#cyberpunkworldproblems
October 12, 2016 6:55 AM Subscribe
Please do not look away from... The Kettle. The Kettle Is Now Calibrating. Data specialist Mark Rittman spent an entire day attempting to set up his new appliance so that it would boil on command (Guardian via, of course, @internetofshit)
You don't have wifi enabled faucet?
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 7:18 AM on October 12, 2016 [6 favorites]
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 7:18 AM on October 12, 2016 [6 favorites]
Why is this post, and other posts that reference cyberpunk, never seem to actually be tagged as "cyberpunk"?
posted by I-baLL at 7:18 AM on October 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by I-baLL at 7:18 AM on October 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
I'm holding out for an appliance that fully implements RFC 7168.
posted by zamboni at 7:23 AM on October 12, 2016 [7 favorites]
posted by zamboni at 7:23 AM on October 12, 2016 [7 favorites]
"The way it functioned was very interesting. When the Drink button was pressed it made an instant but highly detailed examination of the subject’s taste buds, a spectroscopic analysis of the subject’s metabolism and then sent tiny experimental signals down the neural pathways to the taste centers of the subject’s brain to see what was likely to go down well. However, no one knew quiet why it did this because it invariable delivered a cupful of liquid that was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea." ― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
posted by roger ackroyd at 7:32 AM on October 12, 2016 [22 favorites]
posted by roger ackroyd at 7:32 AM on October 12, 2016 [22 favorites]
tumblr user foldingcookie has the right name for such devices: digitally cursed appliances.
posted by finka at 7:34 AM on October 12, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by finka at 7:34 AM on October 12, 2016 [3 favorites]
"The Internet of Ransomeware Things" - this is the future...
posted by jkaczor at 7:36 AM on October 12, 2016 [7 favorites]
posted by jkaczor at 7:36 AM on October 12, 2016 [7 favorites]
What's the alleged benefit of a Wi-Fi kettle?
Posting stories as amusing as this one, I guess. I can understand the appeal of some devices like Smart TVs, but I don't see any upside other than novelty for added connectivity to these simples devices that require little more than plugging in and flicking a switch to work, and some operated like that in some form since the dawn of electricity.
I don't think anyone has such an hectic schedule boiling water requires a voice-activated gizmo.
Why is this post, and other posts that reference cyberpunk, never seem to actually be tagged as "cyberpunk"?
Happy to oblige.
posted by lmfsilva at 7:42 AM on October 12, 2016
Posting stories as amusing as this one, I guess. I can understand the appeal of some devices like Smart TVs, but I don't see any upside other than novelty for added connectivity to these simples devices that require little more than plugging in and flicking a switch to work, and some operated like that in some form since the dawn of electricity.
I don't think anyone has such an hectic schedule boiling water requires a voice-activated gizmo.
Why is this post, and other posts that reference cyberpunk, never seem to actually be tagged as "cyberpunk"?
Happy to oblige.
posted by lmfsilva at 7:42 AM on October 12, 2016
In the future your electricity bill/meter settings will determine whether you can boil the kettle now or have to wait for 11 hours until the price comes down. This chap probably just has his smart settings off.
posted by biffa at 7:46 AM on October 12, 2016 [6 favorites]
posted by biffa at 7:46 AM on October 12, 2016 [6 favorites]
The IoT is the victory of first-world entitled-laziness and technology fetishism over common sense.
posted by Thorzdad at 7:49 AM on October 12, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by Thorzdad at 7:49 AM on October 12, 2016 [4 favorites]
I'm holding out for an appliance that fully implements RFC 7168.Sorry, RFC 7168 is a corrupt, industry-beholden trashing of the original RFC 2324. In particular, note the omission of important bits like:
Any attempt to brew coffee with a teapot should result in the errorposted by introp at 7:51 AM on October 12, 2016 [17 favorites]
code "418 I'm a teapot". The resulting entity body MAY be short and
stout.
The Internet of Shit twitter feed is perfect for this sort of thing.
posted by LastOfHisKind at 7:51 AM on October 12, 2016 [7 favorites]
posted by LastOfHisKind at 7:51 AM on October 12, 2016 [7 favorites]
It's also ridiculous because it's solving the wrong problem. The Japanese-style water boilers that hold the water hot means there's hot water waiting for you when you want tea, instead of having an electronic Rube Goldberg Machine that turns on the kettle remotely.
posted by fragmede at 7:52 AM on October 12, 2016 [17 favorites]
posted by fragmede at 7:52 AM on October 12, 2016 [17 favorites]
I have the Zojirushi water boiler and I just... always have hot water. If I could get the internet to fill it with water when it's low and also clean out the French press from yesterday and grind the new beans, I'd invest in this future.
posted by jeweled accumulation at 7:55 AM on October 12, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by jeweled accumulation at 7:55 AM on October 12, 2016 [2 favorites]
Why is this post, and other posts that reference cyberpunk, never seem to actually be tagged as "cyberpunk"?
For the same reason we don't tag posts about space travel or genetic engineering "science fiction"? Cyberpunk was 30 years ago - seems like it's now just the world we live in.
posted by ryanshepard at 7:57 AM on October 12, 2016
For the same reason we don't tag posts about space travel or genetic engineering "science fiction"? Cyberpunk was 30 years ago - seems like it's now just the world we live in.
posted by ryanshepard at 7:57 AM on October 12, 2016
the Grim Cyberpunk Present is your IoT kettle being harnessed into unprecedented scale DDoS attacks
posted by automatizing nihilist vortex at 8:02 AM on October 12, 2016 [13 favorites]
posted by automatizing nihilist vortex at 8:02 AM on October 12, 2016 [13 favorites]
" Cyberpunk was 30 years ago - seems like it's now just the world we live in."
Just because it's happening as we speak doesn't mean it's not cyberpunk. MeFi's own Charles Stross had to cancel the third part of his Halting State trilogy because real life caught up with his cyberpunk fiction. Also cyberpunk fiction didn't stop "30 years ago." There's a ton of cyberpunk media coming out each year.
posted by I-baLL at 8:08 AM on October 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
Just because it's happening as we speak doesn't mean it's not cyberpunk. MeFi's own Charles Stross had to cancel the third part of his Halting State trilogy because real life caught up with his cyberpunk fiction. Also cyberpunk fiction didn't stop "30 years ago." There's a ton of cyberpunk media coming out each year.
posted by I-baLL at 8:08 AM on October 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
Worth noting that a house full of compromised IoT devices is functionally indistinguishable from one that's haunted.
posted by mhoye at 8:18 AM on October 12, 2016 [41 favorites]
posted by mhoye at 8:18 AM on October 12, 2016 [41 favorites]
But this would kill my favourite five minutes of my morning routine where I wait for water to boil while my roommate holds me hostage by talking at me. (He has a serious case of engineers disease). Perhaps the kettle could have built in TED talks that trigger when you begin pouring the water?
posted by Neronomius at 8:28 AM on October 12, 2016 [8 favorites]
posted by Neronomius at 8:28 AM on October 12, 2016 [8 favorites]
It's also ridiculous because it's solving the wrong problem. The Japanese-style water boilers that hold the water hot means there's hot water waiting for you when you want tea, instead of having an electronic Rube Goldberg Machine that turns on the kettle remotely.
See also: Samovars.
Worth noting that a house full of compromised IoT devices is functionally indistinguishable from one that's haunted.
See also: There Will Come Soft Rains.
posted by tobascodagama at 8:32 AM on October 12, 2016 [6 favorites]
See also: Samovars.
Worth noting that a house full of compromised IoT devices is functionally indistinguishable from one that's haunted.
See also: There Will Come Soft Rains.
posted by tobascodagama at 8:32 AM on October 12, 2016 [6 favorites]
Just because it's happening as we speak doesn't mean it's not cyberpunk.
But this huge expendature of time to make the easiest party of coffee making a tiny bit easier just really seems to be the opposite of the cyberpunk aesthetic.
I think this cyber-enhanced laziness needs a new meme term. I nominate "cyberpotato"
posted by happyroach at 8:33 AM on October 12, 2016 [3 favorites]
But this huge expendature of time to make the easiest party of coffee making a tiny bit easier just really seems to be the opposite of the cyberpunk aesthetic.
I think this cyber-enhanced laziness needs a new meme term. I nominate "cyberpotato"
posted by happyroach at 8:33 AM on October 12, 2016 [3 favorites]
Tea, Earl Grey, hot
* buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering... *
NOOO!
posted by Foci for Analysis at 8:34 AM on October 12, 2016 [4 favorites]
* buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering, buffering... *
NOOO!
posted by Foci for Analysis at 8:34 AM on October 12, 2016 [4 favorites]
Sorry, RFC 7168 is a corrupt, industry-beholden trashing of the original RFC 2324. In particular, note the omission of important bits like:
posted by zamboni at 8:42 AM on October 12, 2016 [4 favorites]
Any attempt to brew coffee with a teapot should result in the errorRFC 7168 is a timely extension to RFC 2324, which was
code "418 I'm a teapot". The resulting entity body MAY be short and
stout.
designed espressoly for the brewing of coffee, not tea. Just because lobbyists from Big Tea were inter-twining themselves through the design process doesn't mean it should be tipped out- there are bushels of improvements in it. I find that honesty is the best policy, and I have to tell you, having no standard at all would be a bigger low point than continuing with HTCPCP-TEA as it stands.
posted by zamboni at 8:42 AM on October 12, 2016 [4 favorites]
speaking of the divine drank, i would like to direct your attention to söderté, "The Blend of South Stockholm". It's black tea mixed with tropical and fruity flavours and it taste as good as it smells.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 9:02 AM on October 12, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by Foci for Analysis at 9:02 AM on October 12, 2016 [2 favorites]
Wi-Fi kettle. I don't understand why all the top image search results for such a phrase don't look more like mine. You disappoint me, Internet. Note the use of high-temperature capable metal foil tape in this latest prototype model.
posted by sfenders at 9:10 AM on October 12, 2016
posted by sfenders at 9:10 AM on October 12, 2016
If someone could make a smart kettle that could boil water, dispense it into a mug, drop a tea bag into it, and then ding after it had steeped long enough that I might be interested in--but even still there's no need for the internet to be involved you'd just need to put your mug in the right spot and press a button.
posted by bracems at 9:19 AM on October 12, 2016
posted by bracems at 9:19 AM on October 12, 2016
"Well the kettle is back online and responding to voice control, but now we're eating dinner in dark while lights download a firmware update "
The Butlerian Jihad can't come fast enough.
posted by backseatpilot at 9:32 AM on October 12, 2016 [12 favorites]
The Butlerian Jihad can't come fast enough.
posted by backseatpilot at 9:32 AM on October 12, 2016 [12 favorites]
Best I can tell, the only "advantage" of having an Internet-enabled tea/coffee pot is being able to start it remotely (and that's assuming you had the presence of mind to prep it before you left). Which really doesn't seem to me to be a sufficient return for all the added IoT complexity.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:37 AM on October 12, 2016
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:37 AM on October 12, 2016
→ The Japanese-style water boilers that hold the water hot …
… has never met Scottish tea traditionalists. My dad will make noises of distaste and ask “Was the water freshly drawn?” if he even suspects that the water wasn't boiled from completely cold out the tap. Similarly, if the water wasn't bubbling as it hit the leaves, you might get a “Tastes a bit thin …”. Also the thought of keeping any amount of water at 100°C makes my electricity bill cringe.
Yes, Japan knows how to make tea. They just don't know my dad.
posted by scruss at 9:42 AM on October 12, 2016 [16 favorites]
… has never met Scottish tea traditionalists. My dad will make noises of distaste and ask “Was the water freshly drawn?” if he even suspects that the water wasn't boiled from completely cold out the tap. Similarly, if the water wasn't bubbling as it hit the leaves, you might get a “Tastes a bit thin …”. Also the thought of keeping any amount of water at 100°C makes my electricity bill cringe.
Yes, Japan knows how to make tea. They just don't know my dad.
posted by scruss at 9:42 AM on October 12, 2016 [16 favorites]
Worth noting that a house full of compromised IoT devices is functionally indistinguishable from one that's haunted.
There was an episode of Mr Robot that had a character being tortured in a hacked Smart House. It was a bit terrifying, but nothing near poltergeist activity.
posted by hippybear at 9:46 AM on October 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
There was an episode of Mr Robot that had a character being tortured in a hacked Smart House. It was a bit terrifying, but nothing near poltergeist activity.
posted by hippybear at 9:46 AM on October 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
Our bodum kettle just has a flip switch that lights up when you flip it on and then like a couple minutes later it flips off and you pour the water. It's lasted for years and years and will probably be going a decade from now. Wiring that kind of device to Internet is like those fake gold golf ball desk things with a clock and thermometer and business card holder. The whole concept is like off-brand sharper image fail to me... I like interacting with physical devices manually in most cases. Chunky clicks feel good !
posted by freecellwizard at 9:46 AM on October 12, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by freecellwizard at 9:46 AM on October 12, 2016 [4 favorites]
I'm the sort of geek who would love to have his lights turn on automatically when he gets home, the coffee already made when he wakes up, and generally to live in the Star Trek universe.
Problem is, all the products out there that promise this stuff are all
1) Expensive.
2) Unreliable
A bloody switch that always works is preferable to a voice command that might not for any particular reason.
posted by SansPoint at 9:54 AM on October 12, 2016
Problem is, all the products out there that promise this stuff are all
1) Expensive.
2) Unreliable
A bloody switch that always works is preferable to a voice command that might not for any particular reason.
posted by SansPoint at 9:54 AM on October 12, 2016
"I'm the sort of geek who would love to have his lights turn on automatically when he gets home, the coffee already made when he wakes up, and generally to live in the Star Trek universe.
Problem is, all the products out there that promise this stuff are all
1) Expensive.
2) Unreliable"
It's not that expensive at all. What I just don't understand is why the devices' accessibility needs to extend beyond the local LAN.
posted by I-baLL at 10:06 AM on October 12, 2016 [3 favorites]
Problem is, all the products out there that promise this stuff are all
1) Expensive.
2) Unreliable"
It's not that expensive at all. What I just don't understand is why the devices' accessibility needs to extend beyond the local LAN.
posted by I-baLL at 10:06 AM on October 12, 2016 [3 favorites]
(and, yes, I say "atm machine" and "pin number")
posted by I-baLL at 10:06 AM on October 12, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by I-baLL at 10:06 AM on October 12, 2016 [2 favorites]
I don't think anyone has such an hectic schedule boiling water requires a voice-activated gizmo.
Yes, but this is something language itself wants -- merely to say something and have that thing come to pass.
And it's wanted that from the beginning, just look at magic and creation myths around the world; and it wants it now more than ever, as witness the secondary worlds of fantasy fiction and video games.
We are only the hosts of this immaterial and potentially immortal parasite, helpless through long use not to do as it bids us.
posted by jamjam at 10:08 AM on October 12, 2016 [11 favorites]
Yes, but this is something language itself wants -- merely to say something and have that thing come to pass.
And it's wanted that from the beginning, just look at magic and creation myths around the world; and it wants it now more than ever, as witness the secondary worlds of fantasy fiction and video games.
We are only the hosts of this immaterial and potentially immortal parasite, helpless through long use not to do as it bids us.
posted by jamjam at 10:08 AM on October 12, 2016 [11 favorites]
#cyberpunkworldproblems your AmazonTM Echo misprocesses "tea hot" as "teen hot" and downloads child porn while you are in the shower.
posted by ennui.bz at 10:10 AM on October 12, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by ennui.bz at 10:10 AM on October 12, 2016 [2 favorites]
Now the Hadoop cluster in garage is going nuts due to RT to @internetofshit, saturating network + blocking MQTT integration with Amazon Echo
WHY DO YOU HAVE A HADOOP CLUSTER IN YOUR GARAGE?
More like hadon’tp amirite?
posted by Going To Maine at 10:10 AM on October 12, 2016 [7 favorites]
WHY DO YOU HAVE A HADOOP CLUSTER IN YOUR GARAGE?
More like hadon’tp amirite?
posted by Going To Maine at 10:10 AM on October 12, 2016 [7 favorites]
I once worked at a trade publication that was one of the early adopters of Keurig machines. Our particular model was great, because after it was done making your cup, it ker-clunked and disposed of the K-cup in this basket under the gizmo - you didn't have to do anything. Only problem: Sometimes the micro garbage chute would jam, a red light would come on and the machine wouldn't work anymore, but you wouldn't know that until you'd walked alllll the way down the hallway to the cafeteria. Wouldn't it be great if we could tap into the Keurig's wiring so we could get a signal when the machine was bollixed and put that up on an intranet page and not waste time on that long walk? Early IoT (except back then it didn't have a name)!
Well, it wouldn't be great because we were leasing the machine and that would get the vending company pissed, so a networking guy and I did the next best thing: Mounted a QuickCam in the cafeteria, and connected that to a Web page on the intranet, so you could see if the light was red.
And, of course, I was summoned down to HR within a couple hours for this egregious violation of people's privacy.
posted by adamg at 10:13 AM on October 12, 2016 [9 favorites]
Well, it wouldn't be great because we were leasing the machine and that would get the vending company pissed, so a networking guy and I did the next best thing: Mounted a QuickCam in the cafeteria, and connected that to a Web page on the intranet, so you could see if the light was red.
And, of course, I was summoned down to HR within a couple hours for this egregious violation of people's privacy.
posted by adamg at 10:13 AM on October 12, 2016 [9 favorites]
This is precisely why I don't look forward to autonomous cars.
posted by tommasz at 10:27 AM on October 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by tommasz at 10:27 AM on October 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
I'm with Scruss's dad on this. Freshly boiled or I will know. Theres no shortage of hot water boilers, urns etc in the UK, but they rarely make a food cuppa.
Also, tea freshly brewed when you wake up, was solved in 1932 with the invention of the electric Teasmade.
posted by Helga-woo at 10:28 AM on October 12, 2016 [4 favorites]
Also, tea freshly brewed when you wake up, was solved in 1932 with the invention of the electric Teasmade.
posted by Helga-woo at 10:28 AM on October 12, 2016 [4 favorites]
"The Internet of Ransomeware Things"
The cartoon linked to this, above, illustrates a world in which all your stuff is hacked and refuses to work unless you pay the hacker to let you use it. This is a worry, yes, but I submit that a far greater worry is "DLC content" for devices. Features that exist and implemented in hardware but disabled until you give the device your credit card information and enable it over the internet. If you don't pay, like if you don't need the feature, that's okay, but of course there will be hardware buttons supporting the feature that will forever be inoperable, and may actually present that device's version of a nagware banner whenever accidentally pressed.
And then, inevitably, will follow the devices where you have to pay a periodic subscription fee to use a feature.
And how about devices that get firmware updated in order to "enable" displaying ads to the user? Actually, this has already started. Some Panasonic TVs, after updating, show you ads when you change the volume.
posted by JHarris at 10:38 AM on October 12, 2016 [7 favorites]
The cartoon linked to this, above, illustrates a world in which all your stuff is hacked and refuses to work unless you pay the hacker to let you use it. This is a worry, yes, but I submit that a far greater worry is "DLC content" for devices. Features that exist and implemented in hardware but disabled until you give the device your credit card information and enable it over the internet. If you don't pay, like if you don't need the feature, that's okay, but of course there will be hardware buttons supporting the feature that will forever be inoperable, and may actually present that device's version of a nagware banner whenever accidentally pressed.
And then, inevitably, will follow the devices where you have to pay a periodic subscription fee to use a feature.
And how about devices that get firmware updated in order to "enable" displaying ads to the user? Actually, this has already started. Some Panasonic TVs, after updating, show you ads when you change the volume.
posted by JHarris at 10:38 AM on October 12, 2016 [7 favorites]
so a networking guy and I did the next best thing: Mounted a QuickCam in the cafeteria, and connected that to a Web page on the intranet, so you could see if the light was red.
Reading that remanded me of this: University of Cambridge Computer Laboratory's Trojan Coffee Pot (1991-2001)... A (non-technical) biography.
posted by Mister Bijou at 10:40 AM on October 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
Reading that remanded me of this: University of Cambridge Computer Laboratory's Trojan Coffee Pot (1991-2001)... A (non-technical) biography.
posted by Mister Bijou at 10:40 AM on October 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
I've heard it expressed in my house, often, that one of these would be good so that one could could start the kettle on the way home, say from morning gym, and have it ready when one has arrived, saving like 10 minutes, I guess. (In North America's 110v world, water takes forever to boil. You lucky Europeans have no idea.)
But a Zojirushi water boiler, an instant hot water tap at the sink (my preference) or, like, any old kettle with a timer works at least as well, and a lot more reliably.
posted by rokusan at 10:40 AM on October 12, 2016
But a Zojirushi water boiler, an instant hot water tap at the sink (my preference) or, like, any old kettle with a timer works at least as well, and a lot more reliably.
posted by rokusan at 10:40 AM on October 12, 2016
WHY DO YOU HAVE A HADOOP CLUSTER IN YOUR GARAGE?
Duh? It outgrew the linen closet?
posted by rokusan at 10:44 AM on October 12, 2016 [3 favorites]
Duh? It outgrew the linen closet?
posted by rokusan at 10:44 AM on October 12, 2016 [3 favorites]
Also the thought of keeping any amount of water at 100°C makes my electricity bill cringe.
With enough insulation, it's really not a big deal. You probably have a hot water tank in your home that does something similar, though not at 100°C.
The tiny little 1-quart-ish reservoir in my instant-hot-water thing stays hot for many hours before I hear the little click of the heating unit turning back on for a few moments to keep it there.
posted by rokusan at 10:46 AM on October 12, 2016 [3 favorites]
With enough insulation, it's really not a big deal. You probably have a hot water tank in your home that does something similar, though not at 100°C.
The tiny little 1-quart-ish reservoir in my instant-hot-water thing stays hot for many hours before I hear the little click of the heating unit turning back on for a few moments to keep it there.
posted by rokusan at 10:46 AM on October 12, 2016 [3 favorites]
There's nothing cyberpunk about spending a lot of time in a cozy home in a seaside town to make tea.
posted by demiurge at 10:51 AM on October 12, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by demiurge at 10:51 AM on October 12, 2016 [3 favorites]
Well I’m going to wait for a fully robotic human-like butler that does all of this plus that crucial part of bringing you the cup. Because really what’s the use of automating the whole process of boiling water and making tea from a distance... if you still have to get up and get that cup yourself?
(Now where did I see this, a scene from a tv series or movie, with the guy getting a robot arm to slap a sandwich right into his mouth... oh no it’s not tv, it’s that artist from New York who does those amazing contraptions for fun, what’s it called... letmegooglethatmyself... Joseph Herscher, Jiwi’s machines, the Rube Goldberg machines, and it wasn’t a sandwich it was a toast. Hehehe.)
posted by bitteschoen at 10:55 AM on October 12, 2016
(Now where did I see this, a scene from a tv series or movie, with the guy getting a robot arm to slap a sandwich right into his mouth... oh no it’s not tv, it’s that artist from New York who does those amazing contraptions for fun, what’s it called... letmegooglethatmyself... Joseph Herscher, Jiwi’s machines, the Rube Goldberg machines, and it wasn’t a sandwich it was a toast. Hehehe.)
posted by bitteschoen at 10:55 AM on October 12, 2016
When it comes to automating tea, we hit peak coolness decades ago with the "Teasmade" type of products... Let me know when this WiFi kettle has a clock, alarm clock and clock radio - and actually makes the tea...
posted by jkaczor at 10:57 AM on October 12, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by jkaczor at 10:57 AM on October 12, 2016 [2 favorites]
At least it led to this beauty of a comment on the Grauniad article:
"Sounds like a case of the port not calling the kettle back."
posted by MartinWisse at 11:10 AM on October 12, 2016 [23 favorites]
"Sounds like a case of the port not calling the kettle back."
posted by MartinWisse at 11:10 AM on October 12, 2016 [23 favorites]
Sonascopes comment on Teasmades pretty much covers it.
posted by Confess, Fletch at 11:14 AM on October 12, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by Confess, Fletch at 11:14 AM on October 12, 2016 [2 favorites]
Well I’m going to wait for a fully robotic human-like butler that does all of this plus that crucial part of bringing you the cup.
I'm lucky enough to have obtained one of these models, though it comes with its own foibles, like the software bug that makes it mutter and glare at me all morning for being so grumpy until the coffee's done been drunk.
The recommended fix is regular backrubs.
posted by rokusan at 12:03 PM on October 12, 2016 [2 favorites]
I'm lucky enough to have obtained one of these models, though it comes with its own foibles, like the software bug that makes it mutter and glare at me all morning for being so grumpy until the coffee's done been drunk.
The recommended fix is regular backrubs.
posted by rokusan at 12:03 PM on October 12, 2016 [2 favorites]
(Also, why is your Hadoop cluster going crazy? Why does your Hadoop cluster care that you got retweeted? How many of your tweets are you archiving that you need Hadoop to do it?)
posted by Going To Maine at 12:15 PM on October 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Going To Maine at 12:15 PM on October 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
Some people juggle geese.
posted by tobascodagama at 12:29 PM on October 12, 2016
posted by tobascodagama at 12:29 PM on October 12, 2016
And then, inevitably, will follow the devices where you have to pay a periodic subscription fee to use a feature.
Oracle enters the consumer electronics market
posted by indubitable at 12:29 PM on October 12, 2016 [4 favorites]
Oracle enters the consumer electronics market
posted by indubitable at 12:29 PM on October 12, 2016 [4 favorites]
I'm lucky enough to have obtained one of these models, though it comes with its own foibles, like the software bug that makes it mutter and glare at me all morning for being so grumpy until the coffee's done been drunk about the terrible pain in all the diodes down its left side.
FTFY.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:35 PM on October 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
FTFY.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:35 PM on October 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
Freshly boiled or I will know.
I refuse to believe that two cups of water which are the same temperature will make tea of differing quality based on how long they have been that temperature it makes no earthly sense. Or is the complaint that the stored hot water is delivered at a lower temperature than the freshly boiled water?
posted by bracems at 12:42 PM on October 12, 2016
I refuse to believe that two cups of water which are the same temperature will make tea of differing quality based on how long they have been that temperature it makes no earthly sense. Or is the complaint that the stored hot water is delivered at a lower temperature than the freshly boiled water?
posted by bracems at 12:42 PM on October 12, 2016
→ I refuse to believe that two cups of water which are the same temperature will make tea of differing quality
Yeah, me too. But my dad does the “Does this taste boiled to you?” bit, and we're busted. I suspect he's subconsciously reacting to the different sound that a previously-boiled kettle of water will make over freshly drawn. He's amazingly pernickety over how water tastes, even going to the extreme of boiling porridge from cold. Given he just turned 78, he's unlikely to get less particular.
The temperature wouldn't be different, as the water has to be boiling when it hits the leaves. Kettles are important in Scotland: there's this academic paper Understanding usage patterns of electric kettle and energy saving potential from my alma mater, and a few years ago the main utility had a whole campaign about not obsessively reboiling the kettle. For some people, if the kettle's just gone off the boil, you can give it a “jeg” and reboil it and the tea won't be irredeemably bad.
posted by scruss at 1:24 PM on October 12, 2016 [2 favorites]
Yeah, me too. But my dad does the “Does this taste boiled to you?” bit, and we're busted. I suspect he's subconsciously reacting to the different sound that a previously-boiled kettle of water will make over freshly drawn. He's amazingly pernickety over how water tastes, even going to the extreme of boiling porridge from cold. Given he just turned 78, he's unlikely to get less particular.
The temperature wouldn't be different, as the water has to be boiling when it hits the leaves. Kettles are important in Scotland: there's this academic paper Understanding usage patterns of electric kettle and energy saving potential from my alma mater, and a few years ago the main utility had a whole campaign about not obsessively reboiling the kettle. For some people, if the kettle's just gone off the boil, you can give it a “jeg” and reboil it and the tea won't be irredeemably bad.
posted by scruss at 1:24 PM on October 12, 2016 [2 favorites]
"I refuse to believe that two cups of water which are the same temperature will make tea of differing quality based on how long they have been that temperature it makes no earthly sense."
Eh, take 2 glasses of tap water. Boil one and let it sit overnight next to the other glass. Then try a sip from each. For some reason there's a taste difference.
posted by I-baLL at 1:32 PM on October 12, 2016 [2 favorites]
Eh, take 2 glasses of tap water. Boil one and let it sit overnight next to the other glass. Then try a sip from each. For some reason there's a taste difference.
posted by I-baLL at 1:32 PM on October 12, 2016 [2 favorites]
Sonascopes comment on Teasmades pretty much covers it.
posted by Gerald Bostock at 1:58 PM on October 12, 2016
One day, when I am terribly famous for my obscure essay collections about topics only the most painfully esoteric could enjoy, I hope to keep a small apartment in the UK somewhere with nothing but a bed and a teasmade, which I will visit on regular occasions.I'm stealing this life goal.
posted by Gerald Bostock at 1:58 PM on October 12, 2016
For some reason there's a taste difference.
Not quit exactly your scenario, I-baLL, but freshly boiled versus "been boiling forever"/"been reboiled a bunch of time" would make a pretty big difference in dissolved gasses.
That's why most faucets have that metal screen to aerate water so it tastes better.
Similar situation where certain wines should be allowed to "breathe" (or you run it through an aerator).
Yes, I can tell the difference between freshly drawn and boiled water and water that's been boiled more than a couple of times.
posted by porpoise at 1:59 PM on October 12, 2016 [5 favorites]
Not quit exactly your scenario, I-baLL, but freshly boiled versus "been boiling forever"/"been reboiled a bunch of time" would make a pretty big difference in dissolved gasses.
That's why most faucets have that metal screen to aerate water so it tastes better.
Similar situation where certain wines should be allowed to "breathe" (or you run it through an aerator).
Yes, I can tell the difference between freshly drawn and boiled water and water that's been boiled more than a couple of times.
posted by porpoise at 1:59 PM on October 12, 2016 [5 favorites]
Boiling water concentrates dissolved minerals.
posted by Confess, Fletch at 2:05 PM on October 12, 2016
posted by Confess, Fletch at 2:05 PM on October 12, 2016
Just because lobbyists from Big Tea were inter-twining themselves
I see what you did there.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 4:31 PM on October 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
I see what you did there.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 4:31 PM on October 12, 2016 [1 favorite]
Don't worry, Wallace and Gromit have it sorted.
posted by Miss Otis' Egrets at 4:58 PM on October 12, 2016
posted by Miss Otis' Egrets at 4:58 PM on October 12, 2016
And then, inevitably, will follow the devices where you have to pay a periodic subscription fee to use a feature.
Oracle enters the consumer electronics market
Mark Rittman is an Oracle ACE Director, so…
posted by Going To Maine at 5:01 PM on October 12, 2016
Oracle enters the consumer electronics market
Mark Rittman is an Oracle ACE Director, so…
posted by Going To Maine at 5:01 PM on October 12, 2016
Let's talk about tea kettle design.
I've made a few internet connected tea kettles in my day.
Well actually just 3, but a couple of insights I picked up:
-In UX design there is the semi-famous Doherty Threshold - 400ms gap between a stimulus and a response before the mind wonders. Less than 400ms and your brain perceives a response as 'instant enough'. Analogously in Tea Kettle design there is, what I call, the EastEnders Threshold - a length of time between the thought of 'let's make tea' (stimulus) and 'let's have tea' (response) - and named for the length of a commercial break during Britain's formerly, most popular television show - approximately 120 seconds, and I would argue not uncoincidently the length of time it takes to boil 1.0L of water at 240V and 13A. (Famously the UK would boost capacity on their electrical grid during commercial breaks as the whole country turned on their kettle all at the same time.) A length of time beyond that, and you will forget that you set out to boil water. If you think about something for about 15 seconds, 120 seconds is as long as seven thoughts, plus or minus two before you forget the first thing, in this case making tea.
I found myself frustrated by this problem as since moving to America and the charming 120V,15A electrical grid it now takes roughly 237 seconds to boil a liter of water. Much too long, I think about a dozen different things and wonder off and forget I was making tea. 15 minutes later I remember, come back, reboil water, wonder off, and the cycle repeats. Multiply times 300 million people and you can see why the country prefers coffee.
-There is a company with more patents than Intellectual Ventures and more market control than DeBeers when it comes to the critical tea kettle bimetallic thermocouples that determine when to turn the kettle off when the water boils, how to connect the kettle from the vessel to the base using those metal rings, how to implement safety features that prevent overheating, short-circuiting, and thermal runaway - everyone from Breville to T-Fal, Mr. Coffee to Hamilton Beach bowes before the licensing of Strix - the world leader in kettle controls and used a billion times daily. It's frustrating, they absolutely play favorites, and there is little innovation in the tea kettle industry as a result. As an analogy, imagine if the only way to power you laptop was through an Apple branded MagSafe connecter and Apple got to choose which companies could license it or not.
-What innovation could there possibly be in Tea Kettle design that hasn't been done before by a Teasmade? Well - compare boiling water to what's available in Industrial Control Systems and it's... a lot really.
Most economy tea kettles use two differently calibrated bimetallic switches - one detects when the water is boiling, trips, and shuts off the circuit - another detects if the water is 'boiled dry' and the base of the kettle heats up 'too much', trips, and shuts off the circuit. It's extremely elegant, simple, and low cost but doesn't give you much room for doing anything else. It's like the Maybach Carburetor of tea kettle design [1885]. If it's 'tuned wrong' you get not quite scalding water and not quite scalding water when used in tea production gets you a liquid that was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea. But why not have titanium dioxide sensors for fine temperature control, why not induction plates for only boiling as much water as you need without an intermediary jug, why not a thousand different UX niceties that are too minute to extoll? Well again because of Strix.
So yeah. I built a tea kettle to send me a message when the tea is made. It's nice. It works for me. In America. Where I have to wait five minutes for the water to boil. I don't plan to sell it. There's no future in it.
But the comical situation that came about in the parent article is as much a catastrophic failure of the 'old guard' kettle makers failure to innovate for reasons beyond their control as it is for the 'new breed' of Internet of Shit startups not having the resources to get 6 sigma reliability.
Also, if you want the reccomendation of someone who has put entirely too much time into these things, just get the Breville BTM800XL Tea Maker - it's so much better than what you are currently using and it's worth every penny. Yes, it has a few idiosyncrasies with it's firmware but stop worrying and love the bomb.
posted by pmg at 6:24 PM on October 12, 2016 [61 favorites]
I've made a few internet connected tea kettles in my day.
Well actually just 3, but a couple of insights I picked up:
-In UX design there is the semi-famous Doherty Threshold - 400ms gap between a stimulus and a response before the mind wonders. Less than 400ms and your brain perceives a response as 'instant enough'. Analogously in Tea Kettle design there is, what I call, the EastEnders Threshold - a length of time between the thought of 'let's make tea' (stimulus) and 'let's have tea' (response) - and named for the length of a commercial break during Britain's formerly, most popular television show - approximately 120 seconds, and I would argue not uncoincidently the length of time it takes to boil 1.0L of water at 240V and 13A. (Famously the UK would boost capacity on their electrical grid during commercial breaks as the whole country turned on their kettle all at the same time.) A length of time beyond that, and you will forget that you set out to boil water. If you think about something for about 15 seconds, 120 seconds is as long as seven thoughts, plus or minus two before you forget the first thing, in this case making tea.
I found myself frustrated by this problem as since moving to America and the charming 120V,15A electrical grid it now takes roughly 237 seconds to boil a liter of water. Much too long, I think about a dozen different things and wonder off and forget I was making tea. 15 minutes later I remember, come back, reboil water, wonder off, and the cycle repeats. Multiply times 300 million people and you can see why the country prefers coffee.
-There is a company with more patents than Intellectual Ventures and more market control than DeBeers when it comes to the critical tea kettle bimetallic thermocouples that determine when to turn the kettle off when the water boils, how to connect the kettle from the vessel to the base using those metal rings, how to implement safety features that prevent overheating, short-circuiting, and thermal runaway - everyone from Breville to T-Fal, Mr. Coffee to Hamilton Beach bowes before the licensing of Strix - the world leader in kettle controls and used a billion times daily. It's frustrating, they absolutely play favorites, and there is little innovation in the tea kettle industry as a result. As an analogy, imagine if the only way to power you laptop was through an Apple branded MagSafe connecter and Apple got to choose which companies could license it or not.
-What innovation could there possibly be in Tea Kettle design that hasn't been done before by a Teasmade? Well - compare boiling water to what's available in Industrial Control Systems and it's... a lot really.
Most economy tea kettles use two differently calibrated bimetallic switches - one detects when the water is boiling, trips, and shuts off the circuit - another detects if the water is 'boiled dry' and the base of the kettle heats up 'too much', trips, and shuts off the circuit. It's extremely elegant, simple, and low cost but doesn't give you much room for doing anything else. It's like the Maybach Carburetor of tea kettle design [1885]. If it's 'tuned wrong' you get not quite scalding water and not quite scalding water when used in tea production gets you a liquid that was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea. But why not have titanium dioxide sensors for fine temperature control, why not induction plates for only boiling as much water as you need without an intermediary jug, why not a thousand different UX niceties that are too minute to extoll? Well again because of Strix.
So yeah. I built a tea kettle to send me a message when the tea is made. It's nice. It works for me. In America. Where I have to wait five minutes for the water to boil. I don't plan to sell it. There's no future in it.
But the comical situation that came about in the parent article is as much a catastrophic failure of the 'old guard' kettle makers failure to innovate for reasons beyond their control as it is for the 'new breed' of Internet of Shit startups not having the resources to get 6 sigma reliability.
Also, if you want the reccomendation of someone who has put entirely too much time into these things, just get the Breville BTM800XL Tea Maker - it's so much better than what you are currently using and it's worth every penny. Yes, it has a few idiosyncrasies with it's firmware but stop worrying and love the bomb.
posted by pmg at 6:24 PM on October 12, 2016 [61 favorites]
This just reminds me that I can't get a bloody teasmade in this country without selling an organ. Maybe it's time for another ebay trawl.
posted by pompomtom at 6:32 PM on October 12, 2016
posted by pompomtom at 6:32 PM on October 12, 2016
OMG, that Breville thing. I have to have that thing.
posted by pompomtom at 6:49 PM on October 12, 2016
posted by pompomtom at 6:49 PM on October 12, 2016
Actually, this has already started. Some Panasonic TVs, after updating, show you ads when you change the volume.
I had the misfortune of having to buy a new TV last x-mas. Since I only need it as a display, all those "smart" features are pretty much unwanted. I was not amused when the initial install insisted on having an internet connection. So, i turned on my phone hotspot feature, told the tv "there you go" and turned the hotspot off 20 seconds later after the next step of the install showed on screen. It hasn't been online since, and I like it that way.
posted by DreamerFi at 3:03 AM on October 13, 2016 [4 favorites]
I had the misfortune of having to buy a new TV last x-mas. Since I only need it as a display, all those "smart" features are pretty much unwanted. I was not amused when the initial install insisted on having an internet connection. So, i turned on my phone hotspot feature, told the tv "there you go" and turned the hotspot off 20 seconds later after the next step of the install showed on screen. It hasn't been online since, and I like it that way.
posted by DreamerFi at 3:03 AM on October 13, 2016 [4 favorites]
What would be really useful for me in building my herbal tea habit as part of my hydration regime is to have the kettle tell me when it has boiled, I often pop to the kitchen and find a mug with just a teabag from some hours ago. That sounds like it should be easy.
posted by biffa at 3:55 AM on October 13, 2016
posted by biffa at 3:55 AM on October 13, 2016
Man, I love how exploitable IOTs are. One of the biggest DDoS attacks was carried out by hijacking several IOT devices. Just think, your adorable tea kettle may have been used to harass and attack someone's livelihood.
posted by Young Kullervo at 9:53 AM on October 13, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by Young Kullervo at 9:53 AM on October 13, 2016 [3 favorites]
Also the thought of keeping any amount of water at 100°C makes my electricity bill cringe.
:cough:
posted by sebastienbailard at 11:16 PM on October 15, 2016
:cough:
posted by sebastienbailard at 11:16 PM on October 15, 2016
I have to share this part of the talk.
"smart" is hardposted by bleary at 9:28 AM on October 16, 2016
The house tracks visitors. people who came down the drive through the front door... lots of activity in the kitchen... thinks we've got visitors.
The house actually acts dumb when we have visitors. It acts dumb, so that I don't have to explain to you why that light just went off over there 'cause you'd be like "Woa what just happened!" and I'm like, it's easier just not to do anything just pretend to be dumb until they've gone away and then you can be smart again.
pmg,
I don't entirely understand...it heats water. This is a thing that can be done with a heating element, a thermistor, and maybe a liquid sensor to detect there's not enough water to keep boiling. These are pretty basic parts (OK, that's a really cool liquid sensor, but still). Maybe there's no market for a better kettle? Or it's cheaper to just pay Strix?
posted by effugas at 4:49 PM on October 16, 2016
I don't entirely understand...it heats water. This is a thing that can be done with a heating element, a thermistor, and maybe a liquid sensor to detect there's not enough water to keep boiling. These are pretty basic parts (OK, that's a really cool liquid sensor, but still). Maybe there's no market for a better kettle? Or it's cheaper to just pay Strix?
posted by effugas at 4:49 PM on October 16, 2016
effugas: Most kettles have sensors for when the kettle has boiled and switches off rather than waiting for it to boil dry. Its cheaper and safer.
posted by biffa at 3:29 PM on October 22, 2016
posted by biffa at 3:29 PM on October 22, 2016
A million IoT hacked kettles and you could trigger an EastEnders scale draw at will, any time.
posted by yoHighness at 10:09 PM on October 28, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by yoHighness at 10:09 PM on October 28, 2016 [1 favorite]
"You'd better find it before the wrong people get their hands on it and use it to make tea."
posted by sebastienbailard at 10:25 PM on October 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by sebastienbailard at 10:25 PM on October 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
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