Approved News 6's take on the end of 2016
January 1, 2017 5:19 AM   Subscribe

New Year's Eve: Illuminati Declares "Case WISTFUL CRANE;" Orders All Units Activated -- This tweet, plus subsequent tweets in response, describe the end of 2016 as it could have been in the alternate universe where Approved News 6 reigns supreme.

"Seven Thrones & Seven Courts; Seven Angels Marching Forth"
posted by XtinaS (17 comments total) 17 users marked this as a favorite
That was exciting.
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 6:10 AM on January 1, 2017

That was odd and amazing. Do they do long runs like that very often?
posted by wenestvedt at 6:46 AM on January 1, 2017

I love the weird web.
posted by anotherpanacea at 7:18 AM on January 1, 2017 [1 favorite]

Obama, Surrounded by Blood-Red Ravens, Bursts Through Roof of White House, Wielding Whalebone Scepter

He's not the eldritch saviour we deserve...
posted by Halloween Jack at 7:29 AM on January 1, 2017 [4 favorites]

>Pressed on New Year, Trump Vomits Frogs

I have the strange feeling that two years from now this headline in the New York Times will barely make me raise an eyebrow.
posted by MrVisible at 8:51 AM on January 1, 2017 [8 favorites]

New Year's Eve: Blood-Soaked Maidens of the Cold Sword Declare "SITUATIO HAERESIS MAGNA DOLOROSA," Order All Battallions to Readiness

Honestly, this seems like a best case scenario. All Hail!
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:03 AM on January 1, 2017 [3 favorites]

Pressed for Comment, Nameless Corporation Spokesdrone Unhinges Face, Scalds Reporter With Cloud of Steam
posted by killdevil at 10:31 AM on January 1, 2017 [2 favorites]

Concerned Parents Warn Teens May Be "Smoking the Great Archfungus," Becoming "Infested"
posted by killdevil at 10:32 AM on January 1, 2017

Honestly this actually sounds like a pretty good deal, considering
posted by Countess Elena at 11:02 AM on January 1, 2017

" jesus, FINALLY"
posted by doctornemo at 11:02 AM on January 1, 2017 [1 favorite]

I love the description on their Patreon site:

Approved News 6 brings you daily updates on politics, international relations, auspicious celestial alignments, bone heresy, Contamination, the sound of someone or something breathing heavily just behind you, and REDACTED ! Demonstrate your loyalty, patriotism, and obedience to your shadowy mistresses and masters by supporting us in our effort to bring quality, accurate*, & approved journalism to your screen and/or secret brain implants every day.

posted by doctornemo at 11:03 AM on January 1, 2017 [1 favorite]

Trump Refuses To Explain Why He Has Been Hovering Upside Down Over A Dumpster All Afternoon
posted by killdevil at 11:14 AM on January 1, 2017

That was pretty silly.
posted by ph00dz at 1:09 PM on January 1, 2017

This: "Trump, Swelling to Hundreds of Times Original Size, Wielding Skyscraper Like Club, Assails Seventh Angel, Frothing With Rage..."


...Is the Good News the True Apostles are spreading far and wide.
posted by artof.mulata at 2:46 PM on January 1, 2017 [1 favorite]

Reads like Scarfolk and Night Vale had a baby and raised it on crystal meth and bedtime stories by Lovecraft #approve
posted by e-man at 6:54 PM on January 1, 2017 [1 favorite]

Looks like the SCP foundation is leaking again :)
posted by MaximumTaco at 4:59 PM on January 4, 2017

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