A shadow shall fall over the universe, and evil will grow in its path…
March 26, 2017 9:48 PM Subscribe
Terrible, awful, no good really bad heavy metal album covers from all over the world. Many more at Assorted Thoughts From An Unsorted Mind.
Get your own damn Loc-Nar!
posted by scaryblackdeath at 10:20 PM on March 26, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by scaryblackdeath at 10:20 PM on March 26, 2017 [4 favorites]
That Unicorn cover is actually amazing.
(I'm all for making fun of Phil Anselmo but two of the three Pantera covers are pre-Phil.)
posted by atoxyl at 10:38 PM on March 26, 2017
(I'm all for making fun of Phil Anselmo but two of the three Pantera covers are pre-Phil.)
posted by atoxyl at 10:38 PM on March 26, 2017
I keep things like this in reserve for when I hear twentysomethings wax nostalgic about how awesome and vaporwavey the 80s must have been.
posted by ardgedee at 10:40 PM on March 26, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by ardgedee at 10:40 PM on March 26, 2017 [5 favorites]
Many of these could be improved with googly eyes.
posted by boilermonster at 11:01 PM on March 26, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by boilermonster at 11:01 PM on March 26, 2017 [5 favorites]
The Lancer one is legitimately amazing, I don't know why it's on this list.
posted by byanyothername at 11:10 PM on March 26, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by byanyothername at 11:10 PM on March 26, 2017 [2 favorites]
most of these are goofy-bad but that Predator one is legit fucking horrifying, like not actually even funny
posted by a mirror and an encyclopedia at 11:10 PM on March 26, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by a mirror and an encyclopedia at 11:10 PM on March 26, 2017 [7 favorites]
The Lancer one is legitimately amazing, I don't know why it's on this list.
Me neither, but I suddenly want to play Joust.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 11:16 PM on March 26, 2017 [12 favorites]
Me neither, but I suddenly want to play Joust.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 11:16 PM on March 26, 2017 [12 favorites]
This Korpiklaani album cover is very special to Mr. Palmcorder and me, because we imagine that the Viking is saying, "Filthy pond-bird! I DUST YOU!"
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 11:52 PM on March 26, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 11:52 PM on March 26, 2017 [3 favorites]
Clearly this list was composed by wimps.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:25 AM on March 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:25 AM on March 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
Is there actually a good heavy metal album cover? Because in my 50+ years on the planet I haven't seen one yet.
posted by Phlegmco(tm) at 12:47 AM on March 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Phlegmco(tm) at 12:47 AM on March 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
On a related tangent, an old favorite article from long ago...
posted by LeRoienJaune at 12:47 AM on March 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by LeRoienJaune at 12:47 AM on March 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
Phlegmco: To answer that question, I'd have to know what your tastes are. The majority of metal album covers derive either from a certain baroque modernist re-imagination of Bosch and Bruegels, or derive from the trends of Prog album art of the 1970s, which in turn is heavily influenced by Foss and Franzetta.
Loudwire's list tends to conflate punk and metal
Meanwhile, the Complex listicle tends to skew towards modern releases.
posted by LeRoienJaune at 12:57 AM on March 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
Loudwire's list tends to conflate punk and metal
Meanwhile, the Complex listicle tends to skew towards modern releases.
posted by LeRoienJaune at 12:57 AM on March 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
This article is legit because it leaves off the usual lazy target for this kind of thing ... Sabbath's Born Again. Which is an amazing cover.
Also it's legit because it includes Dance of Death.. Best modern Maiden album, oy, that cover art...
posted by Sauce Trough at 1:05 AM on March 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
Also it's legit because it includes Dance of Death.. Best modern Maiden album, oy, that cover art...
posted by Sauce Trough at 1:05 AM on March 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
Is there actually a good heavy metal album cover? Because in my 50+ years on the planet I haven't seen one yet.
Well if you don't like this one it's probably fair to say metal album covers are not for you.
posted by atoxyl at 1:34 AM on March 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
Well if you don't like this one it's probably fair to say metal album covers are not for you.
posted by atoxyl at 1:34 AM on March 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
Man, I mean I knew that BÖC went downhill later, but what was that? They used to have some epic album covers back in the day.
For real, those first two are all-time classics of their genre.
posted by atoxyl at 1:36 AM on March 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
For real, those first two are all-time classics of their genre.
posted by atoxyl at 1:36 AM on March 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
Rape art. Ok.
posted by esto-again at 1:40 AM on March 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by esto-again at 1:40 AM on March 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
yeay for joust !!!
posted by gkr at 1:42 AM on March 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by gkr at 1:42 AM on March 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
(I'd be interested in hearing individual MeFites' favourite album cover ever. Just sayin'.)
posted by the quidnunc kid at 2:23 AM on March 27, 2017
posted by the quidnunc kid at 2:23 AM on March 27, 2017
Hmm. One cover from Attila in these lists, but apparently, that's a different Attila from the band that Billy Joel was in before he made it big. The Attila that Billy Joel sang for has their own album cover that could compete with any of these, I think.
posted by radwolf76 at 2:46 AM on March 27, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by radwolf76 at 2:46 AM on March 27, 2017 [5 favorites]
The Maineeaxe one isn't bad. It's mediocre, granted, but in an adequate/forgettable way, not a memorably WTF way. One can imagine flipping past it in a crate of old records/CDs, not giving it a second thought and forgetting about it immediately.
posted by acb at 4:09 AM on March 27, 2017
posted by acb at 4:09 AM on March 27, 2017
I really thought he was going to be kidding about the ostrich shooting laser beams from its eyes.
posted by yhbc at 4:30 AM on March 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by yhbc at 4:30 AM on March 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
(I'd be interested in hearing individual MeFites' favourite album cover ever. Just sayin'.)
Probably Iron Maiden Number of The Beast - just for the impact it had on me at 15 years old. It terrified the adults, but when you actually listened to the lyrics, they were almost disappointingly devoid of attempts to turn me into a satanist.
posted by COD at 5:43 AM on March 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
Probably Iron Maiden Number of The Beast - just for the impact it had on me at 15 years old. It terrified the adults, but when you actually listened to the lyrics, they were almost disappointingly devoid of attempts to turn me into a satanist.
posted by COD at 5:43 AM on March 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
So, yes, Fighter chose a terrible font for their band name. But their album cover -- the one with the cleaver chopping into a bicep -- is pretty cool.
Man, I mean I knew that BÖC went downhill later, but what was that? They used to have some epic album covers back in the day.
I thought fer shure one of those was going to link to Cultosaurus Erectus.
Priest's British Steel and Screaming for Vengeance also have good covers. As do Master of Puppets and, on vinyl anyway, Shout at the Devil.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 5:51 AM on March 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
Man, I mean I knew that BÖC went downhill later, but what was that? They used to have some epic album covers back in the day.
I thought fer shure one of those was going to link to Cultosaurus Erectus.
Priest's British Steel and Screaming for Vengeance also have good covers. As do Master of Puppets and, on vinyl anyway, Shout at the Devil.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 5:51 AM on March 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
Many of these could be improved with googly eyes.
At first I thought the cover of that Anaal Nathrakh album was a swiped from Goya. It wasn't, but when I looked it up it appears that Goya more or less did his own googly eyes.
posted by lagomorphius at 5:58 AM on March 27, 2017
At first I thought the cover of that Anaal Nathrakh album was a swiped from Goya. It wasn't, but when I looked it up it appears that Goya more or less did his own googly eyes.
posted by lagomorphius at 5:58 AM on March 27, 2017
As far as a favorite? I don't know but I'm pretty sure Peter Saville had something to do with it.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 5:59 AM on March 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Mr. Yuck at 5:59 AM on March 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
Dr. Mastermind: So was Ozzy reduced to doing guest spots on other bands' album covers during some lean times in the 80s?
posted by Naberius at 6:12 AM on March 27, 2017
posted by Naberius at 6:12 AM on March 27, 2017
I was about to speak up and say that one or another of these was at least competently executed by an actual artist but then I thought: Jesus. Yes it's terrible. It's all terrible. Why did we let these bands do these things to our eyes. I remember being a kid in the music store in the '80s, bored out of my skull while my dad flipped carefully through the classic rock, looking at the metal albums and just taking all these in, having my internal gender conditioning just stomped all over. I didn't exactly get what I was looking at, but I got one message: boys vs. girls.
Am I becoming Tipper Gore in my middle age? Perish forbid, but -- I mean. "The Tung Bandits." I never want to hear complaints about ukeleles and twee again.
posted by Countess Elena at 6:56 AM on March 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
Am I becoming Tipper Gore in my middle age? Perish forbid, but -- I mean. "The Tung Bandits." I never want to hear complaints about ukeleles and twee again.
posted by Countess Elena at 6:56 AM on March 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
Performative hypermasculinity.
posted by acb at 7:08 AM on March 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by acb at 7:08 AM on March 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
MetaFilter: complaints about ukeleles and twee
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 7:44 AM on March 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 7:44 AM on March 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
My favorite heavy metal album cover will always be Accept's "Restless and Wild".
posted by soundofsuburbia at 7:50 AM on March 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by soundofsuburbia at 7:50 AM on March 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
There's good records inside of some of those ugly covers,[fuckin' RAVEN!] and I've seen plenty of cheeseball punk and hip-hop covers, too, the common denominator being they were all done on looooow budgets.
posted by jonmc at 8:44 AM on March 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by jonmc at 8:44 AM on March 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
At first I thought the cover of that Anaal Nathrakh album was a swiped from Goya. It wasn't, but when I looked it up it appears that Goya more or less did his own googly eyes.
Which reminds me, speaking of the best metal album covers.
(I believe this one is actually H.R. Giger)
posted by atoxyl at 9:42 AM on March 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
Which reminds me, speaking of the best metal album covers.
(I believe this one is actually H.R. Giger)
posted by atoxyl at 9:42 AM on March 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
atoxyl: "Is there actually a good heavy metal album cover? Because in my 50+ years on the planet I haven't seen one yet.
Well if you don't like this one it's probably fair to say metal album covers are not for you."
Also, you prolly don't want to play Brütal Legend as the entire game world is based on metal album cover art.
posted by Samizdata at 10:05 AM on March 27, 2017
Well if you don't like this one it's probably fair to say metal album covers are not for you."
Also, you prolly don't want to play Brütal Legend as the entire game world is based on metal album cover art.
posted by Samizdata at 10:05 AM on March 27, 2017
Is there actually a good heavy metal album cover? Because in my 50+ years on the planet I haven't seen one yet.
I can show you ones I think are good, but I can't probably can't show you ones you like. There's a difference.
Amorphis - Tales from the Thousand Lakes (just a great moonlit landscape that feels big enough to match the mythological references)
Sentenced - Amok (Compared to the others I'm listing here, this is pretty minimalist, but I like the color scheme and the life-and-death theme of the sculpture - I don't even know if it is a sculpture that was photographed, or if it's a drawing)
Opeth - Blackwater Park (Perfectly bleak)
Slayer - Reign in Blood (I don't like the music much, but the artwork is pretty fascinating)
Cathedral - The Ethereal Mirror (Most of their albums had huge intricate grotesqueries like this)
Death - The Sound of Perserverance (All of their last three albums had pretty great artwork, and I loved my Individual Thought Patterns t-shirt until it disintegrated but there's something about that monochrome landscape that's massive, and classical somehow)
In Flames - The Jester Race (Maybe not the greatest, I just love the detail, the skyscape, and the alien feel)
Iron Maiden - Powerslave (I spent hours looking at the details in this one and Somewhere in Time and Seventh Son)
Fear Factory - Demanufacture (Also a t-shirt I wore to rags, simple but iconic)
posted by Wolfdog at 10:25 AM on March 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
I can show you ones I think are good, but I can't probably can't show you ones you like. There's a difference.
Amorphis - Tales from the Thousand Lakes (just a great moonlit landscape that feels big enough to match the mythological references)
Sentenced - Amok (Compared to the others I'm listing here, this is pretty minimalist, but I like the color scheme and the life-and-death theme of the sculpture - I don't even know if it is a sculpture that was photographed, or if it's a drawing)
Opeth - Blackwater Park (Perfectly bleak)
Slayer - Reign in Blood (I don't like the music much, but the artwork is pretty fascinating)
Cathedral - The Ethereal Mirror (Most of their albums had huge intricate grotesqueries like this)
Death - The Sound of Perserverance (All of their last three albums had pretty great artwork, and I loved my Individual Thought Patterns t-shirt until it disintegrated but there's something about that monochrome landscape that's massive, and classical somehow)
In Flames - The Jester Race (Maybe not the greatest, I just love the detail, the skyscape, and the alien feel)
Iron Maiden - Powerslave (I spent hours looking at the details in this one and Somewhere in Time and Seventh Son)
Fear Factory - Demanufacture (Also a t-shirt I wore to rags, simple but iconic)
posted by Wolfdog at 10:25 AM on March 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
good heavy metal album cover
Painkiller by Judas Priest.
......okay, maybe it's a little ridiculous. BUT METAL \m/
Forreal tho, 21st century metal doesn't have awful covers. Death and black metal covers are still in the realm of the weird, but DevilDriver's got some good ones which is especially admirable because they're a pretty lowbrow speed-metal kind of outfit. Kamelot and a lot of other symphonic/fantasy-themed metal bands have nice covers (just as long as they don't go overboard...look up Rhapsody of Fire. Whoof.)
And then of course you've got Disturbed who's got an album mascot a la Maiden.
I haven't listened to metal for years, but when topics like this come up, I guess I'll always be a metalhead.
posted by scruffy-looking nerfherder at 10:26 AM on March 27, 2017
Painkiller by Judas Priest.
......okay, maybe it's a little ridiculous. BUT METAL \m/
Forreal tho, 21st century metal doesn't have awful covers. Death and black metal covers are still in the realm of the weird, but DevilDriver's got some good ones which is especially admirable because they're a pretty lowbrow speed-metal kind of outfit. Kamelot and a lot of other symphonic/fantasy-themed metal bands have nice covers (just as long as they don't go overboard...look up Rhapsody of Fire. Whoof.)
And then of course you've got Disturbed who's got an album mascot a la Maiden.
I haven't listened to metal for years, but when topics like this come up, I guess I'll always be a metalhead.
posted by scruffy-looking nerfherder at 10:26 AM on March 27, 2017
I think Edguy's Rocket Ride cover should get a mention in this thread although I think it's neither good nor bad, though lots of people hate it, and though it's probably exactly what the band wanted because they don't care if people hate it.
posted by Wolfdog at 10:31 AM on March 27, 2017
posted by Wolfdog at 10:31 AM on March 27, 2017
Much of what's awful about these is a product of the cock rock era. Satan/Fantasy/Death metal cover may be cheesy (or in the case of death metal sometimes overly graphic and gross) but if you're into this sort of thing it's got its own standard for what's good.
posted by atoxyl at 11:31 AM on March 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by atoxyl at 11:31 AM on March 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
Kind of surprised that no one has commented on how the "Dangerous Toys" cover is a fairly obvious parody of Prince's Lovesexy. Also, nothing is funnier than this list of death metal band names, for the obvious reason.
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:32 PM on March 27, 2017
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:32 PM on March 27, 2017
Anyone else wince at the sight of that Fighter album cover? Yeesh...
posted by spoobnooble II: electric bugaboo at 3:57 PM on March 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by spoobnooble II: electric bugaboo at 3:57 PM on March 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
It's too bad about the Dance of Death artwork (which almost certainly tops the list of worst artwork by bands that could really seriously afford to do a proper job). Because Paschendale is worth a listen.
posted by Wolfdog at 4:03 PM on March 27, 2017
posted by Wolfdog at 4:03 PM on March 27, 2017
OMG Johnny Wallflower. That was the funniest thing I have ever seen. THANK YOU. I needed a laugh and that was perfection.
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 6:41 PM on March 27, 2017
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 6:41 PM on March 27, 2017
Is there actually a good heavy metal album cover?
Obligatory.
posted by juiceCake at 10:14 PM on March 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
Obligatory.
posted by juiceCake at 10:14 PM on March 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
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posted by vorpal bunny at 10:04 PM on March 26, 2017 [5 favorites]