Make Mercia Great Again
April 7, 2017 2:37 PM   Subscribe

Behold the scribings of King Donæld the Unready, the Greatest Bretwalda Mercia ever saw. The Bestwalda. Hear ye of his many kingly exploits and brave pronouncements of divers matters: on his use of St. Elmo's fire against Ivarr the Boneless in Cumbraland and the reaction of the Viking Rus, on efforts to fulfill his promise to build a shieldwall to protect our fair kingdom, on the fate of Ealdormann Bannon and those villainous fake chroniclers... bīdaþ! King Donæld is not alone...

He is joined by:
-Æthelflæd‏, lady of the Mercians, Myrcna hlædige
-Cellian Of Conway, of King Donaeld's court
-Stephen ye Miller, also of the court

As well as foreign dignitaries BUT NONE AS GREAT AS KING DONÆLD
-Theresa, Prime Maiden of Albion
-Lady Walais-Sturgiun of Scotlande
-Jester Corbyn of Wessex
-Njall Fromage of Wessex

Of course there are many chroniclers and scribes BEWARE #FAKECHRONICLES
-Brietbart Chronicles
-The Jorvik Times
-Wat's Dyke Chronicle
-Ye Pagan Mail

And hwæt! a serf dares speak in the presence of the king?!

All as illuminated by Wulfgar the Bard.

Some previous historical context. With apologies to, like, everyone who ever studied the Anglo-Saxon language
posted by Grimp0teuthis (20 comments total) 47 users marked this as a favorite
 
I heard that he set fire to a barn and is Kingly now.
posted by Artw at 2:44 PM on April 7, 2017 [13 favorites]


Þis is an æxcellent post
posted by leotrotsky at 2:45 PM on April 7, 2017 [19 favorites]


Donæld and his ilk were my gateway drug to Sassy Medieval Twitter, who have been helping to carry me mentally through this whole mess.
posted by notquitemaryann at 2:48 PM on April 7, 2017 [9 favorites]


Any news of Iared the Overconfident? I hear he's been sent to make peace between the Byzantines and the Caliphate. And reorganize the royal bureaucracy. And find the True Cross.
posted by leotrotsky at 2:50 PM on April 7, 2017 [13 favorites]


At first I thought this was about Carlos Mencia making a comeback... as if things weren't bad enough already.
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:54 PM on April 7, 2017 [1 favorite]


he goes by Jarlred Kushier and he by no means makes excessive journeys to Novgorod
posted by notquitemaryann at 2:57 PM on April 7, 2017 [7 favorites]


Uthred of Bebbanburg is going to kick his ass.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 5:35 PM on April 7, 2017 [4 favorites]


We're going to build a dyke, and make the Wealh pay for it!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 6:43 PM on April 7, 2017 [6 favorites]


he goes by Jarlred Kushier and he by no means makes excessive journeys to Novgorod

Grand Prince Vladimir was unavailable for comment.
posted by actionpotential at 6:55 PM on April 7, 2017 [3 favorites]


Se cyning Amerigas, Downall Drumpf,
feond-dryhten, ond his yfelan þegnas,
Americum agean hatol habbað
þonne geworden. Facen-niwes ofer twyttere
oft he cwiþ.
posted by runcifex at 7:17 PM on April 7, 2017 [10 favorites]


Aprille is the crueleste monthe
posted by Fizz at 8:10 PM on April 7, 2017 [6 favorites]


‏The great and the good will decide what is good for us and make sure that we get what is good for us, good and hard.

- Njáll Fromage
posted by ActingTheGoat at 8:21 PM on April 7, 2017 [2 favorites]


Bernardus of the Sands would have conquered him.

(I'm sorry)
posted by penduluum at 9:48 PM on April 7, 2017 [8 favorites]


@wiccanleaks

Ic ácwile.
posted by 1adam12 at 11:10 PM on April 7, 2017 [8 favorites]


Donæld the Unready? Donæld the ill-advised more like.
posted by Bloxworth Snout at 1:24 AM on April 8, 2017


This is the work of friends of friends. It's been fun to see it all blow up.

Sassy Medieval Twitter is awesome, and one of the main reasons I still have my account.
posted by Helga-woo at 1:52 AM on April 8, 2017 [4 favorites]


I feel like this brilliant comment from 2012 should be under the "Previously" tag.

Also, this comment from the same post is scarily prescient.
posted by suburbanbeatnik at 2:09 AM on April 8, 2017 [3 favorites]


Thanks for posting this.
I don't do twitter and this has had me laughing out loud.
posted by adamvasco at 6:47 AM on April 8, 2017 [1 favorite]


And people say that arts degrees are useless.
posted by Artful Codger at 8:23 AM on April 8, 2017 [7 favorites]


Fantasticke! Ye Beste!
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 1:11 PM on April 8, 2017


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