Haranguing Chad: How Nickelback became pop’s ultimate punchline
November 30, 2016 10:49 AM   Subscribe

This week, reports the Charlottetown Guardian, police in Kensington, Prince Edward Island threatened to force impaired drivers to listen to Nickelback while locked in the back of a police cruiser. But, reports the UK Guardian, "they’re hardly the first band to be turned into a punchline that doesn’t require a set-up. Sting’s career has suffered for years from the notion that he is some kind of tantric sex god, based on a throwaway comment he made in a 1990 interview."
posted by mandolin conspiracy (93 comments total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
 
"Haranguing Chad" is the pun we all need — and deserve — today.
posted by wemayfreeze at 10:51 AM on November 30, 2016 [31 favorites]


In what specific way is a musician's career impeded by the the notion that they're also a tantric sex god? I can see that being an issue in other professions, but a musician?
posted by mhoye at 11:05 AM on November 30, 2016 [4 favorites]


I think it makes more sense to say that Sting's career was impeded by the notion that he claimed to be a tantric sex god, similar to how Al Gore was hurt by the notion that he claimed to have invented the internet.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 11:09 AM on November 30, 2016 [5 favorites]


They would have both been better off admitting that it's the other way around.
posted by The Gaffer at 11:11 AM on November 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


Look at this old mugshot
When I was driving drunk and I got caught
Instead of walking home or calling a hack
I wound up listening to Nickelback
posted by uncleozzy at 11:12 AM on November 30, 2016 [5 favorites]


Timing matters. If the Sting of 1978-83 said he was a tantric sex god, then it might have meant something. No one's going to believe the String of 1990.

Plus, if you have to tell people you're a tantric sex god, you're probably not.
posted by honestcoyote at 11:15 AM on November 30, 2016 [5 favorites]


I can't think of Sting without thinking about his album The Tepid Heart, from the inevitable Onion article.
posted by and for no one at 11:20 AM on November 30, 2016 [5 favorites]


I am the tantric sex god of tv dinners.
posted by zippy at 11:20 AM on November 30, 2016 [2 favorites]


> Mick Hucknall’s reputation as a shagger was more self-imposed. “Between 1985 and 1987, I would sleep with about three women a day, every day,” he said in a 2010 interview. “I never said no. This was what I wanted from being a pop star.” Yet it blighted his already oily music with the thoughts of his oily maw bearing down on thousands of women.

I didn't think this video* could get any sleazier, but Mick Hucknall found a way.

* in which I like to assume he is supposed to be a ghost
posted by The Card Cheat at 11:21 AM on November 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


Even marrying Avril Lavigne, and nursing her through lyme disease, couldn’t rescue Kroeger’s rep

I mean, it's really sweet that he nursed her through lyme disease, but in what way is marrying her going to fix your reputation for making shitty music? That's just doubling down.
posted by lumpenprole at 11:30 AM on November 30, 2016 [5 favorites]


But the article doesn't explain the "how" at all - it just gives a list of artists in similar situations.
posted by AFABulous at 11:39 AM on November 30, 2016 [2 favorites]


I was kinda disappointed in the article. I was hoping for a deeper look at why and how this sort of thing occurred. I'm not here to defend Nickleback, but I have always found it strange that people have found it perfectly acceptable to casually dismiss a band in this way. It reminds me of some types of online bullying - where someone is not able to defend themselves.
posted by greenhornet at 11:40 AM on November 30, 2016 [9 favorites]


Piling on happens a lot with mobs and online. When I first heard people talking shit about Nickleback I went on YouTube to see what they meant and . . . they are not noticeably awful. Same with Avril Lavigne--songs are a bit silly but she is a reasonably competent singer.
posted by Bee'sWing at 11:48 AM on November 30, 2016 [5 favorites]


I'm not sure it's a question that really demands a deep answer. Nickelback is bashed because they are perceived as a dumb, derivative post-grunge band with no other ambitions. It's really no different than the reasons why Bush or Stone Temple Pilots were bashed when they first came on the scene. I think Nickelback punch lines are longer lasting because the band came years later when that style of music was even more blatantly uncool, and unlike a band like STP they never seemed to have a second act that proved anybody wrong.
posted by AndrewInDC at 11:49 AM on November 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


greenhornet, Google says Chad Kroeger's net worth is $60 million (not counting his wife's) so perhaps he is crying in his Scrooge McDuck-style pool of money.
posted by AFABulous at 11:50 AM on November 30, 2016 [11 favorites]


doesn't explain the "how" at all

I'm sure the germans have a word for it but it's a product that has been processed and made generic in an attempt to appeal to appeal to everyone to the point it's just vaguely awful and you can't put a finger on why. See 2 1/2 men, Dane Cook, and TV dinners for more examples.
posted by cmfletcher at 11:51 AM on November 30, 2016 [7 favorites]


Here are some theories: Our Hate Has Saved Nickelback
posted by bitterkitten at 11:55 AM on November 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


They would have both been better off admitting that it's the other way around.

Al Gore invented Tantric Sex & Sting is an Internet God?
posted by Devils Rancher at 12:05 PM on November 30, 2016 [12 favorites]


We are now at that strange point where actually making jokes about the quality of Nickelback's music is in itself incredibly tired and derivative, at the level of pronouncing Target "Tar-zhay" or calling a football or baseball game "Sportsball".
posted by The Gooch at 12:06 PM on November 30, 2016 [18 favorites]


I suppose that in reality there are probably a lot more bands you could do this with that don't attract the same level of eyerolling, but this mashup of Nickelback's two biggest singles did really seem like a hilarious self-own when I first heard it. It seems to immediately validate everything you might have already thought about the band's general unadventurousness.
posted by en forme de poire at 12:09 PM on November 30, 2016 [7 favorites]


Nickelback is bashed because they are perceived as a dumb, derivative post-grunge band with no other ambitions.

The lyrics don't help, either. It really feels like they want to be the patron saint of the obnoxious frat boy. The name Chad is extremely appropriate.
posted by Mitrovarr at 12:15 PM on November 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


I like a couple of Nickelback songs. They're not a great band by any means, and tend to go back over the same territory, but I don't think they deserve being singled out. Yeah, it's obnoxious frat boy rock, but it's musically harmless and fun when you're in the mood for it.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 12:17 PM on November 30, 2016 [5 favorites]


When I think Sting I think "I Hope The Russians Love Their Children Too." Nobody cares what he said about tantric sex; his career has suffered for years from shit songs.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 12:28 PM on November 30, 2016 [4 favorites]


similar to how Al Gore was hurt by the notion that he claimed to have invented the internet.

Oh that discredited myth rears its head again
posted by blucevalo at 12:29 PM on November 30, 2016 [6 favorites]


"The 'Back" has to be the worst nickname-via-truncation I've ever heard. But like, of COURSE that would be the case for that band.
posted by Maaik at 12:31 PM on November 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


They are a pretty bad band, no question. But that isn't enough to become the punchline of every music joke in North America. They are a pretty bad band that is very successful, which earns them the scorn of every music critic and wannabe rockstar in the world. To fill arenas while sucking is the worst crime. (And who hasn't wanted to be a rock star at some point? "Wannabe rockstar" is a circle containing all the other circles on the Venn diagram of people.)

I think there is more to it, though. I think Nickelback jokes have reached their own critical mass. They are the punchline because they have been the punchline for so long. If I were a betting man, I'd bet there are a lot of people making Nickelback jokes who have never knowingly heard a Nickelback song.
posted by Cranialtorque at 12:31 PM on November 30, 2016 [2 favorites]


Nickleback? Pfft. Being forced to listen to Barenaked Ladies would be my personal equivalent to Winston being fitted with a face cage full of rats.
posted by The Card Cheat at 12:31 PM on November 30, 2016 [13 favorites]


I'm willing to bet if we dig down deep enough into this question, we'll also find out a lot of uncomfortable truths about, say, why the Democrats are currently in shambles. It can't be the case that this band is universally, unanimously loathed, and also a multi-platinum-selling, arena-filling band with adoring fans. It's not that "we can all agree" that Nickelback are awful. Instead, "we" should probably be interrogating that "we" portion to find out why anyone would feel comfortable making such a statement without cognitive dissonance. We've reached a point where "universal" just means universal for our specific online cultural echo chambers. And once it could be determined that you'd get cultural capital by signaling as one of "the right kind" of music listeners, the kind that sees Nickelback as hollow generic sellouts aping a long-out-of-favor alt-grunge sound and neutering it into soft rock, then the jokes achieved critical mass. But you were just spending a ton of time around other people invested in the same cultural capital as you.
posted by naju at 12:40 PM on November 30, 2016 [26 favorites]


Sting damaged himself with the lute more than with the tantric sex thing, in my view.

If you want to appreciate Andy Summers and (especially) Stewart Copeland, compare the OK but somewhat pedestrian shuffley-noodly "Shadows In the Rain", recorded on the first Sting solo album, to the spooky, angular, Policified recording. The first version is about what he brought to the band.
posted by thelonius at 12:43 PM on November 30, 2016 [3 favorites]




2017: NICKELBACK VOTED CANADA'S WORST BAND: Band wins record number of Junos
2018: PROGRESSIVE NICKELBACKS SWEEP PARLIAMENT: Kroeger sworn in at Rideau Hall
posted by infinitewindow at 12:59 PM on November 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


The question to me is less why people make fun of that era/genre and more why it's Nickelback and not, I dunno Puddle of Mudd or 3 Doors Down. I guess they are just particularly successful and the videos illustrating their hit formula probably didn't help their case. And Chad portrays a certain dopily earnest bro-ness that's easy to mock, - and that's actually very calculated, which is easy to mock from another direction.
posted by atoxyl at 1:04 PM on November 30, 2016 [4 favorites]


I'd bet there are a lot of people making Nickelback jokes who have never knowingly heard a Nickelback song.

I've made Nickelback jokes and I have never knowingly heard a Nickelback song.
posted by slogger at 1:08 PM on November 30, 2016 [3 favorites]


I was kinda disappointed in the article. I was hoping for a deeper look at why and how this sort of thing occurred. I'm not here to defend Nickleback, but I have always found it strange that people have found it perfectly acceptable to casually dismiss a band in this way. It reminds me of some types of online bullying - where someone is not able to defend themselves.

I wouldn't want to make fun of a dedicated Nickelback fan to their face or more than gently. The band is far too rich to care and in fact seem quite willing to laugh about it.

I've made Nickelback jokes and I have never knowingly heard a Nickelback song.

not that you asked but here you go (you've probably unknowingly heard it)

They make hooky, extremely middle-of-the-road rock music. I don't know if all their songs sound just like that but they have several songs that sound just like that. If you're expecting them to be unlistenable or incompetent that's not it - the memes are rooted more in their genericness.
posted by atoxyl at 1:14 PM on November 30, 2016


Charlie Brooker taught me that Mick Hucknall's genitals are used for much worse things than shagging.
posted by delfin at 1:17 PM on November 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


(And who hasn't wanted to be a rock star at some point? "Wannabe rockstar" is a circle containing all the other circles on the Venn diagram of people.)

A comment so overwhelmingly true that Nickelback wrote a song about it..
posted by Sparx at 1:25 PM on November 30, 2016 [3 favorites]


Guys, you gotta look at this graph. It explains a lot.
posted by Groundhog Week at 1:29 PM on November 30, 2016 [4 favorites]


Re: the Snopes article about Al Gore inventing the Internet

I was impressed by Kahn & Cerf's defense of Al Gore's actual claims. In contrast, what Snopes wrote here just shows that there is no justice in the world:

If, for example, President Eisenhower had said in the mid-1960s that he, while president, "took the initiative in creating the Interstate Highway System," he would not have been the subject of dozens and dozens of editorials lampooning him for claiming he "invented" the concept of highways or implying that he personally went out and dug ditches across the country to help build the roadway. Everyone would have understood that Eisenhower meant he was a driving force behind the legislation that created the highway system

Certainly Eisenhower's name is on all those highway signs, and my perception is that one of the few things that the popular imagination could tell you him is that he was responsible for the Interstate highways. However, the book The Big Roads by Earl Swift makes a strong point that Eisenhower gets far too much credit here. As I recall, the Interstate System plans had been stalled in Congress for decades when Eisenhower picked it up as some pork that he could use to make deals.

Meanwhile, the jokes will follow Al Gore into the grave.
posted by polecat at 1:34 PM on November 30, 2016 [2 favorites]


Even marrying Avril Lavigne, and nursing her through lyme disease, couldn’t rescue Kroeger’s rep

Is there any other person Chad Kroeger possibly could have married except Avril Lavigne? Is it possible for a world to exist where there is Avril Lavigne and there is Chad Kroeger and they do not marry?
posted by atoxyl at 1:40 PM on November 30, 2016 [9 favorites]


Is this where I admit to having attended a Nickelback concert? In my defense, I was 15 and didn't really enjoy it. :/
posted by quaking fajita at 1:42 PM on November 30, 2016


I don't honestly know or care enough about Chad Kroeger to make a judgment, but I was honestly a little surprised that Avril Lavigne married him.

I always figured she'd end up with someone more punk. Maybe someone from a Blink 182 knock-off band. Or a pro skater. Sk8er?
posted by explosion at 1:43 PM on November 30, 2016 [2 favorites]


why it's Nickelback and not, I dunno Puddle of Mudd or 3 Doors Down

Why is it always Thai food and not Laotian food, or Burmese food? The world is a mystery, man.
posted by lumpenprole at 1:47 PM on November 30, 2016 [3 favorites]


She divorced the singer of Sum-41 before marrying the guy from Nickelback, and they have also split up. I don't why there's part of my brain dedicated to knowing that.
posted by Ruki at 1:52 PM on November 30, 2016 [6 favorites]


I'd bet there are a lot of people making Nickelback jokes who have never knowingly heard a Nickelback song.
There's two kinds of people in the world: people who never heard Nickelback, and people who have listened to their entire discography.
(and that's mostly the joke with Nickelback - they're not highschool band playing Metallica bad, but their creative vocabulary to make a single is extremely limited).

Guys, you gotta look at this graph . It explains a lot.
Maybe it's the goatee, but Kroeger here looks like a generic model from a 2000-ish game. Like, something you can summon on a console with GenericMale21_LonghairBlonde. I bet the next model was GenericMale22_FrostedTips or something.

Is there any other person Chad Kroeger possibly could have married except Avril Lavigne?
Maybe... AN ACTRESS?

Also:
MetaFilter: I was 15 and didn't really enjoy it
posted by lmfsilva at 2:02 PM on November 30, 2016


'Ow much more beige could this be? The answer is none. None more beige.
posted by Existential Dread at 2:34 PM on November 30, 2016 [3 favorites]


I remember the first time hearing the name "Nickelback", before I had ever heard a single note of their music, and writing them off just on the obvious juvenile double-entendre beaver reference alone.
posted by rocket88 at 2:34 PM on November 30, 2016


I have heard Nickelback. I don't like them. They're not offensive to the ear, they're competent musicians. They're just boring and unoriginal, but they're boring and unoriginal in a way that sells records to the kind of people who want Generic Rock Song to rock out to while they do things.

And I'm willing to bet someone could make a similar argument about a band or artist I like in a different genre.
posted by SansPoint at 2:34 PM on November 30, 2016


Nickelback : rock :: Kenny G : jazz
posted by Existential Dread at 2:39 PM on November 30, 2016 [6 favorites]


I'm willing to bet someone could make a similar argument

You just listen to Gesualdo so you can rock out to chromatic harmonies while you murder people do things.
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 2:40 PM on November 30, 2016 [5 favorites]


sandettie light vessel automatic: I had to Google that.
posted by SansPoint at 2:43 PM on November 30, 2016


Gesualdo is awesome. Listening to his work, it struck me as very aligned with contemporary music of the early 20th century, like the Schoenberg 12 tone stuff. It's awesome that Renaissance music and modernist music are adventurous bookends to the much more structured tonal language of the baroque/classical/romantic eras.
posted by Existential Dread at 2:46 PM on November 30, 2016 [2 favorites]


... Instead of walking home or calling a hack, I wound up listening to Nickelback

Burma Shave
posted by Bruce H. at 3:11 PM on November 30, 2016 [7 favorites]


(and that's mostly the joke with Nickelback - they're not highschool band playing Metallica bad)

Although part of the joke is that they literally started as a Metallica cover band when they were in their late teens.
posted by AndrewInDC at 3:29 PM on November 30, 2016


Sting damaged himself with the lute more than with the tantric sex thing, in my view.

I'm down with medieval instruments, but I'll take Donovan's Hurdy Gurdy Man over Sting's Hurdy Gurdy Man any day. Donovan's was used to particularly creepy effect in the movie L.I.E.

But c'mon Sting...I know you were dying to bust out the slap bass when you were doing Higher Ground with Stevie Wonder. Be free. You, too, have the funk within. You know that something somewhere has to break.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 3:30 PM on November 30, 2016 [3 favorites]


So after hearing the Nickelback joke thousands upon thousands of times, but not having a clue what they sounded like, I just now went and listened to what I vaguely remember being their hit, Photograph.

And, really? This is what people accuse other people of liking in order to be mean/funny?

I mean, it's not the best song in the world, but it sounds like a million other Star-98.7-Rock-That's-Safe-for-Adults type songs from the early 2000's.

I honestly don't get it. Is the singer dude an asshole or something?
posted by sideshow at 3:47 PM on November 30, 2016 [2 favorites]


but it sounds like a million other Star-98.7-Rock-That's-Safe-for-Adults type songs from the early 2000's.

(Fame/Talent)*(1/Originality) = annoyance
posted by Jon Mitchell at 3:52 PM on November 30, 2016 [2 favorites]


Y'all ALWAYS say that my favorite bands suck! But I voted for Hillary; I am not a very bad person, really.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 3:59 PM on November 30, 2016 [2 favorites]


not that you asked but here you go (you've probably unknowingly heard it)

I've never heard that before but it's not really as bad as I feared. It's not good but doesn't seem any worse than a lot of 90s music.
posted by octothorpe at 3:59 PM on November 30, 2016


But c'mon Sting...I know you were dying to bust out the slap bass

I can never tell if he just picks with his thumb, or if he actually is wearing a thumbpick.
posted by thelonius at 4:09 PM on November 30, 2016 [2 favorites]


I suspect that most of the people bothered by Sting's tantric sex god claims were people who weren't big fans of his anyway. Seems like an odd thing to get het up about outside of the usual "getting more than me" jealousy and resentment.
posted by fuse theorem at 4:15 PM on November 30, 2016


I honestly don't get it. Is the singer dude an asshole or something?

Not a fan of Nickelback (hey - people like the music they like, and I didn't post this with the intent of "They suck amirite?"), but in terms of Canada at least, the wellspring of the hate may be tall poppy syndrome combined with Canadian Content rules for radio play, so whether people are fans or not, they're hard to avoid.

I thought the interesting thing about this is that the smallest local police force on PEI managed to go viral with an anti-drunk driving message, demonstrating some meme-savvy by that force.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:26 PM on November 30, 2016 [3 favorites]


I've always felt that System of a Down never really got the laughing and pointing that they deserved. There was just this one time when Noel Gallagher said:
"Do you ever look at the sky and think, I'm glad I'm alive? After I heard System of a Down, I thought, I'm actually alive to hear the shittiest band of all time. Which is quite something when you think about it. Of all the bands that have gone before and all the bands that'll be in the future, I was around when the worst was around."
posted by w0mbat at 5:07 PM on November 30, 2016 [5 favorites]


If the Sting of 1978-83 said he was a tantric sex god, then it might have meant something. No one's going to believe the String of 1990.


Honestcoyote, is this a typo, or am I missing something about the 1990 Sting?
posted by BlueHorse at 5:08 PM on November 30, 2016


Seems like an odd thing to get het up about outside of the usual "getting more than me" jealousy and resentment.

I have always loved the Police, have a soft spot even for the early solo albums, but...claiming you can have sex for 12 hours straight due to your mystic powers is asking to be thoroughly mocked. For more than 12 hours.
posted by praemunire at 5:42 PM on November 30, 2016 [2 favorites]


He can't last quite so long with a partner, of course.
posted by thelonius at 6:02 PM on November 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


Huh. I always thought Sting's problem is that he is a fatuous twit. If Spread a Little Happiness doesn't make you wince, how about this load of crap. I'm sorry wait, was that some one-sided propaganda designed for a country that innovated in defunding public services and creating a homeless underclass? Do the Americans love their children too? Survey says.. NOPE!

I really can't criticize his rainforest work, I just wonder how much of that money actually went to preserving rainforest and not just replanting for tree farms or "educating" the indigenous out of savagery and into prostitution or other such scams.

Honestly, the tantric sex thing was all part of Sting's rock star status effect. He's got to make believe he's greater than human otherwise his terrible karma will rise up and extinguish him. It's that same reality distortion we all use to pretend we're not bacteria controlled food tubes struggling under the yoke of a planet that almost entirely consists of waste products.
posted by BYiro at 6:04 PM on November 30, 2016 [4 favorites]


Sting makes terrible music and has ever since he left the Police (if not a little before). However, he did supposedly say, "I could shit a pop song for breakfast," which earns him a pass in my book.

I am a person who disliked Nickelback before I knew who they were, let me tell you how it happened. I listen to FM radio a lot in my car, ever since my iPod got stolen from it. I listen to everything, so of course the 'Back will pop up. Since radio DJs never backsell anymore, I never knew who was responsible for lots of songs, including theirs. I of course was already aware of their reputation by name, just not by music. I remember at some point I actually looked them up on YouTube and listened to some videos. "Oh, it's THAT band." QED or whatever.

That's the thing about the 'Back: they so permeate the culture that the things people say turn out being the truth. It ebbs and flows, and The Beatles ("The 'Les") went through this period of uncoolness in the 70s and probably into the 80s. Nickleback will have their resurgence, all will be forgotten, and their critics will remain where they always have been: outside the awareness of the band's fans.

Every generation gets its sin-eaters. Of Rock.
posted by rhizome at 7:17 PM on November 30, 2016


Not a fan of Nickelback (hey - people like the music they like, and I didn't post this with the intent of "They suck amirite?"), but in terms of Canada at least, the wellspring of the hate may be tall poppy syndrome combined with Canadian Content rules for radio play, so whether people are fans or not, they're hard to avoid.

Yeah, I was kind of surprised it took this long for someone to mention CanCon. You guys know that Canadian law legislates that radio stations must play 30-40% songs created by Canadians, right? (Hilariously, upon looking this up I found that the definition for what counts as Canadian enough is literally called MAPL. I am giggling and poking my partner as I type.) So if you're listening to a Canadian Top 40 station or whatever bland inoffensive music is getting piped into your store/workplace/general background, often the radio will just take whatever popular-ish Canadian-made tracks qualify and repeat them ad nauseum to buff out their Canadian Content levels. This has always struck me as a strategy guaranteed to make Canadians absolutely hate Canadian music via overexposure.

Anyway, I always figured that CanCon had inflamed the Nickelback hatred of enough very vocal Canadians that the hatefest filtered over to the rest of the English-speaking world via the internet and, well, Canadians spreading the anti-gospel.
posted by sciatrix at 7:51 PM on November 30, 2016 [4 favorites]


Groundhog Week: "Guys, you gotta look at this graph. It explains a lot."

This is honest to goodness in the running for my favorite piece of video of all time. It's just perfect every time I watch it.
posted by crazy with stars at 9:05 PM on November 30, 2016 [3 favorites]


Anyway, I always figured that CanCon had inflamed the Nickelback hatred of enough very vocal Canadians that the hatefest filtered over to the rest of the English-speaking world via the internet and, well, Canadians spreading the anti-gospel.

This about sums it up.

But folks, please don't drink and drive.

That applies to you, Chad Kroeger:

Kroeger, whose real name is Chad Turton, had almost twice the legal limit of alcohol in his system when he was stopped for speeding in Surrey, B.C., in June 2006.

He was driving a $175,000 Lamborghini through Surrey, B.C., at around 2 a.m.


You can understand why "Chad Turton's Nickelback Explosion," or "Chad Turton's Big Nickel" might not have been on his list for band names.

And yes, that's a vague Kids in the Hall reference, pace Rod Torfulson.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:09 PM on November 30, 2016 [2 favorites]


the obvious juvenile double-entendre beaver reference alone

I am too cool and sophisticated to even know this band beyond the fact that they suck and bad people like them, but I am also secretly 12 years old and can someone explain this?
posted by Dr Dracator at 9:28 PM on November 30, 2016 [2 favorites]


I will concede they are not aggressively bad, but if my life depended on it, I couldn't do better than random chance if asked to tell you if a given song was Creed or Nickelback.
posted by juv3nal at 9:28 PM on November 30, 2016


I unironically love Nickelback, and think their last two albums are great with songs that are super fun to sing along with. I've seen them in concert three times and would go again if they come nearby. I actually HOPE that new music from them sounds like the old music from them, because that's what I want to listen to.

Just thought I'd put that in contrast to the 70 other posters here.
posted by Metro Gnome at 9:38 PM on November 30, 2016 [4 favorites]


Of course a thread about Nickelback contains a side discussion about the "crank of chromatism," because Metafilter.
posted by en forme de poire at 9:42 PM on November 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


Canadian radio could be so fucking cool though if the CanCon mandate meant they played rad Canadian stuff like KEN Mode or Voivod or Gorguts or Electro Quarterstaff.
posted by Existential Dread at 9:54 PM on November 30, 2016 [2 favorites]


Dr Dracator, the back of a Canadian nickel has a picture of a beaver on it (and on the off chance you're not familiar with this either, beaver is a slang term for vulva).
posted by Secret Sparrow at 10:10 PM on November 30, 2016 [5 favorites]


Honestcoyote, is this a typo, or am I missing something about the 1990 Sting?

Completely a typo. If you'd prefer, it could be an oblique reference to the Sting wearing tight sci-fi shorts in Dune. But that's probably a stretch. And the 1990 St(r)ing is far, far removed from that one moment of primal lustiness.
posted by honestcoyote at 10:21 PM on November 30, 2016


How is Nickleback different from The Goo Goo Dolls or Third Eye Blind? What about bands like Sugar Ray and Bare Naked Ladies? Lots of pretty generic rock got released during the 90s, because of the CD craze. And did someone mention STP? I thought they were one of the "good bands"? It's all so confusing. Help me Pitchfork!
posted by Beholder at 11:14 PM on November 30, 2016


It's just playground bullying - you know how someone points out the kid with glasses, or the fat kid or (in a slightly more sophisticated way) the slightly posh kid and says "Them! They're the worst person in the world!" and it's OK to just generally insult them and hate them behind their back. That's all that's going on here, whether you're talking about Nickelback or Sting or Phil Collins or Simply Red or Dire Straights or whoever.

It's not about whether you hate the particular performer: what is often described as their "objective shitness" allows you to despise all the people who do like those performers, who buy their records and go to their concerts. Because they love Nickelback. So they must be bad people. It's a hand-drawn Get Out Of Jail Free card for snobbery.

(For the record, I personally like a few Dire Straights records, 70s Genesis, The Police, and a few Simply Red songs, or at least I like A New Flame and think a lot of the rest of them are very well-made pop songs. On the other hand, my own favourite records bring on panic attacks in a lot of people so I'm not in a position to judge.)
posted by Grangousier at 12:35 AM on December 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


I've always felt that System of a Down never really got the laughing and pointing that they deserved. There was just this one time when Noel Gallagher said:

I know a number of people who insist SOAD was underrated actually. I don't really love them myself but I can see where this comes from because they were kinda lumped in with Nu Metal when they were a little more interesting than that. I'll definitely stick up for Deftones (who also got lumped with Nu Metal at one point) but I'm not sure that's even controversial these days.
posted by atoxyl at 1:00 AM on December 1, 2016


Because they love Nickelback. So they must be bad people.

Nobody is a bad person (or a good person) because of the music they like but talking shit about a successful band does not have to imply that, even if the judgement of the band is not exactly "fair" whatever that means.
posted by atoxyl at 1:04 AM on December 1, 2016


I feel like a broken record in these kinds of Band x sucks threads, but seriously, everyone should read Carl Wilson's brilliant 33 1/3 book Let's Talk About Love: A Journey to the End of Taste. It's a book that uses the question of why he, and so many others, hate Celine Dion so much, to talk about what musical taste does.
posted by umbú at 4:21 AM on December 1, 2016 [2 favorites]


Can we at least agree that Noel Gallagher is in no way qualified to comment on others making bad/overrated music?

Anyway, here's Wonderwall.
posted by explosion at 5:00 AM on December 1, 2016 [2 favorites]


It's not just that hating on Nickleback or Sting or Dire Straits or whoever lets you use them as a lazy placeholder for a culture or class you particularly diislike - although don't knock it, it's cheap and easy and fun - it's that the music is popular. It's always there. It's a constant reminder with a direct pipeline into your musical soul of the cultural ascendancy of the bland.

And it won't go away.

It doesn't much matter how you define good: there is a very great deal of bad music out there, and mostly if you don't seek it out it will not find you. This stuff, the popular bland, turns up on your radio, on your TV shows, in shops and pubs and out of the wound-down windows of cars, and won't go away. People willingly give its creators, its marketers and its proponents large amounts of money and adoration, and you will suffer. The people who make it are raised to godhood, and god help us all if they then start behaving accordingly. It wasn't that Sting wrote schoolboy lyrics and appropriated musical genres like a clueless fourteen year old trying to be cool by liking the cool kids stuff, it was that he eschewed the irony of his pseudo-intellectualism n his public persona.

As perhaps he must - people who like this sort of music do so because it connects with them, and for the person who speaks to them to publicly treat it as some sort of joke would be poison. I think that's true for everyone, and everyone's music: overt cynicism is pretty unpleasant in art, unless it's a truthful statement of angry nihilism. But there are all sorts of balances in that particular equation, and popular bland comes up empty in some irksome ways.

The rest of us have to use what coping mechanisms we have. Which in my case means avoiding the damn stuff as far as possible and cringing with friends when it's not.
posted by Devonian at 5:15 AM on December 1, 2016


To me, Nickelback always seemed dreadfully earnest and humourless. And they endorsed Stephen Harper.
posted by tallmiddleagedgeek at 5:48 AM on December 1, 2016


aw hell no someone got the knives out for Dire Straits? I don't have much affection for him as a singer but Mark Knopfler is amazing at noodly bits that is just an objective truth ok.
posted by juv3nal at 5:57 AM on December 1, 2016 [3 favorites]


I forgot where exactly but someone in this thread said that Nickelback is the reason Trump won? Or something?
posted by Riton at 6:12 AM on December 1, 2016


Dire Straits - the audiophile's pub band. There's a whole 'nother argument to have over the balance between virtuosity and engagement...

(I don't mind Dire Straits nearly as much as I tired of hearing goldenears imploring me to listen to Love Over Gold on their latest small-car-priced hi-fis.)
posted by Devonian at 7:49 AM on December 1, 2016


Has no one posted, This is Phil Fish?

Relevant bit at 3:48.
posted by St. Sorryass at 5:23 PM on December 1, 2016


How did Dire Straits get in here? I like rap, country, and metal, and the first three DS albums are some of my favorites of all time, and definitely at the top of my Adulting cocktail party playlist with your Joe Jacksons and your Vince Guaraldis. Good songwriting and good musicianship...just keep it to the pre-MTV albums.
posted by rhizome at 5:59 PM on December 1, 2016


Eh, I'm fine with Nickelback. They amuse me. I tend to like singers who sound like they are singing with THE ANGST and THE PAIN, that "How You Remind Me Of Someday" makes me laugh, and apparently Chad Kroeger is some kind of evil financial genius.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:59 PM on December 1, 2016


How did Dire Straits get in here?

Dire Straits were for a time in the later half of the 80s the gold-standard for rich people and their $900 imported Sony CD players to show how amazing it was with Brothers in Arms. If I'm not mistaken, while it wasn't the first CD release (I think ABBA or some Deutsche Grammophon release in Europe and Springsteen in the US), it was the first record to be aggressively marketed as a CD release by Philips.
posted by lmfsilva at 3:36 AM on December 2, 2016 [1 favorite]




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