Including sparklers!!!
July 5, 2016 6:22 AM   Subscribe

For perhaps the final time, Cabel Sasser photographs the wacky packaging of fireworks available in Vancouver.

The Vancouver City Council banned sales of fireworks for personal use, effective this October.

Previously (with links to each of the previous years' entries.)
posted by ChurchHatesTucker (38 comments total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
 
WARNING: Shoots Flaming Balls
posted by Jode at 6:32 AM on July 5, 2016 [1 favorite]


They just... keep... getting... better...
posted by Etrigan at 6:35 AM on July 5, 2016 [1 favorite]


Including sparklers!!!

Sparklers cause about a fifth of fireworks-related injuries to children that are severe enough to warrant a trip to the ER (children in this context being 19 and younger). That's a US study, but I assume the numbers are broadly similar for Canada.

If you can see the whole study, the crosstabs show that sparkler injuries are particularly common among younger children, accounting for almost half of fireworks related injuries to children under 5 and a third of injuries to children under 10. This probably says more about how frequently parents give sparklers to young children under the assumption that they're "safe". Why anyone would think it's a good idea to give a 5 year old a burning pointy metal stick and tell them to wave it around in the dark I have no idea.
posted by jedicus at 6:39 AM on July 5, 2016 [3 favorites]


"The Fox Says Boom Boom Boom"?!?
posted by easily confused at 6:39 AM on July 5, 2016 [2 favorites]


After the three-day onslaught of amateur pyrotechnics this weekend, this more than anything else makes me want to finally make good on any threats I may have made in the past to quote-unquote pack up everything and move to Canada.
posted by Strange Interlude at 6:44 AM on July 5, 2016 [1 favorite]


It also occurs to me that Canada doesn't celebrate the Fourth of July either. Double bonus!
posted by Strange Interlude at 6:45 AM on July 5, 2016 [2 favorites]


But we do Celebrate Canada Day on the 1st of July, so we also had a full weekend of amateur pyrotechnics!
posted by fimbulvetr at 6:47 AM on July 5, 2016 [2 favorites]


Plus we get fireworks on Victoria day around May 24
posted by fimbulvetr at 6:48 AM on July 5, 2016 [2 favorites]


I knew it was too good to be true.
posted by Strange Interlude at 6:50 AM on July 5, 2016 [3 favorites]


Vancouver, Washington, as in the suburb of Portland, folks.
posted by ssg at 6:51 AM on July 5, 2016 [12 favorites]


It looks like all the packaging is random screen caps of video games with the added text "Warning: Shots coming balls."

(Also this is Vancouver, OR, not BC.)
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 6:51 AM on July 5, 2016


freedoms = hated
posted by thelonius at 7:02 AM on July 5, 2016


Dingbats has actual zapf dingbats.
posted by jenkinsEar at 7:11 AM on July 5, 2016 [3 favorites]


My own town (Alexandria, Virginia) doesn't permit any personal fireworks either, and hasn't for many, many years. That doesn't stop idiots though, so I spent the 4th the way I usually do: calling the cops on the fools setting off rockets from my condo's parking lot full of cars.

I don't mind so much if those people blow their own hands off, but doing it while surrounded by other people's property with all those gas tanks..... well, the idiocy is astounding.
posted by easily confused at 7:12 AM on July 5, 2016 [1 favorite]


"WARNING: Shoots Flaming Balls"

and Leaves
posted by I-baLL at 7:17 AM on July 5, 2016 [17 favorites]


The ones labeled "Flames of Fire" were a favorite of MeFi's own Hands of Manos until a terrible, terrible accident.

Now he is Hand of Mano.
posted by mcstayinskool at 7:18 AM on July 5, 2016 [4 favorites]


"The Fox Says Boom Boom Boom"?!?

"Hey," I said "you can keep my things, they've come to take me home."

Those foxes....
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:26 AM on July 5, 2016 [6 favorites]


"Flames of Fire." But, but .. they're the best kind of flames!

Also, CheeseDigestsAll? Shouldn't your balls be flaming rather than coming?
posted by Paul Slade at 7:27 AM on July 5, 2016


The fox says boom boom
posted by steganographia at 7:35 AM on July 5, 2016


From Wikipedia:

City officials have periodically suggested changing the U.S. city's name to Fort Vancouver to reduce confusion with its larger and better-known northern neighbor

Please do. I know places like Cairo, Illinois will never be confused with its better-known counterpart, but these two places (and, by the way, Vancouver, Oregon is the 91st best place to live in the USA!) are just two close, at least from where I'm standing. Well, sitting.
posted by kozad at 7:43 AM on July 5, 2016 [4 favorites]


Uh, yes, Paul Slade. Apparently my iPhone was interested in other things.
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 7:45 AM on July 5, 2016


Temperature of burning sparkler: 2000 C.
Temperature of the surface of the sun: 5000 C.
Hot!
posted by jabah at 7:50 AM on July 5, 2016 [1 favorite]


Spent last night out in the country being the only adults monitoring sparkler-wielding, Roman-candle-blasting children (everyone else drinking beer). Only injuries were a kid who ran into a lowered tailgate (not our fault) and my husband, who blistered his finger lighting a sparkler.

It was actually kind of fun (one kid was an absolute pyro who kept saying of all fireworks I'M GONNA THROW IT as we herded him away), but exhausting and I was a little peeved at the other adults going "eh, they'll be fine" of a bunch of kids all under 10 with access to fire + gunpowder toys. We were by a lake, but no one brought buckets or any way of easily putting out any fire, so we had to stomp/use water bottles on a few things that were slow to go out. Thankfully it was drizzling and not dry. Not sure if we'll go again next year.
posted by emjaybee at 8:03 AM on July 5, 2016


When my youngest was 2.5, his Aunt thought it would be great fun for my kids to play with some giant sparklers on Canada day. I wasn't there when she gave the sparklers to the kids. I am paranoid about kids around those things - they are literally burning metal powder -- and always have a bucket of water to put the left-over metal sticks in. She decided to just poke the used sticks upright in the ground to let them cool off.

That ended in an unpleasant trip to the ER for the sprog and the me. Poor little guy got a major burn across his entire palm when he tried to pick up one of the sticks. And I got lots grief from the nurses and doctors for letting a 2.5-year-old play with sparklers. I could tell by the looks on their faces that they didn't believe me when I said it was his Aunt who did it.

Anyways, sparklers. They're all fun and games until someone gets second-degree burns.
posted by fimbulvetr at 8:06 AM on July 5, 2016 [2 favorites]


Sparklers cause about a fifth of fireworks-related injuries to children that are severe enough to warrant a trip to the ER

I somehow missed the phenomenon of "sparkler bombs" until this news story about a kid who lost his leg--and maybe his eyesight--yesterday.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 8:48 AM on July 5, 2016 [1 favorite]


And it's in Washington, not Oregon! Vancouver is across the mighty Columbia River from Portland, OR and is thus Vancouver, WA.
posted by ssg at 9:41 AM on July 5, 2016 [5 favorites]


@WARNING: Shoots Flaming Balls"

and Leaves


In fact, several of them have "SHOOTS FLAMING BALLS AND REPORTS" in the warnings. That is the kind of office job I want to have.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:51 AM on July 5, 2016 [11 favorites]


Anyone who still believes in a just world had better be able to explain why thousands of young children are injured playing with sparklers, but not one single chucklehead detonating M80's outside my house at 3 in the goddamn morning last night had his hand blown off.
posted by Mayor West at 10:01 AM on July 5, 2016 [3 favorites]


The packaging is often hilarious. There was a poster for "Sonic Gorilla" that featured a huge enraged gorilla holding a large lit missile in each hand.
The strangely labeled "Artificial Fire", and this other one that had every WW2 solder at once fighting everything topped with a burning american flag titled "American Freedom".
posted by boilermonster at 10:03 AM on July 5, 2016


The "Chicken Blowing Balloon" firework caught my eye, thankfully someone made a video of the thing in action. It's...um...pretty damn funny.
posted by JoeZydeco at 10:12 AM on July 5, 2016 [9 favorites]


The "Truck Yeah!" art is amazing.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 11:00 AM on July 5, 2016 [1 favorite]


Vancouver, Washington, as in the suburb of Portland, folks.

Well, shit. I was sorta hoping Vancouver BC, because I really, really hate that people set the damned things off in alleys in the middle of the night for weeks before and after whatever celebration takes place. People are idiots with these things. I reember a few years back being in Ottawa and some jackass from a frat house across the way was shooting a roman candle at the high rise across the street, where people had balcony doors open. I do not trust people with these things.
posted by Hoopo at 11:31 AM on July 5, 2016


I never heard of a 'sparkler bomb' either, and it annoys me the news conflates that bomb with fireworks.... It was made USING fireworks, but even poorly made fireworks don't have the danger of homemade bombs (made by people who don't know what they are doing).

Sparklers are pretty terrifying though... I imagine people hand these to their children because *they* had them as children, so it couldn't be that bad. I do find it weird that places that outlaws firecrackers and roman candles allow sparklers.

I wish the local news stories would re-run last years horrific tales a week or so before the next holiday that allows fireworks, because people wont' remember the horrifying stories that were aired a year ago.
posted by el io at 11:39 AM on July 5, 2016


The "Truck Yeah!" art is amazing.

Credit for that goes to PokketMowse circa 2010 or so.
posted by JoeZydeco at 11:55 AM on July 5, 2016 [3 favorites]


The packaging is always the best part of the firework, for sure. Although anything that's not a Roman candle or M-80 basically shoots sparks out, maybe whistles, maybe spins, and that's it. The cooler it looks the less it probably does.

Still, it's fun to light cardboard pandas and frogs and dragons on fire.
posted by emjaybee at 12:53 PM on July 5, 2016


and, by the way, Vancouver, Oregon is the 91st best place to live in the USA!

ITT: misadventures in pedantry.
posted by a box and a stick and a string and a bear at 4:40 PM on July 5, 2016 [1 favorite]


I was also hoping: Canadian Fireworks. I was thinking of documenting the art of some of the offerings in Sacramento. Two main contenders (TNT and the Phantom) have most of the stands selling 'em, and many of those are clearly affiliated with charitable organization, including even churches.

Repost from last year: State Fireworks Map shows where they're legal. Except for Pennsylvania, the legal zone kinda resembles the Louisiana Purchase. "Shoots Flaming Balls" indicates this Vancouver's in the much smaller Roman Candle zone.
posted by Rash at 10:49 PM on July 5, 2016


Everyone knows the proper thing to do with the chickens that poop flaming eggs: when they're spent, tear off the chicken heads and put them on top of bottle rockets.
posted by fiercecupcake at 2:03 PM on July 6, 2016


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