“...the greatest decision of his life or the greatest mistake?”

June 6, 2017 9:20 PM

Batman #24 just dropped what might be the biggest twist yet for Batman in DC Rebirth. [US Today] [Contains Spoilers]

“In DC Comics’ Batman issue #24, an unmasked Dark Knight gets down on one knee, diamond in hand, during a rooftop rendezvous in Gotham City, with two important words for his longtime love Catwoman: “Marry me.” It’s the culmination of their 75-year relationship “into one unprecedented moment,” says Batman writer Tom King. “I want people to go home and be like, ‘Should she marry him? Should she say yes?’ There’s a whole conversation that could come out of this.” In the new issue, Batman presents her with a diamond that he’s secretly kept for decades, tells her he loves and needs her, and then goes for the ultimate romantic gesture.” [Image: 1, 2, 3, 4] [Art by: Danny Miki, David Finch, Story by: Tom King]

posted by Fizz (77 comments total)

Sadly, the first comment I read on the Internet when I saw this posted was a sexist joke about how Bruce better get a prenup.

*sighs*
posted by Fizz at 9:27 PM on June 6, 2017

Judging by the picture, she'll have to accept, because Bruce Wayne is the only person I can think of who can afford the massive spinal reconstruction surgery she so desperately needs.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 9:30 PM on June 6, 2017 [82 favorites]

Paging Chiropractor Bane.
posted by Fizz at 9:32 PM on June 6, 2017 [20 favorites]

If this means a little less grimdark, I'm all for it.
posted by zompist at 9:32 PM on June 6, 2017 [5 favorites]

I do like the "Batman prepares for the coming storm by making a proposition to one of his enemies" line from DC's description of the volume.
posted by sagc at 9:33 PM on June 6, 2017 [10 favorites]

Please reimagine the strip as Bruce Wayne, M.D.
posted by Going To Maine at 9:34 PM on June 6, 2017 [7 favorites]

Please reimagine the strip as Bruce Wayne, M.D.

Only if The Joker gets to be the minister who weds them.
posted by Fizz at 9:35 PM on June 6, 2017 [1 favorite]

The character of Catwoman has been all over the place over the years (back in the Batman '66 TV show they couldn't even decide what she looked like), so this is not as much a surprise as a "didn't they do that decades ago and retcon it?"
posted by oneswellfoop at 9:39 PM on June 6, 2017

So is this "darkest moment" thing going to be grimdark or joydark? I hope the writers repurpose some Silver Age madness. "For two weeks, I let Robin think my brain had been swapped with a gorilla's."
posted by No-sword at 9:40 PM on June 6, 2017 [8 favorites]

I long to live in a world where a Swamp Thing cameo gets this much attention why do people not understand, why
posted by middleclasstool at 9:43 PM on June 6, 2017 [6 favorites]

"I'm the husband you deserve, but not the one you need right n...no wait"
posted by obiwanwasabi at 9:57 PM on June 6, 2017 [9 favorites]

"didn't they do that decades ago and retcon it?"

They did, on Earth-2, and their daughter was the original Huntress. Everything old is new again, only not that new, really.
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:58 PM on June 6, 2017 [7 favorites]

They've been rooftop biking on and off for ages. Including in the regrettable Holy Terror before Miller had to tipex all the ears out and make the characters generic.
posted by Artw at 10:01 PM on June 6, 2017 [1 favorite]

Has DC ever published an AU where the elder Waynes lived and raised young Bruce the way most wealthy children are raised?
posted by infinitewindow at 10:04 PM on June 6, 2017 [2 favorites]

Speaking of retcon and timelines. This is really going to mess up Porn Parody continuities. They should really consider how a story like this impacts the rest of us.
posted by Fizz at 10:09 PM on June 6, 2017 [2 favorites]

Has DC ever published an AU where the elder Waynes lived and raised young Bruce the way most wealthy children are raised?

Grant Morrison did this, sorta. Two great issues that mostly take place in Batman's mind as Darkseid's minions try to exploit his brain for a plot I won't get into featuring a character known as THE LUMP. Explored a lot of "what if" scenarios. Including what if he had seen other animals than a bat that fateful night and, yeah, what if his parents had survived.

He becomes a doctor, raised by an overprotective mother and disapproving father he can never live up to. He gets conned and robbed by Catwoman, IIRC.

It's a fantastic two-issue story that ends with an amazing soliloquy by Alfred that could have been the last Batman story ever told. I believe it was 682-683.
posted by middleclasstool at 10:16 PM on June 6, 2017 [17 favorites]

Has DC ever published an AU where the elder Waynes lived and raised young Bruce the way most wealthy children are raised?

I mean, probably? They've done every other iteration possible. Not really sure what you do with that one though.

They did one where Batman and Bruce Wayne were separated, and Bruce Wayne had the dead parents, so Batman ended up not really knowing what to do with himself and Bruce Wayne got all the seething rage.
posted by Artw at 10:18 PM on June 6, 2017

Drat! Out nerded!
posted by Artw at 10:19 PM on June 6, 2017 [10 favorites]

WONDERBAT FOREVER
CATBAT NEVER

I BELIEVE IN THE ~*ONE TRUE SHIP*~
posted by Anonymous at 10:21 PM on June 6, 2017

But never Wondercat.

Gotta keep inside the rogues gallery I guess.
posted by Artw at 10:24 PM on June 6, 2017 [1 favorite]

There is nothing new about this story, so the real question is: will this one be a good one?
posted by linux at 10:27 PM on June 6, 2017 [2 favorites]

DAMIENS NEW MOMMY!

(He's back from the dead these days, right?)
posted by Artw at 10:30 PM on June 6, 2017 [2 favorites]

"Seems like every woman you try to save ends up dead... or deeply resentful. Maybe you should retire."

posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 11:55 PM on June 6, 2017 [1 favorite]

But never Wondercat.

Well, that dynamic would be freakin' awesome but there's not a chance it would ever make it into any official DC media. :/

(even though Catwoman is bi and Wonder Woman is from, y'know, a magical island that's been female-only for thousands of years)
posted by Anonymous at 11:56 PM on June 6, 2017

Sadly, the first comment I read on the Internet when I saw this posted was a sexist joke about how Bruce better get a prenup.

I'm leaving, and I'm taking the kittens.
posted by Sebmojo at 12:51 AM on June 7, 2017 [5 favorites]

I can see it now: run away to Europe together, sip tea in a café, and live happily ever after
posted by ckape at 1:18 AM on June 7, 2017 [4 favorites]

I'm thinking he saw the WW movie, realized he'd never be able to fill Chris Pine's shoes, and decided it was time to settle.
posted by straight at 1:25 AM on June 7, 2017 [2 favorites]

I'm thinking he saw the WW movie, realized he'd never be able to fill Chris Pine's shoes, and decided it was time to settle.

I am thinking it was more of a "Already had my back broken once. She's a demigoddess, things get hot and heavy..."
posted by Samizdata at 1:33 AM on June 7, 2017

1. If it doesn't work out I understand Mephisto is available for annulments.

2. I imagine them playing lovers' games, she stealing something valuable and him catching her.

3. Taking his mask off before she says yes seems unwise.

4.
Two great issues that mostly take place in Batman's mind as Darkseid's minions try to exploit his brain for a plot I won't get into featuring a character known as THE LUMP.

AUGH SHE'S IN MY HEAD

5.
I hope the writers repurpose some Silver Age madness. "For two weeks, I let Robin think my brain had been swapped with a gorilla's."

When making a joke about the Silver Age, you don't say things like that without letting us know if it really happened sometime.
posted by JHarris at 1:36 AM on June 7, 2017 [4 favorites]

It's an imaginary story - aren't they all?
posted by Artw at 1:58 AM on June 7, 2017 [3 favorites]

Today I Learned that I'm still pissed off that DC didn't let Batwoman and Maggie Sawyer get married.
posted by kyrademon at 2:18 AM on June 7, 2017 [7 favorites]

Batman #24 just dropped what might be the biggest twist yet

I think the "biggest twist" is what is happening to Catwoman's spine.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 2:22 AM on June 7, 2017

A bigger twist than if he'd married The Joker?
posted by Grangousier at 2:39 AM on June 7, 2017 [1 favorite]

That's the end of Lego Batman.
posted by Artw at 2:43 AM on June 7, 2017 [5 favorites]

Wait...the Batsignal is on in the background. There's a life-or-death emergency happening and Bruce picks that moment to propose? God, Wayne, maybe dinner or something first? Sometimes it's obvious you didn't grow up with anyone who knows about relationships.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 3:32 AM on June 7, 2017 [8 favorites]

If previous DC history is anything to go by, Catwoman will say yes and then almost immediately suffer a severe Fridgeing. Possibly - With the death having a heaping pile of Misogyny involved.

Fun, Fun, Fun.
posted by Faintdreams at 3:44 AM on June 7, 2017 [8 favorites]

That's the end of Lego Batman.

And marrying Catwoman is the end of Dark Knight Rises. Good god, do movies have canonicity now?
posted by Grangousier at 4:10 AM on June 7, 2017 [1 favorite]

(Sorry, that was just an excuse to use the word "canonicity", which I don't get the opportunity to do very often.)
posted by Grangousier at 4:11 AM on June 7, 2017

How about the twist being that Bruce and Alfred have been secretly married for twenty years?
posted by Grangousier at 4:12 AM on June 7, 2017 [5 favorites]

"(back in the Batman '66 TV show they couldn't even decide what she looked like)"

SHE LOOKS LIKE EARTHA KITT DAMN IT AND I DARE YOU TO FIGHT ME ON THIS
posted by magstheaxe at 4:15 AM on June 7, 2017 [13 favorites]

I thought it was going to be that he agreed to let Lucy hold the football for him to kick, yet one more time
posted by thelonius at 4:26 AM on June 7, 2017 [2 favorites]

I didn't have any opinion on the romantic state of batman before this thread, but now that I've read it I've developed a very very strong opinion that Batman needs to marry Scarecrow.

Scarecrow is in a secret chemcial lab mixing a batch of fear gas, but is interrupted part way through by Batman.
The partially mixed fear gas mix explodes and they both get a huge dose. It turns out that the early stage fear gas acts as a love gas! (This is all on page one of the comic) .

Scarecrow and Batman fall deeply in love, but they quickly realise it's all due to the gas. Batman locks up scarecrow and waits for the gas to wear off so he can make an objective judgement about what to do with scarecrow this time. The batcomputer (is that a thing in comics? Let's say it is) tells him that the love drug will wear off before sunrise.
Whilst waiting for the effects to dissipate Batman sits outside Scarecrow's cage and the two talk. They talk about everything and nothing. After a while (double page single panel spread) they both choose to reveal their secret identities and shed their masks. It's no longer Scarecrow and Batman talking, now it's simply Bruce and Jonathan.
They talk about their feelings, about how they love and hate the masks and wonder which is the real them.
They bond over their shared fear of bats and talk about their different approaches to dealing with that fear.
They share everything of themselves, holding nothing back.
(This is like, 95% of the rest of the comic)

Eventually, sunrise comes.

And goes.
Confused, Bruce checks his blood for any trace of the gas. He finds none.
He tells Jonathan that they're clear of the chemical.

Bruce and Jonathan look into each other's eyes. A moment passes, another, eventually...
Bruce looks away. He can't explain his feelings, he doesn't trust himself to know if they're real or chemical.
He can't bring himself to send Jonathan to jail, he unlocks the cage. Jonathan Crane walks free.
We see him silhouetted at the mouth of the Batcave, scarecrow mask in his hand.
Just before he pulls the mask back over his head he turns and tells Bruce that he'll return to his secret chemical lab in exactly six months.

There are two sequels, both sharing a similar format.
They are collectively known as the "Before MidKnight" series.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 5:16 AM on June 7, 2017 [22 favorites]

Her biggest heist was when she stole his heart! /weddingtoasts
posted by leotrotsky at 5:18 AM on June 7, 2017 [4 favorites]

Also literally, assuming Gotham is a community property state. /gothamestateplanning
posted by leotrotsky at 5:19 AM on June 7, 2017

There are two sequels, both sharing a similar format.

AO3?
posted by zamboni at 5:53 AM on June 7, 2017 [1 favorite]

Between Halle Berry and Frank Miller, I think she's suffered enough.

#freecatwoman
posted by a power-tie-wearing she-capitalist at 5:57 AM on June 7, 2017 [1 favorite]

Sadly, the first comment I read on the Internet when I saw this posted was a sexist joke about how Bruce better get a prenup.

Sexist maybe, but he is rich and she is literally a thief, so...
posted by Faint of Butt at 6:01 AM on June 7, 2017 [7 favorites]

I like that there's a spoiler warning below the headline and picture.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 6:10 AM on June 7, 2017 [1 favorite]

"(back in the Batman '66 TV show they couldn't even decide what she looked like)"

SHE LOOKS LIKE EARTHA KITT DAMN IT AND I DARE YOU TO FIGHT ME ON THIS

Catwoman's self-image is Eartha Kitt. She only occasionally lives up to it.
posted by Etrigan at 6:11 AM on June 7, 2017 [5 favorites]

AO3?

I had to go lookup what that meant.
Sadly, no. This comic does not exist outside my head.
The fictional sequels exist only to justify a silly pun.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 6:16 AM on June 7, 2017 [1 favorite]

So... The next solo Batman movie after JLA could be a rom-com? To paraphrase their last iteration: Affleck may not be the Batman we want, but he may be the Batman DC deserves...
posted by Nanukthedog at 6:17 AM on June 7, 2017 [2 favorites]

Has DC ever published an AU where the elder Waynes lived and raised young Bruce the way most wealthy children are raised?

Not quite what you're asking, but there was a Flash storyline (Flashpoint) where Barry goes back in time and saves his mother and this fucks up everything. In that timeline, it was Bruce that died in the alley that night and his parents live, but only sort of. Thomas Wayne becomes Batman to avenge his son's death on criminals, and from the "Jesus, what were they thinking?" department, Martha Wayne goes mad with grief, hacks a fake smile into her face and becomes the Joker.

That must have made for some really awkward dinner conversation around the long, empty table in cavernous, empty Wayne manor...

basically, it's best for everyone that they died...
posted by Naberius at 6:26 AM on June 7, 2017 [2 favorites]

I miss Earth-2.
posted by wittgenstein at 6:45 AM on June 7, 2017 [4 favorites]

I imagine them playing lovers' games, she stealing something valuable and him catching her

I thought that was basically their relationship for the last 50 years?
posted by happyroach at 7:17 AM on June 7, 2017

Metafilter: Basically, it's best for everyone that they died.
posted by Grangousier at 7:31 AM on June 7, 2017 [5 favorites]

I imagine them playing lovers' games, she stealing something valuable and him catching her

I thought that was basically their relationship for the last 50 years?

They get to consummate now.
posted by Etrigan at 7:58 AM on June 7, 2017

Registry at Spencer's Gifts.
posted by Navelgazer at 8:14 AM on June 7, 2017

"Mr. Wayne? Oh, Bruce. Yes. Um, would you tell him for me that, uh, I've been going through a lot of changes, and... no. Um, just that this is not a rejection, my abruptly leaving. In fact, he makes me feel the way I hope I really am... no! Could you just make up a sonnet or something? A dirty limerick?"
posted by entropicamericana at 8:40 AM on June 7, 2017 [1 favorite]

I recommend re-watching the Dark Knight trilogy from the point of view that Alfred and Lucius Fox are romantic life partners. It also raises the idea of a prequel sitcom in which Alfred and Lucius adopt a moody billionaire orphan. I haven't seen Gotham so apologies if this has already happened.
posted by Hugobaron at 8:42 AM on June 7, 2017 [4 favorites]

Dear Alfred -

Thanks for helping to organise our wedding ... can you just make sure you send out invitations to all the people who invited us to their weddings, last year. I think the full list is:

1. Ratman & Gnatwoman;
2. Wombatman & Meerkatwoman;
3. Numbatman & Bobcatwoman;
4. Doormatman & Thermostatwoman;
5. Bureaucratman & Diplomatwoman;
6. Zigguratman & Gyrostatwoman;
7. Aristocratman & Proletariatwoman;
8. Fratman & Bratwoman;
9. Splatman & Flatwoman; and
10. @man & Chatwoman.

Thanks,

Batman (& Catwoman).
posted by the quidnunc kid at 8:55 AM on June 7, 2017 [15 favorites]

All I'm sayin' is this is a vastly better twist than Nazi Batman.
posted by scaryblackdeath at 9:03 AM on June 7, 2017 [11 favorites]

7. Aristocratman & Proletariatwoman;

I give them two years, tops
posted by clockzero at 9:06 AM on June 7, 2017 [6 favorites]

So are their kids gonna be Catbats or Batcats?
posted by fuse theorem at 9:24 AM on June 7, 2017

I am fuckin' stoked for Damian Wayne & Selina Kyle(-Wayne), Super Awkward Stepfamily! Has Selina even met Damian? Does Bruce remember Damian exists? Is Talia al Ghul going to file for custody now that there's a scary ex-con living with her son?
posted by nicebookrack at 9:43 AM on June 7, 2017

“It’s like, ‘You think you know me, but you don’t know me until this,’ ” King says. “The actual answer will come after he reveals something he’s never revealed to anyone, and she has to decide whether that’s good or bad.”

He has little bats on his underwear?
He picks his nose and eats the boogers while sitting at red lights in the batmobile?
He leaves the toilet seat up?

Am dying to know....
posted by chavenet at 10:22 AM on June 7, 2017

I am fuckin' stoked for Damian Wayne & Selina Kyle(-Wayne), Super Awkward Stepfamily! Has Selina even met Damian? Does Bruce remember Damian exists? Is Talia al Ghul going to file for custody now that there's a scary ex-con living with her son?

I want a 30-Rock-esque sitcom set in Wayne Manor. Specifically I want to jump right to the Thanksgiving episode. So much awkwardness and humor.
posted by Fizz at 10:30 AM on June 7, 2017 [2 favorites]

A bigger twist than if he'd married The Joker?

I think the only sense in which proposing to Catwoman could be considered a "twist" is if you'd been expecting him to marry Joker or Nightwing.
posted by straight at 10:38 AM on June 7, 2017

Will she change her name? Sticking with "Catwoman" is certainly on-point, but "Mrs. Catwoman Batman" does have a charming old-time feel to it.
posted by ardgedee at 11:00 AM on June 7, 2017 [1 favorite]

I am suspending judgement until we hear from Julie Newmar. She has a lovely facebook feed, and she's sure to say something about this sooner or later.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:00 PM on June 7, 2017 [2 favorites]

I was all set to have something to say about this and then it hit me: I don't care one way or the other about this. For the first time in decades, I don't care about Batman.

I don't know if this represents a break-through or a breakdown for me.
posted by KingEdRa at 2:07 PM on June 7, 2017 [2 favorites]

I long to live in a world where a Swamp Thing cameo gets this much attention why do people not understand, why
posted by middleclasstool at 9:43 PM on June 6 [6 favorites +]

No, you don't want to live in that world. If you resided there, then the scene where Alec met his biological dad's murderer and the follow-up scene with Bruce's reaction would have been spoiled for you, (just as this proposal was spoiled and splashed all over the Internet).

As for the proposal itself, I'm of two minds. First, anything to move away from grimdark Batman is a good thing, but I'm not entirely sure the current Batman team understands the Batfamily characters enough to make this work. I mean, sure Jim's reaction was perfect when Swampy popped up at the crime scene, but there is no way on this earth that Alfred would make a guest feel uncomfortable by doing something as blatantly passive aggressive as tidying up the mud and dirt Alec tracked into the study, while Alec was still there conversing with Bruce. So given that mischaracterization I don't know if I have enough faith that a serious Bruce and Selina romance (as opposed to just their usual flirtation) can be pulled off effectively.

*Yes, I know Swamp Thing's appearance rated in the guest star category as opposed to the cameo one, but I couldn't help myself.
posted by sardonyx at 3:18 PM on June 7, 2017 [1 favorite]

I thought Batman is dating Bruce Wayne (SLTumblr)
posted by rmd1023 at 7:43 PM on June 7, 2017 [1 favorite]

Bruce and Batman are so coy about it, too. Always one leaving right before the other arrives. Times have changed! You don't have to hide your relationship anymore!
posted by ckape at 8:14 PM on June 7, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never totally cared for Batman, but I love the bat kids. I will eat up anything where there's multiples hanging out together, sometimes trying to kill each other - Dick, Jason, Tim, Damian, Cass, Stephanie, Harper, the new guy in the mechalooking suit I suddenly can't remember. Toss in a little exasperated Alfred and all of Damian's crazy pets, and I'm giddy with joy.
posted by 80 Cats in a Dog Suit at 5:08 AM on June 8, 2017 [1 favorite]

I long for the return of Batcow. Damian's biggest accomplishment.
posted by middleclasstool at 6:27 AM on June 8, 2017 [2 favorites]

BatCow is awesome, but I love when they talk about Alfred the cat when Alfred the Butler is on the same panel.
posted by 80 Cats in a Dog Suit at 6:59 AM on June 8, 2017

All's I'm saying is, I know it's considered tame by today's standards, but Adam West and Julie Newmar had the kind of chemistry that made me feel all squishy inside in all the best ways. And I can't quite remember if they ever even shared a proper kiss.


She did propose to him, though, before disappearing into the watery depths of the West River.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:30 PM on June 8, 2017 [2 favorites]