We also need some kind of law about the number of inappropriate objects you can hang on the walls in restaurants. I am especially concerned here about the restaurants that have sprung up in shopping complexes everywhere to provide young urban professionals with a place to go for margaritas and potato skins. You know the restaurants I mean: They always have names like Flanagan's, Hanrahan's, O'Toole's, O'Reilley's, etc., as if the owner were a genial red-faced Irish bartender, when in fact the place is probably owned by 14 absentee proctologists in need of a tax shelter.
You have probably noticed that, inevitably, the walls in these places are covered with objects we do not ordinarily attach to walls, such as barber poles, traffic lights, washboards, street signs, farm implements, etc. This decor is presumably intended to create an atmosphere of relaxed old-fashioned funkiness, but in fact it creates an atmosphere of great weirdness. It is as if a young urban professional with telekinetic powers, the kind Sissy Spacek exhibited in the movie "Carrie," got really tanked up on the margaritas one night and decided to embed an entire flea market in the wall.
I think it`s too much. I think we need to pass a law stating that the only objects that may be hung on restaurant walls are those that God intended to be hung on restaurant walls, such as pictures, mirrors and the heads of deceased animals. Any restaurant caught violating this law would have to get rid of its phony Irish-bartender name and adopt a name that clearly reflected its actual ownership ("Hey, let`s go get some potato skins at Fourteen Absentee Proctologists In Need of Tax Shelter").
..because those guys can't be trusted.
Huh. There's a few 'irish' pubs in Santiago, Chile, which is weird, as Ireland isn't really a thing here.
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