Shit Cassandra Saw That She Didn’t Tell the Trojans
January 4, 2017 3:45 AM   Subscribe

 
That's just nuts but I love it!
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 4:24 AM on January 4, 2017 [2 favorites]


This is fantastic. Thanks for sharing!
posted by Braeburn at 4:43 AM on January 4, 2017


I thought at first this was shaping up as a pale imitation of a The Toast article (RIP) but then I kept reading. This was beautiful.
posted by travertina at 5:45 AM on January 4, 2017 [7 favorites]


What an unexpected treat.
posted by greenish at 6:44 AM on January 4, 2017


Beautiful
posted by gt2 at 6:52 AM on January 4, 2017


Amazing. The torrent pushed me forward and I had to go back three times to be sure I'd read every word.
posted by meinvt at 7:20 AM on January 4, 2017


That's fantastic.
posted by mixedmetaphors at 7:25 AM on January 4, 2017


I can't take the time to read all of it just niw but I love this and I can't wait to finish it:

Top ten things your boyfriend wishes you would do in bed but is too afraid to say. Cassandra has not noticed a lack of men telling women what to do. Perhaps this will be a pleasure of the future, a male desire that goes unspoken.


Gentlemen, be not afeared. I chuckled but only in the nicest way possible.
posted by janey47 at 7:26 AM on January 4, 2017 [3 favorites]


This is marvelous. Thanks!
posted by blurker at 8:12 AM on January 4, 2017


One day in grad school (GRAD SCHOOL!), I made a reference to Cassandra and everyone around me gave me blank looks. That made me sad. This makes me happy!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:46 AM on January 4, 2017 [4 favorites]


The young woman behind the grocery checkout is named Cassandra. I have wanted to make the joke, but haven't, because I know she's heard it, in the way everyone with a well-known name has heard it.

But then, last night, while buying my Mountain Dew and Ben & Jerry's, I realized that she does know the doom of us all, she can see it with every pint of perfectly frozen milk fat she sends through the scanner. She knows my fate is as inescapable as bottled green high fructose corn syrup barrelling down the conveyor. And she can do nothing about it. For I will not listen.
posted by aureliobuendia at 9:06 AM on January 4, 2017 [15 favorites]


This is the best thing I've read since the election. Thank you.
posted by songs_about_rainbows at 9:45 AM on January 4, 2017


Wow, this was both heartbreaking and inspiring and absolutely beautiful. I started out just skimming it, but then I had to go back and read every word of it once I realized this wasn't a tongue in cheek joke-y piece.

One of my favorite parts (emphasis mine):

She is tired of speaking to listening ears. The listening ears of the men who think her mad drive her to madness. She wishes they would let her keep her silence or scream her knowledge alone, wishes she could move to an island and own a bird. She will never do this because she knows she never does.

This whole piece is great, but that bolded part, it just hit me so hard. But then the final paragraph was such a great way to end it. I'm not going to quote it because I don't want to "spoil" it for anyone who reads the comments before going back to the link (which is something I'm frequently guilty of).

Thank you so much for sharing this! This is one of the best things I've read in quite awhile.
posted by litera scripta manet at 11:48 AM on January 4, 2017 [3 favorites]


That was delightful!

Not to derail, but I can't resist this opportunity to recommend Christa Wolf's novel Cassandra, and not only because it explores life in a post-truth world.
posted by Fish, fish, are you doing your duty? at 3:11 PM on January 4, 2017


I'm really torn. I want to like this, and I like the idea of it. But it bugs me that Cassandra's gift apparently only lets her see America (apart from her own future). And by putting so much emphasis on words, on puns and double entendres, the author actually kills it for me. Because unless Cassandra's gift also included the magical ability to understand English, a language that had not yet actually come close to existence, I'm not sure how she would be so bemused by all those tshirts. Let alone recognise "Trojan" as τρωός.
posted by Athanassiel at 3:53 PM on January 4, 2017 [1 favorite]


I like this very much. Thank you, hollyholly.
posted by TrishaU at 4:57 PM on January 4, 2017


A woman alone in a room, the door locked and no one expected.

I've been feeling really lonely lately and hating it, and this just put it all in perspective for me. It's been a while since literature connected with me this hard. Thanks.
posted by gusandrews at 7:13 PM on January 4, 2017 [1 favorite]


She will never do this because she knows she never does.

I've often thought that foresight of an unchangeable future is one of the most horrifying fates imaginable.
posted by Chrysostom at 5:31 PM on January 6, 2017 [1 favorite]


I want to share this on social media but I feel like I can't. Because... Scaffolding. As a parent, I've been taught that the way to educate children is to always expose them to things that are just a little bit beyond their current comprehension. Don't ask them to make a leap. Build a scaffold for them to climb.

This is brilliant, but it is too many steps beyond the current comprehension of my family on Facebook. They wouldn't be able to understand it. It would just scare them.

I want to somehow build a scaffold for them so thry can reach this pinnacle of understanding.
posted by OnceUponATime at 4:38 AM on January 9, 2017


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