One Hatchback, 68 Tons of Meat
March 8, 2017 3:39 PM   Subscribe

Swiss customs officials have ended the career of a smuggler who admitted spiriting thousands of kilos of meat into the country over the past 15 years. While the 41-year-old man is accused of illegally transferring a total of 27 tons (59,000 pounds) of lamb, 18 tons of beef, 12 tons of chicken and 11 tons of pork, it was just 80 kilograms of fresh meat that tripped him up as he crossed the border in his hatchback car in the mountain town of Morgins. (TW: horses involved below the fold.) posted by Bella Donna (17 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
 
We sometimes ponder what would happen if you tried smuggling something like this through the Swiss customs, and got caught. The current theory is that they'd ask you to eat all of it before they let you cross the border.
posted by effbot at 3:54 PM on March 8, 2017 [1 favorite]


Working with a certified Wisconsin Master Cheesemaker

why not just shorten that to Cheesemaster? You know they want to.
posted by thelonius at 3:57 PM on March 8, 2017 [7 favorites]


Was there a "post a bunch of food-related stuff" MeTa that I missed? I'm never gonna catch up with all of the related links at this rate...
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:06 PM on March 8, 2017


Nah, it was a meat-smuggling derail in the penultimate political thread. Thought the derail needed a home.
posted by Bella Donna at 4:15 PM on March 8, 2017 [3 favorites]


Ugh yeah you're not supposed to bring more than 3 ounces of horseblood on the plane, and I always forget til I'm right at the checkpoint and have to chug my whole thermos
posted by Greg Nog at 4:16 PM on March 8, 2017 [34 favorites]


Wife: (coming in for a sexy kiss) what are you up to
Me: (on phone) posting a metafilter comment
Wife: (lips an inch away from mine) oh yeah? About what?
Me: horseblood
Wife: (sudden full stop followed by tactical pullback)
posted by Greg Nog at 4:26 PM on March 8, 2017 [34 favorites]


It's a real-life episode of the beef and dairy network podcast.
posted by michaelh at 4:29 PM on March 8, 2017 [1 favorite]


Working with a certified Wisconsin Master Cheesemaker

why not just shorten that to Cheesemaster? You know they want to.


Oh no, it's really quite a thing.
posted by Floydd at 5:25 PM on March 8, 2017 [1 favorite]


Are those smuggled horse genitals in your pocket or are you just happy to see me
posted by XMLicious at 5:29 PM on March 8, 2017 [2 favorites]


Money Quote:

“It was an economic crime,” Husson said. “He was reselling the merchandise for a gain.”

posted by sammyo at 5:30 PM on March 8, 2017 [2 favorites]


Years ago, watching an episode ofFear Factor, I learned that something worse than eating 13" of uncooked horse rectum to advance for a shot at $25,000 is eating 12.5" of uncooked horse rectum and failing to advance.

This lesson changed my life.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:30 PM on March 8, 2017 [14 favorites]


And that is why I never watched Fear Factor. There are some lessons I don't need to learn. So here's my personal meat-smuggling success story. In the mid 2000s I was living in Sweden and wanted to bring my friends in Brooklyn something both tasty and unusual (to them). My mother-in-law used to make a tasty stew of wild reindeer, elk, and I'm not sure what else. Which is easy to do because you can easily buy frozen thin slices of reindeer meat only for stew (a recipe, in Swedish) at the supermarket, as well as various combos inside the handy frozen foods section. So I bought a package, wrapped it tightly (I thought), and flew into Newark without a problem, which makes me an evil lying person who did not answer the customs form accurately.

(I know it was wrong of me as well as illegal but this was not some random home-cured packet of contagion; this was a modern, processed frozen meat product. But isn't that what all scofflaws think?) Anyway, my hosts loved the stew I made and I went my way happily to San Francisco for my vacation and at SFO the sniffer dog went straight to my carry on. When the nice handler asked if there had been food in it, I answered truthfully that it had held an apple, which I had eaten on the flight. And I never, ever attempted to smuggle food again.
posted by Bella Donna at 5:59 PM on March 8, 2017


I know it was wrong of me

The only thing wrong in that story was that now I am craving reindeer stew.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:15 PM on March 8, 2017 [3 favorites]


Swiss customs officials have ended the career of a smuggler who admitted spiriting thousands of kilos of meat into the country over the past 15 years.

What a meathead. Never flap your meat with the police before requesting legal counsel.
posted by cenoxo at 9:27 PM on March 8, 2017


(I know it was wrong of me as well as illegal

Did you check? Processed/packaged food is often legal (in reasonable quantities, tons of meat require duty and will not be cost effective at today's carry on limits :-). The primary restriction on food is preventing insects or other invasive species.
posted by sammyo at 7:43 AM on March 9, 2017


Mr Wembley, it happened again...
posted by kersplunk at 9:53 AM on March 9, 2017



Working with a certified Wisconsin Master Cheesemaker

why not just shorten that to Cheesemaster? You know they want to.


Because, as any true curd nerd knows, there are three major stages in the life of cheese. Making, affinage, and sale. Each comes with it's own challenges.

A Cheesemaster would have all those skills in abundance and is rarer than the rarest rose.
posted by lumpenprole at 2:40 PM on March 9, 2017


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