Scientology / Won't save you from the traffic / Ask John Travolta
June 25, 2016 7:20 AM Subscribe
This afternoon, BART's Twitter challenged Metro Los Angeles to a digital poetry slam — "haikus only" — and after several prodding tweets, Metro obliged. (Previously)
Pinboard nails it early in the game:
Hobo micturates on an antiquated rug under SF bay #BARTHaiku @sfbartposted by phooky at 7:42 AM on June 25, 2016 [6 favorites]
Ooh, low blow, Portland.
posted by town of cats at 7:42 AM on June 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by town of cats at 7:42 AM on June 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
This is what Twitter was meant for.
posted by jferg at 7:47 AM on June 25, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by jferg at 7:47 AM on June 25, 2016 [3 favorites]
Ok, so... syllable count is not the only thing that goes into haiku, no matter what you learned in grade school. Bashō would shake his head.
I think they should drirect a challenge at the MBTA. They would likely get s string of misspelled profanity interspersed with reminders that the Red Line is closed between MGH and Central, and Ruggles is shut down again because "FU, that's why."
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:49 AM on June 25, 2016 [13 favorites]
I think they should drirect a challenge at the MBTA. They would likely get s string of misspelled profanity interspersed with reminders that the Red Line is closed between MGH and Central, and Ruggles is shut down again because "FU, that's why."
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:49 AM on June 25, 2016 [13 favorites]
I wouldn't mind if mta.info just did all their service advisories like this.
Coney Island bound trains run express from Jay St. onwards to Church Avposted by phooky at 7:59 AM on June 25, 2016 [6 favorites]
shinkansen platform
a breeze stirs the falling leaves
you fucking tourists
posted by idiopath at 7:59 AM on June 25, 2016 [24 favorites]
a breeze stirs the falling leaves
you fucking tourists
posted by idiopath at 7:59 AM on June 25, 2016 [24 favorites]
WMATA would just get about six syllables in, announce the haiku will be resuming momentarily, and then just type 5 fire emojis.
posted by stevis23 at 8:04 AM on June 25, 2016 [56 favorites]
posted by stevis23 at 8:04 AM on June 25, 2016 [56 favorites]
Your timetable says
The train is already here.
Fuck you Queensland Rail.
posted by adept256 at 8:14 AM on June 25, 2016 [10 favorites]
The train is already here.
Fuck you Queensland Rail.
posted by adept256 at 8:14 AM on June 25, 2016 [10 favorites]
DC's Metrorail?
Cherry trees will bloom again
Before you're back on track.
posted by easily confused at 8:31 AM on June 25, 2016 [16 favorites]
Cherry trees will bloom again
Before you're back on track.
posted by easily confused at 8:31 AM on June 25, 2016 [16 favorites]
The Red Line is closed
But at least it's not burning
The glass is half full
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 8:34 AM on June 25, 2016 [27 favorites]
But at least it's not burning
The glass is half full
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 8:34 AM on June 25, 2016 [27 favorites]
To live in a world
Where the biggest beef today
Is rail versus rail
posted by gwint at 8:38 AM on June 25, 2016 [8 favorites]
Where the biggest beef today
Is rail versus rail
posted by gwint at 8:38 AM on June 25, 2016 [8 favorites]
Metro rail, empty
Six million cars choke the streets
Flame licks the hills clean
posted by dersins at 8:40 AM on June 25, 2016 [16 favorites]
Six million cars choke the streets
Flame licks the hills clean
posted by dersins at 8:40 AM on June 25, 2016 [16 favorites]
Seven square mile town
Versus forty-five hundred
L.A. overwhelmed.
posted by Sophie1 at 8:42 AM on June 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
Versus forty-five hundred
L.A. overwhelmed.
posted by Sophie1 at 8:42 AM on June 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
The White Zone is for
Loading, and unloading, only
Load there, you'll love it
posted by petebest at 8:44 AM on June 25, 2016 [14 favorites]
Loading, and unloading, only
Load there, you'll love it
posted by petebest at 8:44 AM on June 25, 2016 [14 favorites]
MBTA breaks
When weather too hot or cold
Our rail system sucks
posted by TwoStride at 8:45 AM on June 25, 2016 [3 favorites]
When weather too hot or cold
Our rail system sucks
posted by TwoStride at 8:45 AM on June 25, 2016 [3 favorites]
2am Green Line
Notify the next of kin
Delays expected
posted by adept256 at 8:46 AM on June 25, 2016 [7 favorites]
Notify the next of kin
Delays expected
posted by adept256 at 8:46 AM on June 25, 2016 [7 favorites]
What's that smoking smell?
A fire or just faulty brakes?
We just bought these cars.
posted by T.D. Strange at 8:47 AM on June 25, 2016 [4 favorites]
A fire or just faulty brakes?
We just bought these cars.
posted by T.D. Strange at 8:47 AM on June 25, 2016 [4 favorites]
Track work continues.
Service improvements forthcoming.
Now closed at Midnight.
posted by T.D. Strange at 8:47 AM on June 25, 2016 [5 favorites]
Service improvements forthcoming.
Now closed at Midnight.
posted by T.D. Strange at 8:47 AM on June 25, 2016 [5 favorites]
You know what? It's fine
Hot takes from an LA bus
720, <3 you
(The haiku is coming from inside the bus!)
posted by jetlagaddict at 8:48 AM on June 25, 2016 [7 favorites]
Hot takes from an LA bus
720, <3 you
(The haiku is coming from inside the bus!)
posted by jetlagaddict at 8:48 AM on June 25, 2016 [7 favorites]
Four downtown stations?
Call us when you're all grown up!
Who's a cutie, BART?!
Toasty in winter
Hell dimension in summer
Ain't we got fun
LA, be real here:
Nobody rides who can drive!
And you know it, right?
MUNI is broken:
Because of West Portal, again
There goes the weekend
Y'all some transit playsets;
I practically have rats
Older than you are
--NY MTA
posted by blnkfrnk at 8:49 AM on June 25, 2016 [15 favorites]
Call us when you're all grown up!
Who's a cutie, BART?!
Toasty in winter
Hell dimension in summer
Ain't we got fun
LA, be real here:
Nobody rides who can drive!
And you know it, right?
MUNI is broken:
Because of West Portal, again
There goes the weekend
Y'all some transit playsets;
I practically have rats
Older than you are
--NY MTA
posted by blnkfrnk at 8:49 AM on June 25, 2016 [15 favorites]
Saturday morning
On Goldline to Chinatown
Homegirl Cafe awaits
posted by Sophie1 at 8:54 AM on June 25, 2016 [3 favorites]
On Goldline to Chinatown
Homegirl Cafe awaits
posted by Sophie1 at 8:54 AM on June 25, 2016 [3 favorites]
I practically have rats
Older than you are
LA's youth culture
Never sounded better, yes?
Why drive-- nonstop Mefi!
(Apologies to the ancient art of haiku...)
posted by jetlagaddict at 8:56 AM on June 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
Older than you are
LA's youth culture
Never sounded better, yes?
Why drive-- nonstop Mefi!
(Apologies to the ancient art of haiku...)
posted by jetlagaddict at 8:56 AM on June 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
Do you know what is hilarious? Invisibilzing the riders of the second largest system in the US with trite jokes!
posted by mandymanwasregistered at 9:00 AM on June 25, 2016
posted by mandymanwasregistered at 9:00 AM on June 25, 2016
That doesn't scan
mandymanwasregistered.
It goes 5, 7, 5.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 9:08 AM on June 25, 2016 [7 favorites]
mandymanwasregistered.
It goes 5, 7, 5.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 9:08 AM on June 25, 2016 [7 favorites]
Oh god how do you
Do this again? Write this way?
This mind, it vibrates?
posted by nevercalm at 9:12 AM on June 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
Do this again? Write this way?
This mind, it vibrates?
posted by nevercalm at 9:12 AM on June 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
[some comments invisibilized]
posted by ActingTheGoat at 9:34 AM on June 25, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by ActingTheGoat at 9:34 AM on June 25, 2016 [3 favorites]
London Midland rail
A leaf fell on the track.
Let's cancel everything.
German rail service
On time! I have such envy.
I voted Bremain.
(I'm sure two of those lines above have eight syllables, ugh)
posted by Ms. Moonlight at 9:44 AM on June 25, 2016 [7 favorites]
A leaf fell on the track.
Let's cancel everything.
German rail service
On time! I have such envy.
I voted Bremain.
(I'm sure two of those lines above have eight syllables, ugh)
posted by Ms. Moonlight at 9:44 AM on June 25, 2016 [7 favorites]
jetlagaddict: (The haiku is coming from inside the bus!)
Hi L.A. haters
From the 733
Headed to the beach.
No joke, I ran into jetlagaddict at the bus stop recently!
posted by Room 641-A at 10:03 AM on June 25, 2016 [7 favorites]
Hi L.A. haters
From the 733
Headed to the beach.
No joke, I ran into jetlagaddict at the bus stop recently!
posted by Room 641-A at 10:03 AM on June 25, 2016 [7 favorites]
This is oddly wonderful. God love our sentient light-rail overlords.
posted by Thorzdad at 10:04 AM on June 25, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by Thorzdad at 10:04 AM on June 25, 2016 [3 favorites]
calgary transit
a twenty minute delay
where is the green line?
posted by blue_beetle at 10:13 AM on June 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
a twenty minute delay
where is the green line?
posted by blue_beetle at 10:13 AM on June 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
Get from no place to nowhere
In no real hurry?
MARTA can help you with that
posted by donpardo at 10:26 AM on June 25, 2016 [5 favorites]
In no real hurry?
MARTA can help you with that
posted by donpardo at 10:26 AM on June 25, 2016 [5 favorites]
Keikyu or JR?
Cheaper, closer station, but
Stand up for whole trip.
posted by ctmf at 10:29 AM on June 25, 2016 [3 favorites]
Cheaper, closer station, but
Stand up for whole trip.
posted by ctmf at 10:29 AM on June 25, 2016 [3 favorites]
Speaking of my experience with JR:
train pulling away
nothing to worry about
next in three minutes
posted by ctmf at 10:38 AM on June 25, 2016 [4 favorites]
train pulling away
nothing to worry about
next in three minutes
posted by ctmf at 10:38 AM on June 25, 2016 [4 favorites]
I"m so sorry sir,
you have to change your seat now
this is the green car.
posted by ctmf at 10:43 AM on June 25, 2016
you have to change your seat now
this is the green car.
posted by ctmf at 10:43 AM on June 25, 2016
Chuo sen is fucked
Someone "went out for pancakes"
Best call the office.
posted by Ghidorah at 11:24 AM on June 25, 2016 [5 favorites]
Someone "went out for pancakes"
Best call the office.
posted by Ghidorah at 11:24 AM on June 25, 2016 [5 favorites]
Metro versus BART
One is funded well and works
Same same, but different
Gold line extension
Twenty-three percent increase
Riders in one year
God I love the gold line in La. Can't wait til the downtown connector opens up - it will be such a game changer!
posted by samthemander at 11:32 AM on June 25, 2016 [4 favorites]
One is funded well and works
Same same, but different
Gold line extension
Twenty-three percent increase
Riders in one year
God I love the gold line in La. Can't wait til the downtown connector opens up - it will be such a game changer!
posted by samthemander at 11:32 AM on June 25, 2016 [4 favorites]
Trains shift from A to
C to F to A all while
presenting SHOWTIME!
posted by Navelgazer at 11:34 AM on June 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
C to F to A all while
presenting SHOWTIME!
posted by Navelgazer at 11:34 AM on June 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
Earth shook eight point one
Liquefied glacial till
Bertha's child passed
posted by maxwelton at 12:07 PM on June 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
Liquefied glacial till
Bertha's child passed
posted by maxwelton at 12:07 PM on June 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
Skip BART, try Muni.
All lines converge at Market:
Quel design nightmare!
posted by Lyme Drop at 1:03 PM on June 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
All lines converge at Market:
Quel design nightmare!
posted by Lyme Drop at 1:03 PM on June 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
Ok, so... syllable count is not the only thing that goes into haiku, no matter what you learned in grade school. Bashō would shake his head.
sees shaking of head
hears disappointed sniffing
waits expectantly
posted by Sebmojo at 1:04 PM on June 25, 2016 [5 favorites]
sees shaking of head
hears disappointed sniffing
waits expectantly
posted by Sebmojo at 1:04 PM on June 25, 2016 [5 favorites]
Oh, MBTA.
friggin' friggin' friggin' frig.
Friggin' friggin' frig.
posted by jenkinsEar at 1:07 PM on June 25, 2016 [6 favorites]
friggin' friggin' friggin' frig.
Friggin' friggin' frig.
posted by jenkinsEar at 1:07 PM on June 25, 2016 [6 favorites]
Beer and sweat
All that remains
after Cubs fans leave
posted by chimpsonfilm at 1:15 PM on June 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
All that remains
after Cubs fans leave
posted by chimpsonfilm at 1:15 PM on June 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
Late at New Malden
Badger ate a junction box
Twenty-two minutes
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 1:32 PM on June 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
Badger ate a junction box
Twenty-two minutes
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 1:32 PM on June 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
Haiku poetry
Appropriated for laffs:
I'm so over it.
posted by HeroZero at 1:47 PM on June 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
Appropriated for laffs:
I'm so over it.
posted by HeroZero at 1:47 PM on June 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
New to Atlanta?
Check out the light rail MARTA!
Slowly go nowhere.
posted by biogeo at 2:02 PM on June 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
Check out the light rail MARTA!
Slowly go nowhere.
posted by biogeo at 2:02 PM on June 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
Haiku restrictions
Keep comments terse and pointed
Discourage rambling
posted by phooky at 2:17 PM on June 25, 2016 [3 favorites]
Keep comments terse and pointed
Discourage rambling
posted by phooky at 2:17 PM on June 25, 2016 [3 favorites]
lost angels weep for
vandalized third rail sign and
electrocution
posted by crazylegs at 2:32 PM on June 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
vandalized third rail sign and
electrocution
posted by crazylegs at 2:32 PM on June 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
Said myself to the man at the station,
I require some mass transportation,
Said the Station Man "Oh,
Well they're all running slow,
But I empathise with your frustration."
Oh. Hai-ku
posted by quinndexter at 3:38 PM on June 25, 2016 [10 favorites]
I require some mass transportation,
Said the Station Man "Oh,
Well they're all running slow,
But I empathise with your frustration."
Oh. Hai-ku
posted by quinndexter at 3:38 PM on June 25, 2016 [10 favorites]
It's too hot out here
What is this "train" you speak of?
Car overheated
posted by azpenguin at 3:40 PM on June 25, 2016
What is this "train" you speak of?
Car overheated
posted by azpenguin at 3:40 PM on June 25, 2016
This is not haiku
Which follows sound's form alone
I step off of the trail
posted by Zalzidrax at 3:42 PM on June 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
Which follows sound's form alone
I step off of the trail
posted by Zalzidrax at 3:42 PM on June 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
Next train in ninety
Some folks don't live in Tokyo
Hokuriku Line
(guys it feels WEIRD to treat "Tokyo" as two syllables instead of four in ahaiku senryu context, and yet here we are)
posted by DoctorFedora at 3:48 PM on June 25, 2016 [4 favorites]
Some folks don't live in Tokyo
Hokuriku Line
(guys it feels WEIRD to treat "Tokyo" as two syllables instead of four in a
posted by DoctorFedora at 3:48 PM on June 25, 2016 [4 favorites]
My one big complaint
Platforms two feet wide in parts
I have vertigo
posted by Room 641-A at 3:51 PM on June 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
Platforms two feet wide in parts
I have vertigo
posted by Room 641-A at 3:51 PM on June 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
I actually needed the Los Angeles transit system (rail and buses both) intermittently for several years before moving to the much less dense San Luis Obispo area with a surprisingly good level of bus service...
Call us SLO Transit:
But really, we get around
As fast as the cars.
For disabled folks,
Runabout Paratransit
Door-to-door service.
From my location,
Often the only rider
BIG yellow taxi.
posted by oneswellfoop at 5:08 PM on June 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
Call us SLO Transit:
But really, we get around
As fast as the cars.
For disabled folks,
Runabout Paratransit
Door-to-door service.
From my location,
Often the only rider
BIG yellow taxi.
posted by oneswellfoop at 5:08 PM on June 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
Mass transit is bad?
Traffic past Lincoln goes to
Dante's parking lot
posted by Room 641-A at 5:59 PM on June 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
Traffic past Lincoln goes to
Dante's parking lot
posted by Room 641-A at 5:59 PM on June 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
I wouldn't sit there
Someone drank too much chu hai
Maybe ramen, too.
posted by Ghidorah at 6:18 PM on June 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
Someone drank too much chu hai
Maybe ramen, too.
posted by Ghidorah at 6:18 PM on June 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
Otafuku Sauce
On okonomiyaki
Hiroden tram ride.
Hiroshima Carp!
Mazda Zoom-Zoom Stadium
Hiroden tram ride.
Number 2 service
Miyajima ferry
Hiroden tram ride
Weeping visitors
From Peace Memorial Park
Hiroden tram ride.
Taste Hiroshima!
Oysters are our specialty
Hiroden tram ride.
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 6:36 PM on June 25, 2016 [4 favorites]
On okonomiyaki
Hiroden tram ride.
Hiroshima Carp!
Mazda Zoom-Zoom Stadium
Hiroden tram ride.
Number 2 service
Miyajima ferry
Hiroden tram ride
Weeping visitors
From Peace Memorial Park
Hiroden tram ride.
Taste Hiroshima!
Oysters are our specialty
Hiroden tram ride.
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 6:36 PM on June 25, 2016 [4 favorites]
Gets me every time:
The car I chose terminates
at Zushi Station.
posted by ctmf at 7:17 PM on June 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
The car I chose terminates
at Zushi Station.
posted by ctmf at 7:17 PM on June 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
Ev'ry time it snows,
No R5 to the Main Line
Slip'ry rail again
posted by Special Agent Dale Cooper at 12:13 AM on June 26, 2016 [1 favorite]
No R5 to the Main Line
Slip'ry rail again
posted by Special Agent Dale Cooper at 12:13 AM on June 26, 2016 [1 favorite]
Oh man, limericks are much more fun than haiku.
There once was a man from Nantucket,
Came to Fenway to see Tampa suck it
After Red Line delays
(Plus the Sox lost to Rays)
He said "Boston, the T can go fuck it."
Sigh. Haiku instead? Can a similar sentiment Be presented? A try.
Nantucket Man cursed:
Kenmore from Quincy as long
As ferry to Cape.
posted by maryr at 9:02 AM on June 26, 2016 [2 favorites]
There once was a man from Nantucket,
Came to Fenway to see Tampa suck it
After Red Line delays
(Plus the Sox lost to Rays)
He said "Boston, the T can go fuck it."
Sigh. Haiku instead? Can a similar sentiment Be presented? A try.
Nantucket Man cursed:
Kenmore from Quincy as long
As ferry to Cape.
posted by maryr at 9:02 AM on June 26, 2016 [2 favorites]
The Red Line is fucked
from a butterfly fart at
Charles/MGH.
posted by reluctant early bird at 9:21 AM on June 26, 2016 [3 favorites]
from a butterfly fart at
Charles/MGH.
posted by reluctant early bird at 9:21 AM on June 26, 2016 [3 favorites]
More Boston haiku because is Sunday morning:
B for Commonwealth.
C for Beacon. D and E?
Those trains never come.
So many students.
Train stops every minute
BU? No, FU.
Kenmore and Fenway
Are different stations but
Same ballpark locale.
Stately Maverick
Rides blue line thru heights and downs
Until Wonderland
posted by maryr at 10:54 AM on June 26, 2016 [1 favorite]
B for Commonwealth.
C for Beacon. D and E?
Those trains never come.
So many students.
Train stops every minute
BU? No, FU.
Kenmore and Fenway
Are different stations but
Same ballpark locale.
Stately Maverick
Rides blue line thru heights and downs
Until Wonderland
posted by maryr at 10:54 AM on June 26, 2016 [1 favorite]
Third Street T Line
$650 million
Slower than walking
Brutalist BART stops
Humans crumpled in corners
Pigeons coo and shit
The 9 San Bruno!
Here comes one, and another
One more: all are full
posted by generalist at 1:12 PM on June 26, 2016
$650 million
Slower than walking
Brutalist BART stops
Humans crumpled in corners
Pigeons coo and shit
The 9 San Bruno!
Here comes one, and another
One more: all are full
posted by generalist at 1:12 PM on June 26, 2016
Santa Monica
With more transportation than
Immunization
posted by Room 641-A at 1:20 PM on June 26, 2016 [4 favorites]
With more transportation than
Immunization
posted by Room 641-A at 1:20 PM on June 26, 2016 [4 favorites]
Our system sounds like
Dark, foul underground slurry
All aboard SEPTA
posted by zippy at 1:30 PM on June 26, 2016 [6 favorites]
Dark, foul underground slurry
All aboard SEPTA
posted by zippy at 1:30 PM on June 26, 2016 [6 favorites]
New SEPTA fare cards
Happening this year? Really?
Inconceivable
Admit it Philly
When we finally have cards
You'll miss the tokens
posted by ActionPopulated at 7:40 PM on June 26, 2016 [1 favorite]
Happening this year? Really?
Inconceivable
Admit it Philly
When we finally have cards
You'll miss the tokens
posted by ActionPopulated at 7:40 PM on June 26, 2016 [1 favorite]
Red Line, heading north
Dozing, Woodley Park Station
Moss grows in the lights
posted by mon-ma-tron at 9:01 PM on June 26, 2016
Dozing, Woodley Park Station
Moss grows in the lights
posted by mon-ma-tron at 9:01 PM on June 26, 2016
OOH OOH OOH!
this is just to say
the 7:56 express
to Spencer Street
that you thought
was express and
would get you to
work on time
will be stopping all stations
and doing the loop the other way
it is tragic
and delicious
at the same time
i just don't get haiku
posted by quinndexter at 10:03 PM on June 26, 2016 [5 favorites]
this is just to say
the 7:56 express
to Spencer Street
that you thought
was express and
would get you to
work on time
will be stopping all stations
and doing the loop the other way
it is tragic
and delicious
at the same time
i just don't get haiku
posted by quinndexter at 10:03 PM on June 26, 2016 [5 favorites]
Red Line, North to South
Witness the patrons changing
White to Black downtown
posted by onehalfjunco at 9:06 AM on June 27, 2016 [4 favorites]
Witness the patrons changing
White to Black downtown
posted by onehalfjunco at 9:06 AM on June 27, 2016 [4 favorites]
« Older The only true form of eating | “This was not Holocaust education but miseducation... Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by idiopath at 7:36 AM on June 25, 2016 [5 favorites]