4-4 should happen twice before the end of the world

December 14, 2016 7:48 AM

Jon Bois, America's greatest living poet, presents a more analytical piece from his "Chart Party" series: Scorigami, or the story of every NFL final score that has ever happened.

Bois uses Lego blocks (or their generic equivalent) to illustrate why you can have a 6-1 game, but not a 5-1 or a 7-1 game; why there are so few games where a team scores exactly 4 points; and why Pete Carroll is some kind of Scorigami savant (and 9/11 truther), which are further discussed on Slate's Hang Up and Listen (starting at 46:20).

posted by Etrigan (16 comments total)

I was pleased when the JV team at my son's school won a 28-4 game, not just because it was a score that had never occurred in the history of the NFL, but also because it meant their team had possession for every score by either team (their opponents' 4 points were two safeties).
posted by SubterraneanRedStateBlues at 8:06 AM on December 14, 2016

(Also covered on the "Hang Up and Listen" podcast this week!)
posted by wenestvedt at 8:18 AM on December 14, 2016

((as noted in the text, yes))
posted by Etrigan at 8:39 AM on December 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

Sorry, I missed that. I am not as good when reading on my phone. *turns and punches phone on arm, older brother-style*
posted by wenestvedt at 8:49 AM on December 14, 2016

I think it was meant as a chuckle line but John Bois is legitimately one of my favourite writers on the planet. His ability to blend hilarity and pathos is consistently jaw-dropping.
posted by StoicRomance at 9:01 AM on December 14, 2016 [5 favorites]

Looking for more great videos on YouTube?
posted by rouftop at 9:03 AM on December 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

I think it was meant as a chuckle line

I will fight you.
posted by Etrigan at 9:17 AM on December 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

America's greatest living poet

Oh no did Meatloaf die
posted by beerperson at 9:37 AM on December 14, 2016 [3 favorites]

He mentioned the CFL's 1 point Rouge at the end of the video. I'm curious what the CFL scoragami chart would look like
posted by thecjm at 11:10 AM on December 14, 2016

This is a thing I'm totally not even remotely interested in that I watched with rapt attention and enjoyed thoroughly. Bois, I raise a glass of milks to you again.
posted by Joey Michaels at 11:45 AM on December 14, 2016 [3 favorites]

I love that he makes the sliding-graphics elements of these videos with Google Earth (really).
posted by tss at 12:09 PM on December 14, 2016

Wow, I thought the Seahawks had a few of those this year, but apparently the Panthers is the Scorigami super team this year, but Carrol still has 7 just from the past few seasons. I think he gets like one a year. I'll just have to settle for that damn 6-6 tie.
posted by lkc at 1:04 PM on December 14, 2016

I will fight you.

I stand very corrected.
posted by StoicRomance at 1:04 PM on December 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

Scorigami Haiku on the idea of two 4-4 games signaling End of Days:

With the Browns and Niners
and the state of the Free World,
If they play twice, BOOM
posted by mcstayinskool at 1:15 PM on December 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

Spoiler for those who want to watch, but time saver for those who are only interested in how 1 point can be scored.

Apparently, if the offensive team goes for a two-point conversion, but somehow the defensive team can get a safety (98 yards down the field, tackling the offensive team in their own endzone), the defensive team gets 1 point.

IMO, the scoring in football is completely arbitrary and needs to be completely re-worked. You get one point for something that has never happened, yet three times the amount for something that happens regularly from almost half the distance of the field. I've always meant to go on a rant about it and come up with sane scoring, but it really doesn't impact my life once I get out of the car and stop listening to sports radio.
posted by a non mouse, a cow herd at 5:35 PM on December 15, 2016 [1 favorite]

IMO, the scoring in football is completely arbitrary and needs to be completely re-worked. You get one point for something that has never happened, yet three times the amount for something that happens regularly from almost half the distance of the field. I've always meant to go on a rant about it and come up with sane scoring, but it really doesn't impact my life once I get out of the car and stop listening to sports radio.

I kind of like it. I think it plays into the tactical nature of the game, which foregrounds the coaching staff as a major skill element of the team. Having two meaningful choices of scoring, and then two variations of the TD make for many strategically meaningful inflection points in any given game.
posted by codacorolla at 9:38 AM on December 21, 2016