The Office Chair of the Future -- Today!

March 23, 2017 11:10 AM

You may have heard that sitting in chairs is slowly killing anyone who works in an office. Now, however, you can buy the Altwork Station, an office chair that will definitely not kill the user.
posted by Copronymus (60 comments total)

Is it safe? Is it safe?
posted by Etrigan at 11:20 AM on March 23, 2017 [16 favorites]

Won't the mouse slide off if you tip all the way back? Also I would think it would be very, very tiring for your arms to type like that all the time. Also this is profoundly dumb.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 11:23 AM on March 23, 2017 [6 favorites]

Sitting Won't Kill You, Standing Won't Save You
posted by anazgnos at 11:29 AM on March 23, 2017 [13 favorites]

I do kind of feel like, if you're really dedicated to the idea of lying down while you work at a computer, maybe you should do it face-down instead of face-up. At least that way gravity isn't working against you constantly. Now to invent a $5000 chair that will let you do that instead.
posted by Copronymus at 11:34 AM on March 23, 2017 [3 favorites]

oh my GOD this is amazing. WOW. it's everything I've wanted for my personal wok pod, since i conceived of the idea 13 years ago. At the time, I had an elaborate idea bout dangling giant CRT monitors above my head, hoping that my personal quality standards would ensure at least 100 days of productivity before I got a concussion.
posted by rebent at 11:37 AM on March 23, 2017 [12 favorites]

I think we've reached the point where any use of "Alt-" as a prefix has to be a clear signal of evil intent.
posted by oneswellfoop at 11:40 AM on March 23, 2017 [25 favorites]

I'd ride that bronco.
posted by Going To Maine at 11:42 AM on March 23, 2017

Useless unless I can work full inverted.
posted by blue_beetle at 11:45 AM on March 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

Considering how much time I spend killing my posture with my feet up on my desk...sure, why not?
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 11:50 AM on March 23, 2017

I think we've reached the point where any use of "Alt-" as a prefix has to be a clear signal of evil intent.

I think you're right.
posted by cjorgensen at 11:54 AM on March 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

Wouldn't it be better stomach down with a hole for the face, like a curvy massage table? That way the screen would be beneath you and your arms could hang relaxed below you as your coworkers relentlessly mock you and your partner begins questioning her life choices.
posted by leotrotsky at 12:04 PM on March 23, 2017 [19 favorites]

I think we've reached the point where any use of "Alt-" as a prefix has to be a clear signal of evil intent.

Louis Althusser. Yep, that works.
posted by leotrotsky at 12:07 PM on March 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

Obligatory XKCD

But really, read that link that anazgnos posted above. Or, on second thought, skip it and go for a walk!
posted by sibilatorix at 12:07 PM on March 23, 2017

The whole thing should spin rapidly, to force creative ideas to the front of your brain. Hey, it worked in an old issue of The Flash!
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:16 PM on March 23, 2017 [4 favorites]

This is okay I guess, but call me when they mash this up with an inversion table.
posted by vverse23 at 12:17 PM on March 23, 2017

Is working while laying down actually comfortable?

If the laying is in the egg sense, I'm not sure anything would be comfortable. If it is in the sexual sense, wouldn't that be... too distracting to finish the quarterly reports?
posted by ricochet biscuit at 12:28 PM on March 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

We scoff, but the robots who are going to take all of our jobs will probably love it.
posted by Atom Eyes at 12:30 PM on March 23, 2017

I admit, I wouldn't be upset if someone gave this to me.

And an office with opaque walls.
posted by R a c h e l at 12:37 PM on March 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

If they put a detachable bottom with a chemical toilet, a space blanket and a fridge filled with Soylent on the back with a straw like a race car driver, they can achieve their librotarian dream of putting wannabe disruptors working as long as possible without having even to worry about things like "commuting" or "eating".
posted by lmfsilva at 12:47 PM on March 23, 2017 [4 favorites]

Can't you accomplish much the same effect by lying in bed with a tablet? I've made many a post that way. (But not this one. I'm sitting on a sofa watching How It's Made).
posted by TedW at 12:49 PM on March 23, 2017

that will definitely not kill the user

I am suspicious of anything that requires that many definites and also has a reference to my mortality
posted by yueliang at 12:50 PM on March 23, 2017 [3 favorites]

I use a used Ikea Poang chair and ottoman and a monitor arm screwed to the wall. I can go for hours and hours but when I get up the blood clots hit my brain and I pass out. That's my rest time.
posted by Pembquist at 12:54 PM on March 23, 2017 [13 favorites]

I've wanted a workstation like this since 1977.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 12:59 PM on March 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

choosing instead to concentrate on the fact that my legs were peddling a bike

The heartbreak of crural mongery of any sort...
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:01 PM on March 23, 2017 [3 favorites]

I would fall asleep. I'd just conk out and the monitor would, thanks to my luck, fall on my face and concuss me.
posted by 80 Cats in a Dog Suit at 1:09 PM on March 23, 2017 [5 favorites]

Oldercatbailard enthusiastically supports this proposition as she's fed up with competing with my laptop for prime tummy-acerage.
posted by sebastienbailard at 1:23 PM on March 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

The ideal workspace is a float tank full of Epsom salt, caffeine, and oxygen. Anything else, and the only talent who stick around are clowns who think Javascript's prototype inheritance is something you can eat.
posted by MuppetNavy at 1:36 PM on March 23, 2017 [6 favorites]

This would be awesome for working with certain kinds of disabilities/illness/injury. Would have made it possible for me to get a lot more done during some of my flares.
posted by congen at 1:42 PM on March 23, 2017 [6 favorites]

Any productivity gains are canceled out by pretending you're a gunner on a B-29 Superfortress. Rattattattattattat!
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:55 PM on March 23, 2017 [3 favorites]

It is like the opening of WALL-E.
posted by 4ster at 2:00 PM on March 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

Nice shot, kid, but don't get cocky.
posted by tobascodagama at 2:01 PM on March 23, 2017 [5 favorites]

Hah, these guys are in the WeWork office down the hall from me. It looks just as ridiculous in person.
posted by Aizkolari at 2:14 PM on March 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

Altwork Station on stage at TechCrunch Disrupt:
"None of this stuff is falling off here..."
*Mouse falls on floor*
posted by Kabanos at 2:31 PM on March 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

I'm waiting for the catheter attachment.
posted by Nelson at 2:38 PM on March 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

omg this is my dream. I do a lot of work in bed and usually end up sliding down, knees bent with my laptop propped up against my thighs.

I'd need it to be portable though.
posted by TWinbrook8 at 3:11 PM on March 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

My birthday is in my profile. I promise to call it the MeFiMatic PostMaker.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 3:32 PM on March 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

I think we've reached the point where any use of "Alt-" as a prefix has to be a clear signal of evil intent.

Not quite. Altbier.
posted by gurple at 3:41 PM on March 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

Can I use one of these on it?
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:45 PM on March 23, 2017

So we get out of bed to drive to work where we lie down all day. Awesome. Any job that you can do while lying down is definitely useful to the world. Why can't we just stay at home?
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:49 PM on March 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

Like a lot of ergonomic furniture, it's scaled pretty huge. This chair looks cool pictured in its natural loft/cool warehouse habitat. However, I am picturing it under the 8' stucco ceiling of my Regular ol' ranch house and...nah.
posted by Bob Regular at 4:37 PM on March 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

Of course it's extravagant and ridiculous but...I'd take one. (Not buy one, mind you, but I'd certainly take one if given to me). Sitting and standing seem fine, and the reclining position I'd like to like, but the mouse and keyboard positions do NOT look comfortable. And that's not even having to deal with specifically magnetized mice and keyboards, which may suck all on their own.
posted by zardoz at 4:44 PM on March 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

Obviously TVTropes already has this covered with Cool Chair, which enables the Slouch of Villainy.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 5:04 PM on March 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

Mrs. Pterodactyl, I don't have this chair, but have experimented with working in a Zero-Gravity Chair and fatigue in my forearms & elbows was definitely a limiting factor for me. However, the position this chair lets you get your arms into looks like it might be better than what I was able to achive.

My brother-in-law works in his zero gravity chair a lot -- he has it beside a wall with arms coming out of the wall for monitor and keyboard.
posted by lastobelus at 5:13 PM on March 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

If I was going to spend the money, I think Ergoquest's zero-gravity workstations are a much better value, though they don't look as nice. They give you many more options.

I do find my zero-gravity chair indispensable, though I rarely use a computer in it. However, I'm in it every morning for a half-hour -- its the only time my lower back fully relaxes. I also use it for whiteboarding -- I have a bunch of letter & tabloid sized white boards that I use, so I'll hang out in the back chair to work through a problem or design decision.
posted by lastobelus at 5:25 PM on March 23, 2017

why go to all the trouble of designing this special workstation chair but still use a boring, standard, off the shelf mouse and keyboard? you'd solve anchoring issues with the mouse by subbing in a trackball, and splitting the keyboard into two hand-sized pieces that would fit on the end of each arm rest would make sure you're not holding your arms up while reclining, maybe with a third accessory board for the less-used keys somewhere else.

...I mean, assuming you want to spend more time in front of a monitor, laying down, doing office work.
posted by indubitable at 5:29 PM on March 23, 2017 [3 favorites]

I built a contraption to work in bed and found that it made me susceptible to really bad chest colds. Also, holding your head still in that position puts weird little micro stresses on your neck muscles. What we need is some kind of giant, rolling hamster ball chair.
posted by bonobothegreat at 7:07 PM on March 23, 2017

I am not going to get one until I see extensive long-term testing done with subjects who have very similar ouch problems to my own published in a reputable medical journal, and until somebody else buys one for me. and I'd rather have a treadmill desk anyway.

that said, it is instructive how hilarious the idea of not being in pain all day every day is to a whole lot of people. the very idea! what is work for, if not hurting and harming your body slowly and cumulatively over time? the notion is ludicrous.

this thing is ludicrous, but not as much as sitting in a regular fuckin office chair all fucking day is. and fuck that.
posted by queenofbithynia at 7:46 PM on March 23, 2017 [6 favorites]

I really like the freedom to move during the day. Just having different spaces to be in and a variety of chairs is so helpful to me. I worked at a tech company where we had a desktop work surface you could raise or lower. I appreciated that. And when I needed to do something different in the afternoon, I'd take my stuff and go curl up on a couch. We also had a hammock - good for reading and stretching out. I then changed jobs and worked at a place for 3 months. Among my many unhappinesses with that place was the lack of mobility and freedom of movement. They issued me a desktop computer, ffs, and that right there was kind of a deal breaker. I would bring in my own laptop and escape to the coffee shop when I needed to write proposals which the bosses seem to treat suspiciously.

My point being - variety is very helpful. If this was my only workstation, there's no way. Currently, I have a regular desk, a standing desk, an easy chair, a yoga mat and a Japanese sleeping pad/futon. But I work for myself so no bitchy side-eye from insecure and unimaginative managers.
posted by amanda at 8:03 PM on March 23, 2017 [3 favorites]

At that price it should come with a carbon-fibre shell around it, one that's sound-proof, preferably bomb-proof, full climate control, 20-inch forged aluminum wheel rims, and a 200 horsepower electric motor.
posted by sfenders at 8:20 PM on March 23, 2017

for the worker from home, it is worth at least some money to have a tilty workstation because when you are in/on it, your cat can still sit on you but she cannot sit on your keyboard unless she first puts some magnets on her paws. that's a good innovation.
posted by queenofbithynia at 8:25 PM on March 23, 2017 [5 favorites]

I basically have a cobbled together version of this at home made out of a small mattress and a coffee table. I use a wireless keyboard and trackball, and I touch type, so I really don't have to raise my arms at all. I just keep the peripherals in my lap. It's ridiculous, but it works, and it's super comfy. Also, the whole setup cost me like, $100 including the peripherals. So I feel like I just got a $5,800 discount. Although I definitely wouldn't mind having the expensive chair. It looks like it's faster to get in and out of.
posted by yeolcoatl at 10:04 PM on March 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

Has anyone ever worked at a treadmill desk for a significant amount of time?

I built a reclining cycling setup a decade ago, and quickly found I couldn't do anything at it other than surfing or light reading or really mindless work. As soon as I tried to do anything that required any amount of focus the small amount of effort to keep pedalling quickly started to seem like not a small amount of effort at all.
posted by lastobelus at 10:11 PM on March 23, 2017

I just don't get the appeal of this. I pretty much live with computers, and its nice to have a tablet or whatever for reading, but i need a big monitor because i run firefox and chrome, an IDE, too many terminal windows and usually some extra crap like the chat app du-jour, i use a big mechanical keyboard to stave off typing and RSI issues, so laptops are infuriatingly small, and I need to be able to get up somewhat frequently to deal with non-tech issues.

I get my current setup might not be "optimal", but I'm pretty sure the answer isn't reclining into a blob with a screen hanging over my face. I'd rather be in an actual dentist chair having my teeth worked on.
posted by lkc at 11:10 PM on March 23, 2017

What if we made a rock climbing wall, like for one of those indoor climbing gyms, you know, but the wall was actually a huge rubber vertical treadmill arrangement that makes the handholds move slowly but continuously downward, and then we mounted a monitor and a keyboard next to it on swing arms, so that to do your work you had to constantly rock-climb upwards like some kind of 21st century Sisyphus? OK, now quick, somebody give me thirty million dollars.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 5:27 AM on March 24, 2017 [6 favorites]

I actually helped build the prototype of this thing as a contract worker two summers ago. I thought it was ridiculous until I used it a little. It feels better than it looks, although the fully reclined position never felt comfortable for me. I wouldn't buy one of these (and they are freaking huge in person), but I'd cram one in my tiny office if it showed up at my door looking for a home.
posted by gofargogo at 9:50 AM on March 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

for the worker from home, it is worth at least some money to have a tilty workstation because when you are in/on it, your cat can still sit on you but she cannot sit on your keyboard unless she first puts some magnets on her paws. that's a good innovation.

I would be worried that the cats could still figure out a way to "accidentally" do something like this.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 11:04 AM on March 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I guess it's time for me to share my upgraded standing desk design. An old pine worktop has been placed across the cardboard boxes for added surface stability. The atrocious-looking birthday gift rain stick, cellotaped to a shoebox, create a stand for the ergonomic keyboard on which it sits angled forward, making typing the most comfortable yet. The mouse has moved down from the top surface onto a pile of books. The total mess hasn't changed.

I must admit, I am a totally committed convert. After 17 years of working seated (freelance translation, by the way, typically composed of off days with very long shifts in between), and trying all the sitting gear purported to reduce my lower back pain (inflatable balls, kneeling chair, comfortable armchair, Alexander-technique chair whose seat angles slightly forward and whose height is adjusted to have both feet firmly planted on the ground) in vain, I switched to a standing desk four years ago. I cycle a lot and have strong legs so I think I am particularly suited to this configuration, but I have not looked back. The back pain is totally gone, and the pain in the legs that tends to appear after 6-8 hours of working standing is infinitely preferable. Perhaps there are 'standing kinda people': I find that I do not sit, except on public transport, and when eating, and when unavoidable. Oh, and the mess, that hardly ever changes...
posted by holist at 11:41 PM on March 24, 2017 [3 favorites]

I'm in the same boat, holist. I'm well aware of the "sitting won't kill you" data, but switching to standing desks has done a miracle on my back. Standing for too long fatigues my leg muscles, though, and isn't that great for circulation, so I really recommend a sit-stand configuration if you can do it. I got one of those Ergodesktop things that sits on a standard desk and makes your monitor and workspace adjustable, and then I rendered that moot by getting a stool-height chair that I can sit on without moving my workspace at all.

The chair in TFA looks really great for folks who can't do standing desks. Damned shame about the price, though.
posted by tobascodagama at 7:12 AM on March 25, 2017

Yep, tobascodagama, a bar stool for occasional use is exactly what I have in mind. It's so nice to know I'm not alone! :D
posted by holist at 6:58 AM on March 26, 2017

I need a bit more back support than a traditional bar stool can provide, so what I actually went with was one of these guys from Steelcase. The stool version lacks the tilt features you can get with the chair version, but that's obviously not as important if you're going to be standing half the time or more.
posted by tobascodagama at 10:56 AM on March 26, 2017