\m/ CONGRATULATIONS \m/
October 21, 2016 9:17 PM Subscribe
Life imitates The Onion.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 9:26 PM on October 21, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 9:26 PM on October 21, 2016 [4 favorites]
It's really a shame that the whole "extremely cool engagement photos with a black metal band in the background" thing is overshadowing the fact that this guy is John AWESOME.
posted by yhbc at 9:29 PM on October 21, 2016 [69 favorites]
posted by yhbc at 9:29 PM on October 21, 2016 [69 favorites]
🤘 🤘 🤘
posted by limeonaire at 9:29 PM on October 21, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by limeonaire at 9:29 PM on October 21, 2016 [5 favorites]
This is great. I hope the band uses one of these pictures as their album cover, too.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 9:32 PM on October 21, 2016 [9 favorites]
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 9:32 PM on October 21, 2016 [9 favorites]
Heh. "yhbc shot first".
posted by yhbc at 9:32 PM on October 21, 2016 [6 favorites]
posted by yhbc at 9:32 PM on October 21, 2016 [6 favorites]
Awesome. (John Awesome!) Reminds me of this story of newlyweds happening upon a rap music video.
posted by danb at 9:38 PM on October 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by danb at 9:38 PM on October 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
I have very mixed feelings about the whole thing with wives taking the husband's name as a matter of tradition or whatever. (I know of one or two couples where the husband took the wife's name.) But how the hell do you not change your last name to Awesome at the first opportunity?
posted by scaryblackdeath at 9:55 PM on October 21, 2016 [37 favorites]
posted by scaryblackdeath at 9:55 PM on October 21, 2016 [37 favorites]
I am really glad I wasn't the only one thinking the buried lede here was that last name. I WANT TO BE MRS. AWESOME.
Also this was fantastic, thanks for sharing!
posted by bologna on wry at 10:05 PM on October 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
Also this was fantastic, thanks for sharing!
posted by bologna on wry at 10:05 PM on October 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
Aha! Wandering through mossy woods, I have never been able to shake the feeling that black metal bands might come springing out from behind tree trunks or lichen-bedecked hillocks at any moment.
This proves me right!
(also I'm quite jealous that this thing I have been joking about for years actually happened to someone)
posted by deadbilly at 10:05 PM on October 21, 2016 [10 favorites]
This proves me right!
(also I'm quite jealous that this thing I have been joking about for years actually happened to someone)
posted by deadbilly at 10:05 PM on October 21, 2016 [10 favorites]
If he wasn't born with that surname I call fake.
posted by wreckingball at 10:06 PM on October 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by wreckingball at 10:06 PM on October 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
I usually find engagement pictures a little silly, but this is the best thing I've seen all day. That's the kind of thing that happens to you when your name is Awesome.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:26 PM on October 21, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:26 PM on October 21, 2016 [4 favorites]
This story—unbelievably—buries the lede, which is that there is a real person named "John Awesome."
and that he does not go with Johnny. Heroes do heroic things.
posted by srboisvert at 10:35 PM on October 21, 2016 [7 favorites]
and that he does not go with Johnny. Heroes do heroic things.
posted by srboisvert at 10:35 PM on October 21, 2016 [7 favorites]
Definitely worth the price of the first born!
posted by fairmettle at 10:37 PM on October 21, 2016 [13 favorites]
posted by fairmettle at 10:37 PM on October 21, 2016 [13 favorites]
Please tell me they're going to hire them to play their wedding.
posted by the return of the thin white sock at 10:39 PM on October 21, 2016 [11 favorites]
posted by the return of the thin white sock at 10:39 PM on October 21, 2016 [11 favorites]
I kinda feel like if your last name is Awesome you're duty-bound to go out and get yourself a PhD.
posted by Itaxpica at 10:54 PM on October 21, 2016 [26 favorites]
posted by Itaxpica at 10:54 PM on October 21, 2016 [26 favorites]
It appears that Awesome is not his actual name:
http://www.johnawesome.com/
real name is Nguyen. Not sure why but this taints it for me.
posted by kingv at 11:33 PM on October 21, 2016
http://www.johnawesome.com/
real name is Nguyen. Not sure why but this taints it for me.
posted by kingv at 11:33 PM on October 21, 2016
In a world in which all right-thinking persons agree that gender is a matter of personal identity rather than biological morphology, surely we can find common ground in the concept that one defines ones' true name ones' self.
goddam possessive apostrophes, one is still uncertain if one has engaged in correct usage or incorrect usage
posted by mwhybark at 11:38 PM on October 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
goddam possessive apostrophes, one is still uncertain if one has engaged in correct usage or incorrect usage
posted by mwhybark at 11:38 PM on October 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
someone please tell the folks at ABC that cheesy 90s TV show metal does not pass as black metal and doesn't even come close
posted by pyramid termite at 1:16 AM on October 22, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by pyramid termite at 1:16 AM on October 22, 2016 [5 favorites]
At last, some good news in 2016.
posted by Joey Michaels at 1:27 AM on October 22, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by Joey Michaels at 1:27 AM on October 22, 2016 [3 favorites]
NO WEDDING CAKE TO FALSE METAL
posted by No-sword at 1:27 AM on October 22, 2016 [6 favorites]
posted by No-sword at 1:27 AM on October 22, 2016 [6 favorites]
Does no one realize that, by the ancient laws of the sea, the couple is now legally married to the band?
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:42 AM on October 22, 2016 [14 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:42 AM on October 22, 2016 [14 favorites]
It's a nice day for a
Black wedding!
(yes I know Billy Idol is not black metal)
(also: it irks me that John Awesome's favorite movie is "Forrest Gump.")
posted by chavenet at 4:10 AM on October 22, 2016 [2 favorites]
Black wedding!
(yes I know Billy Idol is not black metal)
(also: it irks me that John Awesome's favorite movie is "Forrest Gump.")
posted by chavenet at 4:10 AM on October 22, 2016 [2 favorites]
On the other hand -- "Forrest and Jenny themed photoshoot"?
Yucky.
posted by seinwave at 4:27 AM on October 22, 2016 [13 favorites]
Yucky.
posted by seinwave at 4:27 AM on October 22, 2016 [13 favorites]
Yeah, I also thought the real buried lede here was Forrest Gump engagement shoot o_0
posted by soren_lorensen at 5:08 AM on October 22, 2016 [8 favorites]
posted by soren_lorensen at 5:08 AM on October 22, 2016 [8 favorites]
Needs more ICY HOT STUNTAZ
posted by LastOfHisKind at 6:15 AM on October 22, 2016
posted by LastOfHisKind at 6:15 AM on October 22, 2016
This was literally exactly what I needed after watching Pat Buchanon bluster his way through an interview. I feel much more agreeable.
posted by mr. digits at 6:39 AM on October 22, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by mr. digits at 6:39 AM on October 22, 2016 [1 favorite]
The leader of the band? Tom Hanks.
This kind of thing is becoming routine.
posted by lagomorphius at 6:39 AM on October 22, 2016
Is this where I admit that when I read "black metal band" in the context of an engagement shoot I thought they found a ring made out of black metal somewhere in the woods and wondered why they were making such a fuss over it?
posted by peacheater at 6:49 AM on October 22, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by peacheater at 6:49 AM on October 22, 2016 [3 favorites]
I realize what a low form of trollery it is to shout "Fake!" but honestly...
Ehhhhh... I don't want to be that guy and it's funny either way.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 7:02 AM on October 22, 2016 [1 favorite]
Ehhhhh... I don't want to be that guy and it's funny either way.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 7:02 AM on October 22, 2016 [1 favorite]
Thank you peacheater! Yes, that was exactly my first thought too. I came in here just to confirm that I'm not the only one. Thanks for making me feel a little less silly.
posted by marsha56 at 7:51 AM on October 22, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by marsha56 at 7:51 AM on October 22, 2016 [1 favorite]
I'm feeling a little curmudgeon-y this morning, so forgive me, but this story is so twee that all I can think of is the first episode of the new season of Black Mirror.
posted by Ickster at 8:21 AM on October 22, 2016
posted by Ickster at 8:21 AM on October 22, 2016
I thought they found a ring made out of black metal somewhere in the woods and wondered why they were making such a fuss over it?
They did! Then they foolishly used that wring to call up minions from Satan's Darkest Pits! Then came the guitar solo, and Madness and Darkness reigned over All...
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:53 AM on October 22, 2016 [3 favorites]
They did! Then they foolishly used that wring to call up minions from Satan's Darkest Pits! Then came the guitar solo, and Madness and Darkness reigned over All...
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:53 AM on October 22, 2016 [3 favorites]
Good way to ward off the creepy clowns!
posted by The Ardship of Cambry at 9:11 AM on October 22, 2016
posted by The Ardship of Cambry at 9:11 AM on October 22, 2016
I wish they'd done one with the band way in the background, like Slender man.
posted by AFABulous at 10:13 AM on October 22, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by AFABulous at 10:13 AM on October 22, 2016 [3 favorites]
When I read black metal band, I was secretly hoping for this.
posted by 4ster at 11:00 AM on October 22, 2016
posted by 4ster at 11:00 AM on October 22, 2016
Then came the guitar solo, and Madness
It must be love
posted by chavenet at 2:14 PM on October 22, 2016 [4 favorites]
It must be love
posted by chavenet at 2:14 PM on October 22, 2016 [4 favorites]
John Awesome? Is he some kind of BamBrogan-esque larger-than-life hero-entrepreneur?
posted by acb at 2:44 PM on October 22, 2016
posted by acb at 2:44 PM on October 22, 2016
"Ladies and gentlemen, may I present... MR AND MRS AWESOME!"
*wedding party bangs heads in unison* \m/
posted by Diag at 10:54 PM on October 22, 2016 [1 favorite]
*wedding party bangs heads in unison* \m/
posted by Diag at 10:54 PM on October 22, 2016 [1 favorite]
> I WANT TO BE MRS. AWESOME
I am 100% opposed to women changing their names when they get married... I thought. But suddenly I find myself rethinking that position.
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:15 PM on October 23, 2016 [1 favorite]
I am 100% opposed to women changing their names when they get married... I thought. But suddenly I find myself rethinking that position.
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:15 PM on October 23, 2016 [1 favorite]
I have very mixed feelings about the whole thing with wives taking the husband's name as a matter of tradition or whatever. (I know of one or two couples where the husband took the wife's name.) But how the hell do you not change your last name to Awesome at the first opportunity?
I don't know where else I'm going to get to tell this story, so:
A friend of mine got married a few years back, and was agonizing over what to do about a last name. I am usually 100% on the keep-your-name train, but this friend's surname is Coffey, pronounced like the elixir of life. Her husband is a Moore. I don't ask for much in this life, but I am still the faintest bit disappointed that we were deprived of Mr. and Mrs. Moore-Coffey.
posted by Mayor West at 4:19 AM on October 24, 2016 [5 favorites]
I don't know where else I'm going to get to tell this story, so:
A friend of mine got married a few years back, and was agonizing over what to do about a last name. I am usually 100% on the keep-your-name train, but this friend's surname is Coffey, pronounced like the elixir of life. Her husband is a Moore. I don't ask for much in this life, but I am still the faintest bit disappointed that we were deprived of Mr. and Mrs. Moore-Coffey.
posted by Mayor West at 4:19 AM on October 24, 2016 [5 favorites]
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posted by Hermione Granger at 9:26 PM on October 21, 2016 [6 favorites]