You won't believe what happens next.

June 16, 2016 2:07 PM

It’s Beautiful. And It’s All For Her.
posted by schmod (84 comments total)

Shit sandwich, beverage optional.
posted by dbiedny at 2:18 PM on June 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

2 liters of justice
posted by ivan ivanych samovar at 2:27 PM on June 16, 2016

What did I just watch?!
posted by Omnomnom at 2:28 PM on June 16, 2016 [4 favorites]

Well, there's 3 minutes and eleven seconds of my life I'll never, uh... understand. I guess.
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 2:34 PM on June 16, 2016 [9 favorites]

It didn't move me but I do need to pee.
posted by doctor_negative at 2:37 PM on June 16, 2016 [16 favorites]

If you don't understand, it's too complicated to explain. Thanks for posting, schmod. I'll remember this video for a long, long time. Especially on the darkest days. Sometimes soda comes in a milk jug, and that's the way life is.
posted by Rock Steady at 2:37 PM on June 16, 2016 [22 favorites]

I ... uh ... I ... kept expecting that to pay off somehow, by the arrival of the thing that made it funny or the thing that explained how what I was watching was genuinely heartwarming. But it never came.

It never came.

By the end, frankly, I'd have settled for a few bars of Never Gonna Give You Up just so there was some there there.
posted by jacquilynne at 2:40 PM on June 16, 2016 [12 favorites]

It's missing a cacophonous group belch at the end.
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 2:42 PM on June 16, 2016 [13 favorites]

I ... uh ... I ... kept expecting that to pay off somehow, by the arrival of the thing that made it funny

It was all great, but the best part was the 'whattaya gonna do' shrug the milk-jug woman gives. I chortled gustily!
posted by FatherDagon at 2:42 PM on June 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

The underlying metaphor is the important part of this.
posted by delfin at 2:43 PM on June 16, 2016 [2 favorites]

This is fantastic, and I'm so glad there are people out there devoting time and effort to this. The spirit of pointlessness lives on!
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 2:48 PM on June 16, 2016 [7 favorites]

Oh man, that music is a very specific genre of generic library cue which I have a very non-PC name for. I've written a number of those.
posted by grumpybear69 at 2:53 PM on June 16, 2016 [3 favorites]

Something about the music caused me to stop watching after approximately fifteen seconds and skip to the end, then check the comments here to see if I was missing anything. Feels like a highly-evolved memetic immune system working as it should.
posted by sfenders at 2:53 PM on June 16, 2016 [25 favorites]

I feel like Poe's Law is inadequate to describe my feelings about this thread.
posted by kmz at 2:57 PM on June 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

Thank you for this post. It touched me in places I have not been touched for a long time. Unrelatedly I'd really love some Fanta Orange right now. Also bravo to the YouTube comments which for once don't make me want to poke my eyeballs out with straightened paper clips.
posted by billiebee at 3:05 PM on June 16, 2016

I really thought they were going to spit it all over her.

What's wrong with me?
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 3:14 PM on June 16, 2016 [6 favorites]

I ... uh ... I ... kept expecting that to pay off somehow, by the arrival of the thing that made it funny or the thing that explained how what I was watching was genuinely heartwarming.

Well it's clickhole, so genuinely heartwarming was not really an option. And really, now that I think about it, neither is a punchline, explanation, or anything at all that's not just playing it straight the whole time. I don't think they ever break character.
posted by aubilenon at 3:16 PM on June 16, 2016 [4 favorites]

(That said, I was kind of expecting them to the whole video)
posted by aubilenon at 3:16 PM on June 16, 2016

frankly, I'd have settled for a few bars of Never Gonna Give You Up just so there was some there there.

In honor of Gino Vannelli's birthday today, here's "Night Walker."
posted by octobersurprise at 3:16 PM on June 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

I think we just watched a water-sharing ritual by members of the most whitebread neo-Heinleinian cult ever.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 3:22 PM on June 16, 2016 [6 favorites]

About two thirds of the way through I finally realized it was I who was the joke.
posted by mrjohnmuller at 3:27 PM on June 16, 2016 [4 favorites]

I loled alot
posted by straight at 3:30 PM on June 16, 2016

This is why I love reality TV. It's so...real, don't you think?
posted by Mental Wimp at 3:54 PM on June 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

This must be riffing on some kind of stereotypical Buzzfeed production, but I'll be damned if I know what.
posted by adamrice at 4:07 PM on June 16, 2016

The underlying metaphor is the important part of this

And that metaphor is.......???
posted by Thorzdad at 4:17 PM on June 16, 2016

If you don't understand, it's too complicated to explain.

Yeah, that's what the cartoon editor at the New Yorker tried to get away with.
posted by IndigoJones at 4:25 PM on June 16, 2016 [2 favorites]

OK, y'all are doing so good, explain this to me.

(because I watched all 12 episodes and still don't know)
posted by randomkeystrike at 5:07 PM on June 16, 2016 [3 favorites]

whitebread neo-Heinleinian

Surely that's redundant.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 5:15 PM on June 16, 2016

I think that was the best Coldplay video ever.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:20 PM on June 16, 2016 [5 favorites]

When all of her dead relatives ascended the staircase back to glory, I cried and cried.
posted by mittens at 5:43 PM on June 16, 2016 [5 favorites]

ClickHole noticed that those inspirational videos all have the same music, but the real genius came when they asked: but what if the video was just some random pointless bullshit?
posted by nanojath at 5:54 PM on June 16, 2016 [13 favorites]

I was expecting them to belch out "Happy Birthday" or something similar. I was disappointed.
posted by TedW at 5:56 PM on June 16, 2016

It's like watching flies f**k. Only without the f**king. Or the flies.
posted by Quasimike at 5:58 PM on June 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

Watching this video made me unreasonably angry.

For the first time, I understand what drives someone to post an angry MeTa about how a particular FPP is a blight on the front page.
posted by litera scripta manet at 6:04 PM on June 16, 2016 [9 favorites]

I mean, I kind of vaguely get why it's supposed to be funny, but that's overwhelmed by my desire to punch something when watching it.

Maybe it's the music?

Or the obnoxious expressions of overdone happiness on their faces?

I don't know, and I'll probably never know, because I tried to watch it again, and my blood pressure shot up so high that I decided that perhaps this is one mystery I will never solve.
posted by litera scripta manet at 6:09 PM on June 16, 2016 [2 favorites]

Clickhole's goal is to get ahead of the AI and start producing content mimicking the form of human communication but without understanding.
posted by Scattercat at 6:11 PM on June 16, 2016 [18 favorites]

I for one enjoyed it and thought it a delightful puncturing of that kind of voyeuristic glurge by applying all of its crass emotional manipulation to people chugging soda.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:12 PM on June 16, 2016 [12 favorites]

I guffawed. Totally with you ROU Xenophobe.
It was hilarious. Although I did expect them to do something awful to her. But yeah, hilarious.
posted by taff at 6:57 PM on June 16, 2016

If you need something with more action and pizzaz in the music, try this (Facebook, re-posted on YouTube)
posted by filthy light thief at 6:57 PM on June 16, 2016

For the first time, I understand what drives someone to post an angry MeTa about how a particular FPP is a blight on the front page.

While I laughed out loud 3 or 4 times. It's one of the funniest things I've seen this year. I can also see why someone might not be amused in the slightest.

Clickhole being as divisive as it is, I would like to suggest we stick a (SLClickhole) warning or similar on things in future. It barely spoils the joke, because they never hide their branding, and it would help people who don't click with Clickhole.
posted by howfar at 7:01 PM on June 16, 2016 [6 favorites]

The music is what made it. At first it was stupid but then as the relentless sparkly twinkly music went on, it became genius.
posted by GospelofWesleyWillis at 7:27 PM on June 16, 2016

Clickhole's goal is to get ahead of the AI and start producing content mimicking the form of human communication but without understanding.

My sandwich will be sourdough on rye with tax to go. Here is some money now you give me change and a drink with that
posted by otherchaz at 7:36 PM on June 16, 2016 [2 favorites]

I mean, I kind of vaguely get why it's supposed to be funny, but that's overwhelmed by my desire to punch something when watching it.

Maybe it's the music?

Yes. Hence the crapping-on 'inspirational' videos in the video. It's that twinkle-inducing semi-coldplay rage that makes it beautiful. I'm a little surprised people didn't see it coming with the title "You won't believe what happened next"; that's kind of a dead giveaway that it's parody so I'm not sure why anyone would feel cheated. But then again I'm a gen xer so irony is my poison.
posted by GospelofWesleyWillis at 7:45 PM on June 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

I wonder how much this cost.
posted by goofyfoot at 7:59 PM on June 16, 2016

I can't believe there's only like 3 of us that got it. Shh. Don't spoil it, it's fun watching everyone squirm.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 8:00 PM on June 16, 2016 [4 favorites]

I watched in puzzlement assuming this was a parody of some viral video / ad that went over my head. Then clicked on here to get the explanation that I was too uncool to know. But apparently the joke is they are not similar to anything and the target audience is people "in" enough on internet fads to instantly recognize it's not that?
posted by mark k at 8:05 PM on June 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

They all drank the kool-aid.
posted by Kabanos at 8:07 PM on June 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

This Clickbait Is Incredible But You Won't Believe What Happens On Page 14!!
posted by Diag at 8:12 PM on June 16, 2016

I wonder how much this cost.

$20, same as in town.

And since this didn't pay off with any gigantic belching, maybe this will make up for it.
posted by radwolf76 at 8:19 PM on June 16, 2016

That was great. My kind of post. Schmod is God!
posted by Rich Smorgasbord at 8:31 PM on June 16, 2016

This was great. For people totally confused, I'm pretty sure it's also a pretty direct takeoff of a family-surprising-mom video (I think from Upworthy? Which I think finished with a wedding at the end?) that I just wasted way more time of my life searching for than is probably healthy.
posted by Mchelly at 8:57 PM on June 16, 2016

I think that was the best Coldplay video ever.

Or the worst OK Go video ever.
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 9:01 PM on June 16, 2016 [6 favorites]

That was great. I started laughing from the appearance of the first bottle. The only thing I was worried about is that they'd blow it at the end with something crass like burping or spitting or (because of the milk jug) vomiting, but nope.

Thanks, schmod.
posted by Bugbread at 9:11 PM on June 16, 2016

I have felt those feels.
posted by drlith at 9:24 PM on June 16, 2016

Since it turns out NOT to be a commercial for Absolut Vodka, it's not that expensive.
posted by Namlit at 9:25 PM on June 16, 2016

I Feel like I could limit my internet consumption to Clickhole and videos that air on Adult Swim at 2 AM and not miss out at all.
posted by ejs at 9:32 PM on June 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

I thought for sure someone was going to flip a bottle.
posted by Pryde at 9:41 PM on June 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

For those struggling, there really is no punchline to the joke. It's just a poke at a certain genre of video that goes as far back as This Is Your Life. It's a voyeuristic sort of glurge centering around "Look how much effort we put into making this person happy." It goes beyond uplifting sharebait internet videos, the most offensive example I can think of is Extreme Home Makeover, where an embarrassing amount of time is spent showing the crew congratulating themselves as the family weeps for joy over their new home.

The message of this video is the underlying formula involved—cliché music, groups of smiling people, repeated revelations, and tears of joy—still works when stripped of all recognizable human interaction. You can identify it as an example of the genre even when it's intentionally meaningless, which highlights how empty and manipulative the whole genre is.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 9:50 PM on June 16, 2016 [23 favorites]

I don't know, and I'll probably never know, because I tried to watch it again, and my blood pressure shot up so high that I decided that perhaps this is one mystery I will never solve.

Well, in the interest of Science*, I decided to do a little experiment:

First I closed my eyes and just listened to the music (well, 10 seconds of it since that was all I could make it through), and then I watched the video on mute. I can report that I found the video significantly less rage inducing and more amusing without any sound, and the music alone caused an emotional reaction that was at least 70% as strong as when I watched with sound + visuals.

It's just a poke at a certain genre of video that goes as far back as This Is Your Life. It's a voyeuristic sort of glurge centering around "Look how much effort we put into making this person happy."

To be fair, my reaction to the "genuine" attempts at this sort of cheap, performative genre isn't so far off from my initial reaction to watching this video, so I guess from that angle it's a job well done. Even the "It's Beautiful. And it's all for her." title sets my teeth on edge, but it perfectly matches the tone of the kind of video they're parodying. It actually is pretty clever once I was able to watch it without being blinded by the knee jerk rage.

*Or maybe just masochism
posted by litera scripta manet at 10:11 PM on June 16, 2016 [2 favorites]

I really thought they were going to spit it all over her.

I thought that urine would definitely make an appearance.
posted by bendy at 10:25 PM on June 16, 2016

Fifty years from now, someone is going to discover this video and use up an Ask trying to figure out what it all means.
posted by roger ackroyd at 10:33 PM on June 16, 2016

Add another line to my list of essays unwritten: gratitude gestures/culture. Spot on.
posted by pleasant_confusion at 10:35 PM on June 16, 2016

Dusts off semi-dormant facebook account.
I think I'll go with "You have to see what happens at the end!".
posted by fullerine at 11:43 PM on June 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

The only thing I was worried about is that they'd blow it at the end with something crass like burping or spitting or (because of the milk jug) vomiting, but nope.

I would have accepted them all peeing on her and her just being simply delighted about it.
posted by aubilenon at 12:19 AM on June 17, 2016

The production values were crap. I couldn't get away from it - the idea was spot-on (though I thought for a moment it was going to be a counting video - 'Three bottles! Four bottles! Five bottles! etc.) and the actors were mostly great but - it needed to be as slick and jaded and cynical as a reality-tv show to really fly.

That said, when they all went back up the stairs at the end I felt deep satisfaction - because the idea is fucking weird and they did it, all of it.

At the end of Takeshi Tikano's "The Blind Swordsman: Zatoich" there's something similar. The film is mostly a very straight re-telling of the Zatoichi story (blind masseur wanders the land setting right wrongs with his bad-ass Katana) and then, the last five minutes there's an extended dance sequence that is at first glance a huge non-sequitur. It's pretty terrific, much in the same ways this is. Better production values though.
posted by From Bklyn at 1:05 AM on June 17, 2016

You see, that's interesting, because I thought that it was spot on in terms of production values, at least for a certain subset of reality TV. In particular I thought that the completely impossible without an invisible camera reaction shots, the fakey-shaky pseudo-documentary camera work and the awkward amateurish performances were perfect. Because a lot of reality TV has pitifully low production values, existing because it's cheap and quick to make, while being intrinsically engaging enough to keep bored people watching during low-value bits of the schedule, or clicking through to while they're on the bus. The stuff I think was being specifically parodied is a modern equivalent of the daytime soap opera, with all extraneous costs, time and interest stripped out in the service of profit margins.
posted by howfar at 2:41 AM on June 17, 2016 [3 favorites]

First I closed my eyes and just listened to the music (well, 10 seconds of it since that was all I could make it through), and then I watched the video on mute.

Comment flagged as fantastic, because this level of craft and dedication applied to the detailed gilding of beanplates is precisely what I come to Metafilter for.
posted by howfar at 2:48 AM on June 17, 2016 [6 favorites]

More Clickhole videos, if you feel the need to continue with all the good feels:

Heartwarming: Watch This Dad Totally Accept His Gay Son Coming Out And Then Eat 12 Tacos

Inspiring! People Describe The First Time They Drank Gatorade
posted by rorgy at 3:30 AM on June 17, 2016

Too many cokes.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 3:46 AM on June 17, 2016 [5 favorites]

Fun fact: I've eaten dinner in that room.

It's the second floor of Alpana Singh's The Boarding House in Chicago.
posted by Short Attention Sp at 4:45 AM on June 17, 2016 [3 favorites]

Before watching this, I had a sneaking suspicion that anything called "Clickhole" could be safely tossed in the nothing-to-see-here basket, and now I'm sure of it. So thanks for that. Immunity acquired.

Unedited Footage of a Bear
posted by flabdablet at 4:54 AM on June 17, 2016

You are depriving yourself of People Describe the First Time They Drank Gatorade, which is awesome!
posted by Bugbread at 5:43 AM on June 17, 2016 [4 favorites]

I had a sneaking suspicion that anything called "Clickhole" could be safely tossed in the nothing-to-see-here basket, and now I'm sure of it.

You sound like a garbage son named Lance And Blake.

Seriously, Clickhole is great. It's like The Onion of the Internet.
posted by Rock Steady at 7:09 AM on June 17, 2016 [2 favorites]

Okay, I actually love the "People Describe the First Time They Drank Gatorade" video.

Sweat potion! Football milk! Awesome.
posted by litera scripta manet at 7:13 AM on June 17, 2016

I wonder if the widespread dismissal of Clickhole in this thread from a group that so loves the Onion is just because the phenomenon Clickhole parodies is so angry-making itself?

I strongly urge you all to read Clickhole's oral history of Mad Men if you haven't yet.
posted by ejs at 7:14 AM on June 17, 2016 [1 favorite]

#sweatpotionmemories
posted by billiebee at 7:30 AM on June 17, 2016

> Although I did expect them to do something awful to her.

They did! Didn't you get it? She's going to spend the rest of her (short) life down there with nothing but those empty bottles to sustain her! That was the last human interaction she'll ever have. But the memories... Oh, it made me cry, I can tell you!
posted by languagehat at 8:06 AM on June 17, 2016 [1 favorite]

There have been times lately when I have been very happy that I watch almost no television and less YouTube. This was one of them. Because although I got the allusion and the satire, it just didn't matter to me.
posted by Peach at 8:48 AM on June 17, 2016 [1 favorite]

> It's like The Onion of the Internet.

You'll Gasp With Amazement When The Publisher Of Clickhole Is Identified!
posted by ardgedee at 9:36 AM on June 17, 2016 [5 favorites]

I kind of feel like the Clickhole blooper reels would be the best things ever.
posted by Panthalassa at 10:20 AM on June 17, 2016

In Clickhole blooper reels, everyone hits their mark, says their lines perfectly and the shoot wraps early.
posted by jacquilynne at 10:26 AM on June 17, 2016 [1 favorite]

howfar: "Clickhole being as divisive as it is, I would like to suggest we stick a (SLClickhole) warning or similar on things in future. It barely spoils the joke, because they never hide their branding, and it would help people who don't click with Clickhole."

Or maybe we could just put (Clickhole), instead of (SLClickhole), since the "SL" there is stupid and bad and pointless and I'm not sure why everybody does it when it's just needless in-jokey obfuscation that doesn't help anybody anywhere and only gets in the way.
posted by koeselitz at 11:44 AM on June 17, 2016

You ok hun?
posted by howfar at 1:12 PM on June 17, 2016

Clickhole being as divisive as it is, I would like to suggest we stick a (SLClickhole) warning or similar on things in future. It barely spoils the joke, because they never hide their branding, and it would help people who don't click with Clickhole.

If lesser users would stop posting links from websites that weren't Clickhole, we wouldn't even have to do this.
posted by rorgy at 7:53 PM on June 17, 2016 [2 favorites]