Make Mercia Great Again
April 7, 2017 2:37 PM   Subscribe

Behold the scribings of King Donæld the Unready, the Greatest Bretwalda Mercia ever saw. The Bestwalda. Hear ye of his many kingly exploits and brave pronouncements of divers matters: on his use of St. Elmo's fire against Ivarr the Boneless in Cumbraland and the reaction of the Viking Rus, on efforts to fulfill his promise to build a shieldwall to protect our fair kingdom, on the fate of Ealdormann Bannon and those villainous fake chroniclers... bīdaþ! King Donæld is not alone...

He is joined by:
-Æthelflæd‏, lady of the Mercians, Myrcna hlædige
-Cellian Of Conway, of King Donaeld's court
-Stephen ye Miller, also of the court

As well as foreign dignitaries BUT NONE AS GREAT AS KING DONÆLD
-Theresa, Prime Maiden of Albion
-Lady Walais-Sturgiun of Scotlande
-Jester Corbyn of Wessex
-Njall Fromage of Wessex

Of course there are many chroniclers and scribes BEWARE #FAKECHRONICLES
-Brietbart Chronicles
-The Jorvik Times
-Wat's Dyke Chronicle
-Ye Pagan Mail

And hwæt! a serf dares speak in the presence of the king?!

All as illuminated by Wulfgar the Bard.

Some previous historical context. With apologies to, like, everyone who ever studied the Anglo-Saxon language
posted by Grimp0teuthis (20 comments total) 47 users marked this as a favorite
I heard that he set fire to a barn and is Kingly now.
posted by Artw at 2:44 PM on April 7 [13 favorites]

Þis is an æxcellent post
posted by leotrotsky at 2:45 PM on April 7 [19 favorites]

Donæld and his ilk were my gateway drug to Sassy Medieval Twitter, who have been helping to carry me mentally through this whole mess.
posted by notquitemaryann at 2:48 PM on April 7 [9 favorites]

Any news of Iared the Overconfident? I hear he's been sent to make peace between the Byzantines and the Caliphate. And reorganize the royal bureaucracy. And find the True Cross.
posted by leotrotsky at 2:50 PM on April 7 [13 favorites]

At first I thought this was about Carlos Mencia making a comeback... as if things weren't bad enough already.
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:54 PM on April 7 [1 favorite]

he goes by Jarlred Kushier and he by no means makes excessive journeys to Novgorod
posted by notquitemaryann at 2:57 PM on April 7 [7 favorites]

Uthred of Bebbanburg is going to kick his ass.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 5:35 PM on April 7 [4 favorites]

We're going to build a dyke, and make the Wealh pay for it!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 6:43 PM on April 7 [6 favorites]

he goes by Jarlred Kushier and he by no means makes excessive journeys to Novgorod

Grand Prince Vladimir was unavailable for comment.
posted by actionpotential at 6:55 PM on April 7 [3 favorites]

Se cyning Amerigas, Downall Drumpf,
feond-dryhten, ond his yfelan þegnas,
Americum agean hatol habbað
þonne geworden. Facen-niwes ofer twyttere
oft he cwiþ.
posted by runcifex at 7:17 PM on April 7 [10 favorites]

Aprille is the crueleste monthe
posted by Fizz at 8:10 PM on April 7 [6 favorites]

‏The great and the good will decide what is good for us and make sure that we get what is good for us, good and hard.

- Njáll Fromage
posted by ActingTheGoat at 8:21 PM on April 7 [2 favorites]

Bernardus of the Sands would have conquered him.

(I'm sorry)
posted by penduluum at 9:48 PM on April 7 [8 favorites]


Ic ácwile.
posted by 1adam12 at 11:10 PM on April 7 [8 favorites]

Donæld the Unready? Donæld the ill-advised more like.
posted by Bloxworth Snout at 1:24 AM on April 8

This is the work of friends of friends. It's been fun to see it all blow up.

Sassy Medieval Twitter is awesome, and one of the main reasons I still have my account.
posted by Helga-woo at 1:52 AM on April 8 [4 favorites]

I feel like this brilliant comment from 2012 should be under the "Previously" tag.

Also, this comment from the same post is scarily prescient.
posted by suburbanbeatnik at 2:09 AM on April 8 [3 favorites]

Thanks for posting this.
I don't do twitter and this has had me laughing out loud.
posted by adamvasco at 6:47 AM on April 8 [1 favorite]

And people say that arts degrees are useless.
posted by Artful Codger at 8:23 AM on April 8 [7 favorites]

Fantasticke! Ye Beste!
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 1:11 PM on April 8

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