Oh Garry! Well, You Came and You Gave Without Taking
April 6, 2017 4:35 PM Subscribe
Barry Manilow is gay and has been in a relationship with his manager, Garry, for forty years. Citing his belief that he would "disappoint fans", Manilow has stayed in the closet until coming out publicly two days ago.
For reference, the time Barry has spent with his husband is approximately 200 Kardashians.
For reference, the time Barry has spent with his husband is approximately 200 Kardashians.
It is one of the weirder things I have achieved in my life that as a teenager, my school choir was invited to sing at a Barry Manilow concert here in Melbourne. We sang "Dancin' In The Street" and "I Write The Songs" with him for the encore.
He came and met us all at our rehearsal before the show, and was generous, kind, supportive, and consummately professional - not at all like the stereotype of an international superstar. I'm glad he can finally live his life as he deserves to, and I'm sorry that it took so long for him to feel safe.
posted by prismatic7 at 4:44 PM on April 6, 2017 [37 favorites]
He came and met us all at our rehearsal before the show, and was generous, kind, supportive, and consummately professional - not at all like the stereotype of an international superstar. I'm glad he can finally live his life as he deserves to, and I'm sorry that it took so long for him to feel safe.
posted by prismatic7 at 4:44 PM on April 6, 2017 [37 favorites]
willnot - while the wedding was reported here and there, it was one of those "sources close to the singer confirm" things. This is the first time Manilow has come out himself.
posted by tzikeh at 4:47 PM on April 6, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by tzikeh at 4:47 PM on April 6, 2017 [5 favorites]
Good for Barry. Always nice to see these long-term relationships in showbiz, which can be so rough on them.
posted by leotrotsky at 4:48 PM on April 6, 2017 [16 favorites]
posted by leotrotsky at 4:48 PM on April 6, 2017 [16 favorites]
Congrats to Barry and husband! Welcome out.
Gotta take a lot of bravery to make that statement after many, many years of feeling like you need to keep it out of the public eye. Nice job, guys.
posted by Sublimity at 4:49 PM on April 6, 2017 [3 favorites]
Gotta take a lot of bravery to make that statement after many, many years of feeling like you need to keep it out of the public eye. Nice job, guys.
posted by Sublimity at 4:49 PM on April 6, 2017 [3 favorites]
Congrats, Barry and I promise to stop principals from raiding your wardrobe.
Also, when is there going to be a coming our story that's a surprise?
posted by jonmc at 4:52 PM on April 6, 2017 [4 favorites]
Also, when is there going to be a coming our story that's a surprise?
posted by jonmc at 4:52 PM on April 6, 2017 [4 favorites]
My favorite tweet about it (aside from the innumerable tweets congratulating him and wishing him well):
"Do not let Barry Manilow's sexuality distract you from the very real murder at the Copacabana." -- Louis Virtel
posted by tzikeh at 4:52 PM on April 6, 2017 [65 favorites]
"Do not let Barry Manilow's sexuality distract you from the very real murder at the Copacabana." -- Louis Virtel
posted by tzikeh at 4:52 PM on April 6, 2017 [65 favorites]
jonmc: Also, when is there going to be a coming our story that's a surprise?
I'm pretty certain that people who come out don't choose to take this enormously brave step in the face of a lifetime of oppression in the hopes that you'll enjoy being caught unawares.
posted by tzikeh at 4:55 PM on April 6, 2017 [72 favorites]
I'm pretty certain that people who come out don't choose to take this enormously brave step in the face of a lifetime of oppression in the hopes that you'll enjoy being caught unawares.
posted by tzikeh at 4:55 PM on April 6, 2017 [72 favorites]
Back in the day, the rumor was Barry Manilow was gay and that the song Mandy was actually about a guy named Andy. Except that was another one of the songs that Barry Manilow didn't write. Scott English did, and he called it Brandy. But Manilow switched it to Mandy so people wouldn't confuse it with Brandy You're a Fine Girl, which had recently been a hit for Looking Glass. The early 1970s were an odd time. But obviously not queer enough for Mr. Manilow.
Congrats, sir. Who needs secrets?
posted by philip-random at 5:01 PM on April 6, 2017 [8 favorites]
Congrats, sir. Who needs secrets?
posted by philip-random at 5:01 PM on April 6, 2017 [8 favorites]
I was surprised because I honestly didn't realize he was in the closet. Maybe I saw one of those articles about the wedding?
posted by Alluring Mouthbreather at 5:17 PM on April 6, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Alluring Mouthbreather at 5:17 PM on April 6, 2017 [2 favorites]
He was in his 30s when he and his partner paired up. By the time he was able to go public about the relationship of his life, he was an old man. There's something deeply saddening about this.
posted by acb at 5:25 PM on April 6, 2017 [40 favorites]
posted by acb at 5:25 PM on April 6, 2017 [40 favorites]
Um... I'm shocked... but not because I am horrified or surprised or whatnot... I just didn't realize... well..
So... apparently I'm as old as they've been in a relationship... but for my entire life, I've always thought Barry Manilow was gay... Not as in 'oh the horiblez! but more of a 'ok so whatever'-public-secret sort of way. Like... the 80s were so common for public secret closets that... I always just assumed that it was public public. And no matter who was on his arm at an awards show, or where he was on camera... that he was... gay...
Maybe its just that that seemed to be the paradigm for my parent's generation of gays, and my parents knew just enough and I had just enough exposure that I was cool with it. I mean... Its a bummer that he's been in a relationship with someone privately for 40 years and hasn't felt comfortable enough with the fickleness of his public that it would destroy his career... I mean.
I guess.... as everyone here has said - Good on him! Hooray! I am glad, that he feels the world around him is in such a place where he feels comfortable. I hope that he and Gary have the ability going forward to live *every* day with as much courage , love, and support as it took them to get to this point.
posted by Nanukthedog at 5:32 PM on April 6, 2017 [5 favorites]
So... apparently I'm as old as they've been in a relationship... but for my entire life, I've always thought Barry Manilow was gay... Not as in 'oh the horiblez! but more of a 'ok so whatever'-public-secret sort of way. Like... the 80s were so common for public secret closets that... I always just assumed that it was public public. And no matter who was on his arm at an awards show, or where he was on camera... that he was... gay...
Maybe its just that that seemed to be the paradigm for my parent's generation of gays, and my parents knew just enough and I had just enough exposure that I was cool with it. I mean... Its a bummer that he's been in a relationship with someone privately for 40 years and hasn't felt comfortable enough with the fickleness of his public that it would destroy his career... I mean.
I guess.... as everyone here has said - Good on him! Hooray! I am glad, that he feels the world around him is in such a place where he feels comfortable. I hope that he and Gary have the ability going forward to live *every* day with as much courage , love, and support as it took them to get to this point.
posted by Nanukthedog at 5:32 PM on April 6, 2017 [5 favorites]
I apologize to Barry for this, but fuck the fans who would have been disappointed if he came out earlier. Glad he's finally able to live more openly. I have mixed feelings about his work, but he's a consummate performer and worthy of much admiration.
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:33 PM on April 6, 2017 [11 favorites]
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:33 PM on April 6, 2017 [11 favorites]
Good for them and many more years...
posted by jim in austin at 5:37 PM on April 6, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by jim in austin at 5:37 PM on April 6, 2017 [4 favorites]
nthing that I hadn't really thought about it but kinda assumed he was gay.
I am amused that their names rhyme, because I am three years old.
posted by jenfullmoon at 5:37 PM on April 6, 2017 [18 favorites]
I am amused that their names rhyme, because I am three years old.
posted by jenfullmoon at 5:37 PM on April 6, 2017 [18 favorites]
Yep, count me as another who didn't realise this was news.
posted by Jubey at 5:47 PM on April 6, 2017
posted by Jubey at 5:47 PM on April 6, 2017
SMH that Garry didn't take his name and become Garry Manilow, I'd have been on that five minutes after the engagement
posted by middleclasstool at 5:47 PM on April 6, 2017 [58 favorites]
posted by middleclasstool at 5:47 PM on April 6, 2017 [58 favorites]
always assumed he was gay so nice job catching up to me losers
posted by Foci for Analysis at 6:03 PM on April 6, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Foci for Analysis at 6:03 PM on April 6, 2017 [3 favorites]
"Also, when is there going to be a coming our story that's a surprise?"
Star athletes. Michael Sam and Jason Collins aren't stars. When someone at the Tom Brady/Steph Curry level comes out, that'll be pretty big.
posted by kevinbelt at 6:08 PM on April 6, 2017 [9 favorites]
Star athletes. Michael Sam and Jason Collins aren't stars. When someone at the Tom Brady/Steph Curry level comes out, that'll be pretty big.
posted by kevinbelt at 6:08 PM on April 6, 2017 [9 favorites]
I was just searching for my favourite Barry Manilow song, and I learned that Jack Nitzche made a Chopin album: Could it Be Magic? (first 2 min "Chopin 66", followed by the original Manilow version. I was looking for a live 73 TV appearance but I didn't find it;)
posted by ovvl at 6:21 PM on April 6, 2017
posted by ovvl at 6:21 PM on April 6, 2017
From the article:
Incidentally, I've got a record album of me playing the drums for the all-district band's performance of a medley of his hits -- we played the conventional stuff, but I guess they included a pop song medley for some audience appeal. And so I (second chair) ended up playing the drumset for that song. It's been 35 years, but I have a visceral memory of playing Mandy.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 6:22 PM on April 6, 2017 [19 favorites]
Indeed, Manilow’s personal life took a backseat as he pursued a career in music, writing jingles to pay the bills (State Farm, Band-Aid and others still use them today)...Back in the 80s, I watched one of his concerts on HBO. I was not a fan and not inclined to be, but I found the show to be very engaging and he was extremely charming. And then he did a section where he played a medley of advertisement jingles he'd written and it was amazing. I had a healthy respect for his abilities as a pop songwriter, but basically being hit over the head with the earworm power of jingle after jingle, most of which I didn't realize were his creations, just floored me.
Incidentally, I've got a record album of me playing the drums for the all-district band's performance of a medley of his hits -- we played the conventional stuff, but I guess they included a pop song medley for some audience appeal. And so I (second chair) ended up playing the drumset for that song. It's been 35 years, but I have a visceral memory of playing Mandy.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 6:22 PM on April 6, 2017 [19 favorites]
Forty years! That is so sweet. Manilow is such a sentimentalist, it is only fitting that he would find the right guy and keep him. Here's one for the romantics!
posted by TrishaU at 6:23 PM on April 6, 2017 [26 favorites]
posted by TrishaU at 6:23 PM on April 6, 2017 [26 favorites]
My wife and I were talking about this and listening to a lot of his music last night, and we were remarking upon how in interviews, Barry Manilow seems like such a kind person. I'm so happy he's happy.
posted by 4ster at 6:32 PM on April 6, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by 4ster at 6:32 PM on April 6, 2017 [2 favorites]
I apologize to Barry for this, but fuck the fans who would have been disappointed if he came out earlier.
I read that as a "disappoint the women who assumed he was available", kind of like how boy band members can't have girlfriends. Not, like, a homophobic thing.
posted by explosion at 6:36 PM on April 6, 2017 [8 favorites]
I read that as a "disappoint the women who assumed he was available", kind of like how boy band members can't have girlfriends. Not, like, a homophobic thing.
posted by explosion at 6:36 PM on April 6, 2017 [8 favorites]
Huh. TIL Barry Manilow and Tony Bennett are not the same person. No idea why I thought they were but when I pictured someone named "Barry Manilow" I was picturing the face of Tony Bennett. And when I pictured Tony Bennett I also pictured that face.
I never noticed this mental-image hash collision until today, and then I googled what Barry Manilow looks like, and now I know that he is not Tony Bennett. Glad that's cleared up, I guess?
posted by potrzebie at 6:44 PM on April 6, 2017 [12 favorites]
I never noticed this mental-image hash collision until today, and then I googled what Barry Manilow looks like, and now I know that he is not Tony Bennett. Glad that's cleared up, I guess?
posted by potrzebie at 6:44 PM on April 6, 2017 [12 favorites]
Congrats to Barry and Garry!!!
All this reminds me of seeing a TV Guide article way back in the 70s, I think, that wondered when oh when was that eligible bachelor Liberace going to finally settle down and get married?
I mean, this of the dude that wore long, flowing mink coats and jewelry more flamboyantly than Zsa Zsa Gabor.
If a flaming Liberace could fly under the public gaydar, then it's not surprising that many folks - especially those of a certain age - might also have been quite clueless about Barry Manilow.
I mean, I'm gay, but I'm embarrassed to admit that I was in my 20s before it finally clicked for me that the campy affect I found so cool about the comedic performances of Paul Lynde and Charles Nelson Reilly back in the 70s was probably because they were family.
My childhood memories of Bewitched, Hollywood Squares, Match Game and Lidsville have thus taken on quite a different hue, in retrospect.
posted by darkstar at 7:19 PM on April 6, 2017 [20 favorites]
All this reminds me of seeing a TV Guide article way back in the 70s, I think, that wondered when oh when was that eligible bachelor Liberace going to finally settle down and get married?
I mean, this of the dude that wore long, flowing mink coats and jewelry more flamboyantly than Zsa Zsa Gabor.
If a flaming Liberace could fly under the public gaydar, then it's not surprising that many folks - especially those of a certain age - might also have been quite clueless about Barry Manilow.
I mean, I'm gay, but I'm embarrassed to admit that I was in my 20s before it finally clicked for me that the campy affect I found so cool about the comedic performances of Paul Lynde and Charles Nelson Reilly back in the 70s was probably because they were family.
My childhood memories of Bewitched, Hollywood Squares, Match Game and Lidsville have thus taken on quite a different hue, in retrospect.
posted by darkstar at 7:19 PM on April 6, 2017 [20 favorites]
While I'm very happy he can finally be honest about his long-term relationship, I'm somewhat disgruntled at the bi invisibility. He was once married to a woman, and the article says: he wasn’t struggling with his sexuality at the time of their one-year matrimony. “I was out making music every night, sowing my wild oats ...”
It does say he now identifies as gay. I just wish more people who were in long-term committed relationships could admit that (or could realize that) "I'm only interested in this one person" is not the same as "I'm only interested in this one gender."
posted by ErisLordFreedom at 7:29 PM on April 6, 2017 [19 favorites]
It does say he now identifies as gay. I just wish more people who were in long-term committed relationships could admit that (or could realize that) "I'm only interested in this one person" is not the same as "I'm only interested in this one gender."
posted by ErisLordFreedom at 7:29 PM on April 6, 2017 [19 favorites]
Count me in as one of those who thought he'd been out for years. Regardless of any of that, I've never been much of a fan of Manilow's music, though I've always respected his massive musical chops. This is far and away my favorite of his songs, and I defy any and all non-fans to try to not tap their toes to it!
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:50 PM on April 6, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:50 PM on April 6, 2017 [4 favorites]
And then he did a section where he played a medley of advertisement jingles he'd written and it was amazing.
The VSM (Very Strange Medley)!
My mom has been having a couple existential days about this, being a fan of his for years (and I can sing most of the Live album still as a result), but I'm just thinking cool, glad he's comfortable and happy.
posted by mephron at 7:54 PM on April 6, 2017 [4 favorites]
The VSM (Very Strange Medley)!
My mom has been having a couple existential days about this, being a fan of his for years (and I can sing most of the Live album still as a result), but I'm just thinking cool, glad he's comfortable and happy.
posted by mephron at 7:54 PM on April 6, 2017 [4 favorites]
Also, this song was on the radio a lot when I was a young teen. I didn't really like the main part of the song but the intro/outro turned me on to Chopin at an impressionable age, for which I remain grateful.
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:57 PM on April 6, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:57 PM on April 6, 2017 [3 favorites]
Copacabana is one of my go-to karaoke songs, and I have been known to have audience plants such as Mrs. Bastard start a conga line during the very long bridge.
People who don't like Barry Manilow have no soul.
I'm glad he's out. It can't have been an easy decision. For most of his life it could have resulted in anything from an end to his career to violence. I'm happy that society has evolved to the point that Barry Manilow can be himself.
posted by Cookiebastard at 7:58 PM on April 6, 2017 [14 favorites]
People who don't like Barry Manilow have no soul.
I'm glad he's out. It can't have been an easy decision. For most of his life it could have resulted in anything from an end to his career to violence. I'm happy that society has evolved to the point that Barry Manilow can be himself.
posted by Cookiebastard at 7:58 PM on April 6, 2017 [14 favorites]
Good for Barry. I know this is one of those things that everyone knew but I'm really happy that he finally felt safe enough to say it out loud and confirm it.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 8:03 PM on April 6, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 8:03 PM on April 6, 2017 [1 favorite]
It seems that some people figured it out long ago, I distinctly remember some bullies in the '70s proclaiming that KISS ruled and Barry Manilow's music was gay.
posted by 445supermag at 8:04 PM on April 6, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by 445supermag at 8:04 PM on April 6, 2017 [1 favorite]
His twitter sure looks like he's sending individual "Thank you" replies to every single person who tweets something nice at him. Which is totally adorkable. You go, Barry.
posted by soundguy99 at 8:05 PM on April 6, 2017 [35 favorites]
posted by soundguy99 at 8:05 PM on April 6, 2017 [35 favorites]
I never gave a thought as to what Manilow's schlong had been up to all of these years, so I was vaguely surprised, but, if you had asked me twenty years ago: Barry Manilow--straight or gay, I would have guessed gay. After all, his most famous early gig was at the Continental Baths with Bette Midler at the mic. Of course, I'm a cis het guy who's played piano in gay bars before, so that is not exactly a smoking gun.
posted by kozad at 8:24 PM on April 6, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by kozad at 8:24 PM on April 6, 2017 [3 favorites]
My personal favorite Barry Manilow story.
which I don't know if it really happened, because it happened to a "friend"
and which took me a long time to find because I forgot I had originally posted it as my alter ego
posted by yhbc at 8:39 PM on April 6, 2017 [5 favorites]
which I don't know if it really happened, because it happened to a "friend"
and which took me a long time to find because I forgot I had originally posted it as my alter ego
posted by yhbc at 8:39 PM on April 6, 2017 [5 favorites]
Add me to the pile of people who thought he was already out. Congratulations on the nuptials and I wish them continued happiness together.
posted by arcticseal at 8:42 PM on April 6, 2017
posted by arcticseal at 8:42 PM on April 6, 2017
It does say he now identifies as gay. I just wish more people who were in long-term committed relationships could admit that (or could realize that) "I'm only interested in this one person" is not the same as "I'm only interested in this one gender."
Are you directing that statement at Barry or at the world in general? Just like gender isn't binary, neither is gender attraction. I, for one, find nothing off or disturbing about the fact he was married and considered himself straight at that time. Frankly, the attitude that so-and-so isn't really gay because they were in a hetero relationship really means fuck-all. Conversely, if Anne Heche wants to get married to a dude after being with Ellen Degeneres, than good for her. It's her life to live, not ours to impose some dumb classification on it to make us all feel better about our own lives.
Also, Can't Smile Without You is fantastic, I don't care what you say.
posted by Big Al 8000 at 8:51 PM on April 6, 2017 [10 favorites]
Are you directing that statement at Barry or at the world in general? Just like gender isn't binary, neither is gender attraction. I, for one, find nothing off or disturbing about the fact he was married and considered himself straight at that time. Frankly, the attitude that so-and-so isn't really gay because they were in a hetero relationship really means fuck-all. Conversely, if Anne Heche wants to get married to a dude after being with Ellen Degeneres, than good for her. It's her life to live, not ours to impose some dumb classification on it to make us all feel better about our own lives.
Also, Can't Smile Without You is fantastic, I don't care what you say.
posted by Big Al 8000 at 8:51 PM on April 6, 2017 [10 favorites]
If a flaming Liberace could fly under the public gaydar, then it's not surprising that many folks - especially those of a certain age - might also have been quite clueless about Barry Manilow.
Liberace wasn't just flaming. He was also closeted. He never admitted he was gay. He wrote about the type woman he'd like to marry, and had Betty White as a "beard" for a time. Being closeted gave him cover to be flamboyant. Society wouldn't have tolerated a flamboyant man who was known to be actually gay during most or all of his career.
posted by Cookiebastard at 8:54 PM on April 6, 2017 [9 favorites]
Liberace wasn't just flaming. He was also closeted. He never admitted he was gay. He wrote about the type woman he'd like to marry, and had Betty White as a "beard" for a time. Being closeted gave him cover to be flamboyant. Society wouldn't have tolerated a flamboyant man who was known to be actually gay during most or all of his career.
posted by Cookiebastard at 8:54 PM on April 6, 2017 [9 favorites]
Liberace was also ruthless in suing anyone who implied he was gay
posted by The Whelk at 9:44 PM on April 6, 2017 [12 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 9:44 PM on April 6, 2017 [12 favorites]
I read that as a "disappoint the women who assumed he was available
Ok that makes me feel less angry. Thank you. Barry deserves happiness.
posted by Joey Michaels at 9:58 PM on April 6, 2017 [1 favorite]
Ok that makes me feel less angry. Thank you. Barry deserves happiness.
posted by Joey Michaels at 9:58 PM on April 6, 2017 [1 favorite]
When I was in my late teens my mom was a huge (HUGE!) Barry Manilow fan. When he came to town she asked me to take her to one of his concerts. I think dad had to work, or at least that was his excuse. This was at a ~5000 seat civic auditorium. Mom is ~23 years older than me, and I may have been the youngest person in the room by at least 10 years, the room consisting mostly of other women my mom's age or thereabouts. OMG, did they lovelovelove! his performance. I thought his show was very professional, although, y'know, not my cup of meat. Nonetheless, it was still a good show, even if half of his music annoyed me.
To this day my mom occasionally thanks me for taking her to that concert, and looking back, I'm glad I went. I've seen a lot of shows, but that one still stands out as unique - the ratio of women to men might have been 100:1. I don't think those women would have been particularly put off to have their suspicions about his sexual orientation confirmed - they showed a tremendous appreciation for his music and his talent. His fans were truly fans of him. I'm glad he finally feels that he can simply be himself.
posted by mosk at 10:47 PM on April 6, 2017 [19 favorites]
To this day my mom occasionally thanks me for taking her to that concert, and looking back, I'm glad I went. I've seen a lot of shows, but that one still stands out as unique - the ratio of women to men might have been 100:1. I don't think those women would have been particularly put off to have their suspicions about his sexual orientation confirmed - they showed a tremendous appreciation for his music and his talent. His fans were truly fans of him. I'm glad he finally feels that he can simply be himself.
posted by mosk at 10:47 PM on April 6, 2017 [19 favorites]
When I was about 4 years old, my mother was given a record player. We only had a handful of albums. A compilation of songs from Sesame Street, the soundtrack to Paint Your Wagon, and 2 or 3 Barry Manilow albums. It was lucky for my mom that I found Barry just as much fun to sing with as the Cookie Monster, especially since much of the music from Paint Your Wagon isn't the sort of stuff you want your small child belting out at the grocery store. So I've always had a soft spot for him and his music, and I am very glad that he's been in a happy relationship for most of my life.
And seriously, Copacabana is a fantastic karaoke number for almost any audience or occasion. The secret is to fully commit to the fabulous drama of it.
posted by monopas at 11:09 PM on April 6, 2017 [4 favorites]
And seriously, Copacabana is a fantastic karaoke number for almost any audience or occasion. The secret is to fully commit to the fabulous drama of it.
posted by monopas at 11:09 PM on April 6, 2017 [4 favorites]
He was in his 30s when he and his partner paired up. By the time he was able to go public about the relationship of his life, he was an old man. There's something deeply saddening about this.
And yet it's also a deeply touching love story.
And I hope beyond hope that my mother who was his number one fan and spent the 70s forcing us to listen to him and fly to concerts in Reno and is now spending her old age as a hateful Trump loving flag waving bigot, who had ended lifelong friendships when people in her life have come out because of their unforgivable sins, who openly stated that her immigrant son in law and daughter in law should go back to their countries, I hope she literally chokes on this news. More likely she'll dismiss it as fake , or claim she never really liked him anyway (which is what she did when Jon Denver turned out to be a pothead, but I have the vinyl that says otherwise).
I understand that she recently started therapy, so who knows.
But for real, YAY LOVE!
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 12:46 AM on April 7, 2017 [21 favorites]
And yet it's also a deeply touching love story.
And I hope beyond hope that my mother who was his number one fan and spent the 70s forcing us to listen to him and fly to concerts in Reno and is now spending her old age as a hateful Trump loving flag waving bigot, who had ended lifelong friendships when people in her life have come out because of their unforgivable sins, who openly stated that her immigrant son in law and daughter in law should go back to their countries, I hope she literally chokes on this news. More likely she'll dismiss it as fake , or claim she never really liked him anyway (which is what she did when Jon Denver turned out to be a pothead, but I have the vinyl that says otherwise).
I understand that she recently started therapy, so who knows.
But for real, YAY LOVE!
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 12:46 AM on April 7, 2017 [21 favorites]
He seems to have been extremely cautious. I think he'll find that by coming out he pleases far more people than he disappoints.
posted by Segundus at 2:00 AM on April 7, 2017
posted by Segundus at 2:00 AM on April 7, 2017
When I was listening to Barry Manilow Greatest Hits (a double album! I challenge you to find a bad song on any of its 4 sides!)) over and over and over again, I had no idea that he might be gay. I was also 10, and didn't know what gay was, and didn't know I was gay, so... not terribly surprising.
I was studying classical piano so Barry's piano-based stuff interested me.
I saw him on the Paradise Cafe tour in 1984, and it still stands to this day as being the most amazing concert I have ever been to. (And I go to a lot of concerts.) I've written before here on the Blue about the literally 10 minute standing ovation he got for his performance of Read 'Em And Weep, during which he basically locked souls with all 10,000 people in the audience. Completely amazing. Shame the studio version doesn't work.
I found the comment above about confusing Tony Bennett and Barry Manilow interesting because I've been wondering when Barry's renaissance was going to happen. He's an astonishing songwriter. And when he's not that, he's an astonishing performer. I will admit I hate his plastic surgery, but he did what he did and oh well.
I guess he just released/is releasing soon a new album? This Is My Town: Songs Of New York. Some songs have been released: This Is My Town, New York City Rhythm/On Broadway, I Dig New York, Coney Island. I"m glad he's still doing stuff.
I guess someone in this thread should mention that Barry Manilow is who, I believe, got Bette Midler a job singing at the Continental Baths in NYC, played piano for her there, and produced her first album based on her act in the bath house. Maybe that was a vital clue for Those In The Know about his sexuality early on.
Anyway, I love Barry, and I love that he's finally come out, and am a bit sad that he waited for so long to do so, but happy that the culture may have evolved to the point where he felt he could, etc etc.
Also, just fuckin' listen to 2:00 AM Paradise Cafe, already. Here are the two opening songs. It was recorded live in a single take, the whole album, and it's a widely-ignored masterpiece.
posted by hippybear at 2:06 AM on April 7, 2017 [17 favorites]
I was studying classical piano so Barry's piano-based stuff interested me.
I saw him on the Paradise Cafe tour in 1984, and it still stands to this day as being the most amazing concert I have ever been to. (And I go to a lot of concerts.) I've written before here on the Blue about the literally 10 minute standing ovation he got for his performance of Read 'Em And Weep, during which he basically locked souls with all 10,000 people in the audience. Completely amazing. Shame the studio version doesn't work.
I found the comment above about confusing Tony Bennett and Barry Manilow interesting because I've been wondering when Barry's renaissance was going to happen. He's an astonishing songwriter. And when he's not that, he's an astonishing performer. I will admit I hate his plastic surgery, but he did what he did and oh well.
I guess he just released/is releasing soon a new album? This Is My Town: Songs Of New York. Some songs have been released: This Is My Town, New York City Rhythm/On Broadway, I Dig New York, Coney Island. I"m glad he's still doing stuff.
I guess someone in this thread should mention that Barry Manilow is who, I believe, got Bette Midler a job singing at the Continental Baths in NYC, played piano for her there, and produced her first album based on her act in the bath house. Maybe that was a vital clue for Those In The Know about his sexuality early on.
Anyway, I love Barry, and I love that he's finally come out, and am a bit sad that he waited for so long to do so, but happy that the culture may have evolved to the point where he felt he could, etc etc.
Also, just fuckin' listen to 2:00 AM Paradise Cafe, already. Here are the two opening songs. It was recorded live in a single take, the whole album, and it's a widely-ignored masterpiece.
posted by hippybear at 2:06 AM on April 7, 2017 [17 favorites]
You know what surprised me in this story? That Barry Manilow wrote/sang the State Farm jingle.
I mean, that is one long-lasting earworm. (Written in 1971, still in use, I can hear it in my mind and a) have never been a State Farm client and b) haven't lived in the US in more than 25 years).
posted by chavenet at 2:10 AM on April 7, 2017 [1 favorite]
I mean, that is one long-lasting earworm. (Written in 1971, still in use, I can hear it in my mind and a) have never been a State Farm client and b) haven't lived in the US in more than 25 years).
posted by chavenet at 2:10 AM on April 7, 2017 [1 favorite]
He came and met us all at our rehearsal before the show, and was generous, kind, supportive, and consummately professional - not at all like the stereotype of an international superstar.
He was a backing player (arranger, etc.) before he became the center of attention.
posted by pracowity at 2:22 AM on April 7, 2017 [2 favorites]
He was a backing player (arranger, etc.) before he became the center of attention.
posted by pracowity at 2:22 AM on April 7, 2017 [2 favorites]
THANK YOU hippybear. Paradise Cafe is amazing and I wish it were better known. Just wonderful, evocative, perfectly done gorgeous music. So many greats along with Barry, delivering the goods with exceptional prowess. "When October Goes," (with lyrics by Johnny Mercer, no less), is a modern classic IMO.
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 2:23 AM on April 7, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 2:23 AM on April 7, 2017 [2 favorites]
When October Goes, music by Barry Manilow, lyrics by Johnny Mercer. Barry asked Mercer's widow if maybe Mercer had any lyrics that Barry could put to music, and he was offered several, and this is the one he chose. Modern classic, yes. I wish more people would record this song so it lives into the future.
posted by hippybear at 2:28 AM on April 7, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by hippybear at 2:28 AM on April 7, 2017 [4 favorites]
He toured this album when I was in college. Part of the setup was, the tour contracted a local choir to back him up on a few songs. I got to do that gig. It was a packed, PACKED full-on epic arena venue. Amazing experience. And that album has had a very special place in my heart ever since; not just for its relevance to that experience, but because it's fucking brilliant.
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 4:02 AM on April 7, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 4:02 AM on April 7, 2017 [4 favorites]
hippybear: I came into this thread to make sure someone had noted Manilow's bathhouse work with Bette Midler, and you were on the case!
posted by rmd1023 at 4:20 AM on April 7, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by rmd1023 at 4:20 AM on April 7, 2017 [4 favorites]
A few years ago I fell in love with his cover of Bluer than Blue, from a whole album of covers of songs from 1978.
It's very happy-making to think about him being a relationship all these years.
posted by JanetLand at 5:42 AM on April 7, 2017
It's very happy-making to think about him being a relationship all these years.
posted by JanetLand at 5:42 AM on April 7, 2017
Yeah, it's, of course, sad that he was not able to be more open about his relationship, but that he was with Garry for so long, including the point when Little MCMikeNamara was loving listening to his mom's beloved cassette of "Barry Mainilow Live", fills me with much joy.
And seriously, Copacabana is a fantastic karaoke number for almost any audience or occasion. The secret is to fully commit to the fabulous drama of it.
I sang this for the first time Wednesday night as a tribute to him coming out, and if you can trust my self-assessment in the text message I sent home after the fact, I "FUCKING KILLED IT" (RIP Tony.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 5:54 AM on April 7, 2017 [6 favorites]
And seriously, Copacabana is a fantastic karaoke number for almost any audience or occasion. The secret is to fully commit to the fabulous drama of it.
I sang this for the first time Wednesday night as a tribute to him coming out, and if you can trust my self-assessment in the text message I sent home after the fact, I "FUCKING KILLED IT" (RIP Tony.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 5:54 AM on April 7, 2017 [6 favorites]
I'm so pleased (and also verklempt) at his delight-- “When they found out that Garry and I were together, they were so happy. The reaction was so beautiful — strangers commenting, ‘Great for you!’ Aww! So nice, after a lifetime of worrying it would be the exact opposite.
I'm also amazed to learn about the iconic commercial jingles he wrote. I never knew, and man, some of those are HUGE. Not only in the history of advertising, but also in the way they've always been lodged in my brain cells. That's some serious skill.
I do have to wonder, having seen it happen here and also on Facebook (the other place I initially saw the news posted): what is with the stampede of people insistent on having their first/only comment be about how Very Unsurprised they were? I mean, thank goodness this conversation got back on some kind of more interesting rails, but the thread on Facebook I had to mute notifications. Comment after comment, "NOT SURPRISED", "This was a surprise to some people?" "Shocked, shocked to find that there's gambling going on in this establishment", etc. etc. etc. ugh.
It's so weird and offputting, and really seems to say something about how many people don't necessarily acknowledge (or understand?) the complex layers of what "coming out" and "being out" may mean, especially for someone in the public eye. Or that, as tzikeh remarks above, an announcement like this is not about "surprising" you. Many people knew about Barry Manilow for quite a while, including many people here, but there's still a big difference between that and him feeling safe enough to put an announcement and interview about his marriage in People Magazine. It's unfortunate that there can still be such a big difference, but that's where we are.
posted by theatro at 6:20 AM on April 7, 2017 [16 favorites]
I'm also amazed to learn about the iconic commercial jingles he wrote. I never knew, and man, some of those are HUGE. Not only in the history of advertising, but also in the way they've always been lodged in my brain cells. That's some serious skill.
I do have to wonder, having seen it happen here and also on Facebook (the other place I initially saw the news posted): what is with the stampede of people insistent on having their first/only comment be about how Very Unsurprised they were? I mean, thank goodness this conversation got back on some kind of more interesting rails, but the thread on Facebook I had to mute notifications. Comment after comment, "NOT SURPRISED", "This was a surprise to some people?" "Shocked, shocked to find that there's gambling going on in this establishment", etc. etc. etc. ugh.
It's so weird and offputting, and really seems to say something about how many people don't necessarily acknowledge (or understand?) the complex layers of what "coming out" and "being out" may mean, especially for someone in the public eye. Or that, as tzikeh remarks above, an announcement like this is not about "surprising" you. Many people knew about Barry Manilow for quite a while, including many people here, but there's still a big difference between that and him feeling safe enough to put an announcement and interview about his marriage in People Magazine. It's unfortunate that there can still be such a big difference, but that's where we are.
posted by theatro at 6:20 AM on April 7, 2017 [16 favorites]
Count me as surprised.
For some reason, I was under the impression that Barry wasn't the nicest guy, so I was avoiding listening to his music as a form of protest.
But all these anecdotes I am reading here are making me think that he was an OK dude, so that's cool!
Though let's not tarnish this post if you have any 'Barry was mean' stories. In fact, flag and delete this comment, if it too takes away from this.
But do share any 'Barry was nice' stories!
posted by bitteroldman at 6:21 AM on April 7, 2017 [1 favorite]
For some reason, I was under the impression that Barry wasn't the nicest guy, so I was avoiding listening to his music as a form of protest.
But all these anecdotes I am reading here are making me think that he was an OK dude, so that's cool!
Though let's not tarnish this post if you have any 'Barry was mean' stories. In fact, flag and delete this comment, if it too takes away from this.
But do share any 'Barry was nice' stories!
posted by bitteroldman at 6:21 AM on April 7, 2017 [1 favorite]
So glad he was able to do this on his own timeline and comfort zone. The fact that "everyone knew" is irrelevant to this - no one can ever really "know" about someone else, and especially not a celebrity who we only know from constructed stories. I'm glad he's happy.
Barry Manilow wrote a lot of love-them-or-hate-them songs, but what you can't deny is the man knew his way around a dramatic key change. If you ever want to teach someone how to recognize one, pick pretty much any one of his songs and wait for it. It's always there.
Also, since this seems to be the thread for this, I'll put up Looks Like We Made It even though it always makes me cry.
posted by Mchelly at 6:39 AM on April 7, 2017 [9 favorites]
Barry Manilow wrote a lot of love-them-or-hate-them songs, but what you can't deny is the man knew his way around a dramatic key change. If you ever want to teach someone how to recognize one, pick pretty much any one of his songs and wait for it. It's always there.
Also, since this seems to be the thread for this, I'll put up Looks Like We Made It even though it always makes me cry.
posted by Mchelly at 6:39 AM on April 7, 2017 [9 favorites]
My very first concert ever in my whole life was Barry Manilow at the Opera House in Seattle, way back in the 80's. I was in 5th grade, living with my grandma who worked at an RV dealership, and some big sales guy from one of the RV companies had given her boss a handful of tickets. So all the little old ladies who worked in the business office at the dealership were getting dolled up to go to the show, and grandma wanted to go but couldn't get a sitter for me, so...
Still one of the best shows I've ever seen, honest to god. Barry loves his fans, he thrives on the loving energy he gets back from them, so I get it. Disappointing those people, and having to endure the backlash of hurt from those people and the potential of no longer being loved but possibly vilified... it might scare me into the closet for a long time, too.
I'm really glad to see that he was so wrong about how people would take the news.
Also, if you get a chance to see him play live, go. (Same with The Cure, FYI. Just go.)
posted by palomar at 7:19 AM on April 7, 2017 [5 favorites]
Still one of the best shows I've ever seen, honest to god. Barry loves his fans, he thrives on the loving energy he gets back from them, so I get it. Disappointing those people, and having to endure the backlash of hurt from those people and the potential of no longer being loved but possibly vilified... it might scare me into the closet for a long time, too.
I'm really glad to see that he was so wrong about how people would take the news.
Also, if you get a chance to see him play live, go. (Same with The Cure, FYI. Just go.)
posted by palomar at 7:19 AM on April 7, 2017 [5 favorites]
For some reason, I was under the impression that Barry wasn't the nicest guy, so I was avoiding listening to his music as a form of protest.
Barry himself might have actually agreed with you.
Barry Manilow Admits Fame Once Turned Him Into An ‘A–hole’ — How Husband Garry Kief Brought Him Peace
And to agree with folks above, while I understand the impulse to think "The guy who played piano for Bette Midler in bathhouses is gay? Quelle surprise!", I was a Pet-Shop-Boys-and-Erasure-loving, My-Own-Private-Idaho-poster-above-my-bed-displaying, sweater-vest-wearing, "Quelle surprise!"-saying dude and it still would have been shitty for people to say 'duh, we knew' when I came out.
(I mean, think it all you want, because, well, duh.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 7:29 AM on April 7, 2017 [9 favorites]
Barry himself might have actually agreed with you.
Barry Manilow Admits Fame Once Turned Him Into An ‘A–hole’ — How Husband Garry Kief Brought Him Peace
And to agree with folks above, while I understand the impulse to think "The guy who played piano for Bette Midler in bathhouses is gay? Quelle surprise!", I was a Pet-Shop-Boys-and-Erasure-loving, My-Own-Private-Idaho-poster-above-my-bed-displaying, sweater-vest-wearing, "Quelle surprise!"-saying dude and it still would have been shitty for people to say 'duh, we knew' when I came out.
(I mean, think it all you want, because, well, duh.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 7:29 AM on April 7, 2017 [9 favorites]
Thank you theatro for letting me delete my aggro and preachy version of what you just said.
posted by Stonestock Relentless at 7:30 AM on April 7, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Stonestock Relentless at 7:30 AM on April 7, 2017 [1 favorite]
I too had the chance to sing in his backing chorus while I was studying music at OCU in the early '80's. His tour came through OKC in 1981 and the tour manager approached my school looking for a 24 voice SATB group. To the extent I remember many details, it was a very fun experience.
As it turns out, it seems he uses local choruses quite often.
I'm really pleased that he and his husband have been happily together for so long.
posted by michswiss at 7:54 AM on April 7, 2017 [2 favorites]
As it turns out, it seems he uses local choruses quite often.
I'm really pleased that he and his husband have been happily together for so long.
posted by michswiss at 7:54 AM on April 7, 2017 [2 favorites]
Another Barry is a nice guy story, although this story is now third hand. (if anyone has heard the story and catches mistakes, please tell me. - I heard this from Jason Webley at a show in NYC a few years ago and can't even remember the name of the fan involved. It was something like "Bob the Punk" or "Dave the Punk.")
Apparently, one of the biggest fans of Barry Manilow is a giant punk dude. Shows up in a leather jacket with all the trappings and sits in the front row having the time of his life. For a while he was attending every Manilow show he was able to, buying front row tickets and cheering at the top of his lungs after every song. He will freely and gleefully talk about his love of Barry Manilow to his friends - Webley being one of them. After one show, he's heading back to his car when he sees a couple of guys following him. Turns out they were Manilow's people, bringing him a large amount of autographed stuff. He had noticed said punk in the audience night after night and had decided that if they guy was enjoying his stuff so much, he should get some swag as well. It is now some of his most treasured possessions.
This is the only Barry Manilow story I have ever heard. But it has convinced me that he is a decent enough guy to recognize a huge fan and take pleasure in thanking him. This is the sort of musician that the US needs. And I'm glad he's happy.
posted by Hactar at 8:15 AM on April 7, 2017 [18 favorites]
Apparently, one of the biggest fans of Barry Manilow is a giant punk dude. Shows up in a leather jacket with all the trappings and sits in the front row having the time of his life. For a while he was attending every Manilow show he was able to, buying front row tickets and cheering at the top of his lungs after every song. He will freely and gleefully talk about his love of Barry Manilow to his friends - Webley being one of them. After one show, he's heading back to his car when he sees a couple of guys following him. Turns out they were Manilow's people, bringing him a large amount of autographed stuff. He had noticed said punk in the audience night after night and had decided that if they guy was enjoying his stuff so much, he should get some swag as well. It is now some of his most treasured possessions.
This is the only Barry Manilow story I have ever heard. But it has convinced me that he is a decent enough guy to recognize a huge fan and take pleasure in thanking him. This is the sort of musician that the US needs. And I'm glad he's happy.
posted by Hactar at 8:15 AM on April 7, 2017 [18 favorites]
GOOD FOR BARRY & GARRY!
I am an unabashed fan of Manilow's music. I know my opinion doesn't amount to a hill of beans, but I personally think he's one of the great American songwriters.
I'm glad that he and Garry have had 39 years of love together, and may they have many, many, many more!
SMH that Garry didn't take his name and become Garry Manilow, I'd have been on that five minutes after the engagement
posted by middleclasstool at 8:47 PM on April 6
I KNOW, RIGHT?! Maybe Garry can be persuaded now that they've gone public?
posted by magstheaxe at 8:28 AM on April 7, 2017 [1 favorite]
I am an unabashed fan of Manilow's music. I know my opinion doesn't amount to a hill of beans, but I personally think he's one of the great American songwriters.
I'm glad that he and Garry have had 39 years of love together, and may they have many, many, many more!
SMH that Garry didn't take his name and become Garry Manilow, I'd have been on that five minutes after the engagement
posted by middleclasstool at 8:47 PM on April 6
I KNOW, RIGHT?! Maybe Garry can be persuaded now that they've gone public?
posted by magstheaxe at 8:28 AM on April 7, 2017 [1 favorite]
But Manilow switched it to Mandy so people wouldn't confuse it with Brandy You're a Fine Girl , which had recently been a hit for Looking Glass.
Understandable, considering what a wretched song that candidate for Hell's Jukebox is.
posted by y2karl at 8:30 AM on April 7, 2017 [2 favorites]
Understandable, considering what a wretched song that candidate for Hell's Jukebox is.
posted by y2karl at 8:30 AM on April 7, 2017 [2 favorites]
I completely agree about the name change too, but Barry and Garry Manilow also does like some sort of (admittedly more clever than most) gay joke you'd have heard on the playground in the 80s.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 8:47 AM on April 7, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by MCMikeNamara at 8:47 AM on April 7, 2017 [2 favorites]
When I was about 5 I somehow acquired two Barry Manilow cassette tapes, one in a red case and one in a yellow. They were my absolute favorites and I tortured my parents by listening to them over and over I still have them somewhere.
It wasn't until I was older that I learned what an amazing artist and generous person Barry is. I'm so happy he's happy.
posted by apricot at 8:49 AM on April 7, 2017 [2 favorites]
It wasn't until I was older that I learned what an amazing artist and generous person Barry is. I'm so happy he's happy.
posted by apricot at 8:49 AM on April 7, 2017 [2 favorites]
While Manilow didn't write the music or lyrics for Weekend In New England (When Will I See You Again), I'm including it here because I have a huge soft spot in my heart for it.
Okay it's because my cousin wrote it and that was a huge attention-getter in grade school and junior high. Sue me.
posted by tzikeh at 9:12 AM on April 7, 2017 [7 favorites]
Okay it's because my cousin wrote it and that was a huge attention-getter in grade school and junior high. Sue me.
posted by tzikeh at 9:12 AM on April 7, 2017 [7 favorites]
My Barry Manilow jam is "Ready to take a Chance. "
posted by Joey Michaels at 9:54 AM on April 7, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Joey Michaels at 9:54 AM on April 7, 2017 [3 favorites]
But do share any 'Barry was nice' stories!
So I was an American Idol fan for the first twelve seasons.
During that time, they had a lot of celebrity "guest mentors," brought on to advise the finalists for a given week. Most of the time, the actual mentorship appeared to be nominal. The contestants would sing their song, the celebrity singer would offer a couple of platitudes, and on the results show the celeb would perform a song and promote their latest album, which was what they were clearly really there for.
There were two clear outliers: one a negative one not worth mentioning here. The other was Barry Manilow. Manilow actually mentored, learning the individual strengths of each contestant, and coaching them—within their own styles—to achieve performances that I had not believed them capable of.
If that reflects how he is in the rest of his life, and I have to believe it does, he's a good person indeed.
(On another note, "Copacabana" was one of my karaoke standbys as well, but it is of vital importance to make sure your karaoke joint has the version without the long instrumental break in the middle. Or else you will spend an eternity bouncing around awkwardly while everybody silently hates you for eating into their singing time.)
posted by Shmuel510 at 10:50 AM on April 7, 2017 [18 favorites]
So I was an American Idol fan for the first twelve seasons.
During that time, they had a lot of celebrity "guest mentors," brought on to advise the finalists for a given week. Most of the time, the actual mentorship appeared to be nominal. The contestants would sing their song, the celebrity singer would offer a couple of platitudes, and on the results show the celeb would perform a song and promote their latest album, which was what they were clearly really there for.
There were two clear outliers: one a negative one not worth mentioning here. The other was Barry Manilow. Manilow actually mentored, learning the individual strengths of each contestant, and coaching them—within their own styles—to achieve performances that I had not believed them capable of.
If that reflects how he is in the rest of his life, and I have to believe it does, he's a good person indeed.
(On another note, "Copacabana" was one of my karaoke standbys as well, but it is of vital importance to make sure your karaoke joint has the version without the long instrumental break in the middle. Or else you will spend an eternity bouncing around awkwardly while everybody silently hates you for eating into their singing time.)
posted by Shmuel510 at 10:50 AM on April 7, 2017 [18 favorites]
I thought I'd made this comment on MetaFilter and it was driving me batty trying to find it this morning but it was actually a tweet I'd made:
I used to listen to my mom's copy of Barry Manilow Live by myself and cry over how sad "This One's For You" was. I was probably 4.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:05 PM on April 7, 2017 [2 favorites]
I used to listen to my mom's copy of Barry Manilow Live by myself and cry over how sad "This One's For You" was. I was probably 4.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:05 PM on April 7, 2017 [2 favorites]
Barry Manilow Live was the first album I bought--and it was a DOUBLE album! I remember bringing it to a slumber party and I specifically remember my girlfriends and I dancing to Jump Shout Boogie so hard that the needle on the record player (yes!) would skip.
posted by bookmammal at 12:25 PM on April 7, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by bookmammal at 12:25 PM on April 7, 2017 [6 favorites]
When a celebrity comes out, we judge. Why is that fair?
posted by Lexica at 12:56 PM on April 7, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by Lexica at 12:56 PM on April 7, 2017 [4 favorites]
Look, when a totally ordinary person comes out in a totally ordinary, not media-managed way, they get judged, too. The judgement is much more private, often directly to their face, and is exactly the same kind of thing. In fact, the article gets into the private by the end.
The reason why the judgement happens, IMO, aside from all the cultural bullshit that still lingers about how being gay is somehow negative, is that our culture makes assumptions about sexuality from the moment of birth. Everyone is straight until proven otherwise. It's that moment of announcement that brings on the judgement.
Someday this won't be an issue. Or maybe it will be always. I have no idea. I just know that it currently is, and that is has to be MUCH harder if you're an international celebrity with a gigantic opposite-sex fan base in the age of social media.
posted by hippybear at 1:13 PM on April 7, 2017 [5 favorites]
The reason why the judgement happens, IMO, aside from all the cultural bullshit that still lingers about how being gay is somehow negative, is that our culture makes assumptions about sexuality from the moment of birth. Everyone is straight until proven otherwise. It's that moment of announcement that brings on the judgement.
Someday this won't be an issue. Or maybe it will be always. I have no idea. I just know that it currently is, and that is has to be MUCH harder if you're an international celebrity with a gigantic opposite-sex fan base in the age of social media.
posted by hippybear at 1:13 PM on April 7, 2017 [5 favorites]
I've always been a Fanilow.
posted by octobersurprise at 8:53 PM on April 7, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by octobersurprise at 8:53 PM on April 7, 2017 [3 favorites]
Meanwhile, Eddie Mair takes this news very seriously on Radio 4.
posted by pharm at 1:55 AM on April 8, 2017
posted by pharm at 1:55 AM on April 8, 2017
Are you directing that statement at Barry or at the world in general?
World-in-general. I have no belief that he is "really bi and just doesn't mention that because it confuses people." I'm aware that orientation isn't a fixed identity set at birth (or puberty, or whatever), and that a person can be straight at one point in their life and gay at another.
But I wish we had less bi erasure in general, so that when someone stopped being in a mixed-gender marriage and later entered a same-gender marriage, the narrative was not always, "they have come out as gay!" but sometimes "they discovered they were also attracted to their own gender!" or even "was married to X; is now married to Y - hope they're happy!"
posted by ErisLordFreedom at 4:43 PM on April 17, 2017 [1 favorite]
World-in-general. I have no belief that he is "really bi and just doesn't mention that because it confuses people." I'm aware that orientation isn't a fixed identity set at birth (or puberty, or whatever), and that a person can be straight at one point in their life and gay at another.
But I wish we had less bi erasure in general, so that when someone stopped being in a mixed-gender marriage and later entered a same-gender marriage, the narrative was not always, "they have come out as gay!" but sometimes "they discovered they were also attracted to their own gender!" or even "was married to X; is now married to Y - hope they're happy!"
posted by ErisLordFreedom at 4:43 PM on April 17, 2017 [1 favorite]
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posted by willnot at 4:40 PM on April 6, 2017 [18 favorites]