For cannibals, here’s the caloric content of humans—it’s just meh
April 7, 2017 6:59 AM   Subscribe

 
That explains the fava beans, if not the nice Chianti.
posted by chavenet at 7:01 AM on April 7, 2017 [3 favorites]


Still, tastes great AND less filling!
posted by Nanukthedog at 7:07 AM on April 7, 2017 [4 favorites]


By rough estimates, eating all the skeletal flesh off a human—not including the organs—would provide about 32,376 calories. An optimally sized hunting group of 25 male Neanderthals or Pleistocene adults (anatomically modern human) could get about a meal out of that. But if the same group tracked down a boar or cow—which are less cunning and maybe easier to hunt—they’d have three days' worth of meals out of the skeletal flesh.

INTROVERTS FOR THE WIN!!!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:08 AM on April 7, 2017 [5 favorites]


What makes 25 the optimal number of Neanderthals for a hunting party and why dpesm
t that number doesn't go down for Pleistocenes?

I'll just nipple on something while waiting for your answer.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:12 AM on April 7, 2017 [1 favorite]


Why would the author assume mammoth, bison or boar would be "easier" to hunt? Mammoths were huge and like boar had tusks; both mammoth and bison are/were herd animals, and while boar are not herd animals they are vicious. Much easier to just sneak up behind Joe in the next cave while he's sleeping or has his back turned and bash him over the head with a rock.
posted by easily confused at 7:24 AM on April 7, 2017 [5 favorites]


Also, maybe they just liked the taste of well tended prisoner?
posted by tavegyl at 7:33 AM on April 7, 2017 [1 favorite]


Fun fact about the fava beans and Chianti bit in Silence of the Lambs: fava beans, Chianti, and liver are all high in tyramine; the implication that Hannibal Lecter gives when he says that he ate [the guard's] liver with fava beans and Chianti is that he had been off his mood stabilizing (MAOI) drugs for some time without anyone suspecting. This is because MAOIs, in combination with foods high in tyramine, can cause fatal spikes in blood pressure.
posted by baconaut at 7:49 AM on April 7, 2017 [23 favorites]


the taste of well tended prisoner

Sort of the caveman version of stuffing ducks to get foie gras?
posted by easily confused at 7:51 AM on April 7, 2017 [1 favorite]


the implication that Hannibal Lecter gives when he says that he ate [the guard's] liver with fava beans and Chianti is that he had been off his mood stabilizing (MAOI) drugs for some time without anyone suspecting.

It was a census taker that Lecter said this about, which implies that he hadn't yet been caught and wouldn't have been on any meds when he had that meal.
posted by Etrigan at 7:52 AM on April 7, 2017 [6 favorites]


Ah, but one does not eat humans Ortolan for the nutritional value.
posted by Candleman at 8:30 AM on April 7, 2017


the taste of well tended prisoner

The advantage of wild animals (and domesticated animals in some cases) is that they feed themselves; you would have to feed the prisoners while keeping them ready for harvest, so you would likely be running a net negative on the calorie situation.

Catching free-ranging people (say, grabbing some slow-movers from the next cave over) avoids this problem and seems more likely as real-world cannibalism.
posted by Dip Flash at 8:57 AM on April 7, 2017


Why would the author assume mammoth, bison or boar would be "easier" to hunt?

Because generally, it's easier to go hunting than it is to go to war. Boars don't have angry family and friends with long memories that will seek out vengeance, and they don't have access to the same weapons as you do.
posted by danny the boy at 9:41 AM on April 7, 2017 [1 favorite]


And then there's Randall Tier, President of The Hair Club For Cave Bears.
posted by lagomorphius at 10:21 AM on April 7, 2017


Love the ad for cooking gear that follows the first paragraph of the article
posted by 15L06 at 10:32 AM on April 7, 2017 [1 favorite]


Would this sort of caloric difference be noticeable in everyday life, though? I mean, would people actually notice, "Eh, last time we murdered and ate someone not of The People, we were hungry again in an hour; maybe let's kill a mammoth instead?"

Or, is this the sort of difference it would be hard to discern outside a lab?
posted by Mr. Excellent at 11:17 AM on April 7, 2017 [1 favorite]


Is this the most homo economicus finding ever?
posted by Reasonably Everything Happens at 11:51 AM on April 7, 2017 [4 favorites]


First, eat smart from the very beginning.
posted by knuckle tattoos at 12:16 PM on April 7, 2017


First, eat smart from the very beginning.

Do you want prions? That's how you get prions.
posted by sebastienbailard at 12:47 PM on April 7, 2017 [4 favorites]


Needs some Num-Numo relish.
posted by King Sky Prawn at 2:38 PM on April 7, 2017


Vegetarianism is a straightforward way to minimize your risk of ingesting prions and parasites.

This is why you should never let other people know you're the vegetarian option.
posted by sebastienbailard at 2:50 PM on April 7, 2017 [2 favorites]


Looks like the spleen and teeth are the best choice for those of us trying to be conscious of our waistlines.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 2:57 PM on April 7, 2017 [1 favorite]


Stay in school, don't do drugs, eat your teeth
posted by knuckle tattoos at 4:01 PM on April 7, 2017


say what you will about caloric density, but you must admit the amino acid ratios are perfect
posted by murphy slaw at 4:27 PM on April 7, 2017


The human body is packed full of all the nutrients that are great for the human body.
posted by sebastienbailard at 5:21 PM on April 7, 2017 [1 favorite]


It doesn't have to be humans making this calculation. We like to think our brains set us apart but maybe we survived more because we weren't as good eating as other species
posted by doiheartwentyone at 8:22 AM on April 8, 2017


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