Yeah, stay away from me, bear ...

July 13, 2016 8:27 AM

"I don’t know if a bear [poops] in the woods, but it [poops] in my wife’s truck."

(safe for bears, it all works out in the end)

posted by tocts (10 comments total)

Needs the NSFS tag.

not safe for subarus
posted by dazed_one at 8:33 AM on July 13, 2016 [1 favorite]

Crane operator confronted by raccoon who climbed almost 700 FEET up to poop on the machine deck
posted by maxsparber at 8:50 AM on July 13, 2016 [1 favorite]

I tried to think of some kind of moral objection to this or something, but there isn't one. It just bugs me a little bit.

Deputies from Jefferson County Sheriff's Office in Denver freed a bear that was trapped inside a small car.

Denver is a consolidated city-county, meaning that the city of Denver is wholly contained within the county of Denver, and the county of Denver consists entirely of the city of Denver.

Jefferson County partially abuts Denver, but does not overlap, and on further investigation, this incident occurred in Genessee, which is about a half hour drive from Denver.

So no, the Jefferson County Sheriff's office is not in Denver. It's in Golden or something. And I am incandescent with rage over this inaccuracy.
posted by ernielundquist at 9:25 AM on July 13, 2016 [3 favorites]

There was an incident near where I live where a black bear broke into a family's uninhabited cabin, gathered a bunch of pillows, took them into the basement and went into hibernation. Once discovered, FWP was called and was like, 'whelp, we can't move a bear during hibernation...so, sorry guys, you get to have an unexpected house guest for the winter.'
posted by branravenraven at 9:40 AM on July 13, 2016 [10 favorites]

we're adults, we don't have to use toddler words for doo-doo
posted by thelonius at 10:32 AM on July 13, 2016 [2 favorites]

So branravenraven, did the family use the cabin for the winter? Maybe with a baby monitor in the basement for some warning in case the bear decided to wake up?
posted by ejs at 1:19 PM on July 13, 2016 [1 favorite]

That sounds like a very civilized bear. Who wouldn't hibernate on pillows if they could?
posted by tavella at 2:53 PM on July 13, 2016 [1 favorite]

Maybe it's not his first time. Maybe he picks a different home to burglenate every year!
posted by Omnomnom at 3:57 PM on July 13, 2016 [2 favorites]

I love that theory, that there exists a bear who just couch basement surfs every winter at a different cabin because he knows there's not fuck all the owners can do about it. Well played, bear. Well played indeed.
posted by bologna on wry at 8:23 AM on July 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

I can assure you, based on my walks this week, that they still poop in the woods. And based on cleaning up my yard, that they also poop very close by the woods as well.

Also, I've had experience (through a friend) with bears getting into cars and it is not something you want.
posted by Nerd of the North at 1:40 PM on July 14, 2016