"Actually, I think I can sort this out myself"
April 24, 2017 1:09 PM   Subscribe

 
I got to Josephine's entirely plausible romance concierge joke scant moments after my boyfriend was telling me that he was flirting with absolutely everyone he could in Mass Effect: Andromeda.

They got your number, Bioware.
posted by wakannai at 1:16 PM on April 24, 2017


The proposed scene with Tyriel is actually how things played out in the game (with a side order of "fuck angelhood if it means turning a blind eye".)
posted by NoxAeternum at 1:28 PM on April 24, 2017 [2 favorites]


Find your own goddamn ewok shoes
posted by khaibit at 1:43 PM on April 24, 2017 [2 favorites]


Back in the day, I had some adventurers clever enough to challenge a prophecy on the merits of prior invalid - and invalidated - prophecies... I did tell them that it wasn't going to fly that they use their ability to continually 'thwart' plans of evil to mean that the seer was always going to be wasting their time...

I let them get away with it once because - hey - clever... but when they pulled that crap again I burned down their village...
posted by Nanukthedog at 2:05 PM on April 24, 2017


Metafilter: when they pulled that crap again I burned down their village...
posted by Nice Guy Mike at 2:28 PM on April 24, 2017 [8 favorites]


Is there a list anywhere of what games these are screenshots of? I recognize some of them..
posted by yonega at 2:37 PM on April 24, 2017


Respawning mobs in action rpgs. So the reinforcements arrive at the battlefield, clear the thousands of bodies, and dutifully take up the exact same positions in case you come back.

In the service of gameplay of course, like most of these examples. Why would a giant spider have a gold ring? Are they going to pop the question?
posted by adept256 at 3:31 PM on April 24, 2017


There was a moment, in Diablo II, when I looked back across the battlefield and saw the army of corpses I had left in my wake. The bodies were how I kept track of where I'd been. It gave me pause. Murder hobo, indeed.
posted by SPrintF at 3:59 PM on April 24, 2017 [7 favorites]


> Is there a list anywhere of what games these are screenshots of?

Check the comments on the article.
posted by Spathe Cadet at 4:01 PM on April 24, 2017


This is possibly even more of a problem with shooters, but I do sometimes wonder why the 75th conscript in the evil king's barracks sees a team of badasses with giant, glowing swords, firing lightning and fireballs everywhere and says, "yeah, time to fight!" instead of running the hell away.
posted by Copronymus at 4:05 PM on April 24, 2017 [4 favorites]


Deserters' families can't collect pensions!
posted by clorox at 4:21 PM on April 24, 2017 [5 favorites]


"Innkeeper, you say you've got rats in your cellar? Fuck this, I'm going to the health inspector."
posted by nubs at 4:25 PM on April 24, 2017 [6 favorites]


says, "yeah, time to fight!" instead of running the hell away.

Or at least like, change tactics.

...plays every team based multiplayer game ever...

nevermind.
posted by VTX at 5:01 PM on April 24, 2017


When you're the only thing standing between humanity and a tide of demons / aliens / mutants / zombies that are going to eradicate every last trace of the human race, why are people still making you pay for stuff?
posted by Shepherd at 5:08 PM on April 24, 2017 [15 favorites]


Deserters' families can't collect pensions!

Hmm. I'm trying to work this idea into a narrative that explains why roughly half of Skyrim's population has turned to banditry, and I really feel like I'm getting somewhere. It cannot be a good idea for so much of the economy to be dedicated to guards, their extravagant death benefits, and constantly replacing guards who get killed by wolves/dragons/bandits/overpowered battlemages, especially when the guards provide so little benefit to the community that a random stranger is significantly more helpful to the community than all of the jarl's retinues put together.
posted by Copronymus at 5:53 PM on April 24, 2017 [3 favorites]


This guy came to town with a wagon load of exotic armor and weapons that he "found in a cave." He sold or traded it all off to anyone that would take it so now enchanted ebony prices have collapsed, everyone can afford an axe with fire or poison in it, and he left with every healing herb and potion in the county.
posted by EatTheWeek at 6:08 PM on April 24, 2017 [9 favorites]


The bodies were how I kept track of where I'd been.

Still the awesomest band name ever.
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:34 PM on April 24, 2017 [1 favorite]


First, I got the heebie jeebies with the Morrigan&Alistair shapeshifter joke. Second, it made me realize how much I miss Morrigan&Alistair.
posted by Justinian at 8:02 PM on April 24, 2017


Why would a giant spider have a gold ring?

In its gullet. From eating a previous adventurer too quickly.
posted by suetanvil at 9:12 PM on April 24, 2017 [3 favorites]


Why would a giant spider have a gold ring?

Possible
posted by nubs at 6:18 AM on April 25, 2017


It cannot be a good idea for so much of the economy to be dedicated to guards, their extravagant death benefits, and constantly replacing guards who get killed by wolves/dragons/bandits/overpowered battlemages, especially when the guards provide so little benefit to the community that a random stranger is significantly more helpful to the community than all of the jarl's retinues put together.

Hey now: in fairness, those guards are among the few scaling NPCs. You get a level 50 PC into a fight with every guard in the city, and it's gonna be a rough fight, unless you're a mage ('twas ever thus).

A more reasonable Unified Theory of Skyrim Economics would probably have to divide Skyrim's community-dwelling citizens into three distinct strata:
- those who quickly perish when a dragon or a gang of vampires shows up (e.g. Nazeem in a recent incident at the Whiterun Stables, which caused me to actually blurt out "Yessss"),
- those who are much tougher but also more numerous since they get replenished (the guards),
- and the unkillable "elite" (such as jarls and other, well, essential NPCs).

Viewed in this light, the faceless guards are actually the backbone of Skyrim's human society.
posted by CheesesOfBrazil at 7:50 AM on April 25, 2017 [2 favorites]


This is possibly even more of a problem with shooters, but I do sometimes wonder why the 75th conscript in the evil king's barracks sees a team of badasses with giant, glowing swords, firing lightning and fireballs everywhere and says, "yeah, time to fight!" instead of running the hell away.

This was one of the really fun/hilarious things taht stood out to me about the Batman: Arkham games. Batman just dropped out of the open sky, taking down several of your gangmates before even hitting the ground, bataranged one guy, electrocuted another, kicked four dudes in the fucking head, and knocked two guys out by throwing one of them thirty feet at the other, but the last guy is always somehow still like, "I got this."
posted by cmoj at 8:31 AM on April 25, 2017 [2 favorites]


the last guy is always somehow still like, "I got this."

One of the nice things about Mass Effect (although I haven't yet seen it in the latest game) is that, every now and then--and, fittingly, mostly with mercenary groups--you can in fact talk dudes out of fights. Their responses tend to be various flavors of "I'm not getting paid enough for this shit."
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:08 AM on April 25, 2017 [1 favorite]


There was a moment, in Diablo II, when I looked back across the battlefield and saw the army of corpses I had left in my wake. The bodies were how I kept track of where I'd been. It gave me pause. Murder hobo, indeed.

This is why I play necromancers. Pack in, pack out. Recycling!
posted by curious nu at 12:58 PM on April 25, 2017 [5 favorites]


> Why would a giant spider have a gold ring? Are they going to pop the question?

Possible.
posted by cardioid at 5:53 PM on April 25, 2017


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