Welcome, friends, to League D co-ed recreational indoor soccer.
June 6, 2016 11:43 AM Subscribe
Think of the beautiful game. Recall the matches that made your heart swell for love of 22 men and a ball: the national rivalries played out on the scale of a football pitch; the sublime coherence of the German juggernaut; the silky passes and jaw-dropping Messi chips that made you hail Barcelona, even as you hated them.
Then forget all that and imagine a bunch of washed up 30-year olds using sports as an excuse to get drunk on weeknights.
I regret that as a kid I hated athletic activity so much that I lack the very basic skills necessary to embarrass myself in this fashion* as an adult. We're having a kid and the window to goof around like this is closing anyway, but I wish I could kick a ball or swing a bat or dribble or do something now that the competition is lighter and tolerance for suckiness higher than when I was a kid.
*Everyday "athletic" activities like running to catch a bus or standing upright give me plenty of opportunity for embarrassment, though.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 12:12 PM on June 6, 2016 [1 favorite]
*Everyday "athletic" activities like running to catch a bus or standing upright give me plenty of opportunity for embarrassment, though.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 12:12 PM on June 6, 2016 [1 favorite]
Bulgaroktonos: Having a kid does NOT close the window to goof around (quite the contrary actually). AND the "very basic skills" you mention are NOT required, and building skills as a kid are not needed either... I've started two different athletic sports with no childhood experience, and I love it. In some ways I think it's better, we never got burnt out, never lost the joy of the game! Get out there! Make a fool of yourself!
posted by joecacti at 12:18 PM on June 6, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by joecacti at 12:18 PM on June 6, 2016 [2 favorites]
My brother plays church league softball in St. Paul, MN, which is more popular -- and more serious -- than outsiders may believe. (You may have seen him: a tall, slow first baseman for St. Mark's who was once coolly dismissed with the words "classic middle-age guy injury" by a Gopher football trainer as he writhed on the infield gravel, Achilles ruptured and face contorted in pain.)
Anyway, when the winter arrived he joined a kind of indoor gym class thing for grown ups, which I only heard about once: either it sucked or was fantastic. If it sucked he didn't want to speak of it again; if it was fantastic, he was quickly rebuked for gushing. I ought to find out how it went.
Anyway, there certainly are avenues for activity that don't require much in the way of skill or coordination. After all, someone has to buy the beer.
posted by wenestvedt at 12:38 PM on June 6, 2016
Anyway, when the winter arrived he joined a kind of indoor gym class thing for grown ups, which I only heard about once: either it sucked or was fantastic. If it sucked he didn't want to speak of it again; if it was fantastic, he was quickly rebuked for gushing. I ought to find out how it went.
Anyway, there certainly are avenues for activity that don't require much in the way of skill or coordination. After all, someone has to buy the beer.
posted by wenestvedt at 12:38 PM on June 6, 2016
I have played in a coed rec league for ten years, outside full-90 instead of indoor 45, but largely the same. Sometimes it is great. Sometimes is 8.30pm on a Wednesday after work and there are 7 of you wondering if anyone else on your team is going to show up.
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:50 PM on June 6, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:50 PM on June 6, 2016 [2 favorites]
Adult rec sports are weird. I've been playing very bad to middling-bad-level adult hockey for a few years and the fun levels vary so much team to team. Agreed with Kafkaesque that sometimes it is great and people just want to have fun and then drink some beers. Then sometimes (and this may be more hockey specific) somebody gets mad and punches someone and then everyone else has to show what good teammates they are by also getting mad or whatever and also it's 11:00 PM on a work night. Also in hockey at least there is a ton of awful misogyny and so our co-ed league has like 7 women across 12 teams.
I also subbed a few games on a rec kickball league that was full of super competitive medical residents and it was way less fun than it should have been. Like, dudes, I'm just here so I can drink beer in a field, don't get so worked up about losing.
posted by ghharr at 1:10 PM on June 6, 2016 [2 favorites]
I also subbed a few games on a rec kickball league that was full of super competitive medical residents and it was way less fun than it should have been. Like, dudes, I'm just here so I can drink beer in a field, don't get so worked up about losing.
posted by ghharr at 1:10 PM on June 6, 2016 [2 favorites]
ghharr: I nearly posted something about how football can go in many local leagues in the UK. There is a big difference between the 5-a-side type stuff and the kick the shit out of each other Sunday league side of things. I used to have a bunch of mates who played in the local uni league (we were bar staff) which was all sweetness and light and often on the same day played local league, which could mean local working men's clubs, head-the-balls (no, not like that) and general psychos. Basically you had to have an enforcer on your team or you would get kicked around the pitch. None of this wait until the offender is next on the ball, they would often tell tales of running 40 yards to clatter someone with the ball miles away in order to make sure the opposition knew retaliation was always on the cards. Not my idea of a good time. I organised our netball team.
posted by biffa at 1:59 PM on June 6, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by biffa at 1:59 PM on June 6, 2016 [1 favorite]
Me too, Kafkaesque. Somehow, I've ended up captain after trying to avoid it for a very long time. We start our season with about 18 on the roster and end it with about 9 turning up.
From a conduct perspective, our problem tends to be the younger, more aggressive college kids, but there are some people of all ages who just hate to lose. Some teams are just no fun to play against and try my patience. Anyone getting whacked on the ankle or pushed around isn't going to stay in a good mood for long.
We've had some games start at 9:45pm on a Friday night and not really finish until midnight! Way past this old codger's bedtime. Nighttime scheduling makes getting the games done easier, and we've been playing on modern artificial turf recently which is a major step up from the mud pits we used to play on.
One of our challenges is the mixed ages in a relatively small college town, so in my upper 40s, I'm one of the older ones (although we have a 63 year-old on our team). To some extent with age comes wisdom, but keeping up with twenty-year olds is a real challenge.
I'm mostly mellow, trying to make sure my guys are having fun and the team we're playing is having fun too. Someone once thanked me for letting them score...that was about as close as I ever game to taking a swing at anyone.
posted by idb at 2:07 PM on June 6, 2016
From a conduct perspective, our problem tends to be the younger, more aggressive college kids, but there are some people of all ages who just hate to lose. Some teams are just no fun to play against and try my patience. Anyone getting whacked on the ankle or pushed around isn't going to stay in a good mood for long.
We've had some games start at 9:45pm on a Friday night and not really finish until midnight! Way past this old codger's bedtime. Nighttime scheduling makes getting the games done easier, and we've been playing on modern artificial turf recently which is a major step up from the mud pits we used to play on.
One of our challenges is the mixed ages in a relatively small college town, so in my upper 40s, I'm one of the older ones (although we have a 63 year-old on our team). To some extent with age comes wisdom, but keeping up with twenty-year olds is a real challenge.
I'm mostly mellow, trying to make sure my guys are having fun and the team we're playing is having fun too. Someone once thanked me for letting them score...that was about as close as I ever game to taking a swing at anyone.
posted by idb at 2:07 PM on June 6, 2016
I have mostly avoided even casual sports due to people who can't deal with losing, because I am a slow learner in physical stuff (I do hit/kick the ball occasionally but it's not a natural talent) and then people aren't just mad they're losing, they're mad at you for making them lose. Life is too short for me to spend it being shamed by red-faced shouty people for not making a goal or missing a basket.
I think that's why you need booze for lots of these, so people stop caring so much and have some fun. Unfortunately some people are angry drunks or just humorless jerks that no amount of booze can help.
I will venture to play some occasional badminton, or kickball, or volleyball if everyone is chill enough to actually have fun.
posted by emjaybee at 2:52 PM on June 6, 2016 [1 favorite]
I think that's why you need booze for lots of these, so people stop caring so much and have some fun. Unfortunately some people are angry drunks or just humorless jerks that no amount of booze can help.
I will venture to play some occasional badminton, or kickball, or volleyball if everyone is chill enough to actually have fun.
posted by emjaybee at 2:52 PM on June 6, 2016 [1 favorite]
Misses the important subclass of weekend corec where the point is a brisk/lazy run before a huuuge Brunch, but otherwise pretty spot on.
posted by bonehead at 3:08 PM on June 6, 2016
posted by bonehead at 3:08 PM on June 6, 2016
Four weeks ago, arriving home from playing in a charity kickball tournament:
The Wife: How are you?
Me: Well, I definitely pulled both of my hamstrings, my shin is swollen up, and I'm fairly certain I broke my wrist.
The Wife: What happened?
Me: I'm 46 I tried to play kickball. What more do you need to know?
On the positive side, I'm looking forward to getting the cast off.
posted by TheShadowKnows at 3:50 PM on June 6, 2016 [7 favorites]
The Wife: How are you?
Me: Well, I definitely pulled both of my hamstrings, my shin is swollen up, and I'm fairly certain I broke my wrist.
The Wife: What happened?
Me: I'm 46 I tried to play kickball. What more do you need to know?
On the positive side, I'm looking forward to getting the cast off.
posted by TheShadowKnows at 3:50 PM on June 6, 2016 [7 favorites]
Then there are the men who don’t pass to women. I suspect most of them don’t even realize they’re doing it, but the women on their team do, and they don’t stay.
Between this and the jerks who believe they're relieving their high school glory days (especially the one who took out my ankle in a nasty tackle last fall--for real, dude, we're washed-up adults playing a freaking GAME here and your 6'2, 200 lbs wants to take down my 5'7, 150 self? Get a grip), I've given up playing co-ed soccer here in Seattle. I'm back to co-ed softball, which is a hell of a lot more chill and more fun. And if I want to play soccer again, it'll be on ladies-only teams. My body doesn't have time for your desperate need for an ego boost.
Having said that, I hate exercise for exercise's sake, so getting out for some adult rec play is essential to my staying relatively fit. Also, the social aspect is really great.
posted by weeyin at 6:29 PM on June 6, 2016
Between this and the jerks who believe they're relieving their high school glory days (especially the one who took out my ankle in a nasty tackle last fall--for real, dude, we're washed-up adults playing a freaking GAME here and your 6'2, 200 lbs wants to take down my 5'7, 150 self? Get a grip), I've given up playing co-ed soccer here in Seattle. I'm back to co-ed softball, which is a hell of a lot more chill and more fun. And if I want to play soccer again, it'll be on ladies-only teams. My body doesn't have time for your desperate need for an ego boost.
Having said that, I hate exercise for exercise's sake, so getting out for some adult rec play is essential to my staying relatively fit. Also, the social aspect is really great.
posted by weeyin at 6:29 PM on June 6, 2016
I play indoor, men's over 40 D league soccer. It's super chippy...
And she clearly plays at Arena Sports Magnusen, where I play!
posted by Windopaene at 8:45 PM on June 6, 2016
And she clearly plays at Arena Sports Magnusen, where I play!
posted by Windopaene at 8:45 PM on June 6, 2016
The article rubbed me the wrong way a little even though I know it's intended to be self-mocking, because rec sports became sooo much more fun for me once I found teams where people actually care about playing our best and improving, not just drinking and goofing around. Where people show up at every game without fail because they love playing, and are willing to try new strategies because they actually care about improving. I played with way too many people in the past who just wanted an excuse to hang out with their friends, and didn't want to waste any energy running hard or improving their skills. That's great for them, but I pay a substantial chunk of money (for me) to play my sports, not to kill time passing a ball around aimlessly. I know we're never going to make it to the olympics, but what's the point of playing if you don't try your best, or don't care about getting better?
I'm not talking about skill level, or sportsmanship/getting mad about losing - just the divide between people who are interested in the sport itself vs. just using it as an excuse to socialize or whatever.
posted by randomnity at 1:36 PM on June 7, 2016
I'm not talking about skill level, or sportsmanship/getting mad about losing - just the divide between people who are interested in the sport itself vs. just using it as an excuse to socialize or whatever.
posted by randomnity at 1:36 PM on June 7, 2016
randomnity - that's what non-D-league is for, dude. Go play A league where you can get your game on, pretend there are scouts in the audience and scream at teammates for borking the play up. D is for fun, to have some beer, win a few, lose a few, get out and move around.
I loved D-league softball - cooler of coors lite (because you need to hydrate in those awful sultry August summer days). Of course, when the ump is drinking a beer between each half-inning (while pinching a smoke), you know you aren't getting the best officiating, but so what.
Hockey, though, B-league was both the level of play and B for beer. No practice, no set plays, but everyone knew what they were doing (except for a few poor souls who just graduated from the "learn to play hockey" program, and jumped in), and it was fun. Every year there were one or two grinders who would get tossed for a year before they could come back (usually kids right out of HS or college, and couldn't tone down the aggressiveness of a non-check men's league). Miss it, but 10:45 puck drop meant home at 12:30, still keyed up regardless of the beer, and having to go to work the next day.
posted by k5.user at 7:45 AM on June 8, 2016
I loved D-league softball - cooler of coors lite (because you need to hydrate in those awful sultry August summer days). Of course, when the ump is drinking a beer between each half-inning (while pinching a smoke), you know you aren't getting the best officiating, but so what.
Hockey, though, B-league was both the level of play and B for beer. No practice, no set plays, but everyone knew what they were doing (except for a few poor souls who just graduated from the "learn to play hockey" program, and jumped in), and it was fun. Every year there were one or two grinders who would get tossed for a year before they could come back (usually kids right out of HS or college, and couldn't tone down the aggressiveness of a non-check men's league). Miss it, but 10:45 puck drop meant home at 12:30, still keyed up regardless of the beer, and having to go to work the next day.
posted by k5.user at 7:45 AM on June 8, 2016
I'm not sure. I'm not an A league player myself. Definitely playing for fun, but at the same time even at my age, trying to learn and improve and play good soccer. Having fun and getting better aren't incompatible...I think....although given a choice, I'd pick fun.
FWIW, we're a non-slide tackle league.
posted by idb at 8:31 AM on June 8, 2016
FWIW, we're a non-slide tackle league.
posted by idb at 8:31 AM on June 8, 2016
I don't know what A league or D league are...the leagues I play in are typically labelled as "recreational" (i.e. the lowest skill level possible) or "intermediate" (i.e. anything between that and competitive, which is maybe your A-level, and very far away from where I'm ever likely to be skill-wise). The intermediate leagues do tend to be much better at weeding out the non-players, but again, I'm talking more about attitude than skill level. I'm not particularly skilled so I wouldn't be welcome in a higher-level league, but I do want to play sports, not goof around.
I also don't have any interest whatsoever in screaming at anyone on my team or the other team, and neither do the vast majority of players I interact with. It's not about winning or getting mad at people, it's about having fun playing a real game. There's nothing wrong with the other perspective, goofing around is an important part of life. I'd just prefer not to play sports with them (or against them, for that matter).
posted by randomnity at 9:09 AM on June 8, 2016
I also don't have any interest whatsoever in screaming at anyone on my team or the other team, and neither do the vast majority of players I interact with. It's not about winning or getting mad at people, it's about having fun playing a real game. There's nothing wrong with the other perspective, goofing around is an important part of life. I'd just prefer not to play sports with them (or against them, for that matter).
posted by randomnity at 9:09 AM on June 8, 2016
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posted by mcstayinskool at 11:58 AM on June 6, 2016