"Honey, as far as reads go this is Infinite Jest."

January 18, 2017 5:29 PM

Congresswoman Maxine Waters Will Read You Now (R. Eric Thomas, Elle Culture)
posted by moons in june (47 comments total)

what the hell is this

oh god

is this it?

is this The Moment where i realize that i'm too old to understand young people things? is this my VCR clock forever blinking "12:00"?
posted by indubitable at 6:05 PM on January 18, 2017 [10 favorites]

Yeah I dunno what the fuck that article is but Maxine Waters is now one of my new favourite people.
posted by turbid dahlia at 6:08 PM on January 18, 2017 [4 favorites]

Not enough Prince reaction gifs.
posted by Hermione Granger at 6:10 PM on January 18, 2017 [5 favorites]

Read and Shade are both vernacular from LGBT communities of color which are only now starting to filter into mainstream (read: white, straight) communities. Azizi Powell did a fantastic collection of links to help people understand the nuances of both terms and how they're used.
posted by Deoridhe at 6:13 PM on January 18, 2017 [30 favorites]

She seems like a driven woman with strong convictions but I'm not certain a hagiography is in order.
posted by the uncomplicated soups of my childhood at 6:20 PM on January 18, 2017

Translation below:


Honey, Maxine Waters is not the one. You may have been told that she is the one but you were lied to. She would like to cordially invite you to not come for her unless she sends for you.

The one: the one is like the royal "we". The one is someone (gender neutral) who you do not want to fuck with, trifle with, mess with or put down in any way.

come for her: attack, hurt, or mess with her. This is usually a verbal attack.

The Representative from California's 43rd District has been on a grand reading tour of D.C. and I am living for it.

This sentence means the the Congresswoman has not been shy about letting DC politicians know that they are acting like fools. Reading, depending on your dictionary, mean simply telling the truth in an unvarnished fashion. Some interpret this to mean "talking shit", but your dictionary may vary.

The author is happy with this situation and supports her (living for it).

Overall, the Congresswoman doesn't have time to placate people, especially misguided foolish politicians. She will tell them (nay, anyone) the blunt truth about themselves, that is, she will read them. She has no fucks to give (that is, she has no concerns about other people's feelings, per Oxford Dictionary).


The piece is basically a tribute to a politician who will eschew decorum and unpaid emotional labor to stand up for herself and the people. If she were an action hero in a movie, this is when she'd say she is all out of bubble gum and ready to kick ass.

Sorry bout your VCR blinking.
posted by Freecola at 6:21 PM on January 18, 2017 [79 favorites]

I think we need to use a term like "emotional badass" to describe people that may not be able to beat up a room of ninjas, but well, act like this.
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:26 PM on January 18, 2017 [4 favorites]

I love this so much.
posted by rtha at 6:32 PM on January 18, 2017 [2 favorites]

is this The Moment where i realize that i'm too old to understand young people things? is this my VCR clock forever blinking "12:00"?

It says that Maxine Waters is a honey badger.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 6:33 PM on January 18, 2017 [26 favorites]

Man, I'm not a hip new millennial or anything, but I don't see how you CAN'T snicker in complete delight when she throws up her hands at the end of that press conference. I watched it twice and LOL'd both times. She is the BEST and I am only sad she is 78 because that means she can't run for President - she probably wouldn't've won, but she'd have given 'em hell in the primary debates!
posted by pretentious illiterate at 6:34 PM on January 18, 2017 [8 favorites]

I'm anticipating a work meeting that is going to be beyond tedious and contentious tomorrow, and Waters is my new spiritual guide to facial responses and general demeanor for it.
posted by TwoStride at 6:37 PM on January 18, 2017 [1 favorite]

I dunno. Shade went mainstream because it was pretty easy to figure out. You don't need background to get shade. Read, as a word, is a little too overloaded. Its use here feels very fetch.

(That press conference was beautiful.)
posted by phooky at 6:43 PM on January 18, 2017 [4 favorites]

Thank you so much. This is the appropriate response to fuckery.
posted by allthinky at 6:45 PM on January 18, 2017

This is fantastic, and I knew it had a familiar ring to it. Thomas wrote something similarly awesome for John Lewis during the House's "No Bill, No Break" sit in. If you hate FB:

I love so many things about this #NoBillNoBreak sit-in, but the thing I love the most is John Lewis' facial expression. He has Resting Protest Face. He doesn't give a shit about your guns, or your parliamentary procedures, or your C-SPAN cameras. He's heard you want to put him on Periscope but he's not sure he gives a shit about that either. He's like "Did you see Selma? You remember the John Lewis character? That was me. John 'I asked for and received an apology from the Klan' Lewis." He is the human personification of the expression "You tried it." He most definitely doesn't give a shit about Paul Ryan. When asked for comment about how Paul Ryan compared to political foes he's encountered in the past, Lewis thought for a second and replied "He doesn't have the range." John "Freedom Rider" Lewis has an honorary doctorate in sitting. Don't come for him unless he sends for you.

posted by gladly at 7:03 PM on January 18, 2017 [45 favorites]

Thanks all for the translations and links. I'd understand this unfamiliar vernacular a lot better if it was couched within a new season of The Wire, which is basically where I get all my information about how modern America works.
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:07 PM on January 18, 2017 [2 favorites]

Shade went mainstream because it was pretty easy to figure out. You don't need background to get shade. Read, as a word, is a little too overloaded.


Most people who use "shade" actually mean "read". A read is speaking truth to foolishness.

Shade is more nuanced. If Rep. Maxine Waters had said something like "I can't wait for Donald Trump's inauguration! I do hope it isn't windy, though- I would just hate to see such a fine head of hair get all mussed up," that would be shade.

Of course, Rep. Maxine Waters does not even care enough to throw shade. If you cross her this week, you are getting read like a 19-year-old econ major's copy of Atlas Shrugged.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:12 PM on January 18, 2017 [27 favorites]

Repeatedly and thoroughly.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:34 PM on January 18, 2017 [6 favorites]

Read and Shade are both vernacular from LGBT communities of color which are only now starting to filter into mainstream (read: white, straight) communities

You could also watch Paris Is Burning
posted by Going To Maine at 7:36 PM on January 18, 2017 [18 favorites]

I'm tempted to elect Congresswoman Waters as this week's Shade Bae, but shade is subtle. Waters doesn't have time for subtlety. Waters knows that desperate times call for shadier measures. She is reading this town for filth.
posted by rtha at 7:36 PM on January 18, 2017 [2 favorites]

"Read and Shade are both vernacular from LGBT communities of color which are only now starting to filter into mainstream (read: white, straight) communities. Azizi Powell did a fantastic collection of links to help people understand the nuances of both terms and how they're used."

Dorian Corey explains reading and shade, from the 1990 film "Paris is Burning," on drag ball culture.
posted by klangklangston at 7:38 PM on January 18, 2017 [4 favorites]

Going to Maine beat me!
posted by klangklangston at 7:38 PM on January 18, 2017

"I don't honor him. I don't respect him. And I don't want to be involved with him."

I'm going to need this on a bumper sticker.
posted by soren_lorensen at 7:41 PM on January 18, 2017 [15 favorites]

I lived in the 43rd district for 25 years. I'd vote for her again if I still could.
posted by SLC Mom at 8:34 PM on January 18, 2017

Anyone else notice how in the other clip the MSNBC presenter gets nervous and stammers asking a (somewhat loaded) question, but manages to finish off Waters' answer by remarking "Well I'm obliged to also report on the other parties, who deny this situation"? There's probably a name or analysis for this sort of dynamic, right? A critique of "Fair and balanced"?

In the two interview clips the substance of Waters' concern are "Because I found out all these dismaying things about him", and "Because he has a compromised relationship with Russia". So the rhetoric of that is to project an authority figure that voters can trust to do the job; i.e. one who can judge and decide which situations are dangerous (as per the loaded question), appealing to knowledge (this is "classified"), connections ("now that I've learned about him"). In the end this form of no-nonsense performativity functions as emotional labor. There is, and will be, a cost to that too.
posted by polymodus at 8:56 PM on January 18, 2017

I first encountered Maxine Waters in 1992 on the nightly news during and following the Rodney King riots in LA. She was impressive then and she's impressive still.
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 9:14 PM on January 18, 2017 [4 favorites]

She is amazing. I'm adjacent to her current district(it's a block away), and she's kind of legendary and has solidly won the popular vote for DECADES.
posted by sawdustbear at 10:30 PM on January 18, 2017

I've been thinking about this amazing article all day. Is this a new form of political journalism? Because we need more of it.
posted by zachlipton at 10:55 PM on January 18, 2017 [1 favorite]

And more Maxine Waters.
posted by zachlipton at 10:55 PM on January 18, 2017 [2 favorites]

I've been thinking about this amazing article all day. Is this a new form of political journalism? Because we need more of it.

It's fun, but it isn't journalism. In many ways, it seems like it wants to make politics about sass, and seems like it would be hardly out of place at Wonkette. That is to say, it's the kind of pop culture coverages that Trump might love, if he knew what a read was.
posted by Going To Maine at 11:00 PM on January 18, 2017 [2 favorites]

I'd understand this unfamiliar vernacular a lot better if it was couched within a new season of The Wire

Real life is The Wire except somehow Ziggy Sobotka is president.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:17 PM on January 18, 2017 [15 favorites]

The flashing light on your VCR means even ignorant people don't watch things on tape any more, Paris is Burning came out nearly 30 years ago, and that it's time for your bubble to be popped.
Here, lemme put your book back on the shelf, because I'm done.
posted by sexyrobot at 12:21 AM on January 19, 2017 [6 favorites]

Finding out that a Black man wrote about John Lewis having Resting Protest Face makes me feel better about that meme. I'm not comfortable with White people reiterating it, though. (One of my White coworkers said this during the DNC and I had to end the conversation early.)
posted by pxe2000 at 3:46 AM on January 19, 2017

Er, so 'shade' is like a higher form of snark?

(not snarking, actually quite curious)
posted by sammyo at 4:12 AM on January 19, 2017

Oh, wait, Elle, white fashion magazine Elle, is teaching us black dragqueen vernacular?
posted by sammyo at 4:14 AM on January 19, 2017

A black man who writes for "white fashion magazine Elle" is apparently NOT teaching you black drag queen vernacular.

Watch Paris is Burning.
posted by louche mustachio at 4:24 AM on January 19, 2017

Although I am getting more of a Crystal LaBeija at the end of The Queen feeling from Maxine.
posted by louche mustachio at 4:28 AM on January 19, 2017 [1 favorite]

I saw this article on Facebook this morning, complete with Maxine Waters' "I have no time for this bullshit" face, and I commented to my husband, "Oh man, this woman has the deadliest Look ever. She could silence a stranger's kids in the grocery store!"

I also enjoyed the hell out of this article; was unfamiliar with "reading" before this, but I absolutely love it on a linguistic level. Gay subculture is a little out of my research wheelhouse - I tend more towards Spanish language sociolinguistics - but I'm fascinated by language innovation everywhere.

Here, lemme put your book back on the shelf, because I'm done.

So smart. So rhetorically satisfying. Language change is fucking amazing.
posted by chainsofreedom at 6:19 AM on January 19, 2017 [6 favorites]

Kara Brown has been running an instructional column on shading called "Shade Court" for a while now. Her audience seems to be largely made up of people who would need the instruction.

Awesomely Luvvie has been delivering close to weapons grade shade and reads for a while now as well. (She is generally more of a social/cultural observer than a political one though.)

And then there is The Read weekly podcast. It's generally aimed at hip-hop and pop cultural topics but they do get into political matters sometimes, especially over the past few months. (NSFW language and the shows are usually about 90 minutes.)

I'm looking forward to what all three of the above might have to say about Rep. Waters' stellar of example of reading.
posted by fuse theorem at 7:46 AM on January 19, 2017 [2 favorites]

The Library is Open. Because reading is what? Fundamental.
I love her and want her to be commenting on this asinine presidency daily please.
posted by msbutah at 8:24 AM on January 19, 2017 [1 favorite]

Real life is The Wire except somehow Ziggy Sobotka is president.

Nah, Ziggy may have been an ass, but at least he was fun, and sort of good at computers. I think we're in more of a President Stan Valchek situation here.
posted by sluggo at 8:29 AM on January 19, 2017

Real life is The Wire except somehow Ziggy Sobotka is president.

I think we're in more of a President Stan Valchek situation here.

Herc. It's Herc who has become president.
posted by rocketman at 9:25 AM on January 19, 2017 [4 favorites]

Er, so 'shade' is like a higher form of snark?

Shade is the kind of snark so, well, shady, that you dont really get it until the ride home and then you feel bad about it for the rest of your life.
posted by sexyrobot at 10:03 AM on January 19, 2017 [3 favorites]

"Shade" is all suggested right in the word choice. It's still a sunny day. The sun is still out, yo, but somebody just planted an umbrella in the ground and put a shadow over your balding ass. It might even seem kinda nice at first, like "oh I was breaking something of a sweat there, thanks so much for the coverage" but then later on you're just like "fuck I wish I had a sweater it's kinda cold here in the shade".
posted by rocketman at 10:08 AM on January 19, 2017

I think of shade as a southern matriarch "damned with faint praise" kind of thing. But that just may be the context in which I first encountered it. To me, it is church lady talk. If you can stick a "bless her/his heart" on the end, it's probably shade.
posted by domo at 1:48 PM on January 19, 2017 [1 favorite]

I would also like to state for the record that I consider RuPaul a great southern matriarch. Ru spent a long time in Atlanta, and it shows.
posted by domo at 1:56 PM on January 19, 2017 [1 favorite]

Real life is The Wire except somehow Ziggy Sobotka is president.

I think we're in more of a President Stan Valchek situation here.

Herc. It's Herc who has become president.

We're almost 10 years after The Wire, but please: It's obviously Marimow who has become president.
posted by TwoStride at 2:40 PM on January 19, 2017 [1 favorite]

Was expecting to have my palm read by Representative Maxine Waters, am disappointed.
posted by univac at 9:29 PM on January 19, 2017