8-Year-Old Hero Steals Car After Learning to Drive on YouTube
April 13, 2017 4:07 AM   Subscribe

 
Something, something gotta have his nuggs.
posted by He Is Only The Imposter at 4:10 AM on April 13, 2017 [7 favorites]


And I thought the word "hero" was debased by applying it to professional athletes. This goes way beyond that.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 4:16 AM on April 13, 2017 [7 favorites]


I guess if self driving cars doesn't work out we could always go back to using child labor to keep rideshare cost down and shareholder prices high.
posted by vuron at 4:19 AM on April 13, 2017 [11 favorites]


Sometimes we joke that my friend's dogs might band together and drive the car through White Castle. Now I'm not so sure it's idle conjecture.
posted by uncleozzy at 4:20 AM on April 13, 2017 [6 favorites]


When my daughter was three, she came running into the house one day, crying and yelling "The car scared me!"

After I comforted her, I went outside to see what she was talking about, and found the driver's side door of my car open, my keys in the ignition, and the radio blaring loudly.

She wasn't going to get very far, anyway, since I drove a stick shift (and people who are three feet tall have driving disadvantages) but she was definitely all set to make the attempt, if her plans hadn't been foiled by me leaving the volume too high after my last drive.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 4:29 AM on April 13, 2017 [86 favorites]


Officer Jacob Koehler said the child drove a mile from his home with his little sister in the back of the van. The journey took the 8-year-old through 4 intersections, over railroad tracks and also required him to make a few right hand turns and a left hand turn.

Witnesses told police he did obey all traffic laws and drove the speed limit.


The child is in at least the top 50th percentile of people who should be allowed on the road.
posted by thelonius at 4:37 AM on April 13, 2017 [105 favorites]


He should team up with the dog who can open doors and let himself out of the kennel.
posted by He Is Only The Imposter at 4:52 AM on April 13, 2017 [6 favorites]


Life lesson from this: if you have kids, consider ditching the automatic. If your eight year old can manage the clutch and gears, then they deserve to drive.
posted by Dysk at 5:07 AM on April 13, 2017 [37 favorites]


Finally, someone who can top my brother's story about buying a car at age 13. (This was back in the 70s, though.)
posted by SansPoint at 5:07 AM on April 13, 2017 [5 favorites]


This has got to be viral marketing for Baby Driver.
posted by Strange Interlude at 5:14 AM on April 13, 2017 [6 favorites]


Finally, someone who can top my brother's story about buying a car at age 13.

Seems to me "borrowing" your dad's car might be a bit easier than buying one, though.

(My kid bought a motorbike when he was 11. He didn't ask me first, and just shrugged when I pointed out that he wasn't of legal age and didn't know how to drive -- surely it wasn't any harder than an ordinary bike, and anyway he'd watched enough YouTube videos to know everything that mattered.)
posted by effbot at 5:21 AM on April 13, 2017


Also, for payment, they handed their piggy bank to the cashier at the drive-thru window.

ADORABLE.

but only adorable because no one was injured or killed
posted by cooker girl at 5:24 AM on April 13, 2017 [11 favorites]


Was the family name Wiggin? Cause the next kid is gonna have problems and oldest boy? Whoa Nelly.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 5:56 AM on April 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


This sounds like something young Sherlock would harass young Mycroft into doing for him, except that neither of them has probably ever tasted fast food.
posted by praemunire at 6:00 AM on April 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


This actually demonstrates a point I have been trying to make for years. It seems to me that we are waiting too long to teach kids how to drive, and the current drive for graduated driver licensing is a good idea, but in the wrong direction. 8 is a bit young, but it seems to me we should start training kids to drive at a younger age, say 12 or 13, but under heavily restricted conditions. For example, they would be able to start taking lessons at a young age, but only off of public roads with an approved instructor. After a certain number of hours and successful testing, then on public roads, but again only with an instructor. Then a period with only and instructor or parents/guardians. Then only with parents or adults, and so on. That way by the time they hit 16 they will already have a few years of experience, and at a younger age when it is easier to develop good habits. Think of musicians or athletes; how many really good ones got their start at age 15 or sixteen? Driving is a more complex task than most people realize and it seems to me that getting a closely supervised start at an early age is common sense.

Then again, we will probably have self driving cars (at least for the well-to-do) sooner than my system could be implemented, so I'll just chalk this up as another idea that could only be implemented in the unlikely event I become the benevolent philosopher king of the world.
posted by TedW at 6:23 AM on April 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


We got stuck in the mud in an Outback and we discovered that the drivers seat would adjust enough that the shortest kid in 2nd grade could reach the pedals and see and I could push. We were within 1/8th of a mile of home so I let him do it. He was very happy. After that he started driving around the farm for various chores and it was ok. And happy! So happy!
posted by Mr. Yuck at 6:33 AM on April 13, 2017 [10 favorites]




It seems to me that we are waiting too long to teach kids how to drive, and the current drive for graduated driver licensing is a good idea, but in the wrong direction.

Michigan's Graduated Driver Licensing program starts at 14 years, 8 months. It is probably not a coincidence that of the 10 states I've routinely driven in, Michigan has the best drivers.
posted by Etrigan at 6:46 AM on April 13, 2017 [6 favorites]


My kid bought a motorbike when he was 11. He didn't ask me first, and just shrugged when I pointed out that he wasn't of legal age and didn't know how to drive -- surely it wasn't any harder than an ordinary bike, and anyway he'd watched enough YouTube videos to know everything that mattered

And that young man grew up to become... Donald Trump. And now you know...the rest...of the story.
posted by Naberius at 6:50 AM on April 13, 2017


My nieces have been running farm equipment, mostly mid-size tractors, since they were 12 without direct supervision (off-road only ofc). At first mostly so they can mow their lawn, but the older ones are put to work moving equipment around the yard for their mom and dad's business, in and out of wash bays, for example.

Cars are different from tractors, mostly in terms of speed and so the level of constant attention required. I wouldn't want too young a kid behind the wheel for too long. But 12-13 year olds can operate even the largest equipment farm equipment safely. These things share more in common with planes in terms of complexity than the average car.
posted by bonehead at 6:54 AM on April 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Then again, we will probably have self driving cars (at least for the well-to-do) sooner than my system could be implemented

Yep. There won't be any silly driving anymore. The kid would say "Car, take us to McDonald's" and it would take them there without incident, assuming mom hadn't put a password on it. And even then, the kids would probably have memorized it from hearing mom say it.
Car: "Password?"
Kid: "Monkey Butt one two three"
Car: "Thank you. Where would you like to go?"
posted by pracowity at 7:00 AM on April 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Then again, we will probably have self driving cars (at least for the well-to-do) sooner than my system could be implemented

Good thing we can simulate the good old days.

And that young man grew up to become... Donald Trump.

I think you got that backwards; assuming that Trump has the brain of an 11-year old is more accurate than assuming that every 11-year old will grow up to become another Trump.

Also, if I were to lend the kid a million dollars, he'd just buy a bunch of motorbikes.
posted by effbot at 7:13 AM on April 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


But 12-13 year olds can operate even the largest equipment farm equipment safely.

Maybe. Maybe not.
 Every three days, a child dies in an agriculture-related incident.*
 Of the leading sources of fatalities among all youth, 25% involved machinery,
17% involved motor vehicles (includes ATVs), and 16% were drownings.3
 For working youth, tractors were the leading source of fatalities followed by ATVs.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 7:16 AM on April 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


Meanwhile it took me forever to learn how to drive....

But I do agree that the best drivers are the ones who started long before it was legal for them to do so. My parents were legal about it and part of why I was so fucked up about driving for so long was because my instructor was (as far as I can tell) totally used to kids already knowing how to drive, and meanwhile I was all, how do you turn on the ignition?
posted by jenfullmoon at 7:31 AM on April 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


My son has been spending a fair amount of time on Microsoft Flight Simulator (with YouTube how-to videos at his side). He's got the techniques and lingo down pat.

It kinds of makes me think he could actually get a 747-8 out of the gate and halfway across the Atlantic before someone notices.
posted by JoeZydeco at 7:33 AM on April 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


"Monkey Butt one two three"

Hey! That's the combination on my monkey butt luggage!
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 7:39 AM on April 13, 2017 [8 favorites]


she was definitely all set to make the attempt, if her plans hadn't been foiled by me leaving the volume too high after my last drive.

That does it: if I ever have or have to care for young children, I'm cuing up this song whenever I leave the car, just in case.
posted by Halloween Jack at 7:47 AM on April 13, 2017


what if this hero mowed down a pedestrian lol amirite
posted by entropicamericana at 7:56 AM on April 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


Why would they say "hero"? Ugh.
posted by tunewell at 7:58 AM on April 13, 2017


Mama tried.
posted by Bob Regular at 7:59 AM on April 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


Why would they say "hero"? Ugh.

Fine. He's a hoagie. Better?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:06 AM on April 13, 2017 [17 favorites]


By the way, another child was spotted driving a car full of children and a goat this past week in New Zealand. So this may just be a pattern.

I don't know what all this hero talk is about. The child passengers in these stories are in enough danger, but my God - that car didn't have proper goat restraints. That goat is as good as dead.
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 8:10 AM on April 13, 2017 [4 favorites]


It seems to me that we are waiting too long to teach kids how to drive, and the current drive for graduated driver licensing is a good idea, but in the wrong direction.

One of the ways that graduated drivers licenses and extended training are preventing accidents among teenagers of my acquaintance is that they're not bothering to get licenses because it's so time-consuming to do the classes. My son will be 16 in May, and his best friend will be 16 two weeks later, and neither of them has been willing to take the long, many-hours classes to get even the most restricted license. It helps, I know, that we live in a relatively dense area so parents don't have to drive them too far for things, and there are halfway decent buses if they want to go that way. They are not the only teens I know who haven't bothered for various reasons. It's kind of mind-blowing for me because I grew up in a rural/very small town setting, and we had to drive quite long distances to visit friends or see a movie or even get fast food, so we were all desperate for our licenses. My mom took me to the secretary of state after school on my 16th birthday to get my license.
posted by Orlop at 8:14 AM on April 13, 2017 [4 favorites]


My grandfather learned to drive a tractor at 10 on his dad's farm, and this was back in the 1930s when they were infinitely more dangerous. And manual transmission, too. I'm not surprised, exactly, that a smart kid could learn how to handle a modern vehicle.

But how big is this 8 year old that he can see over the dashboard and manage the pedals, anyway? Most cars, aside from your tiny Fiats and Mini Coopers, are almost too big for me to drive, and I'm 5'1"!
posted by droplet at 8:15 AM on April 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


At what age is a child old enough to bear the burden of having killed someone?

You can follow every single rule of the road to utter perfection and still kill a person virtue of operating dangerous heavy machinery. It happens, and that's not a burden I think anyone should have to bear.
posted by aniola at 8:27 AM on April 13, 2017 [4 favorites]


One of the ways that graduated drivers licenses and extended training are preventing accidents among teenagers of my acquaintance is that they're not bothering to get licenses because it's so time-consuming to do the classes...They are not the only teens I know who haven't bothered for various reasons.

I know teenagers are supposed to baffle their parents, but I never could have imagined I'd have teenagers who were in absolutely no hurry to get a driver's license and utterly uninterested in ever talking to anyone on the telephone.
posted by straight at 8:51 AM on April 13, 2017 [6 favorites]


For example, they would be able to start taking lessons at a young age, but only off of public roads with an approved instructor.

This part at least is already the case almost everywhere. It's called a racing license, and you can start karting from a worryingly young age. Look up your country's motorsports association!
posted by Dysk at 8:56 AM on April 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


(As for whether it encourages or teaches good driving behaviour on public roads, well...)
posted by Dysk at 8:57 AM on April 13, 2017


When my kids were that age, at least one of them had a morbid fear of even sitting in the front seat, in the driveway, with everything turned off (I had bought a new car and they were interested in it, but would not sit in the front seat for NOTHING).

The reason was they had been told from a young age that they had to sit in the back seat because of the airbags...
posted by randomkeystrike at 9:00 AM on April 13, 2017



Young boy filmed driving a car with a goat in the back seat in Whitianga shows up in the related posts to the OP

WTF
posted by infini at 9:49 AM on April 13, 2017


Yep. There won't be any silly driving anymore. The kid would say "Car, take us to McDonald's" and it would take them there without incident

But this also means we live in a world where McDonalds food can drive to you.
posted by pwnguin at 10:16 AM on April 13, 2017


kids can drive -- that's the problem
posted by philip-random at 10:35 AM on April 13, 2017


My husband used to amuse our then-toddler by sitting him in the driver's seat of the parked car (with only the battery on for the radio) and letting him play with the wheel, wipers, etc. He didn't understand why I was mad that he might give the kid ideas.

As it turned out, our kid never tried to drive anywhere, but clearly there are lots that do. Nightmare fuel for every parent, like when you realize that once they are mobile, they might be smart enough to unlock the doors, let themselves out, and wander off. As some do.
posted by emjaybee at 10:55 AM on April 13, 2017


Witnesses told police he did obey all traffic laws and drove the speed limit.

That's the dead giveaway right there.
posted by w0mbat at 11:53 AM on April 13, 2017


My grandfather taught me to drive a tractor when I was 7 or 8, and I only hit the barn one time. I also took out a wall when I was 9 or 10 trying to get my dad's Vega out of the steep driveway, but by the time I snuck out and stole my parents' Chevette at 14, I was a good enough driver that I was able to tool around all night with my bestie and nobody was ever the wiser until I was like 25 and someone ratted me out to my mom.

My medal of valor was lost in the mail, apparently.
posted by ernielundquist at 12:32 PM on April 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


I am glad no one died, because I'd someone had been killed this would be a very different headline...
posted by Going To Maine at 1:24 PM on April 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Wow that video on the Gizmodo link is amazing. Hey everybodyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
posted by en forme de poire at 2:17 PM on April 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


kids can drive that's the problem

Love the WTF hand signal at 1:48.

1977. We were bored with the Baptist wake. Grandma's arteries were totally hardened and we didn't want to see, every 20 minutes, what she'd done to herself with a pot of boiling water. She should wear panties.

My recently deceased grandfather's black truck, a really old Packard, was at my family farm and all you had to do was push a button to start it, the choke was just like our mower. It jerked and stalled and I put it in neutral and tried again. My sister hopped in and off we went across the cut cornfield. We were bouncing and giggling. She had the shift cause I was busy with everything else. "Third. Now!" No power steering. Diagram on the shifter. The effort it took to turn meant I stood on the gas pedal so we were doing some drift and kicking up dirty clouds.

My mom and her siblings came out on the back porch to watch. I didn't know that each of them had learned to drive in that same truck in that same cornfield and graduated to coming down the mountain in many-geared logging trucks with bad brakes. Just grind that cast iron transmission and you'll stop. My mom was nine when her dad decided she was up to that.

We parked it in the same place, thought we were in huge trouble and dismounted. They thought it was great, and grandma went back to a time when she was cogent and told stories about one uncle wrecking the outhouse and having to get the chamber pots out of the attic and back into service until it was rebuilt.

So five years later I've got a '77 Honda CVCC hatchback and I've tried unsuccessfully to teach several people to drive stick but my sister totally gets it. Immediately. Never stalls, never grinds. Takes us over snowy hilly roads. Cars splayed along the ditches and we are chugging along. "Second now down this hill." Camaro spun out in front of us.

We got to our long steep driveway and I asked if she could do it while I got the trashcans and she said she was fried and she'd get the trash cans. C'mon? 1rst, no brakes. No? Ok.

She went to NYU and stayed in NYC but she drives great when she does.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 2:29 PM on April 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


When I was 4 or 5 I knocked my dad's manual transmission car into neutral and it rolled backwards out of the driveway and into the marsh across the road from our house. Our neighbor had to pull the car out with some construction vehicle.

I would have much preferred to roll over to McDonald's.
posted by Divest_Abstraction at 2:30 PM on April 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


As Homer Simpson said "Kids basically raise themselves nowadays, what with the Internet and all."
posted by 4ster at 6:37 PM on April 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


And there's always the famous last words: It's ok, It's not loaded. I'm a good driver. Don't worry honey.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 6:40 PM on April 13, 2017


I sat on my dad's lap to drive his (automatic) car starting when I was ten. My high school driver's ed teacher called my parents and told them I was a "road hazard." After that he taught we how to drive manual and I've only owned manuals since then.
posted by bendy at 8:05 PM on April 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


More relevantly, this kid's skills are admirable. Even I - who never wears makeup - can learn to "contour" on YouTube. I've definitely met kids this smart.
posted by bendy at 8:10 PM on April 13, 2017


When I was 4 or 5 I knocked my dad's manual transmission car into neutral and it rolled backwards out of the driveway and into the marsh across the road from our house. Our neighbor had to pull the car out with some construction vehicle..

I did pretty much the same thing when I was about 6 years old. The car was a 1968 Ford Torino and didn't have such modern niceties as an FM radio, air conditioning, or the interlock that prevents you from shifting out of park unless the brakes are engaged. My younger siblings and I were pretending to drive the car while we were at a Sears warehouse and my father was inside picking up some special order item. The car rolled across the small parking lot and hit another car, doing very minor damage. For years it was a matter of contention in our family as to who was actually responsible: 6 year old me, 3 year old sister, or 1 year old brother (who usually was assumed to be innocent because of his age).

Epilogue 1: That was the car I ended up getting to drive when I turned 16. Upgrading to a car with air conditioning and a stereo was a powerful motivator to earn some money as a teenager.

Epilogue 2: When my sister got married 20 something years later and I was called on to give a toast at the rehearsal dinner I used it as an opportunity to unburden myself and admit that I was indeed the culprit who shifted the car out of park way back when. It was very well received but gave us one less thing to argue about at family gatherings.
posted by TedW at 8:29 PM on April 13, 2017


It doesn't say that the kid was handcuffed and arrested for driving without a license and endangering the sister, who was cited for not wearing a seat belt before being taken away by child services prior to the arrest of the parents for negligence. I reserve the right to remain skeptical as to the races of everyone involved.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 12:04 AM on April 14, 2017 [1 favorite]


When I was 4 or 5 I knocked my dad's manual transmission car into neutral and it rolled backwards out of the driveway and into the marsh across the road from our house. Our neighbor had to pull the car out with some construction vehicle.

Same here. It was my grandfather's 1970 Ford F-100 with the three on the tree. He left it in neutral on a downward-sloping driveway. I pulled the emergency brake release and rolled into a fence.
posted by 4ster at 6:51 PM on April 14, 2017


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