April 12, 2002
11:09 AM   Subscribe

When I get depressed about the trials and tribulations of planning my upcoming wedding, I visit Etiquette Hell, and give thanks that I'm not any of these people! or the web-designer, but it's still a funny site
posted by anastasiav (24 comments total)
tee hee. i found that site a few months ago on a wedding planning-related message board and it's a hoot! when's your wedding?
posted by phooey at 11:14 AM on April 12, 2002

The people in those stories should have checked with Emily Post first.
posted by jaden at 11:35 AM on April 12, 2002

Might be OT, but here goes...

My fiance and I are arguing over the invites to our wedding. She wants to hand address every envelope, I say dump them to a printer with labels and be done with it. She claims, "That's just not done." Why not?

Her way, she has to do envelopes twice, (once for the invite, and once for the 'Thank you' notes.
posted by Hugh2d2 at 12:16 PM on April 12, 2002

If you're planning a traditional wedding, great. Go by the book. I avoided that path because you end up judging your ceremony on an unachievable ideal.

Bottom line - your wedding is a party with your friends to celebrate a momentous commitment in your life. I'm not saying be tacky or insulting, but just do what you want to do. Anyone worth having at the ceremony will understand and appreciate your style.

I personally consider asking for gifts to be a horrible tradition whose time has past. Most couples these days aren't so young and poor as to need "new everything" to start their new life. So I just told people we'd be honored with their presence. If they feel compelled to give a gift, give one to their favorite charity. That was in stark contrast to another wedding many of my relatives were invited to for the next weekend for a millionaire. "Richie Rich" had registered for a $500 vase, and other ridiculousness. Whereas, a poor couple I know had gone through a Target store with their "registery gun" tagging everything from toilet plungers to Disney videos. Ugh. Gift giving loses its charm when there's no thought involved.
posted by fleener at 12:20 PM on April 12, 2002

Hugh2d2, your problem is trivial! I know a couple who argued over the cost of envelopes. The groom chose to buy blank paper and make his own! No, the hand-made envelopes were not special. They looked regular. Yes, he did spend forever folding and taping them. Getting married does something to your brain.
posted by fleener at 12:25 PM on April 12, 2002

I know it's not a big deal, (even less so because I don't have to do the work!) and if this is as bad as it gets with the wedding fights, I'll consider us lucky.
posted by Hugh2d2 at 12:27 PM on April 12, 2002

Hugh2d2 - Unless you're having a come-in-shorts-for-a-wedding-on-the-beach wedding, computer-generated labels placed on formal wedding invitations [assuming that's what you have] is inappropriate.

[11 years ago] I addressed all my invitations [80] and thank-yous myself in my best penmanship. Many people also hire a calligrapher to do their invitations.

I recently received an invitation to the wedding of a great friend, and whoever did her invitations spelled both my last name and my husband's first name wrong. That trickled down to the place cards, everything...our names wrong. That really frosted me...
posted by sbgrove at 12:32 PM on April 12, 2002

this website is awesome. thanks for the link, anastasia.
posted by moz at 12:34 PM on April 12, 2002

Not only is it a hilarious site, but it deserves an award for the best use of those flaming animated gifs, too! And as someone who's been married 28 years, let me offer my congratulations to all of you who are about to be wed!
posted by Lynsey at 12:38 PM on April 12, 2002

For those people who've already settled their home, I purchase a goat for their gift. For those who are just starting out, I usually end up buying raku, 'cause I know that it's a gift that won't be duplicated.

The goat usually is a hit. :-)
posted by five fresh fish at 12:46 PM on April 12, 2002

Another perspective... I would not be put off by a computer-printed envelope. I prefer a ceremony, and invitations, that capture your essence. If calligraphy captures your style, great, go for it. Whatever you do, make it memorable. Twenty years from now people will remember the things that did not follow strict tradition (and hopefully they're good memories).
posted by fleener at 1:00 PM on April 12, 2002

five fresh fish: Too bad I already registered for a llama.
posted by Hugh2d2 at 1:14 PM on April 12, 2002

Excellent site! I'm going to have my fiancee read it. She has the potential to freak out if something goes wrong with the wedding, so I'm hoping she'll be able to put it in perspective when something does happen....and something ALWAYS happens.

Personally, I'll be quite happy when July 7th rolls around. The day AFTER the wedding is the day I'm most anticipating. I'll have a wonderful time during the wedding day, and I'll have great memories of it, but I can't wait for the worry/stress/planning to be gone.
posted by grum@work at 1:55 PM on April 12, 2002

Grum: I'm getting married on the same day, July 6th. Small web, huh?
posted by Hugh2d2 at 2:14 PM on April 12, 2002

I'm with fleener. The ceremony & all that goes with it should be an expression of your own style. It would never occur to me to be offended by the way a person did their invites (but I even found some of the stories on the site inoffensive, so I'm no judge).

I dunno, I guess if you do a traditional wedding, where you'll get around $100 worth of a gift from each guest, the least you can do is take the time to invite them personally, i.e., write the name yourself. But blindly following tradition is different from choosing to appreciate all yr guests etc. My attitude is, instead of just doing what you're "supposed to do", to think about what you want to do and why it's important to you and all that.
posted by mdn at 2:19 PM on April 12, 2002

Heh, great site...reading it reminded me why my sweetie and I ran off to Vegas. We invited my best friend and her husband and his best friend and girlfriend and had a blast. Because the six of us were able to run around and have a good time, there was no pressure about the wedding at all, it was fabulous. The pictures turned out beautifully and sending them to mulitple sets of divorced parents was much easier than trying to get them all in one room together. (Gods forbid.)
posted by dejah420 at 2:45 PM on April 12, 2002

Indeed a great site. I enjoyed it a lot. I did however see it as proof that one person's "unique" or "cute" way of doing something is someone elses "tacky" or "tasteless" abomination. Take, for example, wedding invitations printed on ribbon.
posted by ilsa at 3:07 PM on April 12, 2002

grum@work and Hugh2d2: we're getting married on july 6th as well! do either of you have wedding websites? hee hee.

as far as invitation labels go, i'm kind of anti-label, but if you do use labels, get the clear kind! =) i'm inlisting a few friends with great handwriting to help me address mine. i imagine it'll be a lot of work but it makes it personal. when i get card sized envelopes with a label on it, i immediately think of a political fundraiser or some kind of advertisement.

just my two cents.
posted by phooey at 3:47 PM on April 12, 2002

Hey, I have a story up on that site - the one in the Tacky Wedding Vendors archive about the minister who sprung "obey" on the bride after she and the groom had repeatedly told him they didn't want it in the wedding. The site's been around for a long time, but it still makes for some marvelous reading.
posted by apollonia6 at 5:49 PM on April 12, 2002

Not that I'm the expert on How To Have A Swell Wedding, but we did it a little differently. We invited about three dozen friends and family to a concert on the beach around sunset. A string quartet, chairs and blankets for all, some food and beverage, just an hour or so of stress-free relaxation on a beautiful South Carolina spring evening. Then, my soon-to-be-wife and I stood up and said, "Guess what, we're getting married right here, right now - we didn't want anyone to get stressed or have to do anything but enjoy themselves."

And we did. And had a low-stress reception for the wider net of friends and family a couple weeks later. Much easier on everyone.

Although before the wedding, my mom kept eyeballing me and smiling, but didn't say anything. Moms Just Know.
posted by ebarker at 6:04 PM on April 12, 2002

but it deserves an award for the best use of those flaming animated gifs, too!

And the animated flames are named "fire2.gif" which means that somewhere, someplace exists a "fire1.gif" or worse yet, a "fire.gif". Shudder...

I was married in a courthose in Cook County so really have no foot to stand on when it comes to etiquette. At least I wore dockers.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 6:24 PM on April 12, 2002

City Hall, New York. It's a delightful 30 second ceremony -- and still screwed up when the justice kept mispronouncing my name, just to be corrected by my bride over & over again. Ah, good times.
posted by muckster at 7:36 PM on April 12, 2002

One of the objections to printed labels on invitations is that we already get tons of things in the mail with preprinted addresses, most of which we don't want. You want your wedding invitations to look like junk mail? For formality, you're expected to break out the good stuff and make the extra effort, and that includes the personal touch of writing things with you own hand (or any other hands you can press into service). After all, this is an important milestone in your life, and efficiency isn't always the best way.

But of course, engraving is also mass-produced writing, and nobody thinks engraved invitations are tacky, so the logic falls apart a bit there. Fortunately, whatever you do, there are no etiquette cops to come and arrest you. Just remember that weddings bring out hitherto unsuspected emotions and ideas in people, both participants and attendees, and try and cope the best you can.
posted by JanetLand at 7:02 AM on April 13, 2002

Setting: St. X's church, agreeable to both sides of the family.

Mandatory to use the church's wedding coordinator, and oh by the way, the suggested donation had gone up. That's OK; we had anticipated some sticker shock. Like buying a house, doing a wedding involves distributing a lot of money to a lot of parties.

Also mandatory that the wedding coordinator would play the organ herself. OK... I was still happy they were even turning the thing on (their services, even on Christmas Eve and Easter, use piano only).

She had a short playlist of only the usual wedding music (Mendelssohn, Air on G String, Kanon, etc). No, she couldn't play anything different.

Her fee was cash only. And when we arrived (after stopping by the ATM), she said she didn't have change.

Definite low point of the wedding preparation.
posted by kurumi at 9:12 AM on April 13, 2002

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