You may be let go...
March 24, 2017 1:07 PM Subscribe
Friday fiction: A short story by Daniel Orozco. As you leave work for the weekend, think about your first day there, and everybody's first day -- think about Orientation. "You must pace your work. What do I mean? I’m glad you asked that. We pace our work according to the eight-hour workday. If you have twelve hours of work in your in-box, for example, you must compress that work into the eight-hour day. If you have one hour of work in your in-box, you must expand that work to fill the eight- hour day. That was a good question. Feel free to ask questions. Ask too many questions, however, and you may be let go...."
"...Amanda Pierce, in the cubicle to your right, has a six-year old son named Jamie, who is autistic. Her cubicle is plastered from top to bottom with the boy’s crayon artwork—sheet after sheet of precisely drawn concentric circles and ellipses, in black and yellow. She rotates them every other Friday. Be sure to comment on them. Amanda Pierce also has a husband, who is a lawyer. He subjects her to an escalating array of painful and humiliating sex games, to which Amanda Pierce reluctantly submits. She comes to work exhausted and freshly wounded each morning, wincing from the abrasions on her breasts, or the bruises on her abdomen, or the second- degree burns on the backs of her thighs.
But we’re not supposed to know any of this. Do not let on. If you let on, you may be let go.
Amanda Pierce, who tolerates Russell Nash, is in love with Albert Bosch, whose office is over there. Albert Bosch, who only dimly registers Amanda Pierce’s existence, has eyes only for Ellie Tapper, who sits over there. Ellie Tapper, who hates Albert Bosch, would walk through fire for Curtis Lance. But Curtis Lance hates Ellie Tapper. Isn’t the world a funny place? Not in the ha-ha sense, of course."
"...Amanda Pierce, in the cubicle to your right, has a six-year old son named Jamie, who is autistic. Her cubicle is plastered from top to bottom with the boy’s crayon artwork—sheet after sheet of precisely drawn concentric circles and ellipses, in black and yellow. She rotates them every other Friday. Be sure to comment on them. Amanda Pierce also has a husband, who is a lawyer. He subjects her to an escalating array of painful and humiliating sex games, to which Amanda Pierce reluctantly submits. She comes to work exhausted and freshly wounded each morning, wincing from the abrasions on her breasts, or the bruises on her abdomen, or the second- degree burns on the backs of her thighs.
But we’re not supposed to know any of this. Do not let on. If you let on, you may be let go.
Amanda Pierce, who tolerates Russell Nash, is in love with Albert Bosch, whose office is over there. Albert Bosch, who only dimly registers Amanda Pierce’s existence, has eyes only for Ellie Tapper, who sits over there. Ellie Tapper, who hates Albert Bosch, would walk through fire for Curtis Lance. But Curtis Lance hates Ellie Tapper. Isn’t the world a funny place? Not in the ha-ha sense, of course."
That was great. Delightful, funny, depressing, and creepy in equal measures.
posted by treepour at 1:39 PM on March 24, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by treepour at 1:39 PM on March 24, 2017 [3 favorites]
This has to be made into a short film. Wicked.
posted by DrAstroZoom at 1:40 PM on March 24, 2017
posted by DrAstroZoom at 1:40 PM on March 24, 2017
DrAstroZoom: "This has to be made into a short film. Wicked."
Nthed.
posted by Samizdata at 1:46 PM on March 24, 2017
Nthed.
posted by Samizdata at 1:46 PM on March 24, 2017
I love this one; I saw it years ago I think on Kindle and forgot about it. Every office should have the lay of the land explained like this.
That excellent line:
But we’re not supposed to know any of this. Do not let on. If you let on, you may be let go.
posted by GospelofWesleyWillis at 1:48 PM on March 24, 2017 [4 favorites]
That excellent line:
But we’re not supposed to know any of this. Do not let on. If you let on, you may be let go.
posted by GospelofWesleyWillis at 1:48 PM on March 24, 2017 [4 favorites]
I found this story in an anthology years ago. I photocopied it and it still sits in a folder in my filing cabinet.
This American Life had a professional voice actor read it on one of their episodes.
posted by reenum at 1:55 PM on March 24, 2017
This American Life had a professional voice actor read it on one of their episodes.
posted by reenum at 1:55 PM on March 24, 2017
It's buried in the see also links, but there's a link to the This American Life episode at the base of the story.
posted by Karmakaze at 2:00 PM on March 24, 2017
posted by Karmakaze at 2:00 PM on March 24, 2017
I wish my workplace had this comprehensive a manual for new personnel.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:18 PM on March 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:18 PM on March 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
Except for Barry Hacker's wife's ghost and the serial killer, this sounds like offices that I've worked in, and frankly I'm not sure I should exclude the serial killer. (And, on certain very late nights, the ghost.)
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:37 PM on March 24, 2017
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:37 PM on March 24, 2017
That is just... Creepy.
posted by WalkerWestridge at 2:57 PM on March 24, 2017
posted by WalkerWestridge at 2:57 PM on March 24, 2017
Goddamn I wish I never had to work an office job again sometimes. They can be even more nightmarish than this, in some ways, depending on the company leadership. I tried to write a story similar to this at one point but lost focus and let it drop. Now imagine facing that for over a decade under a contract designed not to let you leave. That was my life just a few years ago. Now it's even worse, incredibly.
Thanks for this post, even if it is a little depressing, personally.
posted by saulgoodman at 3:54 PM on March 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
Thanks for this post, even if it is a little depressing, personally.
posted by saulgoodman at 3:54 PM on March 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
Actually, imagine the boss monitored your online activity and then deliberately forced you into extremely stressful work situations that also seemed to force you to compromise your personal ethics (I.e., complain about some form of contracting corruption here on MeFi, then end up forced to work for the people you complained about, with no way to leave the job without threatening your family's security and a stress disorder that causes feelings of insecurity, repeatedly, along with constant loyalty tests. Yeah, good times.)
posted by saulgoodman at 3:58 PM on March 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by saulgoodman at 3:58 PM on March 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
Oh, and of course, not being allowed to discuss any of it because you're under an NDA. Then after all that, you lose your family anyway.
posted by saulgoodman at 4:08 PM on March 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by saulgoodman at 4:08 PM on March 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
I read this at work and felt vaguely uneasy, and had to watch through Catherine to cheer myself up.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:40 PM on March 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:40 PM on March 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
i started reading this and was sort of scratching my head wondering who is writing about "cubicle culture" in this palahniuk-inflected vein in 2017 because i assumed that they were a young writer for some reason, but i googled the author and it says "Born: 1957" so i guess it makes more sense now. ... oh wait, the story itself is from 2011 ? ok. ...
this comment is really good though:
"That story has a lot more meaning than it says. I doubt anyone fully understands it."
posted by LeviQayin at 6:50 PM on March 24, 2017
this comment is really good though:
"That story has a lot more meaning than it says. I doubt anyone fully understands it."
posted by LeviQayin at 6:50 PM on March 24, 2017
This is a damn fine piece of work. It fits right neatly into one of my favorite genres (perhaps for obvious reasons) -- a story that in the hands of a lesser writer would have been pretty awful, but came out extremely well.
I've seen a million stories that were almost right but fail for indeterminable reasons, but it's a rare story that *shouldn't* work but really, really does.
posted by tclark at 8:43 PM on March 24, 2017
I've seen a million stories that were almost right but fail for indeterminable reasons, but it's a rare story that *shouldn't* work but really, really does.
posted by tclark at 8:43 PM on March 24, 2017
LeviQayin, the story itself is from 1995. It was published in a collection in 2011.
posted by clone boulevard at 7:47 AM on March 27, 2017
posted by clone boulevard at 7:47 AM on March 27, 2017
I chuckled while feeling a part of my soul die simultaneously.
posted by prepmonkey at 10:30 AM on March 27, 2017
posted by prepmonkey at 10:30 AM on March 27, 2017
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posted by mochapickle at 1:25 PM on March 24, 2017