“It’s nothing personal,” she says. “I just find him annoying.”

October 4, 2016 10:40 AM

Jeff Pearlman: Why You Really Hate Tom Brady
posted by colt45 (54 comments total)

I hate him cause I'm a Giants fan.
posted by jonmc at 10:42 AM on October 4, 2016 [3 favorites]

CRTL+F "good friend Donald Trump"
posted by The Card Cheat at 10:46 AM on October 4, 2016 [9 favorites]

I never had any opinion of him, back when I was a big Football fan. He is good at football. But then I moved to Boston. Now I hate him just to keep from being sucked into the vortex of cult worship that pervades every crevice of every household here.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:47 AM on October 4, 2016 [5 favorites]

CRTL+F "good friend Donald Trump"

Made America deflate again.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 10:50 AM on October 4, 2016 [5 favorites]

This seems like it needed an editor.

I don't hate Tom Brady, but from my many years of watching Pats games I can tell you that he often comes off as a high-strung prick on the field. Like, I would hate to be his teammate.

I do have to confess that I have hated professional athletes irrationally, though. Like Nomar Garciaparra. Man he was so fucking twitchy at bat. Plus I got so tired of hearing "NOHMAAAAHHHHH" from all the Boston sports wookies.
posted by selfnoise at 10:50 AM on October 4, 2016 [2 favorites]

Because he's better than you.
posted by bondcliff at 10:53 AM on October 4, 2016 [4 favorites]

CRTL+F "good friend Donald Trump"

It's more subtle, but it's in there:

...and that the red cap in Brady’s locker reads (or did for a brief spell) MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.
posted by mstokes650 at 11:02 AM on October 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

Yes it needed an editor. The headline itself insinuates I hate Tom Brady, when I actually don't care. He is a football player though, which puts him in some bad company. I reserve a background level of loathing for football players, bad apples spoil them all.
posted by adept256 at 11:03 AM on October 4, 2016

He is so afraid of the physical decline and decay of ordinary aging that he's made himself a total prisoner of his 'health' regimen, and the only place he has any real freedom of action is on the football field -- it's like watching a white(r) Michael Jackson.
posted by jamjam at 11:03 AM on October 4, 2016 [3 favorites]

Yeah well, the Patriots went 3-1 while he was suspended. Take that, deflategators.
posted by Melismata at 11:11 AM on October 4, 2016 [2 favorites]

I had no opinion until I read that Brady's never eaten a strawberry. No known allergy, just never felt moved to even try one. Ever.

In nearly forty years of being alive.

Now I think he's a bit of a weirdo -- and not for having never eaten a strawberry, but for having volunteered that bit of information of his own free will.
posted by Iris Gambol at 11:17 AM on October 4, 2016 [16 favorites]

The not-too-well-hidden message of the article is that You Are Wrong for Hating Tom Brady. Your hate is displaced anger at Belichick or Boston, or you're fixated on silly old Deflate-gate, or you're just jealous, or you don't know that he's really a great guy in real life.

Shut up, Jeff Pearlman.

Take your "puff piece with a twist" and shove it into one of your orifices. I don't care which, I'm not fussy.

I don't hate Tom Brady. But I hate sportswriting like this.
posted by Harvey Jerkwater at 11:17 AM on October 4, 2016 [5 favorites]

I actually admire Bill Belichick's Machiavellian approach to professional football, to be honest. Tom Brady seems like mostly an instrument of Belichick's will than anything else.
posted by dismas at 11:22 AM on October 4, 2016 [4 favorites]

I hate everyone because I'm an Eagles fan, and I don't need reasons.
posted by gladly at 11:32 AM on October 4, 2016 [18 favorites]

I kinda like Tom Brady but I don't watch football anymore. For some reason, I felt the same way about Joe Montana, though (HATED). However, I loved Steve Young. Pro sports are completely irrational so there's much psychologizing that can be done.
posted by mrgrimm at 11:34 AM on October 4, 2016 [2 favorites]

The "Tuck" Rule. Fuck you, Brady, you fumbled.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 11:39 AM on October 4, 2016 [7 favorites]

I do not believe he understands why most male football fans hate Tom Brady. Bill Simmons knows why and he won't say it. He gestures at it when he says Brady's four siblings are all girls. Tom Brady is not macho. And male football fans do not hate him. They consider him contemptible which is a little more complicated.

The idea that they want to BE Tom Brady is completely wrong. They want to be Cam Newton. They want to be Drew Brees. They might even go for Tony Romo. Not Tom Brady.
posted by bukvich at 11:39 AM on October 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

I don't loathe Tom Brady because where I am we don't see too much of his smug face. We see way too much of Peyton Manning though, especially post-retirement, and I now loathe him with a white-hot passion.
posted by blucevalo at 11:43 AM on October 4, 2016 [2 favorites]

We see way too much of Peyton Manning though, especially post-retirement, and I now loathe him with a white-hot passion.

♩ How - a -bout - those - com - er - cials? ♫
posted by bondcliff at 11:48 AM on October 4, 2016 [2 favorites]

The "Tuck" Rule. Fuck you, Brady, you fumbled.

Charles Woodson nods.
posted by drezdn at 11:52 AM on October 4, 2016 [4 favorites]

The idea that they want to BE Tom Brady is completely wrong. They want to be Cam Newton. They want to be Drew Brees. They might even go for Tony Romo. Not Tom Brady.

Cam Newton? That guy looks pissed off when he loses the Super Bowl and people shit on him for it, don't think he's anywhere near universally beloved.

The article didn't say people want to be Brady. They want to have what he has. The difference counts, I think --- as far as the signifiers of Ultimate Masculine Achievement go, he's pretty much literally got everything: Tall, rich, handsome, successful, winner of multiple Super Bowls, husband of the world's #1 supermodel. He is a walking God. And God walks around in Uggs. That's part of what rubs the salt in, I think. That in many ways he fails to play by the rules of Bro yet he has won the game.
posted by Diablevert at 11:52 AM on October 4, 2016 [7 favorites]

Tom Brady is not macho... The idea that they want to BE Tom Brady is completely wrong. - posted by bukvich

Counterpoint: Chris Evans.
posted by Iris Gambol at 11:54 AM on October 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

Nah, I don't follow football, don't care about football, don't even know him, and I think he's unpleasant-looking. It's a visceral reaction.
posted by Peach at 11:57 AM on October 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

I don't traditionally really hate Tom Brady because football is my least favorite major American sport and thus I have little reason to, but I do kind of associate him with an overlay of:

- Boston teams are always a good villain
- Very White Sports Fan Culture (some overlap with reasons for above)
- dumb sports talk cliches about grit and whatnot, obsession with individual accomplishments at the quarterback role in a team-dependent sport RINGS LOOK AT THEM (some overlap with above!)

l'd say that's stuff's probably not actually his fault but then you throw in Trump also and okay maybe go ahead and hate Tom Brady if you want to?
posted by atoxyl at 12:09 PM on October 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

We still can't get sentimental about him. The truck to the glue factory better be warmed up when it's his time to get shipped out. He'll make some tremendous glue.

Tick-tock, Tommy.
posted by valentinepig at 12:28 PM on October 4, 2016 [3 favorites]

Meh, this is one instance in which the phenomenon of haters might be correctly invoked. He wins, stays out of trouble (regardless of your opinion on Deflategate, is there anyone who thinks Brady was its mastermind?), and despite extraordinary success has managed to avoid the public displays of runaway ego that so many not even of his caliber indulge in. What's really to hate, individually, about him?

It will be interesting to see how he handles retirement, however.
posted by praemunire at 12:32 PM on October 4, 2016 [2 favorites]

He loudly proclaimed his love for Trump, peddles a big ol' load of nutritional pseudoscience, and was suspended for destroying evidence in an ongoing investigation. You don't even have to bring his team or coach into it to justify disliking him.

But I'm going to anyway. He sure did stop winning Super Bowls for a long time after the league dinged the Pats for illegally videotaping opposing defenses, didn't he?
posted by Mayor West at 12:38 PM on October 4, 2016 [6 favorites]

I had no opinion until I read that Brady's never eaten a strawberry. No known allergy, just never felt moved to even try one. Ever.

In nearly forty years of being alive.

Maybe he's an astronaut and can't eat Earth food.
posted by Strange Interlude at 12:49 PM on October 4, 2016

What I want to know is why my wife hates Tom Brady. She isn't even a football fan, but for some reason the mere mention of his name sets her off. I've burnt out on the NFL over the last few years and haven't watched a non-playoff game in years, but technically I'm a Patriots fan. Although I'm a real Patriots fan, one that remembers rooting for the team when I had to counter my friend's Roger Staubach worship with Steve Grogan.
posted by COD at 1:03 PM on October 4, 2016

I don't hate Tom Brady. That would require way too much effort on my part.

Can't I just just ambiguously dislike Tom Brady? Like a guy who asks too many questions when he's in front of you in a line?

I'm from the Midwest if that helps.
posted by Sphinx at 1:16 PM on October 4, 2016 [5 favorites]

Why should you hate the Witch-king of Angmar? He is living his best life and the Ringwraiths are really good at what they do. So what if he wears a tattered black shroud? It's comfortable.
posted by prize bull octorok at 1:28 PM on October 4, 2016 [9 favorites]

Meh, this is one instance in which the phenomenon of haters might be correctly invoked. He wins, stays out of trouble (regardless of your opinion on Deflategate, is there anyone who thinks Brady was its mastermind?), and despite extraordinary success has managed to avoid the public displays of runaway ego that so many not even of his caliber indulge in.

Agreed. I always thought Shaq got a similarly bad deal... and so did Barry Bonds.
posted by mrgrimm at 1:32 PM on October 4, 2016

Why should you hate the Witch-king of Angmar? He is living his best life and the Ringwraiths are really good at what they do. So what if he wears a tattered black shroud? It's comfortable.

Zinn: Once again you see a creature that’s on fire being demonized in this movie: the flaming eye, the flaming Balrog. As though being on fire is this terrible affliction to have.

Chomsky: As though they can help it if they’re on fire.
posted by Copronymus at 1:33 PM on October 4, 2016 [6 favorites]

I once ran into Tom Brady walking down 14th Street in Manhattan, carrying five bags from Trader Joes. I stopped and said Hi, and he was polite and friendly. True story.
posted by stargell at 1:41 PM on October 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

You know, I don't care too much about Ryan Fitzpatrick or Ryan Tannehill, but Brady....twice a year, when the Bills play the Pats, dudes in Pats jerseys come to the bar where all the area Bills fans gather to watch the game and make a big loud scene, taunting and yelling and trying to rile up a bunch of people who just want to watch our terrible team among friends. It's the Pats, so it's not like the game is unavailable, it'll be on at basically every bar. There's no other reason for them to go to the Bills bar. But these dudes aren't satisfied with just watching their team win anymore, they have to do it surrounded by fans of the other team. And they're always wearing Brady jerseys. So I don't like him by that association alone.

(they left early this week though, heh heh heh)
posted by everybody had matching towels at 1:46 PM on October 4, 2016 [8 favorites]

COD, am I your (ex-) wife? I too loudly hate Tom Brady whenever I see him on TV, which isn't that often now. I hate him because he looks like a giant toddler.
posted by vickyverky at 1:58 PM on October 4, 2016

It's not exactly some big mystery why people might not like Tom Brady. Fans of rich and successful teams are often annoying and people's dislike of those fans transfers onto the most famous players (especially when, as everybody had matching towels points out, they're literally wearing their jerseys). Boston fans are particularly notorious for this, so of course people don't like Tom Brady. If it had been Peyton Manning, Drew Bledsoe, Chad Pennington, or Tim Rattay who'd won all those Super Bowls for the Patriots, it would be pretty much the same with some minor aesthetic differences.

Also Pearlman's article earnestly quotes Mike Cernovich, who is a fucking abysmal human being in almost every way, so fuck it and its stupid premise.
posted by Copronymus at 2:05 PM on October 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

I grew up in Ann Arbor, and remember the constant hype when he played for U of M. There, it was tempered by knowing people who went to high school with Drew Hensen (apparently, he was a total dick), and once Steinbrenner signed Hensen (local conspiracy theorists think it was a ploy to take him out of eligibility), Brady became the wistful nostalgia for a lot of people. Still, he seemed like a decent guy.

When I met my now-wife back in 2002, she'd had classes with Brady, where he — like most football players — routinely arrived late, slacked off, and got everything greased for him to keep his GPA up. Hearing her talk about him was probably the beginning of my disdain, but in general, still thought the guy was decent enough, especially compared to most other athletes. And by this time, Brady had beaten out two Drews, which was at least amusing.

I must be one of the rare sport fans outside of Boston who likes Belichick — maybe years of Scotty Bowman with the Wings gave me an appreciation for evil geniuses. So that doesn't really bug me.

But what sums up the dislike I have is the Trump shit — Brady's a privileged white dude who is supporting an absolute cancer for American president. He's either too dumb to know that or he's actively evil. Fuck him.
posted by klangklangston at 2:39 PM on October 4, 2016 [4 favorites]

‘Look at that douche going through his midlife crisis,” says Mike Cernovich, author of Gorilla Mindset, a self-help book that helps people control their emotions.

Wait wait wait...gamergate's JuiceBro wrote a book about people controlling their emotions? Maybe he's changed, but two years ago he was having trump level tweetertantrums at just about anyone.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 2:42 PM on October 4, 2016

..twice a year, when the Bills play the Pats, dudes in Pats jerseys come to the bar where all the area Bills fans gather to watch the game

As a non-sports fan in New England I don't mind Brady and he seems pretty reasonable for a nouveau-1%er jock, but yeah, some of the "fans"... these are the same fans that once after a superbowl win pulled down the goalpost (souvenir for their back yard??) carried it right into a high power line and electrocuted themselves.
posted by sammyo at 3:08 PM on October 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

When I met my now-wife back in 2002, she'd had classes with Brady, where he — like most football players — routinely arrived late, slacked off, and got everything greased for him to keep his GPA up.

INCORRECT! As the wife in question, the sportsball player who did those things in my classes was Drew Hensen. (He used to threaten people by saying "Wait til coach hears about this!" when anything didn't go his way-- sitting in a preferred seat, getting poor grade, being asked to participate, etc.). Never had a class with Brady, but...I do hate him too. For just kinda of general smarminess/cluelessness that other people aren't always lucky.
posted by holyrood at 3:53 PM on October 4, 2016 [4 favorites]

You know, I don't care too much about Ryan Fitzpatrick

Ryan Fitzpatrick is beloved by children everywhere. (True.)
posted by Diablevert at 4:14 PM on October 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

I once ran into Tom Brady walking down 14th Street in Manhattan, carrying five bags from Trader Joes.

I thought you were going to follow this with "...and his hair was perfect.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:15 PM on October 4, 2016 [3 favorites]

Yeah, my sister had a class with Brady, too. Said he didn't show very often. But if you're going to dislike him on that basis, you're going to have to dislike 99% of American sportsballers. (Except for this dude, who really needs to get off the field before something happens to what looks like a damn fine brain.)
posted by praemunire at 4:30 PM on October 4, 2016 [3 favorites]

the Trump stuff isn't that recent. I'm not that concerned about it. I never thought he was a progressive hero.
posted by zutalors! at 5:02 PM on October 4, 2016

I know of an instance when Brady heard of a child who was very seriously injured (and not in a place connected to Brady or the Patriots), and he sent a signed ball

Other than that, I think that deflategate was bullshit. The spying scandal was more real and significant, but they probably all do that when they can

I doubt that Brady is a saint either, but he is clearly a hardworking, disciplined person and has lived about 20 years in the public eye without any personal scandal
posted by knoyers at 9:34 PM on October 4, 2016 [2 favorites]

Tom Brady Is Being a Bad Friend to Donald Trump

Reportedly one of the drawbacks of being a rich celebrity is you will never again be free to create an authentic friendship. So on that basis anyhow being a loser definitely has at least one advantage. I wonder how you can compress that into a two syllable taunt for a Jets fan.
posted by bukvich at 8:11 AM on October 5, 2016

Is it his face? It's his face.
posted by aspersioncast at 9:45 AM on October 5, 2016

and has lived about 20 years in the public eye without any personal scandal

Some people seem to have scandals just roll off their backs. I always wanted to know the truth behind Bridget Moynahan: was he an asshole for rejecting her? Did she trick him into getting pregnant in hopes he'd stay with her? The press seemed surprisingly bland about the whole thing, and never talks about her or the kid, but is all Giselle all the time. Who knows.

BUFFALO! We lost to BUFFALO!! WTH!!
posted by Melismata at 10:38 AM on October 5, 2016

He's more successful and handsome than me?
posted by PHINC at 11:22 AM on October 5, 2016

Do you have to stay in a relationship for a child? No, it's probably best not to, and particularly not at the early pregnancy stage. I don't think of that as scandalous. Who knows how or why they broke up?
posted by knoyers at 11:56 AM on October 5, 2016

J-E-T-S
posted by rosswald at 4:31 PM on October 5, 2016

Tom Brady Is Being a Bad Friend to Donald Trump

Donald Trump Is Ruining Relationships in the NFL

Support for Trump is destroying friendships, Freeman found. One pair of friends essentially broke up because one of the guys, who’s white, supports Trump, and the other, who’s black, finds that unconscionable. Trump is fracturing relationships between player and coach, too. After Buffalo Bills head coach Rex Ryan appeared on the stage at a Trump rally last April, some of his players were shocked. “I see Trump as someone who is hostile to people of color, and the fact that Rex supports him made me look at him completely differently, and not in a positive way,” one anonymous player said.

Freeman conducted a poll of the people he interviewed for the story and found support for Trump broken down along racial lines.


20 of 22 black NFL players plan to vote for Hillary Clinton.
2 of 22 black NFL players plan to vote for Donald J. Trump.
21 of 21 white NFL players plan to vote for Trump.


Trump has become such a flashpoint for one team that its coach has banned discussion of him on team property.

As one of the commenters said, 'who the hell are the black players who are going to vote for Trump?'
posted by jamjam at 5:15 PM on October 5, 2016

After Buffalo Bills head coach Rex Ryan appeared on the stage at a Trump rally last April

Ugh, Rex Ryan is terrible. After the 0-2 season start a fair number of us Bills fans were hoping they'd continue to shit the bed and he'd be out by the bye week. Rex lost a lot of support after introducing Donald at that Buffalo rally (though to be fair, many Buffalonians already loathed Donald because he threatened to buy the team and even before his presidential candidacy it was clear he would run it into the ground. We also hate Bon Jovi!)

I wonder which player made that comment. I hope they speak publicly about it someday.
posted by everybody had matching towels at 7:13 PM on October 5, 2016