"They were screaming to be destroyed."
October 15, 2016 12:43 PM   Subscribe

For I am become Mar Cuervo, destroyer of foods.
posted by ennui.bz (43 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
 
And then you eat them... right?
posted by mikhuang at 12:51 PM on October 15, 2016 [4 favorites]


What do you call those videos where everything falls into place nicely? Those videos that many people find oddly pleasing? Machines stacking things, etc.? This is the opposite of those. Maybe it hits a sweet spot in someone's amygdala, I don't know.
posted by kozad at 12:51 PM on October 15, 2016 [3 favorites]


Amateur.

That's no way to destroy a Peep. Microwave them. Better yet, microwave one of those large York Peppermint Patties (unwrapped, of course.) Seriously. You will thank me later.
posted by Thorzdad at 12:51 PM on October 15, 2016


Why is this so satisfying?
posted by Young Kullervo at 12:52 PM on October 15, 2016 [4 favorites]


That was the sweetest thing I've seen all day.
posted by I-Write-Essays at 1:01 PM on October 15, 2016 [2 favorites]


Cold sugar slime all over your hands
posted by bleep at 1:04 PM on October 15, 2016


None of those things are actually food though, are they?
posted by pipeski at 1:18 PM on October 15, 2016 [10 favorites]


Caketastrophy?
Kaketastrophy?
Snackmageddon?
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:22 PM on October 15, 2016


How to Make French Toast
posted by jammy at 1:31 PM on October 15, 2016 [1 favorite]


I think I'd enjoy it more if they looped backwards after the crush.

My brain is fighting itself here. I want to say "this is an awful waste of food," but fuck me if most of that isn't better off not being eaten. It's a waste of something.
posted by nevercalm at 1:48 PM on October 15, 2016 [2 favorites]


It's good but it's no Cake Farts
posted by KateViolet at 2:06 PM on October 15, 2016 [6 favorites]


Hey, three of those things I would like to eat!
posted by aubilenon at 2:11 PM on October 15, 2016


And that's how porn's newest genre got invented.
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:17 PM on October 15, 2016 [1 favorite]


I recently learned of the phenomenon called Smash Cake that involves a 1 year old child and a sacrificial birthday cake.

For some reason it makes me incredibly angry.

Like, punching my monitor angry. I don't know why.

(no relation to the above comment)
posted by porpoise at 2:24 PM on October 15, 2016 [3 favorites]


If you're OK with pooping into a gallon or two of high quality drinking water on the regular, wasting a bit of sugary digestible nonsense for entertainment purposes on a special occasion seems pretty tame in comparison.
posted by idiopath at 2:56 PM on October 15, 2016 [5 favorites]


All I can think of now is the video series with the girl who smushed her face in bread. I wonder how she feels about this?
posted by cvp at 2:58 PM on October 15, 2016


Why am I so obsessed with catching the color of the nails in each destruction? Is there a hidden meaning to this?
posted by grimjeer at 3:09 PM on October 15, 2016 [5 favorites]


Gallagher lite.
posted by TedW at 3:24 PM on October 15, 2016


And now I know what ASMR feels like.
posted by catalytics at 3:29 PM on October 15, 2016


Although I did like some of her photography, but be warned that a few of them are NSFW.
posted by TedW at 3:31 PM on October 15, 2016


This is much more genteel than how to basic. (warning, do not trust the thumbnails.)
posted by 41swans at 3:33 PM on October 15, 2016


Some of the foods seem eerily to, like *fight back*... [shudder] Also, utterly hilarious & many thanks. Forwarding now to Mama foodbedgospel, who always did advocate getting out your frustrations by mashing that dough.
posted by foodbedgospel at 3:36 PM on October 15, 2016 [1 favorite]


Kozad - there's a facebook page called Visual Treats that provides "satisfying content" - not in an X-rated way, but in a brain satisfying way.
posted by 41swans at 3:37 PM on October 15, 2016 [2 favorites]


The yellow pudding was oddly satisfying.
posted by Omnomnom at 3:38 PM on October 15, 2016


Cold sugar slime all over your hands

This sounds like D. Trump-penned erotica
posted by clockzero at 4:03 PM on October 15, 2016 [1 favorite]


What is that glossy pink frosted thing? The way it tears makes it look like a flan or cheesecake rather than a cake, but I don't know any products that look like that.
posted by indubitable at 4:04 PM on October 15, 2016


This bothers me a lot. It shouldn't, I suppose. The food wastage problem is something that laws and institutions need to solve, and it's not like she's taking the food out of someone's mouth, as opposed to out of the dumpster after the sell-by date, which is where food goes in this country if it's not bought. Possibly the fact that it bothers me means that it is a successful Art, in which case, carry on.

But I would totally have loved the pink custard cake and the whoopie pies and given them a good home.
posted by Countess Elena at 4:17 PM on October 15, 2016


And SWISS CAKE ROLLS, woman, have a heart!
posted by Countess Elena at 4:19 PM on October 15, 2016 [1 favorite]


Mmmmm.... Zingers.
posted by freakazoid at 5:18 PM on October 15, 2016


So I guess the opposite of "crouton petter" is "bun crusher"
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 5:23 PM on October 15, 2016 [6 favorites]


None of that is food.
Destruction warranted.
posted by Thella at 5:26 PM on October 15, 2016 [5 favorites]


I have a sudden urge to write down a recipe
posted by infini at 5:28 PM on October 15, 2016


> I recently learned of the phenomenon called Smash Cake that involves a 1 year old child and a sacrificial birthday cake.

porpoise, that Smash Cake is bad, but there's a place in Asheville, NC that does a different kind of Smash Cake that I'm totally okay with.
posted by cardioid at 6:25 PM on October 15, 2016 [2 favorites]


I suspect he's related to this lady.
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 6:26 PM on October 15, 2016


Why do I feel like I have discovered someone's very secret porn collection?
posted by X-Himy at 6:34 PM on October 15, 2016 [1 favorite]


Smash Cake sounds like a mid-90s alt-rock supergroup.
posted by ryoshu at 7:06 PM on October 15, 2016 [5 favorites]


That smash cake crap is so over-the-top American. Typical waste. Count me in as being irked.

Ma bakes a cake; one candle; everybody sings, baby looks confused, we help blow the candle out. We all get a slice of cake and baby generally smears it all over and licks it off the hands, the arms, and the high chair tray. You have to waste a whole cake on a baby that won't remember it? Believe me, a slice gives you plenty of action to photograph the frosting in the hair, cake up the nose, etc.
posted by BlueHorse at 7:48 PM on October 15, 2016 [1 favorite]


A new fad sweeping the nation!
posted by lkc at 7:49 PM on October 15, 2016


I went in there, based on the url, thinking that foodstuffs were going to be drowned in a sea of tequila.

I am disappoint.
posted by chavenet at 6:26 AM on October 16, 2016


Snackmageddon?

Snackopalypse, I think.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 1:12 AM on October 17, 2016


indubitable - I also think the pink-topped shiny item was a pudding or a flan.
posted by 41swans at 1:45 PM on October 17, 2016


I knew this reminded me of something - here's a video my kid and I used to watch years ago, it is a similar concept. The squishy food is placed between two pieces of glass. Flatten.
posted by 41swans at 1:59 PM on October 17, 2016


I thought I recognized Sponch, which my gentleman friend and I find hilarious for the name alone, and which neither of us has ever dared to eat. SPONCH!
posted by fiercecupcake at 1:07 PM on October 18, 2016


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