We love doughnuts. That's why we must save them from themselves.
May 14, 2017 4:33 PM   Subscribe

 
Whatever this is, I blame neoliberalism for it.
posted by Apocryphon at 4:37 PM on May 14, 2017 [12 favorites]


Tori-ble.
posted by chavenet at 4:41 PM on May 14, 2017 [4 favorites]


Meh. After working in a doughnut shop in highschool (many decades ago), about the only doughnut I enjoy is cake, preferably semi-sweet chocolate, and I am flexible on frosting.
posted by Samizdata at 4:41 PM on May 14, 2017


Goodness. I honestly couldn't tell whether that was satire or not, but I checked the website of our local hipster donut place, and they have sweet and spicy Sriracha glazed donut holes filled with sweet cream cheese and fresh, finely chopped jalapeños, which is a crime against nature and probably should be illegal.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 4:47 PM on May 14, 2017 [4 favorites]


This is one of those times that I'm happy that trends either bypass my city or get here five years later. My local donut shop still just sells the same donuts that they have for years. They open at 6AM and close then they run out of donuts for the day usually around 10AM.
posted by octothorpe at 4:53 PM on May 14, 2017 [5 favorites]


That Sushi donut looks legit amazing.

Our local hipster donut shop uses potato flour and I must admit they make a mean coffee brandy donut.
posted by selfnoise at 4:55 PM on May 14, 2017


Goodness. I honestly couldn't tell whether that was satire or not, but I checked the website of our local hipster donut place, and they have sweet and spicy Sriracha glazed donut holes filled with sweet cream cheese and fresh, finely chopped jalapeños, which is a crime against nature and probably should be illegal.

Not sure about that one. Send me a dozen. I will take one for the blue and come back with a trip report. (Hell, local donut options are so old school in town, I am hard pressed to find a cheese danish...)
posted by Samizdata at 4:56 PM on May 14, 2017 [1 favorite]


When I moved her in 2009, it was pretty much impossible to find a donut. There was one place that had cake donuts with powdered sugar on Saturday mornings, and that was it. Now we have a Dunkin Donuts, an old-school donut place, and the hipster donut place, which is open 24/7 and I think caters mostly to the stoned. I can't say that I crave a donut that often, but it's nice to have options.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 4:59 PM on May 14, 2017


pretty oldschool in Dunedin.nz too, tho' most doughnuts here lack a hole; bit uncivilised really but most cultural expressions lose something when they come to nz. My two favourites here are divine simple 'nut from Wolf at the Door (Dunedin) which has a vodka tone, imo, and Nova where they let you self-inject your favourite filling.
posted by unearthed at 5:04 PM on May 14, 2017 [1 favorite]


Isn't this really a problem with stunt food in big cities in general, though?
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:06 PM on May 14, 2017 [6 favorites]


My needs are simple, all I need is a sugar raised, traditional "do-nut" shape or twist, either is fine. Not sugar glazed, sugar raised. With the granulated sugar on top.

Westside doughnut picks: Primo's, DK's, Stan's. If you're into the whole apple fritter thing go to Randy's.

It's really hard to mess up a sugar raised doughnut, as long as it's pretty fresh. I do have vague memories of some kind of delicious cake donut I used to get with my dad at Chock Full O'Nuts in either Manhattan or Brooklyn, but probably best that they remain a fond memory as they're bound to disappoint 50 years later.
posted by Room 641-A at 5:08 PM on May 14, 2017 [4 favorites]


If you're into the whole apple fritter thing

Are you implying that apple fritters are not simply the best things ever? Have you never turned a fritter that got slightly stale into french toast, or dunked it in clam chowder? Mock not the apple fritter my friend.
posted by vrakatar at 5:12 PM on May 14, 2017 [8 favorites]


Spaghetti donuts are the opening of the first seal. Read your bible. We're screwed.
posted by Splunge at 5:13 PM on May 14, 2017 [12 favorites]


Isn't this just one more thing we can blame on The Simpsons?
posted by oneswellfoop at 5:16 PM on May 14, 2017


Source:
They’re the second most profitable food item in the nation, behind only to the potato and the average cost to make and finish a donut is approximately 12 cents. In fact, I just crunched the numbers on what is cost to make my yeast donut on 11-01-16 and discovered my signature donut cost only .7 cents to make. There is no sugar coating the profit a donut shop can make.

Later

The average cost for a complete set of donut equipment needed to run a donut shop (which can be widely purchased used) costs under $15,000. (Other costs, such as retail rental space, vary by location.) Another cost-cutting bonus: industrial-grade coffee makers and espresso machines can be obtained for FREE from major coffee suppliers if you agree to use them as your sole coffee supplier.


Doughnut shops aren't trendy because they are awesome - they're trendy because they can make a profit and stay open long enough to be trendy.
posted by Nanukthedog at 5:16 PM on May 14, 2017 [7 favorites]


I do have vague memories of some kind of delicious cake donut I used to get with my dad at Chock Full O'Nuts in either Manhattan or Brooklyn

Ooh, ooh, ooh! I remember this too. My grandmother used to take me to a Chock Full O'Nuts in Jay Street/Boro Hall. It was a dark plain doughnut that was slightly crunchy and really had a nutty flavor. Grandma would let me have some of her coffee with a lot of milk. Thanks for letting me remember this wonderful time.
posted by Splunge at 5:18 PM on May 14, 2017 [5 favorites]


Old-fashioned donuts - the crinkled, crunchy kind made with either sour cream or buttermilk - are best and I will brook no dissent on the matter.

(Also, is this where we recommend classic donut shops? If so, try World's Fair Donuts in St. Louis!)
posted by suckerpunch at 5:32 PM on May 14, 2017 [11 favorites]


Splunge!!! Yes, it had that crispness! And my mom would sometimes let me have a little bit of her coffee in my milk! You have made me so happy :)

Are you implying that apple fritters are not simply the best things ever?

I don't really care for fruit, especially of the cooked variety. Yes, that includes pie. Cake4Lyfe!
posted by Room 641-A at 5:35 PM on May 14, 2017 [4 favorites]


Peter Pan's in Greenpoint finally made me understand the cop-doughnut association. One of those dense cakey rings, and you don't need to eat for about 6 hours. Perfect for banishing hunger on the cheap.
posted by GameDesignerBen at 5:49 PM on May 14, 2017 [4 favorites]


Every donut burger ever will always just be an upscale version of The Luther.
posted by graymouser at 5:51 PM on May 14, 2017 [1 favorite]


Capitalism, anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
posted by Beholder at 5:56 PM on May 14, 2017 [4 favorites]


Isn't this really a problem with stunt food in big cities in general, though?

I live in a small town in Northeast Ohio and we just got a hipster donut/coffee shop in our picturesque downtown square. Their donuts are killer awesome, and they do a "Savory Saturday", where they make just such abominations as mentioned in the article. Last Saturday it was a jalapeño cheese donut with sour cream and chives on top. I don't know that those flavors being in a donut really did anything for them, but it was tasty and I am ok with the fact that they basically charged me $3 for a novelty. We like to support local businesses.
posted by chainsofreedom at 6:02 PM on May 14, 2017 [3 favorites]


I wish there were a classic doughnut place around here. I mean seriously, the best glazed doughnuts in town are from the Cub. We have hipster doughnut places and two solid purveyors of trad Minnesotan doughnuts (small, compact, cake, usually only available in plain, chocolate, chocolate glazed and sugar), but I grew up outside Chicago where they had good doughnuts and I feel like I'll never have a decent one again.

The hipster places have tough, greasy mockeries of raised donuts - the size of a salad plate and laden with cream and gunk. I don't understand why they don't put more effort into texture - no amount of hot pink glaze, cherry goop and cutesy-pie naming conventions make up for the greasy hockey puck that lies beneath.

A good raised doughnut is light and airy, not dense and heavily structured! It's not too sweet! Its toppings are proportionate to its lightness - it's not covered in a pound of goop! It's not tough and chewy! It's not oily! A cruller should taste milky and pure, with a little of a custardy quality on the inside!(Best crullers in town are also from Cub.) A cake doughnut can be many things but it should have a pleasant cake texture - not tough, dry or bland. It shouldn't be too fatty, even if it's one of those super-glazed buttermilk kind that have sort of a saturn's ring of extra doughnut around them. (What I would not give for a good buttermilk doughnut!)

The student center at college had perfect doughnuts, made onsite. Simple, modest, wholesome ingredients - raised, small glazed cake and the famous filled horseshoe. Naturally, because everything sucks and all that is good has passed away - and I really do blame neoliberalism here - the college got a $26 million donation from [redacted shady figure] who demanded substantial changes to several left leaning programs. At the same time, whether at this guy's will or not, they outsourced all the food preparation - no more Chef Darwin staying up all night figuring out how to make tofu, no more occasional experimental pans of new dishes if you got to dinner early and no more donuts. Just a lot of glass and chrome and a new student center.

Seriously, the world has fallen apart since the nineties. Things did not have to suck - there was a moment of opening and potential at the time. But we chose to make them suck. You can't eat Instagram, and that's the sad truth of contemporary doughnuts.
posted by Frowner at 6:03 PM on May 14, 2017 [30 favorites]


Back when I was in Tulsa, the donut shop was pretty much my go to breakfast. Occasionally I'd hit the McDonald's instead, but the value for money wasn't nearly as good. I could walk in there, buy the large biscuits and gravy and a few glazed donuts, hand them $5 and get paper money as change.
posted by wierdo at 6:15 PM on May 14, 2017


After working in a doughnut shop in highschool (many decades ago), about the only doughnut I enjoy is cake,

Yeah, one summer getting up at 2 a.m. every day to fry doughnuts pretty much cured me of enjoying doughnuts for life. I thought I had a pretty strong stomach as far as just reading about things went, but some of those doughnut sandwich descriptions made me a bit queasy.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 6:18 PM on May 14, 2017


ease up frowner you're freaking me out and making me hungry.
posted by vrakatar at 6:19 PM on May 14, 2017 [4 favorites]


I deeply desire a cake doughnut with that cinnamon/powdered sugar coating that gets all over your hands and clothes and up your nose. And there is nowhere in London to get one.
posted by Pallas Athena at 6:24 PM on May 14, 2017


A cruller should taste milky and pure, with a little of a custardy quality on the inside!

Oh, a good cruller. Nom.

I stopped by my favorite donut store in La Puente the other day, a place I've gone for reliably delicious maple crullers for a few years and... they didn't have any. Instead they had racks of Voodoo Instagram fodder.

Similarly, I went to a new heralded ice cream place in DTLA this week, their gimmick was black ice cream and cones, with some neon decoratives. Eminently Instagrammable, the decor also had neon signs with pithy phrases like "I licked it, it's mine!" that begged to be shot.

The ice cream honestly didn't distinguish itself above McDonald's soft-serve.

Social media didn't start the fire, here -- produce long ago suffered for being cultivated to *look* scrumptious rather than taste good, fancy restaurants have probably sold long sold atmosphere over the deliciousness of the food for longer than modern English has been spoken.

But it is interesting how the status currency of images are shaping the experiences we have. Or want people to think we're having.
posted by wildblueyonder at 6:28 PM on May 14, 2017 [5 favorites]


I like all donuts/doughnuts but still have yet to encounter a donut/doughnut that is even halfway as good as those in a bag of hot, fresh cinnamon donuts from Donut King in Australia. Anything else is just faffery and posturing. Still good, but super-faffy.
posted by turbid dahlia at 6:30 PM on May 14, 2017


(Frowner: there is hope. Nighthawks makes an excellent Nutella filled. The Angel Food in the airport also does ok. That cutesy place is not good :( I love Worlds Best in Grand Marais, but that's a hike! )
posted by gregglind at 6:34 PM on May 14, 2017


Yes, it had that crispness! And my mom would sometimes let me have a little bit of her coffee in my milk! You have made me so happy :)

Then there is nothing else to do.

{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}
posted by Splunge at 6:42 PM on May 14, 2017 [2 favorites]


*dunks thread in coffee*
posted by jonmc at 7:21 PM on May 14, 2017 [7 favorites]


Time: Late 1980s
Scene: Suburban Hellscape, California

We were a group of privileged teenage rebels. Too good for sniffing glue. Too poor for coke parties up in the hills. Too far from the beach to be surf rats. We were united in our desire to be different and to stay up late smoking cigarettes. Back then, your only options for loitering past 10 pm were Denny's and Winchell's Donut House and we were infamous at both.

It was probably Rocky that discovered ska music first, but it was definitely Ted that discovered mod subculture. By the end of the year, we all wore skinny suits and doc martens and many rode scooters. Ted picked up a 23 window VW Bus and tore off the VW symbol from the front and replaced it with the upward arrow insignia from Quadrophenia-era Who. We went to every show en masse within driving distance.

There were enough band nerds in our posse to form a kick ass outfit with a tight horn section. We'd rock our parents' garages and got paid hundreds of dollars to play Catholic girls' school dances.

But the question remained. Where do budding 16 year old second wave ska hipsters hang out late in Suburbia and what do they do?

Our love of Denny's united us in coffee and cigarettes, our love of Winchell's united us in donuts. Donuts became a regular part of our act. We'd tear out of school at lunch to big up dozens to bring back to class. We'd load up Ted's bus with all the band gear and drop in on dingey 24 hour donut shop after donut shop with our gear and blow the mind of some lonely late shift employee by playing a couple songs then running off with sugary fried dough to get us to the next gig. We wrote a song called "Donut Run". We got ourselves booked as the headliner at the San Jose Donut Festival. We continued to press on through college, arriving at the pinnacle of late night greasy donuts, Kingpin Donuts in Berkeley. We'd made it out of our shit hole town to the big time, riding the donut wave.

Things got a little difficult after college, with the band split between Berkeley and San Francisco and Santa Cruz. One weekend we had a gig in Stockton where the horns got stuck in traffic, missed the show, and afterward everyone got drunk and no one could figure out how to get donuts at two in the morning in Stockton and we decided to call it quits. Most Saturday nights in my 20s you could find me eventually at Kingpin, alone, finding comfort in a custard filled chocolate bar.

I know it sounds crazy and unreal, this was long before YouTube and cell phone cameras. All I have left are a few yellowing flyers and some bad recordings. But I swear it's all true.



I think it's cute what the kids at Voodoo Donuts are doing, you know bacon and Sri Racha and shit. And good for them, they have a safe space with other hipsters to share. We would have killed for that.

But I also think there's something essential that's missing from these fancy doughnut emporia -- the burnt coffee, the loneliness, the boredom, the danger, of 2 am strip mall donuts. We were there, living on the edge, blazing the trail.

Me, I was Donut before Donut was cool.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 7:29 PM on May 14, 2017 [42 favorites]


I love donuts. Those were not donuts.

I live in constant fear that Dunkin Donuts will take over NorCal and I'll lose all the beautiful independent donut shops we currently have. GD, it DD. I fled Massachusetts to escape you.

This has inspired me to get donuts for the office tomorrow.
posted by greermahoney at 7:52 PM on May 14, 2017




Frowner, what about the donuts at Baker's Wife? Pretty simple but tasty. The maple donut could have more maple flavor like Cub's but not bad, at all.
posted by jadepearl at 8:08 PM on May 14, 2017 [2 favorites]


In the 70s, in Indiana, we went on a ironic search for the perfect spudnut (doughnut with potato flour). Now, I eat a glazed doughnut a time or two a year and I'm fine. Go ahead with your frou-frou doughnut concoctions, I really don't care. I left Doughnut World years ago.
posted by kozad at 8:33 PM on May 14, 2017


I'm vegan and have strong opinions about vegan doughnut shops. My favorite doughnut places are Ronald's Donuts, in Las Vegas, which IMO does your best basic/classic doughnut, and Valkyrie Doughnuts, here where I live in Orlando, which has fun flavors without going into sriracha peanut territory and will also make you a VEGAN DOUGHNUT ICE CREAM SANDWICH. Good yeasty fancy doughnuts. A major flaw I see with doughnut shops is they spend too much time trying to make novel flavor combinations and not enough time executing the basics really well.
posted by Gymnopedist at 8:34 PM on May 14, 2017 [2 favorites]


I was annoyed at first that this article didn't even mention Seattle, where we have not one but two local, upscale/hipster donut chains. But now I'm relieved, because they have both pretty much avoided this whole trend. So far at least. One of them (Top Pot) has cakes, less sweet donuts and one (Mighty-O) has lighter, sweeter, vegan donuts. So you have your pick.
posted by lunasol at 8:35 PM on May 14, 2017 [2 favorites]


Donuts, like pizza, come in two varieties:
acceptable, and amazing.
Also, your favorite band sucks.
posted by evilDoug at 9:00 PM on May 14, 2017 [1 favorite]


Mighty-O is the only donut my kids have tasted (because vegan/organic/local and I'm a full on yuppie now) and I can barely pretend to choke one down with all it's whole foody goodness, but the kids treat it like it's crack. One day, before they have the wherewithal to get down to south seattle where they have The Real Thing, freshly deep fried in lard that hasn't been changed since Desert Storm and dipped in chocolate and filled with yellow petroleum based by-product I will need to sit them down for The Talk. Yes, Real Donuts are fun, but must be enjoyed responsibly and in moderation. And whatever you do, do NOT fuck around with fritters.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 9:06 PM on May 14, 2017 [1 favorite]


The article mention Glam Doll in Minneapolis as being one of the offending entities. I couldn't agree more. They are overpriced and overhyped. It's all about wacky flavors yet they haven't spent the time to actually make a good basic donut. The measure of a donut is a basic, no flavoring donut. If you can't make that stop making all this Sriracha edamame Yuri $4 monstrosities. A Bakers Wife makes amazing .90¢ donuts. Go get those.

Done with my rant now.
posted by misterpatrick at 9:14 PM on May 14, 2017 [4 favorites]


Weird donut moment recently. When I was a kid, my parents would rent a place in Ocean City Maryland with friends for a week every year. And the Sunday after we got there my mom, being an early riser, would get us a big box of donuts from a place called the Fractured Prune. Really delicious donuts and a fond memory of those days. Having changed coasts, I hadn't thought of the place in probably 30 years, until I came across a mention of a Fractured Prune in Arizona.

A bit of research later, and yeah, it was the same place, brought and turned into a nationwide chain. It's very odd seeing the eccentric shop of your youth franchised and genericized.
posted by tavella at 9:14 PM on May 14, 2017


I live in constant fear that Dunkin Donuts will take over NorCal and I'll lose all the beautiful independent donut shops we currently have. GD, it DD. I fled Massachusetts to escape you.

This has inspired me to get donuts for the office tomorrow.
--greermahoney

The reason Dunkin Donuts has tried and failed, several times, to enter the Califonia market, and why there are so many small independent donut shops here, is entirely because of this one man.
posted by eye of newt at 9:23 PM on May 14, 2017 [4 favorites]


This was my local donut shop living in Frisco in the early 90s.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 9:31 PM on May 14, 2017 [1 favorite]


Psycho Donuts is Silicon Valley's 'unconventional' doughnut shop, and has expanded to three shops, though it is probably too high-end/niche to replace the more common independent stores.
posted by eye of newt at 9:36 PM on May 14, 2017


In the 70s, in Indiana, we went on a ironic search for the perfect spudnut (doughnut with potato flour).

We have a few Spudnuts here. I haven't had one in a long time but they were good.

When the fancy Sidecar opened in my neighborhood I did try their simplest donut, which was basically a glazed donut with vanilla and it was cloyingly sweet. I see it packed during the morning and afternoon, but it's the only donut place in the immediate area. Frankly, I don't need easy access to good donuts or else I'd eat them too often.
posted by Room 641-A at 9:46 PM on May 14, 2017


Everyone, when talking about the resurgence of Krispy Kreme back in the aughts: "They're just SOOOO good. They melt in your mouth!"

My dad, when people said this: "Who wants a mouthful of melted donut??"
posted by mudpuppie at 10:07 PM on May 14, 2017 [3 favorites]


The reason Dunkin Donuts has tried and failed, several times, to enter the Califonia market, and why there are so many small independent donut shops here, is entirely because of this one man.

That was fascinating! Thank you!
posted by greermahoney at 10:34 PM on May 14, 2017


My dad, when people said this: "Who wants a mouthful of melted donut??"

*Sheepishly raises hand*
posted by greermahoney at 10:35 PM on May 14, 2017 [6 favorites]


tavella: "And the Sunday after we got there my mom, being an early riser, would get us a big box of donuts from a place called the Fractured Prune."

Always found Fractured Prune to be eh.

The same path is being trod by Duck Donuts - spreading from one shop in Duck, NC to locations all over the East Coast. They're pretty meh, too.
posted by Chrysostom at 10:43 PM on May 14, 2017 [2 favorites]


I wish there were more options for plain vegan donuts because I'm a vegan who just wants a classic cake donut, ya know? Donut Farm in Oakland is my main fix, but they're too cakey, not enough surface area. Donut Friend in LA has good plain donuts, but I guess people want fancy flavors. (Give me Rites of Sprinkles any day.)

Can we just discuss how the new trend of artisanal baked donuts is bullshit? Cover it with as much crap as you want, if it ain't fried it's not really a donut.
posted by kendrak at 10:55 PM on May 14, 2017


Chrysostom: Always found Fractured Prune to be eh.

This would have been back in the mid to late 70s, can't say what they were like later or now. But a made-to-order hot donut was quite the thing back then.
posted by tavella at 11:22 PM on May 14, 2017


Well I mean if you're part of a generation that is never going to be able to buy a house, I guess there's no reason not to spend $10 on a donut.

This is definitely not just a US thing. We have two of these shops in town. One of them sells among other revolting circular confections a donut called The Bastard that is a peanut butter centre, dipped in Nutella, dipped in crushed Oreos and dried with more peanut butter. It's revolting but the line of college students is out the door.
posted by DarlingBri at 11:27 PM on May 14, 2017 [3 favorites]


Chinese people kind of invented the donut centuries ago. So, basically any donut made in the last 200 years is a hipster donut.
</my dad>
posted by FJT at 12:03 AM on May 15, 2017 [2 favorites]


Look, I'm saying this as a guy who got an Iced VoVo jobbie from the local hipster suckhole* at the weekend.

These are not doughnuts. These are not doughnuts. These are not doughnuts. BURN IN HELL, AMERICA.

* I've never been there before**
** It wasn't that great, either.
posted by prismatic7 at 12:15 AM on May 15, 2017


FJT: "Chinese people kind of invented the donut centuries ago. So, basically any donut made in the last 200 years is a hipster donut.
</my dad>
"

LOL see also churros.
posted by chavenet at 2:03 AM on May 15, 2017 [2 favorites]


turbid dahlia, you clearly have not yet found Shortstop. Their cinnamon, cardamom and sugar raised donut is divine. Unless you don't live in Melbourne or Sydney, in which case, you now have a reason to visit.
posted by bigZLiLk at 2:24 AM on May 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


I, for one, welcome our hipster doughnut overlords. A doughnut that tastes like sriracha at least tastes like something.
posted by eotvos at 4:03 AM on May 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


Best donuts I remember were the ones my grandma used to get me from the Polish baker who came with his truck every week from the city out to the suburbs to sell real rye bread, and big jelly donuts with some sugar on top. Yum! My husband recently found some in a Polish bakery in Passaic, and they are called Pashki.
posted by mermayd at 4:38 AM on May 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


I'd eat the Spaghetti Donut, and I don't give a damn what you people think.
posted by SansPoint at 7:23 AM on May 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


It was fine when the amazing donut shops were in Durham, because I could get one if I wanted, but the ~45 minute drive was enough to deter me through all but the worst cravings. Now there is a Rise on the way to work and it's destroying my self-control on a regular basis.

There is also a beignet truck that is usually situated just a bit up the road from there. I suspect that will be the next thing after donuts have run their course. Sorry, New Orleans.
posted by Rock Steady at 7:26 AM on May 15, 2017


I had a peak donut experience once. It was at an apple orchard where they were making apple cider donuts right there and you could get them just after they came out of the hot oil. It was a plain cider donut, but it was still molten inside and it was incredibly tasty. Even 10 minutes later, the weren't as good. It's like the hot krispy kreme vs 2 hour old krispy kreme issue.

I live less than a mile from Union Square Donuts in Somerville, and I still haven't been there. Clearly, I need to up my donut game.
posted by rmd1023 at 7:34 AM on May 15, 2017


I suspect based on your location that the orchard in question was Shelburne Farm, but if not, you really need to try their fresh cider donuts some time. I haven't been in years, but if they are anything like they used to be, they are indeed close to donut nirvana.
posted by Rock Steady at 7:41 AM on May 15, 2017


Nope - it was somewhere near Rochester, NY. I keep meaning to hit Shelburn, tho. This adds a good reason to do so!
posted by rmd1023 at 7:55 AM on May 15, 2017


Not a hipster donut story, but a donut story nonetheless: I went to the local elementary school last week for read aloud day. Various members of the community read books to the classes k-4. I was assigned a 3rd grade room. I was to read a book as well as, as it turns out, a local law enforcement officer. The officer read this terrific book about a policeman and his police dog. It was a terrific book. Funny, dog pooping, etc. After she finished reading, before I could read my book, we decided to do a q&a with her. All sorts of questions. How many years on the force, have you ever fired your weapon, how many other female officers on the local force, etc. The questions went on for so long, we ran out of time for me to read a book. The teacher asked if there were any students who had not asked a question who would like to ask one. Sheepishly, one boy raises his hand. The teachers says, ok, last question class. I think his name was Ethan. Ethan said, "I have one question." Mind you, this is a 3rd grader. "Do you eat a lot of donuts, because I think cops eat a lot of donuts?" The officer, to her credit, said, without missing a beat, "Ah, the donut question. I was waiting for the donut question. I love donuts with white icing and colored sprinkles, but I rarely eat them. My boss, the sergeant, he sits at his desk and eats donuts all. day. long. I think he is why people think cops just hang out at dunkin donuts"
posted by AugustWest at 7:59 AM on May 15, 2017 [4 favorites]


Chinese people kind of invented the donut centuries ago.

Okay, is the youtiao really a doughnut except in the sense that any deep fried dough is a doughnut? I speak as a non-Chinese person who loves youtiao and who has eaten them often enough in Shanghai to have actual favorite places to get them (all probably gone now - this was some years ago) so I wouldn't hold myself up as an expert on the youtiao, but I have some amateur experience of them.

Like, IMO, a youtiao would be a really bad doughnut - it's very oily and sort of crisply chewy and not very moist, and the crumb is nothing like any doughnut I've ever had. They are good with savory soy milk and in jian bing and dipped in hot sweetened condensed milk, for instance, and I think that with the possible exception of jian bing, American doughnuts would be pretty gross in those applications. Even with jian bing, a youtiao is much better than a doughnut because it is crispier and more substantial.

I will say that if I could have jian bing and savory soy milk with green onions and stuff in it with youtiao any time I wanted, I would forgo the other kinds of fried dough with a glad heart.
posted by Frowner at 8:13 AM on May 15, 2017 [2 favorites]


I have been so sad about the donut situation since I moved from Dallas to Atlanta. In Dallas, there were two non-chain, non-hipster, classic donut shops each within walking distance of home or work. In Atlanta, it's hipster donuts or Krispy Kreme or Dunkin. I don't want to pay $5 for some fancy hipster donut. I just want my sausage rolls again! >:(

(I know some people call them kolaches but I always grew up that kolaches were a round thing with fruit in the middle, not a pig-in-a-blanket looking thing.)
posted by LizBoBiz at 8:37 AM on May 15, 2017


Krispy Kreme Donuts suck. DD is actually slightly better, if only because KK donuts are so meh.

Complicated donuts also suck. To me the Sriracha one or the horrific wads of WTF Frowner describes are less hipster and more . . . showboating? But it's clear that in common parlance hipster means almost nothing other than "trying too hard" at this point.

I would gladly pay a premium for a hand-crafted artisanal free-range organic sugar-raised donut, and occasionally did when the hipster fried chicken and biscuits place around the corner was still open.

Alas, my body can't really handle that kinda carbs very often, and the place is now gone. So every once in a while a well-meaning co-worker will bring in a dozen KKs, and I will snarf one down knowing full well that it looks better than it is and I will spend the rest of the morning in vague discomfort, having wasted my donut allotment for the quarter on a mediocre product.
posted by aspersioncast at 8:45 AM on May 15, 2017


Plain KK donuts are really delicious fresh from the oil, but otherwise they are like In 'n' Out fries: the degradation starts before you leave the parking lot.
posted by tavella at 8:59 AM on May 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


Frowner:I wish there were a classic doughnut place around here. I mean seriously, the best glazed doughnuts in town are from the Cub. We have hipster doughnut places and two solid purveyors of trad Minnesotan doughnuts (small, compact, cake, usually only available in plain, chocolate, chocolate glazed and sugar), but I grew up outside Chicago where they had good doughnuts and I feel like I'll never have a decent one again.

Could be worse; we could still have Krispy Kreme in the state. I prefer SuperAmerica donuts over Cub. I miss Mr. Donut. Dunkin Donuts seems like a good baseline donut to have as a reference.
posted by ZeusHumms at 9:00 AM on May 15, 2017


Oh, and Tim Hortons - aside from Timbits, which seems like a donut hole gimmick (see Munchkins from DD) - are they decent donuts?
posted by ZeusHumms at 9:02 AM on May 15, 2017


tavella: Maybe I'm... weird, but I've had fresh Krispy Kreme donuts and I've had old Krispy Kreme donuts and... I preferred the latter. I didn't think the fresh was bad, mind, but something about it just did not click with me. Maybe my expectations were too high, or maybe it's because I came up on Dunkin Donuts.

*shrug*

Speaking of fancy donuts, I used to work a couple blocks from Doughnut Plant on 23rd Street in Manhattan. Their Blackout donut is so damn good. Chocolate cake donut, with chocolate pudding inside, and topped with chocolate crumbles. I'm drooling just thinking about it...
posted by SansPoint at 9:04 AM on May 15, 2017


Given how bland Minnesota food can be, Siracha-anything seems like gross overkill.
posted by ZeusHumms at 9:04 AM on May 15, 2017


Donuts on a rampage? I'll show you donuts on a rampage.
posted by delfin at 9:41 AM on May 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


Loving the Minneapolis/Baker's Wife love in here, but if you prefer raised glazed donuts like I do, go south on 28th Ave not even a mile and find yourself at Meloglaze. I live right between the two, so wave as you go by the lake.
posted by advicepig at 10:59 AM on May 15, 2017


RIP, Garrison's Olde English Donut Shop, Rehoboth Beach DE. You were my favorite summer job.
posted by MichelleinMD at 12:38 PM on May 15, 2017


Oh, and Tim Hortons - aside from Timbits, which seems like a donut hole gimmick (see Munchkins from DD) - are they decent donuts?

NO.

Far better donuts can be found at any given supermarket.
posted by wats at 1:00 PM on May 15, 2017


Maybe I'm... weird, but I've had fresh Krispy Kreme donuts and I've had old Krispy Kreme donuts and... I preferred the latter.

Me, too. I think the fresh is too eggy-tasting or something. i have also learned from this thread that my taste in doughnuts/donuts is apparently All Wrong though so nobody should listen to me.

(If anyone cares, I dig a good flavorful hipster doughnut and I particularly like the ones that are so yeasty that they have a chew that resembles a light, sweet bagel. I particularly like Doghnut Plant, where they call the holes "doughseeds", awww. I also enjoy a filled [must be filled] Dunkin Donut or a plain [must be plain] glazed Krispy Kreme.)
posted by R a c h e l at 1:11 PM on May 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


Oh yeah, and if I'm going to have a doughnut warm, it's going to be a custom-glazed Duck Donut.
posted by R a c h e l at 1:12 PM on May 15, 2017


It's fun to watch the food trends come and go. The shop that sold crepes became the frozen yogurt place with all sorts of toppings then became the shredded salad place then became the mac & cheese place then became the place that sold giant and/or mini cupcakes is now a donut shop. Maybe next year it will be catfish in every permutation possible.
posted by Cranialtorque at 2:22 PM on May 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


I think I live in the town that time forgot, because we still have one of those frozen yogurt places where you get your own frozen yogurt and toppings and then they weigh it, as well as a chopped salad place and a cupcake emporium. I think that old food trends come here to retire. We'll probably still have hipster donuts in 2050.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 2:53 PM on May 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


In LA, which has always been full of donut places, it's not hard to find "traditional" donut shops. The wacky/hipster/whatever places are still a small minority (I've never actually been to one, and I have donuts more often than I should).

What I cannot escape is poke restaurants, which continue to multiply beyond all reason. I think my area of LA is heading towards the Poke Event Horizon.
posted by thefoxgod at 5:02 PM on May 15, 2017


The best doughnut I ever had was a chocolate glazed doughnut, warmed in the microwave, from Fluffy Donuts on 58th St. in Manhattan. This was in 1993. Later it became Fluffy's Cafe & Bakery, and finally Fluffy's Cafe & Pizzeria.

There is nobody named Fluffy.
posted by grumpybear69 at 6:46 PM on May 15, 2017


mermayd, we call those paczki (add a cedilla/little tail onto the a; pronounced Poonch-Key) back in Michigan, and they are the best ever thing in the universe. There is a Polish old folks' home in central Los Angeles that has residents make prune and lemon filled ones the diameter of a baby's head with a light homemade glaze, and sells em on sundays. Not as good as the ones grandma used to make, but amazing nonetheless. Plus, grandma only made em at Fat Tuesday and now you can get them anytime!
posted by holyrood at 7:04 PM on May 15, 2017


the shredded salad place then became the mac & cheese place

Within a few blocks of my house there are three different chopped salad places and ZERO Mac and cheese places. The universe is truely out of balance.

What I cannot escape is poke restaurants, which continue to multiply beyond all reason. I think my area of LA is heading towards the Poke Event Horizon.

I think they're building a poke bridge to the sea. The fourth chopped salad place in my neighborhood recently converted to another poke place.

I'm surprised churros have only been mentioned once, and in a historical vs. yummy context to boot. I can't really eat cinnamon anymore, but I think I'll ask the guy at the pier if they can make one with just plain sugar, or even just a plain, sugarless one. I miss the creamy insides of a fresh churro.
posted by Room 641-A at 1:18 AM on May 16, 2017


It's fun to watch the food trends come and go

Totally.
it is well past time for the naming convention of [twee animal] + ampersand + [rustic object] to hit the "go" pile.

I like how some things are coming full circle.

Sad as I was to lose the chicken and donuts place, the gross hipster cupcakery around the corner turned into a totally legit Patisserie with these fluffy meringue things that are without a doubt among the best pastries I've ever had.

We've had the cupcake argument around here before, but I will gladly stomp and spit on a fist-sized red velvet cupcake with too much frosting in exchange for a single slice of real custard.
posted by aspersioncast at 5:27 AM on May 16, 2017 [1 favorite]


Are there still any rice pudding places around?
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:28 AM on May 16, 2017


Okay, is the youtiao really a doughnut except in the sense that any deep fried dough is a doughnut?

Youtiao are more like crullers, really
posted by Apocryphon at 11:00 AM on May 16, 2017


Are there still any rice pudding places around?

My house. When the spirit moves me. So rarely
posted by Splunge at 11:18 AM on May 16, 2017 [1 favorite]


Wow I could REALLY go for a pudding place (isn't that what filled doughnuts are really for anyways?). Unfortunately in this day and age it's more likely to be chia seed pudding than rice or tapioca or something carby and delicious.

I wonder if edible cookie dough is the next doughnut...I'd be ok with that.
posted by R a c h e l at 12:00 PM on May 16, 2017


Youtiao are more like crullers, really

It's come full circle. LA/OC area nightmarket has a stand where they're topping youtiao with icing and other donut style sweets.
posted by FJT at 10:46 AM on May 30, 2017


Ctr-F nachos
0 results

Here you go: Danny Trejo Brings a Killer Doughnut Game to Hollywood
to say nothing of the more inventive flavors like nacho, which comes topped with cheddar cheese, jalapeños, and hot sauce.
posted by Room 641-A at 2:06 PM on May 30, 2017


Save the doughnuts!
posted by Sweet Honey at 12:46 AM on June 9, 2017


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