is it not better to instead kill one hundred... kings?

May 12, 2017 10:16 AM

sun tzus the art of war
posted by griphus (42 comments total)

If you know the enemy and know yourself, you know more than a man who knows only himself or only knows the enemy but not both things like you. Knowing both things is better than knowing one thing, and if you know neither the enemy nor yourself, that is even fewer things that you know, and that is not as good. - Sun Tzu, The Art of War
posted by beerperson at 10:25 AM on May 12, 2017 [9 favorites]

Hilarious. I'm not sure why, but this one really got me:

"Though a scope will allow you to "zoom in" and make the enemy seem closer, i personally can get them pretty easily with no scope" - Sun Tzu

posted by monju_bosatsu at 10:25 AM on May 12, 2017 [4 favorites]

Ancient Warlord: How... how did you defeat me?
Sun Tzu: Remember when my soldiers were lined up against your soldiers, and then my soldiers killed all of your soldiers? That's how.
Ancient Warlord: Such a great mystery...
posted by Cash4Lead at 10:33 AM on May 12, 2017 [5 favorites]

is it not better to instead kill one hundred... kings?

Ooh ooh! I know this one! Pick me! Pick me!
posted by Madame Defarge at 10:34 AM on May 12, 2017 [4 favorites]

If you have five rings, you can wear one on each finger.

You should duel wield.

Also, do things that enable you to win, and don't do things that will make you lose.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 10:34 AM on May 12, 2017 [1 favorite]

To lose is to not win, and you must never not win.
posted by FirstMateKate at 10:44 AM on May 12, 2017 [2 favorites]

Next, do the Arthashastra
posted by infini at 10:46 AM on May 12, 2017

A guileful enemy requires the application of force; a forceful enemy, the application of guile. When your enemy glows blue, equip a weapon with fire damage.
posted by Iridic at 10:59 AM on May 12, 2017 [17 favorites]

Man I was hoping this would be for Snipe's The Art of War
posted by Nanukthedog at 11:01 AM on May 12, 2017

It's funny, but consider that all the other books on war are considered mostly worse than this.
posted by GuyZero at 11:09 AM on May 12, 2017 [5 favorites]

Rule 1: Be good at war
Rule 2: Don't be un-good at war
posted by zombieflanders at 11:15 AM on May 12, 2017 [3 favorites]

Next, do the Arthashastra
infini

One can lose a war as easily as one can win.
War is inherently unpredictable.
War is also expensive.
So make sure you always win the wars you fight
make the other side pay for them
and you will never lose.
Kautilya (traditional) - Arthashastra
posted by Sangermaine at 11:16 AM on May 12, 2017 [2 favorites]

When it is the time of peace, you must prepare for war. When it is the time of war, you must make war. He who has not prepared in peace-time will in war-time be behind and late to the field, kind of like what happens when daylight savings time starts.
posted by nubs at 11:18 AM on May 12, 2017 [3 favorites]

Rommel: "I'm the best ever, the fucking best there ever was, all you gotta do is just outflank them from the desert, but fucking Hitler keeps fucking me over and fuck the fucking British and their fucking air raids I need some fucking oil fuck."
posted by tobascodagama at 11:24 AM on May 12, 2017 [4 favorites]

Also Rommel: "Why the fucking fuck aren't these asshole desert warriors any good at mountain fighting???"
posted by tobascodagama at 11:24 AM on May 12, 2017

My new fighting technique is unstoppable! —David Rees, Get Your War On.
posted by TedW at 11:27 AM on May 12, 2017 [1 favorite]

I'd do one for Clausewitz, but not even the groggiest of nards has actually read all of Clausewitz.
posted by tobascodagama at 11:36 AM on May 12, 2017 [2 favorites]

One can lose a war as easily as one can win.
War is inherently unpredictable.
War is also expensive.
So make sure you always win the wars you fight
make the other side pay for them
and you will never lose.

But this is a very good advice. To the wise, it reads as "don't go to war unless it's absolutely unavoidable". To the rest: "You can win a war if you are good", which they invariably are in their own eyes. Thus, only fools will start wars, and they will lose.
posted by hat_eater at 12:09 PM on May 12, 2017 [4 favorites]

Build a wall. Make the other guy pay for it. Winning.
posted by Splunge at 12:12 PM on May 12, 2017 [1 favorite]

Big noisy boats: get a lot of them. They're really good, because you can use them for a lot of things.

Try to get some docks too, so your sailors have a place to go when they're tired.

-Alfred Thayer Mahan, The Influence of Sea Power upon History
posted by Iridic at 12:12 PM on May 12, 2017 [8 favorites]

John Madden's The Art of War
posted by knuckle tattoos at 12:17 PM on May 12, 2017

Be sure to keep your equip load under 25% so you can do the fast roll and take advantage of having extra i-frames - sun tzu
posted by dismas at 12:32 PM on May 12, 2017 [8 favorites]

It is a wise king who knows better than to bring his army into Russia when there is snow. That's what fucked Napolean. And, Hitler, right?
posted by Cookiebastard at 12:58 PM on May 12, 2017 [2 favorites]

Airpower is revolutionary because it is three dimensional. Airplanes can fly over enemy armies and ships, making them superior to both.

By bombing enemy cities, you can break their morale, which will cause them to give up.

Command of the air means victory, because if you control the air, then everybody has to do what you say in order to be able to breathe.

- Giulio Douhet, The Command of the Air
posted by LeRoienJaune at 1:01 PM on May 12, 2017 [1 favorite]

Sun Tzu's Art of War 2 (site is very NSFW)
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:17 PM on May 12, 2017 [3 favorites]

Battle? I meant bottle. - Sun Tzu.
posted by srboisvert at 1:29 PM on May 12, 2017

Don't do it. I have the high ground.
General O. Wan
posted by happyroach at 4:24 PM on May 12, 2017 [3 favorites]

Camp out near the railgun spawn point, then laugh as all of your enemies die again and again
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 5:58 PM on May 12, 2017 [3 favorites]

When you can balance a tack hammer on your head, you will head off your foes with a balanced attack. --- The Sphinx
posted by SPrintF at 7:01 PM on May 12, 2017 [4 favorites]

Generic concept of war.
Generic addendum about war.
Simplified concept of war.
Extremely obvious conclusion abut war.
-Signature
posted by Splunge at 7:06 PM on May 12, 2017 [2 favorites]

Sun Tzu's basic concepts are simple in nature, we get that. This guy is making fun of fact that Sun Tzu's basic concepts are simple. Haha. Laughs. Two Trillion Dollars were wasted by not understanding these basic concepts.
posted by ovvl at 7:12 PM on May 12, 2017 [3 favorites]

Welp, that was more fun to read than when I tried to actually read The Art of War.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:01 PM on May 12, 2017

I had no idea The Art of War (the real one) was so short. I remember it being a thick book, I must have seen an edition with commentary in it.
posted by ethansr at 9:52 PM on May 12, 2017

When you have troops in Southeast Asia, you will have difficulty keeping troops in Southeast Asia, no matter how many replacements you get per turn. Also, holding Australia is only useful if you are trying to hang on to Southeast Asia.

-Sun Tzu
posted by Graygorey at 10:37 PM on May 12, 2017 [4 favorites]

The Art of War was on most managers bookshelves when I was at Microsoft. They were remarkably adept at vanquishing their opponents (this was in the 90's).

It's useful to find a good translation, perhaps with some commentary, but there are insights to be had there, and the book stands the test of time quite well.

That being said, it's also quite cliched to bring it up in many contexts (particularly cybersecurity). It's useful to assume that anyone that might be interested in it has already read it.
posted by el io at 12:29 AM on May 13, 2017

Find a discussion in which others seem mildly amused by the topic at hand. Be dismissive in your snark. This is the Art of Metafilter.
posted by nubs at 6:59 AM on May 13, 2017 [5 favorites]

The Art of War was on most managers bookshelves when I was at Microsoft. They were remarkably adept at vanquishing their opponents (this was in the 90's).

That would explain why so many of their competitors were attacked with burning arrows.
posted by tobascodagama at 7:04 AM on May 13, 2017

If in training users commands are habitually engrained, the software will be well-used; if not, Clippy can help.
posted by jason_steakums at 7:41 AM on May 13, 2017

Tell me... Are you familiar with the works of Shan Yu?
posted by xedrik at 8:09 AM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]

If one is unsure about the severity of force required to achieve the objective, a leader is well-advised to take off and nuke the site from orbit. It is the only way to be certain, especially given the notorious unreliability of CN-20.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:26 AM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]

Enemy? No. I said enema.
posted by mule98J at 8:30 AM on May 13, 2017

I've actually read through Sun Tzu. Well, a translation, obviously. The way I see it is as a compendium of basic facts that he decided to put to writing at time that writing was for the upper classes. Those that could read.

If you dig into it his writing isn't just for a land war, it's for anyone. A businessman. A land owner. Anyone who could read at the time. Maybe he lived in simpler times? No. Dealing with the hierarchy then was a serious byzantine waltz. He tries to simplify basic experience as well as he could.

If you called it The Art of Business it would be a best seller today.
posted by Splunge at 6:37 PM on May 14, 2017