Since we're already in the toilet, on so many levels

February 3, 2017 7:00 AM

What Your Poop Says About Your Health An infographic [contains pictures of poo]. Here's more info, colorcoded, that also includes pee. Poop, previously.

Bonus: Sprinkle Brigade creates art out of found dog poo.

posted by Mchelly (45 comments total)

Is this recycled from a 20 year old slashdot troll?
posted by Literaryhero at 7:02 AM on February 3, 2017

I've had the flu all week, have been subsisting on nothing but chicken soup and Milano cookies, and my poop has been the healthiest it's ever been. Go figure.
posted by Melismata at 7:10 AM on February 3, 2017 [5 favorites]

I feel like a lot of this poop stuff is fear mongering. Is your poop black? It could be internal bleeding! (Or you could have eaten squid ink) Is your poop white? Life threatening bile-duct obstruction! (Or you are recovering from an illness)

Hey, don't try to diagnose illness from your poop. If you are sick it may help, by if you feel fine, don't sweat it.
posted by Literaryhero at 7:13 AM on February 3, 2017 [1 favorite]

(Or you could have eaten squid ink)

Or Pepto Bismol. Or Oreo cookies. Both of which have sent me into a hypochondriac panic, one of which ended with a trip to the ER.
posted by hwyengr at 7:15 AM on February 3, 2017 [5 favorites]

Beets the next morning can be a big surprise if you're new to beet eating.
posted by notyou at 7:19 AM on February 3, 2017 [27 favorites]

For all your Bristol Stool Chart needs: https://www.zazzle.com/bristol+stool+chart+gifts
posted by juniper at 7:31 AM on February 3, 2017 [2 favorites]

Yeah hi I don't see "pebbledash" on the list?
posted by lucidium at 7:38 AM on February 3, 2017 [2 favorites]

Pass. Hard pass. Not gonna click...

(OK it's a weak joke, at least it's Friday right?)
posted by ZakDaddy at 7:47 AM on February 3, 2017 [1 favorite]

If your poop is actively trying to kill you and you are dancing on the toilet seat, you either need to review your hot pepper sauce intake or someone is playing Gangnam Style nearby. Or both.

HEEEEEEEEEEEEY SEXY LAAAAADYYYYYYY
posted by delfin at 7:49 AM on February 3, 2017 [3 favorites]

I uh, know a guy who ate a whooole lot of pistachios and learned that sometimes things stay green on their journey through the body.
posted by mikeh at 7:59 AM on February 3, 2017 [2 favorites]

Unlike red wine, which turns from red to green...
posted by pipeski at 8:02 AM on February 3, 2017 [1 favorite]

Also green food dye can lurk in unexpected places. For example, it might be the case that if you drink an entire half-gallon pitcher of sugar-free purplesaurus rex koolaid, your poop turns a delightful but alarming shade of pine green.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:04 AM on February 3, 2017 [13 favorites]

...so is this the new Trump thread?
posted by leotrotsky at 8:10 AM on February 3, 2017 [20 favorites]

For example, it might be the case that if you drink an entire half-gallon pitcher of sugar-free purplesaurus rex koolaid, your poop turns a delightful but alarming shade of pine green.

To be fair, it does sound like you were trying your damnedest to induce a medical emergency.
posted by tobascodagama at 8:13 AM on February 3, 2017 [10 favorites]

Is this where we get to talk about German toilets? With an inspection shelf?
posted by Nelson at 8:21 AM on February 3, 2017 [2 favorites]

Beets the next morning can be a big surprise if you're new to beet eating.

Relevant Portlandia sketch
posted by neroli at 8:23 AM on February 3, 2017 [3 favorites]

Beets the next morning can be a big surprise if you're new to beet eating.

My wife had a morning after panic from having the complimentary veggie chips provided by the fabulous Porter Airlines. Worry, embarrassed disclosure to me, looking up the clinic phone number and all until I reminded her that she ate all the beet chips (I don't like them so I gave mine to her). I knew about this because we had been through it once before when she had borscht about 10 years earlier.
posted by srboisvert at 8:24 AM on February 3, 2017 [4 favorites]

We get red beets pretty much every other week from our CSA during the summer and I still freak out the next morning most of the time.
posted by thecaddy at 8:27 AM on February 3, 2017 [1 favorite]

And of course: it should sink, not float.
posted by kozad at 8:29 AM on February 3, 2017

That infographic is full of all kinds of misinformation.

If you want to know the speed of your digestion just eat some corn and watch for it. Three days seems pretty long. For me is just over 12 hours.
posted by srboisvert at 8:31 AM on February 3, 2017 [1 favorite]

If you want to know the speed of your digestion just eat some corn and watch for it. Three days seems pretty long. For me is just over 12 hours.

You just reminded me of my all-time favorite Carol Channing anecdote

posted by Mchelly at 8:35 AM on February 3, 2017 [1 favorite]

In my head, I read that line as Ryan Stiles impersonating Carol Channing
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:47 AM on February 3, 2017 [3 favorites]

The Dutch have a special shelf for this.

The Netherlands #2?
posted by humboldt32 at 8:51 AM on February 3, 2017 [1 favorite]

I also got lots of beetroot from our veggie delivery. Making a litre of beetroot soup and eating it over two days is a good way to give yourself an unpleasant surprise during your morning constitutional.

I also thought 3 days sounded a bit off regarding throughput time. I'd say 24-36 hours max.
posted by biffa at 9:27 AM on February 3, 2017

From the German Toilets / Inspection Shelf link above:

Germans, however, see nothing amiss. They actually like their toilets. Some even dislike North American toilets. You splash yourself, they claim. I don't think this is possible. I've never splashed myself sitting on the toilet. For the wave to reach one's bottom, one would need to eject a hefty pellet at tremendous velocity. I think they're making that up.

I've splashed myself on British toilets and probably on North American ones too. All it takes is a dense stool falling freely all the way from your bum to the water beneath.

Mind you, as this classic Steptoe & Son clip shows, it could be worse.
posted by Paul Slade at 9:31 AM on February 3, 2017

The problem I have is that the three seashells don't seem to work very well after I've eaten corn. Has anyone figured this out yet?
posted by woof at 10:08 AM on February 3, 2017 [4 favorites]

Also green food dye can lurk in unexpected places. For example, it might be the case that if you drink an entire half-gallon pitcher of sugar-free purplesaurus rex koolaid, your poop turns a delightful but alarming shade of pine green.

Reminds me of the 'Frankenberry Stool' episode of Sawbones.
posted by howfar at 10:15 AM on February 3, 2017

If you want to know the speed of your digestion just eat some corn and watch for it. Three days seems pretty long. For me is just over 12 hours.

"If you wait by the toilet long enough, the body of your side dish will float by."
posted by PlusDistance at 10:24 AM on February 3, 2017 [1 favorite]

This at least confirms a few things I had suspected. Thanks for posting this.
posted by wenestvedt at 10:31 AM on February 3, 2017 [1 favorite]

At the risk of kicking off Metafilter's Poop War II, is noticing how fast your poop sinks a thing? Do you just leap up and give it the ol' stink-eye (as it were) until it settles on the bottom?
posted by zombieflanders at 10:34 AM on February 3, 2017

No, there'll be plenty of time for scoping out the poop after I finish posting this comment.
posted by nickmark at 10:42 AM on February 3, 2017 [1 favorite]

I got really tired of talking about my poop after being diagnosed with Crohn's disease, and was relieved when I discovered the Bristol Stool Scale. Seven different classifications of poop which are all your doctor needs to know. Memorize it, and you never have to talk to your doctor about your stools again.
posted by MrVisible at 11:14 AM on February 3, 2017 [6 favorites]

I have three sons who LOVED rainbow sherbet primarily because it made their poop turn colors. This was when they were all under the age of 10. I didn't realize why they kept begging me to buy it until I heard them laughing and comparing the colors they'd made in the bathroom.
posted by routergirl at 11:38 AM on February 3, 2017 [4 favorites]

The Dutch have a special shelf for this.

They also tend not to tell visiting North Americanos that they should put some toilet paper on the shelf before going. Which can lead to an awkward and embarrassed search for a toilet brush followed by improvised hand toilet bowl cleaning. Damn you Gunther and Natalie!
posted by srboisvert at 11:48 AM on February 3, 2017 [1 favorite]

is noticing how fast your poop sinks a thing?

Floating diarrhea is how I discovered I had a gluten issue.
posted by humboldt32 at 12:07 PM on February 3, 2017

Thanks for the info-dump.
posted by Rash at 12:25 PM on February 3, 2017 [4 favorites]

Hey, don't try to diagnose illness from your poop. If you are sick it may help, by if you feel fine, don't sweat it.

07:23 I'm reluctant to announce that I'm dying. Don't feel bad. I've had a good life and just don't have the will to fight anymore.

07:47 NM. Just forgot I had beets for dinner last night.
posted by sockpup at 12:36 PM on February 3, 2017 [5 favorites]

At the risk of kicking off Metafilter's Poop War II

I always thought it would start on AskMe. Huh.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 12:52 PM on February 3, 2017

So....no where on the list does it explain what it means if your pee smells like Cheerios.

Asking for a friend.
posted by teleri025 at 4:07 PM on February 4, 2017

Sweet-smelling urine is potentially indicative of diabetes.
posted by tobascodagama at 4:10 PM on February 4, 2017

Blavod vodka is coloured with black Catechu - when consumed in sufficient quantity it will turn stool a bright and brilliant green.
posted by porpoise at 4:36 PM on February 4, 2017

Interesting shit!
posted by Mr. Fig at 10:07 AM on February 5, 2017 [1 favorite]

I got freaked out by some nearly-fluorescent green poo until I figured out that that particular color only happened after I drank grape soda.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 7:37 PM on February 5, 2017

Of course there is science informing why qaqa turns green, and yet I want to believe excrement's default color when "surprsed" by certain foods is to turn green.
posted by datawrangler at 3:44 AM on February 6, 2017

So....no where on the list does it explain what it means if your pee smells like Cheerios.


Have you been eating asparagus?
posted by howfar at 2:36 PM on February 6, 2017