Of course God is empty. God takes supplements.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 10:18 AM on May 23, 2016
God takes supplements.
He was sitting on a mountain until he unloaded those two tablets.
posted by maxsparber at 10:37 AM on May 23, 2016 [6 favorites]
He was sitting on a mountain until he unloaded those two tablets.
posted by maxsparber at 10:37 AM on May 23, 2016 [6 favorites]
Of course you've all heard about the constipated mathematician who worked it out with a pencil.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:44 AM on May 23, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:44 AM on May 23, 2016 [2 favorites]
I think we can all agree this was the best phase for the Manics.
I think you mean the Smashing Pumpkins?
In a lot of ways, I really envy my dog's pooping habits and indeed, her whole nutrition routine. She eats the same, nutritionally complete, high quality kibble for both meals every day. She is super excited for breakfast and dinner every single time.
Later, we go for a walk, when she finds a place far enough from home with the requisite smells (and your guess is as good as mine as to what the required scents are), she faces a cardinal direction (typically West), hunches over and poops out a few firm little nuggets of digestive efficiency. 5-10 seconds later she's done and we're on our way. Usually just once per day, sometimes twice.
I wish I could eat just one food for all my nutritional needs that I could be excited about every time I eat it and I wish pooping only took 10 seconds twice a day.
posted by VTX at 10:44 AM on May 23, 2016 [9 favorites]
I think you mean the Smashing Pumpkins?
In a lot of ways, I really envy my dog's pooping habits and indeed, her whole nutrition routine. She eats the same, nutritionally complete, high quality kibble for both meals every day. She is super excited for breakfast and dinner every single time.
Later, we go for a walk, when she finds a place far enough from home with the requisite smells (and your guess is as good as mine as to what the required scents are), she faces a cardinal direction (typically West), hunches over and poops out a few firm little nuggets of digestive efficiency. 5-10 seconds later she's done and we're on our way. Usually just once per day, sometimes twice.
I wish I could eat just one food for all my nutritional needs that I could be excited about every time I eat it and I wish pooping only took 10 seconds twice a day.
posted by VTX at 10:44 AM on May 23, 2016 [9 favorites]
I think we need to focus on the poem here, which relates, in part, a contest to engage in after imbibing Epsom salts : seeing who can shit the farthest. (Our cathartic narrator purges himself to a new course record.)
Here no Olympick games they use,
No wrestling here, Limbs to abuse,
But he that gains the glory here
Must scumber furthest, shite most clear.
And for to make us emulate,
The good old Father doth relate
The vigour of our Ancestors,
Whose shiting far exceeded ours.
Quoth he, doe you see that below?
I doe, quoth I, his head's now low
But here have I seen old John Jones
From this hill, shite to yonder stones.
But him Heaven rest, the man is dead,
This speech of his me netled;
With that my head I straightway put
Between my knees, and mounting scut,
At chiefest randome, forty five,
With Lyon's face, dung forth I drive,
The ayre's divided, and it flies
Like Draco volans to the skies.
Or who had seen a Conduit break
And at the hole with fury reak :
Had he but hither took the paine
To come, had seen it once againe.
Here Colon play'd his part indeed,
And over-shit the stones a reed.
posted by suckerpunch at 10:47 AM on May 23, 2016 [4 favorites]
Here no Olympick games they use,
No wrestling here, Limbs to abuse,
But he that gains the glory here
Must scumber furthest, shite most clear.
And for to make us emulate,
The good old Father doth relate
The vigour of our Ancestors,
Whose shiting far exceeded ours.
Quoth he, doe you see that below?
I doe, quoth I, his head's now low
But here have I seen old John Jones
From this hill, shite to yonder stones.
But him Heaven rest, the man is dead,
This speech of his me netled;
With that my head I straightway put
Between my knees, and mounting scut,
At chiefest randome, forty five,
With Lyon's face, dung forth I drive,
The ayre's divided, and it flies
Like Draco volans to the skies.
Or who had seen a Conduit break
And at the hole with fury reak :
Had he but hither took the paine
To come, had seen it once againe.
Here Colon play'd his part indeed,
And over-shit the stones a reed.
posted by suckerpunch at 10:47 AM on May 23, 2016 [4 favorites]
Omg are there really people who poop less than once a day? Those poor souls.
I would say I average out to pooping once every two days. My poop is perfectly healthy and I never have constipation. I just poop a lot when I do it, I'm a big dude with big bowels I guess.
Today I've pooped twice.
posted by mayonnaises at 10:52 AM on May 23, 2016
I would say I average out to pooping once every two days. My poop is perfectly healthy and I never have constipation. I just poop a lot when I do it, I'm a big dude with big bowels I guess.
Today I've pooped twice.
posted by mayonnaises at 10:52 AM on May 23, 2016
Without going into my own evacuatory habits, let's just say that the onset of middle age has made me a true believer in dietary fiber. This leads to an odd but uniquely satisfying sense of accomplishment when I get the express train to Sewerville, as it were.
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:55 AM on May 23, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:55 AM on May 23, 2016 [1 favorite]
I wish I could eat just one food for all my nutritional needs that I could be excited about every time I eat it and I wish pooping only took 10 seconds twice a day.
The invisible hand of the market is reaching out to shake yours...
(my coworker is transitioning to this stuff for most of his diet. I ask him how eating dog food is working out.)
posted by bartonlong at 11:08 AM on May 23, 2016
The invisible hand of the market is reaching out to shake yours...
(my coworker is transitioning to this stuff for most of his diet. I ask him how eating dog food is working out.)
posted by bartonlong at 11:08 AM on May 23, 2016
It went unquestioned for many years that a President of the United States, entitled to the best of doctors, died from eating raw salad and cherries. For all we know, he did, because he caught listeria or something from them. But germ theory wasn't understood then; it was the rawness and freshness that was feared.
OK in all honesty if I had this meal: "a variety of raw vegetables — cucumbers, cabbage, and corn — then treated himself to a jug of iced milk and an enormous bowl of cherries" my gut would probably kill me too
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:19 AM on May 23, 2016 [5 favorites]
OK in all honesty if I had this meal: "a variety of raw vegetables — cucumbers, cabbage, and corn — then treated himself to a jug of iced milk and an enormous bowl of cherries" my gut would probably kill me too
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:19 AM on May 23, 2016 [5 favorites]
Countess Elena, I empathize with your summer camp experience. When I lived in Sweden and we trooped out to the in-laws' summer cabin, which had an outhouse instead of an indoor toilet, I often failed to poop until we got back to the city. (I didn't find out until several summers of visiting that we were supposed to use the outhouse for poop only and pee in the woods. Because it's so great to expose one's nether regions to mosquitos and ticks!)
posted by Bella Donna at 11:33 AM on May 23, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Bella Donna at 11:33 AM on May 23, 2016 [1 favorite]
Oh there were eight great constipated men in the bible.
posted by atomicstone at 11:36 AM on May 23, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by atomicstone at 11:36 AM on May 23, 2016 [1 favorite]
I think you mean the Smashing Pumpkins?
Sorry, didn't really it was an actual song, thought it was just entropicamericana spouting some doggerel about doing a poo.
posted by biffa at 11:58 AM on May 23, 2016
Sorry, didn't really it was an actual song, thought it was just entropicamericana spouting some doggerel about doing a poo.
posted by biffa at 11:58 AM on May 23, 2016
I admire Maggie Koerth-Baker. From her days at Boing Boing to Mental Floss to 538. Anyone who likes house centipedes that much must be alright.
posted by Bee'sWing at 12:33 PM on May 23, 2016
posted by Bee'sWing at 12:33 PM on May 23, 2016
I don't recall the exact provenance, but I've always liked this: "There's nothing more overrated than sex and nothing more underrated than a good bowel movement."
posted by ericales at 1:47 PM on May 23, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by ericales at 1:47 PM on May 23, 2016 [1 favorite]
I wish I could eat just one food for all my nutritional needs that I could be excited about every time I eat it and I wish pooping only took 10 seconds twice a day.
The invisible hand of the market is reaching out to shake yours...
(my coworker is transitioning to this stuff for most of his diet. I ask him how eating dog food is working out.)
As was discussed in the thread about that product, it is not a new idea. Jevity is what they feed you if you have to get fed through a tube. It's nutritionally complete, just doesn't taste like anything. Ensure shakes are basically just Jevity with better flavor. For a long time, that's what I had for lunch and person could absolutely live on Ensure shakes and nothing else.
The problem is that, as a human, I get sick of it. If I had my dog's attitude, nightly "what's for dinner?" conversations would go very differently.
"What's for dinner tonight?"
"As it has been for the last EVERY DAY OF YOUR ADULT LIFE, we'll be having ensure."
"Ensure? Again?! FUCK YES I FUCKING LOVE THAT SHIT! GET IT IN MA BELLY!"
posted by VTX at 1:49 PM on May 23, 2016 [6 favorites]
The invisible hand of the market is reaching out to shake yours...
(my coworker is transitioning to this stuff for most of his diet. I ask him how eating dog food is working out.)
As was discussed in the thread about that product, it is not a new idea. Jevity is what they feed you if you have to get fed through a tube. It's nutritionally complete, just doesn't taste like anything. Ensure shakes are basically just Jevity with better flavor. For a long time, that's what I had for lunch and person could absolutely live on Ensure shakes and nothing else.
The problem is that, as a human, I get sick of it. If I had my dog's attitude, nightly "what's for dinner?" conversations would go very differently.
"What's for dinner tonight?"
"As it has been for the last EVERY DAY OF YOUR ADULT LIFE, we'll be having ensure."
"Ensure? Again?! FUCK YES I FUCKING LOVE THAT SHIT! GET IT IN MA BELLY!"
posted by VTX at 1:49 PM on May 23, 2016 [6 favorites]
It went unquestioned for many years that a President of the United States, entitled to the best of doctors, died from eating raw salad and cherries. For all we know, he did, because he caught listeria or something from them...
Oh man, this is a fascinating topic. Long story short, it looks like some kind of sewage-based contaminant not only felled Taylor, but also wrecked Polk to the point where he died soon after leaving office. And it's thought that maybe it had something to do with Harrison's death as well. (That last link has more about Polk too, including his diarrhea-related diary entries.) Apparently DC had no proper sewer system before 1850, and everybody drank water from the well, soooo... you can guess where all the sewage ended up. To the point that this may have killed two presidents and hastened the death of another - crazy!
posted by Joey Buttafoucault at 2:19 PM on May 23, 2016 [3 favorites]
Oh man, this is a fascinating topic. Long story short, it looks like some kind of sewage-based contaminant not only felled Taylor, but also wrecked Polk to the point where he died soon after leaving office. And it's thought that maybe it had something to do with Harrison's death as well. (That last link has more about Polk too, including his diarrhea-related diary entries.) Apparently DC had no proper sewer system before 1850, and everybody drank water from the well, soooo... you can guess where all the sewage ended up. To the point that this may have killed two presidents and hastened the death of another - crazy!
posted by Joey Buttafoucault at 2:19 PM on May 23, 2016 [3 favorites]
VTX: Jevity is what they feed you if you have to get fed through a tube.
My Mom was prescribed Jevity after she got a tube. It gave her explosive diarrhea. We tried a couple of other feeds, but they weren't any better. For the last couple of months of her life, I made nutritionally complete puree for her out of real food that I cooked. No diarrhea. It was the least I could do for her after the lifetime of love and care she gave to both myself and my daughter.
posted by clawsoon at 3:06 PM on May 23, 2016 [4 favorites]
My Mom was prescribed Jevity after she got a tube. It gave her explosive diarrhea. We tried a couple of other feeds, but they weren't any better. For the last couple of months of her life, I made nutritionally complete puree for her out of real food that I cooked. No diarrhea. It was the least I could do for her after the lifetime of love and care she gave to both myself and my daughter.
posted by clawsoon at 3:06 PM on May 23, 2016 [4 favorites]
Omg are there really people who poop less than once a day? Those poor souls.
I had an acquaintance in college who would poop once a week. On Sundays. For over an hour. Mind, I'm not sure he was actively pooping that entire time, but after brunch on Sunday mornings he would choose a book and head off to the gender-neutral bathroom (ie, the bathroom with only one toilet it in) and hog it for the foreseeable future, so that he could have his BM. We called it his weekly constitutional and mocked him thoroughly for it, but to be honest he was kind of a jerk so I guess we would have mocked him for anything.
I thought that guy was weird as all hell and that no one else pooped that infrequently, but then I met my sister-in-law, who poops LESS than once a week. She has always been this way, apparently, although recently it has gotten worse and she barely poops at all. No one, including her doctors, really knows why.
posted by chainsofreedom at 4:40 PM on May 23, 2016
I had an acquaintance in college who would poop once a week. On Sundays. For over an hour. Mind, I'm not sure he was actively pooping that entire time, but after brunch on Sunday mornings he would choose a book and head off to the gender-neutral bathroom (ie, the bathroom with only one toilet it in) and hog it for the foreseeable future, so that he could have his BM. We called it his weekly constitutional and mocked him thoroughly for it, but to be honest he was kind of a jerk so I guess we would have mocked him for anything.
I thought that guy was weird as all hell and that no one else pooped that infrequently, but then I met my sister-in-law, who poops LESS than once a week. She has always been this way, apparently, although recently it has gotten worse and she barely poops at all. No one, including her doctors, really knows why.
posted by chainsofreedom at 4:40 PM on May 23, 2016
> "There's nothing more overrated than sex and nothing more underrated than a good bowel movement."
Sounds like something Ben Franklin would say.
Some people Germans like to examine their poop before flushing, hence the shelf toilet.
posted by porpoise at 5:02 PM on May 23, 2016
Sounds like something Ben Franklin would say.
posted by porpoise at 5:02 PM on May 23, 2016
To bring it full circle there was a big ~thousand-person study recently that confirmed that stool consistency (on that hilarious 1-6 Bristol Stool Scale we all know/love) and frequency (1x/week or 3x/day, etc.) are strongly associated with differences in microbiome composition. (Sorry for paywall; this earlier open-access paper from the same group says something pretty similar but with a way smaller n=53 dataset.)
posted by en forme de poire at 7:27 PM on May 23, 2016
posted by en forme de poire at 7:27 PM on May 23, 2016
Take it from someone who tried Rob Rinehart's stuff--the DIY Soylent community is a much better deal. I've been doing the Keto Chow stuff (which is also available pre-mixed from its creator) and do not have the massive bloating and gas problems that I had with Soylent.
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:03 PM on May 23, 2016
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:03 PM on May 23, 2016
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posted by cairnoflore at 8:22 AM on May 23, 2016