6. Chloë Sevigny is basically Forrest Gump

October 15, 2016 5:17 PM

This is a king whom Paris Hilton (a major political figure in Los Angeles at the time) makes a point to walk over to chat with during a timeout ...and then leans over to laugh at a joke by — not a forced laugh, I have it on good authority that it was a funny joke — later on in the game.

Sam Donsky answers the question: What Is the Best Night Any Celebrity Has Ever Had at Madison Square Garden?
posted by The Gooch (26 comments total)

Surely at this point you’re wondering: Is this all just a fool’s errand? Can IDS (Ideal Date Spacing) even be achieved at Celebrity MSG? Is it possible?

Huh, just what, is, this about?
posted by sammyo at 5:39 PM on October 15, 2016 [1 favorite]

please what is going on with the woman's hair in front of Susan Sarandon.
posted by rhizome at 5:56 PM on October 15, 2016

This is some extended inside-baseball sarcasm comprising this article. I can't finish.
posted by rhizome at 5:59 PM on October 15, 2016 [2 favorites]

Huh, just what, is, this about?

Absolutely nuthin' say it again y'all.
posted by solarion at 6:03 PM on October 15, 2016 [5 favorites]

I don't know who any of these people are and I don't understand anything this man is saying.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 6:11 PM on October 15, 2016 [3 favorites]

I'm so not high enough to understand this article lol
posted by some loser at 6:41 PM on October 15, 2016 [1 favorite]

This is the best thing on the internet today.
posted by jeweled accumulation at 6:44 PM on October 15, 2016 [7 favorites]

Ok...if you scroll all the way to the bottom of the page, there are some funny photos of a drunk Cara Delevingne...
posted by littlejohnnyjewel at 7:21 PM on October 15, 2016

I tell you what, this guy makes a pretty compelling case for replacing all current celebrity-gossip-columnists with sports writers.
posted by mstokes650 at 7:21 PM on October 15, 2016 [11 favorites]

Bow to your master, all ye listicles.
posted by No Robots at 7:28 PM on October 15, 2016 [5 favorites]

No need to understand or appreciate the whole list. Just know and respect that Ethan Hawke is the king of MSG celebrities taking over for Spike Lee.
posted by AugustWest at 7:44 PM on October 15, 2016 [1 favorite]

I don't know when i've used google and google image searches in such quick succession trying to find out who the majority of people here are and why they might be famous to someone.
posted by Conrad-Casserole at 8:21 PM on October 15, 2016

I don't know who any of these people are and I don't understand anything this man is saying.
posted by Horace Rumpole
I'm so not high enough to understand this article lol
posted by some loser
This is the best thing on the internet today.
posted by jeweled accumulation
All three of those statements are 100% true.
posted by oneswellfoop at 9:02 PM on October 15, 2016 [3 favorites]

Insomnia. That's my excuse. Still was a very very cryptic piece. epic level of fun ? level not unlocked.
posted by From Bklyn at 10:08 PM on October 15, 2016

I enjoyed that a lot more than expected. I was especially delighted to learn that Amanda Seyfried is actually kinda Lily Kane.
posted by lunasol at 10:39 PM on October 15, 2016 [1 favorite]

I don't know if there's anyone alive who can look more delighted than Justin Long. It's like childlike wonder meets cheesy stock photos of people celebrating, but all so earnest that you start to wonder if it's all fake but I'm pretty sure that nope, that dude's just hella delighted about things.
posted by jason_steakums at 10:52 PM on October 15, 2016

I found this amusing and charming. I probably don't want to read this style all the time, but for a Sunday morning it was good.
posted by shelleycat at 1:37 AM on October 16, 2016

Is Larry David even allowed to look happy in public? Isn't there a court decree or something?
posted by Thorzdad at 2:21 AM on October 16, 2016

I always love to see drunk celebrity pics, and the clear winner here is obviously the Kiefer Sutherland ashing his cigarette on a flower (which sounds hilarious, in a different way to the pic is, like he's a Dark Lord or something, stamping on sunbeams, ashing on flowers) because not only is he so drunk, he left drunk behind hours ago and is making good time getting to absolutely shitfaced, the flower in question is tucked into the waistband of his pants, but! he actually is waving two cigarettes around, completely unselfconsciously. I love to imagine him handing one off to someone, "'ere, hold this a second," so he can light another one. Perfect Keifer Sutherland pic. What a crush I had on him when I was a teenager.
posted by glitter at 2:53 AM on October 16, 2016 [4 favorites]

I like the sportsball writing that has video game GIFs in it. This is not that.
posted by emelenjr at 3:51 AM on October 16, 2016

What a crush I had on him when I was a teenager.

When he was a Lost Boy?

Because since then he seems to have become Denis Miller's fever dream.
posted by srboisvert at 6:09 AM on October 16, 2016

Do these people have to buy their tickets? If you are a little person how much is a court-side seat to the Knicks? There is something weird about a guy sitting in a hundred dollar seat preoccupied with what is happening on his phone.
posted by bukvich at 6:31 AM on October 16, 2016

Courtside is like 1500 bucks face. At least the sidelines. Baselines are significantly cheaper. But that assumes you can just get them.

I go to a few games a year and sit on the floor baseline and scene is hilarious. Think lots of very attractive people not paying attention.

Celebrities don't pay.
posted by JPD at 7:26 AM on October 16, 2016

Glossolalia
posted by kittens for breakfast at 7:54 AM on October 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

This is like if Tim Rogers wrote celebrity gossip. I love it.
posted by danb at 7:55 AM on October 16, 2016

Yeah this is delightful. I remember that Seyfried interview and falling off the couch laughing. Sorry but that has to be #1. LETS GO NYK MSG BABAY! (bow-deh-gah)
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:28 AM on October 16, 2016