Completely effin serious

September 24, 2016 12:27 PM

Swearing has been clinically proven to reduce pain. It also is known to be processed by a different part of the brain than other kinds of language.

More serious brain research related to expletives.

posted by Michele in California (48 comments total)

In addition to pain management: if you're trying to move something that's stuck, profanity is an excellent lubricant.
posted by fantabulous timewaster at 12:30 PM on September 24, 2016 [17 favorites]

I would like to see mathematical formulas a la:

Force x profanity = unstuck%
posted by Michele in California at 12:35 PM on September 24, 2016 [4 favorites]

http://www.discovery.com/tv-shows/mythbusters/videos/adam-savage-swearing-test/
Confirmed! (Sorry for the self-plug, it's one of my favorites)
posted by asavage at 12:35 PM on September 24, 2016 [71 favorites]

Vsauce on profanity.
posted by Punkey at 12:36 PM on September 24, 2016 [1 favorite]

Fuckin' A!
posted by jonmc at 12:40 PM on September 24, 2016 [2 favorites]

(NSFW) two people from a popular online community blog read out insults and profanities.
posted by Wordshore at 12:44 PM on September 24, 2016 [5 favorites]

Some of my fellow geeks have replaced the relevant words in their swearing with "gods" or "hells," to be appropriately heathen, but to me, this comes a millisecond too late. I have always suspected that swearing wasn't so much taught as installed. No matter how woke I attempt to be, my own swearing will always be straight from the Bible Belt.
posted by Countess Elena at 12:46 PM on September 24, 2016 [7 favorites]

Yeah, I don't believe in any sort of supernatural existence yet religious imagery features prominently when I swear. It comes from someplace deep, I guess.
posted by Pope Guilty at 12:48 PM on September 24, 2016 [3 favorites]

When I was younger, serious swearing was done in German, though I am barely fluent in it -- cuz my mom exclaims in German (what with being German).
posted by Michele in California at 12:49 PM on September 24, 2016 [1 favorite]

When I was a young lad my parents were going for an evening walk and went past my friends and I while we were playing pickle (a baseball basepath running game) which had devolved into a group wrestling match. Being the smallest I was on the bottom of the wrestling pile (I also may have even instigated the wrestling by beaning the base runner) and was swearing a blue streak when I saw my parent's feet walk by from between assorted friend limbs.

Later that evening when I got home my Mom asked me where I had learned to swear like that.

"From you watching the Toronto Maple Leafs"
"Oh"

Swearing can be used to minimize all sorts of pain.
posted by srboisvert at 12:57 PM on September 24, 2016 [16 favorites]

this is relevant to my fuckin' interests
posted by lalochezia at 1:05 PM on September 24, 2016 [8 favorites]

I have a questionable history with swearing. I grew up 'swearing' like Yosemite Sam ("razz fradiz frazz"), and even today am more likely to use 'sci-fi swear words' ("frell" "smeg" "gorram" "nerfherder"). In my college radio days I made an 'edited' version of George Carlin's "7 Words You Can't Say on TV (or Radio)" substituting sounds from a Hanna-Barbera Cartoon Sound Effects record I had (It was [BOINK]ing hilarious). And the one time I was trying out comedy material at a comedy club's Open Mike night, I did one joke (based on a FRIEND's experience, not mine) about a girlfriend saying "When are you going to learn how to fuck?" and so I signed up for a semester of intensive tutoring (ba-dum tish). After I went offstage, the club's owner took me aside and told me I had violated a Club Rule for use of language... I responded, "but I've heard lots of comics use the f-word!" and he said (I SWEAR it's the truth), "yes, but not as a verb".

Anyway, I find that shouting anything does often relieve pain, if you don't think about what you're saying. So my years of pre-programming makes "SMEG!" more effective for me than "SHIT!"
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:18 PM on September 24, 2016 [5 favorites]

Sure, but if we want the benefits of swearing to last, we need it to stay a little taboo. Otherwise, people's brains won't process swearing any differently than regular words because that is what they will be. If you're a fan of cursing, and preserving the emotional heft of swear words, save them for the right moments, goddammit!
posted by saulgoodman at 1:24 PM on September 24, 2016 [7 favorites]

This was on Stephens Fry's Planet Word a few years ago. There was this test where the participants would hold their hand in a bucket of ice for as long as possible to see how long they'd last; once while saying a neutral word and again while swearing. Swearing would make you last longer, but if you used profanities regularly in daily life, the effect was diminished.

Test subjects were Fry and Brian Blessed; for NSFW reasons I'll leave it for the interested to search youtube for "brian blessed planet word".
posted by farlukar at 2:04 PM on September 24, 2016 [6 favorites]

I don't doubt there are benefits for the swearer, but I don't really care to be exposed to second-hand swearing? Growing up, profanity was usually tied to extreme anger. Even as an adult, hearing it tossed around casually can be really jarring and quite stressful. So I guess just consider your audience? And if someone gently asks you to dial it back maybe don't be an asshole about it.
posted by wreckingball at 2:16 PM on September 24, 2016 [5 favorites]

Yeah, I don't believe in any sort of supernatural existence yet religious imagery features prominently when I swear.

I say 'bless you' whenever someone sneezes, despite being as spiritual as a doorknob. I do think there's therapeutic value in empathy though. Everyone feels better when you pass them a tissue.
posted by adept256 at 2:17 PM on September 24, 2016 [4 favorites]

I wonder how the assertion about Japanese can be squared with this.
posted by texorama at 2:17 PM on September 24, 2016

So this one place I worked I had a colleague who apparently thought I was a pretty clean-livin' type; I am generally pretty considered in my professional (and, I guess, personal) life and she had only been with us for a couple of months.. Anyways, she swore in a meeting I was at, and later said to somebody else that she was worried she had offended me. The third party came to me with a big grin and told me this, having heard me go off on foul-mouthed rants about a variety of things.

So the next time I was in that colleague's office, I swore a blue streak, just to see the shocked look on her face. It didn't relieve any pain, but it was worth it for the laughs.

I don't doubt there are benefits for the swearer, but I don't really care to be exposed to second-hand swearing?

Yeah, and that's why I try to be careful about where and when I let loose. I don't have a problem with it, but not everyone feels that way.
posted by nubs at 3:08 PM on September 24, 2016 [2 favorites]

I can honestly say my entire life has been sponsored by the word fuck, and I'm forever grateful for its many expressive benefits.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 3:09 PM on September 24, 2016 [17 favorites]

No part of me is either surprised nor saddened by these news. Well, okay, a little sad that I should probably swear a little less for best results. Dammit.
posted by Bella Donna at 4:04 PM on September 24, 2016

I say 'bless you' whenever someone sneezes, despite being as spiritual as a doorknob. I do think there's therapeutic value in empathy though.

I say 'parcheesi' instead of 'bless you'. Nobody ever even blinks.
posted by srboisvert at 4:04 PM on September 24, 2016 [10 favorites]

The left and right brain division is really interesting. It reminds me of the "silent, second you sharing a body" framing from previously. Maybe your other you is a vicious, emotional, sweary git. It would explain why when I suddenly remember some decades old faux pas while I'm brushing my teeth, my inner monologue descends into a stream of cursing.
posted by lucidium at 4:07 PM on September 24, 2016 [3 favorites]

Maybe your other you is a vicious, emotional, sweary git.

The me me is a terribly emotional sweary sort. I am hoping the other me is better than that.

My new excuse is that I live with a helluva lot of pain. That's my effin story and I'm sticking to it.
posted by Michele in California at 4:14 PM on September 24, 2016 [1 favorite]

I wonder how the assertion about Japanese can be squared with this.

I nearly laughed out loud at the ludicrous "equivalents." "Chin chin" as "dick"? It's closer in nuance to "weenie." It's extremely silly and childish-sounding.* Most of the rest are equally spurious.

Basically, in actual use, Japanese has effectively no words more inherently "offensive" than "crap." On the other hand, if you're looking to start a fight, don't worry, because there's an entire way to conjugate verbs that is overtly disdainful, which you can apply to virtually any sentence.

*fun trivia: the common-use word for "uvula" in Japanese, "nodo-chinko," basically translates to "throat wiener."
posted by DoctorFedora at 4:20 PM on September 24, 2016 [11 favorites]

also since when is "nipples" a "swear word"
posted by DoctorFedora at 4:38 PM on September 24, 2016 [2 favorites]

When it appears somewhere between "camel" and "yer mom".
posted by sammyo at 4:41 PM on September 24, 2016 [2 favorites]

UNCLE CHRIS
Arne, don't you know any svear vords?

ARNE
W-what?

UNCLE CHRIS
Don't you know any svear vords?

ARNE
N-no, Uncle Chris. Not real ones.

UNCLE CHRIS
Then I tell you two fine vons to use when pain is bad. Are "Damn" and "Damittohell." You say them?

ARNE
N-now?

UNCLE CHRIS
No, not now. When pain comes again. You say them then. They help plenty. I know. I haf pain, too. I say them all the time. And if pain is very bad, you say, "Goddamittohell." But only if is very bad.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:47 PM on September 24, 2016 [4 favorites]

In Baptist parochial school, we weren't allowed to use faux-fanity like "heck" or "darn;" they said that the intention mattered as much as the actual words themselves.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:51 PM on September 24, 2016 [1 favorite]

yeah my chronic pain has gone beyond the healing powers of swears but im pretty sure if i was allowed to punch just one person per day it would make a huge difference

science please prove that i need to punch thx
posted by poffin boffin at 4:54 PM on September 24, 2016 [10 favorites]

me
posted by poffin boffin at 4:55 PM on September 24, 2016 [6 favorites]

So working in theater made me used to other people swearing, but I still tried not to drop any cuss words myself unless necessary. Stage manager instinct told me it'd be a good way to get attention in a hurry if I cussed sparingly.

I once was working on a production of HAMLET, and about two weeks into rehearsals we were wrapping things up one day. We'd done the duel scene that day, and worked with the prop swords for the first time. They were three beautiful stage rapiers, all ornate hilts and stuff. So as the cast all scattered throughout the theater - some to the lobby, sometimes the downstairs dressing room - I brought the rapiers to a locker we had at the back of the house, to secure them. I carried them by the blades, my hand wrapped around them like an upside-down bouquet.

And as I stood before the locker, the swords in my left hand as I undid the combination lock with my right, one of the swords slipped through my fingers and landed with its full weight on my big toe.

It was the first time anyone in the production heard me say "fuck". And conveniently, because of how loud I was, it was the first time everyone in the production all simultaneously heard me say "FUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!"
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:06 PM on September 24, 2016 [3 favorites]

In Baptist parochial school, we weren't allowed to use faux-fanity like "heck" or "darn;" they said that the intention mattered as much as the actual words themselves.

"Shoot's just 'shit' with two Os in it." —George Carlin
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 5:32 PM on September 24, 2016 [4 favorites]

A recent (and satisfyingly funny) swearing story.

I was at my volunteer job with our event manager, a very nice, polite, older British woman. We were both having an annoying day with our respective task. She was struggling trying to figure out a website about a grant application she had to write.
She lets out a huge sigh, "Jalli could you do me a favour and swear for me?"
Me laughing: "It's okay. I really won't mind. Go on and let it fly"
She sounding frustrated " I really want too but I can't make the words go past my teeth!"
Me: "Okay I'll do it for you." I proceed with a couple of swear laden sentences.
She with a grin "Thank you so much. I really do feel better now."
posted by Jalliah at 5:39 PM on September 24, 2016 [18 favorites]

I learned from a friend whose family emigrated from Romania that the preferred way of saying "motherfucker" among Romanian expats is "motherfuckerer." I also got a sense of the depth of immigrant (and not just Latino) hatred of Trump:

My friend's family escaped active persecution from Ceaucescu when my friend was two; they have lived mostly in New York City ever since. This past winter, my friend's mother took her family, including two young granddaughters under the age of six, to go ice skating in Wollman Rink in Central Park.

My friend described his chagrin as he discovered that Trump's company now managed Wollman Rink. Staff were walking around in bomber jackets emblazoned with TRUMP on the back. My friend tried his hardest to keep his mother from noticing -- moving around to block the view, directing her attention to something else -- but to no avail. At some point she caught a glimpse of those jackets. In her strong Romanian accent, right in front of her tiny granddaughters, she exclaimed at the top of her voice,

"MOTHERFUCKERER! We should have gone to Flushing Meadows!"
posted by gusandrews at 5:45 PM on September 24, 2016 [19 favorites]

My own grandmother, meanwhile, only gets mad at me when I say "fuck" too many times in the same sentence. This is the woman with multiple copies of Strunk and White by her desk; it's purely a stylistic matter for her. She grew up with a father who gave Benny Goodman his first gig and smoked "muggles" (what they called marijuana back then), so she's cool. As she said one time when my sister and I realized we were talking about pole-dancing in front of her at Thanksgiving, "I don't mortify."
posted by gusandrews at 5:48 PM on September 24, 2016 [3 favorites]

The first time I swore in front of my mother, she said, "You're getting pretty damn free with the cuss words."
posted by The Underpants Monster at 6:01 PM on September 24, 2016 [3 favorites]

My child is religious about buckling up when we're driving. He has only forgotten once, and I remember it because I was rolling up to a stoplight and Boy 'Toes, 6 or 7 at the time, yelled "HOLY SHIT, I DIDN'T BUCKLE!"
posted by MonkeyToes at 6:52 PM on September 24, 2016 [3 favorites]

It is always my grandmother I worry about, because holy shit fuck does she curse racist.
posted by AlexiaSky at 7:41 PM on September 24, 2016 [1 favorite]

Apparently when I was a kid, I pointed myself in the mirror and asked "what the hell is that?"

I don't recall swearing much until I started driving, and then swearing much more freely and casually and talking to myself and inanimate objects once I started programming computers for a living.
posted by Foosnark at 8:01 PM on September 24, 2016 [1 favorite]

My own experience with hangovers anecdotally confirms that if you can sustain a moan at just the right frequency, it temporarily abates pain, for the duration of the moan...
posted by littlejohnnyjewel at 8:46 PM on September 24, 2016 [1 favorite]

Frequent swearing is crude, even among friends. It is jarring to the ear, and dulls the words.

Abstinence from all swearing ever is silly because profane expressions are not literally evil curses or spells. Fear of memes signals a rocky psyche.

My personal litmus: would swearing make what I am saying clearly more hilarious, or coldly more terrifying? If not, probably best to save it for a rainy day. If the goal of the sentence isn't dramatically heightened, move on.

Because one of the greatest effects ever is when someone who isn't a habitual swearer does swear. People's ears perk up like bunnies. If what you're saying could really benefit from neurotransmitter-bucking punctuation, thrown down. Speak up. Keep eye contact. Enunciate.

And lay down the fuck.
posted by Construction Concern at 9:46 PM on September 24, 2016 [2 favorites]

And as I stood before the locker, the swords in my left hand as I undid the combination lock with my right, one of the swords slipped through my fingers and landed with its full weight on my big toe.

FROM LEFT HAND I STAB AT THEE


FUUUUUCK

My mom didn't care that much but my dad (a sailor, go fig) would give us alternatives. Fast forward to my fiance getting out of the Navy and we shacked up for a while. His language got better and mine got worse. So much so that I didn't even hear myself and had my office mate chide me more than once early in my programming career.

I'm no longer much of a coder. Dunno if there is a correlation.
posted by lysdexic at 10:32 PM on September 24, 2016

I say 'bless you' whenever someone sneezes, despite being as spiritual as a doorknob

I have allergies so I sneeze a hell of a lot. I used to work with my friend Joel, who has just about the sweetest, kindest personality I have ever encountered. When I would sneeze, he'd say bless you, and I would stop him saying that there was no damn point blessing me, because I am an atheist. So, he started saying things like "fuck you, bitch" when I sneezed. This was hilarious when we had hired someone new and they got to hear it for the first time, but it was also great because it made me laugh and that would totally stop the sneezing!
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 11:47 PM on September 24, 2016 [7 favorites]

I went through a period of my life where I consciously tried to swear less, but ha ha those days are long gone, and now I'm back to using "fuckin'" the same way some people say "um." I've noticed that I do it more when I'm more stressed out - maybe more frequent swearing helps with generalized stress and anxiety, too!

Also, I've had multiple professors over the years drop the f-bomb around me, and it's always a great moment because it means I can let my guard down a little.

Although I do feel kind of unprofessional saying stuff like "nah, that's, fuckin', just a microfilm copy, I couldn't scan the original."
posted by teponaztli at 12:47 AM on September 25, 2016 [4 favorites]

B.D. showed us how to use the F-word at the onset of Gulf War I.
posted by bryon at 12:53 AM on September 25, 2016 [1 favorite]

Germans say "Gesundheit" when you sneeze, which literally meanshealthy but might be more loosely translated as to your health. I like this better than Bless You.

In his early twenties, my oldest said something particularly vulgar and I was all "I can't believe you talk that way in front of your mother. Where did you learn that?" He replied "From my mother. To be fair, it is bad enough that I was twelve before I learned it."

Cuz he was learning all the run of the mill vulgarities from me at age two.
posted by Michele in California at 12:24 PM on September 25, 2016

One of my mother's first patients when she started nursing was a nun who had suffered a stroke and lost the power of speech.

Except for swearing with incredible force. Which she did at length, revealing an astonishingly large vocabulary of dirty words in the process. Which lead me to guess early on that swears were wired different than speech itself.

And seeing what a stroke did to her father, I could also see ample reason for that woman to do so with such feeling.
posted by y2karl at 2:38 AM on September 26, 2016

I heard somewhere that Harpo Marx would stand in the living room of his home and scream at the top of his lungs all sorts of argle bargle. I guess that was his way of getting out of his system.
posted by girdyerloins at 7:11 PM on September 26, 2016 [1 favorite]