Things he learnt
May 31, 2016 10:02 AM   Subscribe

 
Am I cool with being the bud of a joke?

Like, friend of a joke, or small unformed flower of a joke?
posted by bongo_x at 10:15 AM on May 31, 2016 [26 favorites]


Okay, okay, here's my idea: I am going to write a romance novel about a romance between this guy and the guy here. I mean, fictionalized versions of them, of course. They will have so much in common.
posted by Frowner at 10:19 AM on May 31, 2016 [7 favorites]


Everything he said seems really obvious with a minimal amount of thought about the subject.
posted by under_petticoat_rule at 10:19 AM on May 31, 2016 [11 favorites]


They could meet while helping Fabio rescue someone from a cult!
posted by Frowner at 10:19 AM on May 31, 2016 [7 favorites]


Everything he said seems really obvious with a minimal amount of thought about the subject.

We could pose him in front of a typewriter with an overflowing ashtray and used coffee mug?
posted by infini at 10:22 AM on May 31, 2016 [10 favorites]


Like, friend of a joke, or small unformed flower of a joke?

A bud of a joke is sort of like the nonpictorial equivalent of a dank meme.
posted by acb at 10:25 AM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]




We could pose him in front of a typewriter with an overflowing ashtray and used coffee mug?

Sure, why not?

Also: Actors! Learn a skill besides acting.
posted by under_petticoat_rule at 10:30 AM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]


I'm kind of interested in how stock shoots are directed. Especially with groups of models.

"Okay, all four of you are looking at that piece of paper on the desk. Point at the paper. You point with your finger. You point with your pen. Smile everybody. Big smiles. This is the the most joyful business document you've ever seen."
posted by Kabanos at 10:33 AM on May 31, 2016 [10 favorites]


Being a stock model has worked out pretty well for Harold.
posted by Nelson at 10:38 AM on May 31, 2016 [3 favorites]


I'm pretty sure he meant "being the bro of the joke."
posted by straight at 10:39 AM on May 31, 2016


This article and his story was sort of like the stock photo industry itself to me. The article was plain vanilla.
posted by AugustWest at 10:40 AM on May 31, 2016 [2 favorites]


hen it does, you can suddenly be the face of something you’ve never heard of or an embarrassing product you would never use, like a newspaper.

Is that his joke? I don't....get it? I mean, if the whole article was kind of this faux-"It's all terrible, not really"-tone, I would think so, but...a newspaper is an embarrassing product? Or was it just one joke, then a change of tone? Perhaps some stock photography would help.
posted by xingcat at 10:41 AM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]


also came here to say bud of a joke
posted by chococat at 10:54 AM on May 31, 2016


Before I click, I just want to say that I am hoping with ALL MY MIGHT that this was written by John Boyega.
posted by a fiendish thingy at 10:59 AM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]


Based on what Boyega has had to say about his stock modelling time, I wouldn't be surprised if he came to the same conclusions as the author here.
posted by sparklemotion at 11:03 AM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]


Kabanos: "I'm kind of interested in how stock shoots are directed. Especially with groups of models.
"

Knock, Knock, who's there? Salad! NOW LAUGH!
posted by wcfields at 11:08 AM on May 31, 2016 [2 favorites]


Well, he could be the face for douchebaggery. So far, he seems to have gotten off lightly.
posted by lmfsilva at 11:11 AM on May 31, 2016 [2 favorites]


...a newspaper is an embarrassing product?

Maybe Newsday is one of those crappy tabloids that nobody with any class or self-respect would read?
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:17 AM on May 31, 2016 [2 favorites]


..a newspaper is an embarrassing product? Or was it just one joke, then a change of tone?

The joke is that snake people would be embarrassed to be seen reading newspapers, I think.
posted by sparklemotion at 11:24 AM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]


lmfsilva: Well, he could be the face for douchebaggery
I really expected that link to be about Privilege Denying Dude!
posted by Too-Ticky at 11:38 AM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]


It was such a shame because none of the later versions came close to capturing that perfect look of douchebaggerydom that the original Privilege Denying Dude stock-photo model had, bless his heart.
posted by straight at 12:04 PM on May 31, 2016


Well, he could be the face for douchebaggery.

Oh gawd, stock video is even worse than static photos! I can't stop looking at them.

Gather round. Everyone make sure you touch the paper.

Touch it. Touch the paper. Again.

Touch, touch, touch. I touched it last. Touchytouchytouchy.
posted by Kabanos at 12:11 PM on May 31, 2016 [5 favorites]


Oh gawd, stock video is even worse than static photos! I can't stop looking at them.

I can tell you that after spending an afternoon watching the archives of a stock video provider, the videoclip for Drugs didn't look half as weird. For a while, I had the idea floating around of making fucked up stock video style shorts. Imagine your those paper touching videos with young executives, only with a map of invading Poland and the like.
posted by lmfsilva at 12:32 PM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]


I did one session as a stock photography model in Pittsburgh back in 1997. I was "discovered" by the photographer while working as a barista at the 61c. My instructions for the shoot were "wear something nice" and "don't be hung over." The experience itself was somewhat surreal - there I was, among a group of people far more attractive than I, all of whom had been stock-modeling for a while. They traded stories about the billboards and milk cartons they'd been on. Meanwhile I was moved over to a dressing room where I was unceremoniously shorn of by back and nose hair, all in full view of my cohort. It wasn't exactly dehumanizing, but it was not flattering.

During the shoot itself the photographer tried to get me to do my best James Dean, but when I tried, she told me not to try anymore. A bit like Hal at the beginning of Infinite Jest. At the end of the day I got $60.

About a week later she called me to come see the photos. I looked at them. She offered to sell me one for $400. I declined.

I'd pay for one of those photos now, though!
posted by grumpybear69 at 12:36 PM on May 31, 2016 [4 favorites]


I had the idea floating around of making fucked up stock video style shorts

Somewhat related: Famous Movies Recreated With Stock Footage
posted by Kabanos at 12:54 PM on May 31, 2016 [3 favorites]


Is that his joke? I don't....get it?

I don't know about newspapers in your part of the world, but I'd certainly be embarrased to be seen in public with my city's rag.
posted by Jimbob at 12:58 PM on May 31, 2016


Did he not look at the contracts he signed?
posted by Ideefixe at 2:35 PM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]


Well, he touched them. Then he touched them again, with his pen. Then he repeated this while alternately looking at the contract, his coworkers, the camera. Then he touched them while laughing. Did that count?
posted by Joe in Australia at 3:02 PM on May 31, 2016 [6 favorites]


"That's our bisexual!" That's where I laughed.
posted by bendy at 3:59 PM on May 31, 2016


oh my god at the passing straight as bisexual article title!! Bisexual erasure is real! But that stock photo is an excellent choice for a clickbait article like that
posted by yueliang at 4:36 PM on May 31, 2016


Our agency had a magazine with reporters and a professional photographer who knew how to take exactly four types of stock photos. Each of us eventually got interviewed and appeared in one of the four possible scenes. a) We'd be in a dark room lit by blue lights staring grimly at a digital screen showing a microbe. b) We'd be in a greenhouse holding a plant and pointing to it. c) We'd be outdoors pointing at corn d) If we were really lucky, we'd be holding a piglet.

I wasn't lucky. I got b). The photographer was a pro and got the pictures quickly, but every time an issue came out, we'd page through and say "there's the blue lighting one" or "Look! Corn!"
posted by acrasis at 4:39 PM on May 31, 2016




Oh gawd, stock video is even worse than static photos!

Ohhhhhh yeah. I used to research stock footage (mostly factual content, thank god) and it was rough. But the Business Baboon search on Getty makes it alllllll worth it.
posted by yellowbinder at 5:05 PM on May 31, 2016 [4 favorites]


I do NOT like sex with old, obese men:

OK, we have feelings too.
posted by bongo_x at 5:33 PM on May 31, 2016


grumpybear69: "About a week later she called me to come see the photos. I looked at them. She offered to sell me one for $400. I declined.

I'd pay for one of those photos now, though!
"

If you can remember the photographers name it's possible the photos are up on some stock site and available for a pretty nominal price. Or a search around with key words like what you were wearing or the actions you were taking/props you were using. The incremental cost of having old photos available is essentially nil so they are often available for a long time and many photographers have scanned in their non digital archives.
posted by Mitheral at 6:52 PM on May 31, 2016


This guy sounds awful.

"I just hope I‘m not the next face of HPV, it could really conflict with that doctor picture."

Seriously? Considering that there is no real way for men to get tested for if they have HPV: 1. no, it wouldn't; and 2. this reads like some judgmental nonsense.
posted by aaanastasia at 2:17 AM on June 1, 2016


For those who enjoy the groups of people pointing at things stock videos

via the occasionally amusing youdontsurf
posted by mosessis at 5:03 AM on June 1, 2016


I was a stock photography model! Just once, around 2006. I got paid $100, got free booze, and years later one of the photos showed up randomly in a Portuguese beer ad, which I only found out about because a friend was traveling there and had his mind absolutely blown by billboard-sized photos of me shilling beer. A++++ would stock-model again.
posted by saladin at 8:54 AM on June 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


Update: I did a targeted Google search and found a photographer whose name and likeness rang a bell, so I emailed her. I just heard back and she kind of remembers me but isn't at her studio. I'll hear back in a week or so as to whether or not we worked together. And then, dear MeFites, I will update you.
posted by grumpybear69 at 5:45 PM on June 1, 2016 [2 favorites]


The day I was scheduled to be photographed leaning over DNA sequencing gels on a light box in 1990 for a biotech catalog was curtailed by a giant cold sore. They pick someone who didn't remind people of the ravages of invading DNA beasts.
posted by waving at 5:50 AM on June 2, 2016


Update #2: She is, indeed, the photographer. We'll see if she has any of the photos on hand.
posted by grumpybear69 at 12:08 PM on June 2, 2016 [1 favorite]


Update #3: She is sending me photos, plus a $13 royalty check from the one placement I got. Score!
posted by grumpybear69 at 11:24 AM on June 29, 2016 [3 favorites]


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