Smoochy Woochy Poochy
June 12, 2017 10:40 AM   Subscribe

Can't tell your "Purple Haze" from your "Purple Rain"? The DEA's tremendous drug slang dictionary is here to help, now with a handy quiz!
posted by chrchr (34 comments total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
 
I always like to picture some bored informants making up the most ridiculous slang that they can imagine for some earnest DEA agents, carefully writing it all down.
posted by gingerbeer at 10:54 AM on June 12, 2017 [12 favorites]


"Tasty nugs" (or more accurately, "taaaaaaaasty nuuuuuugs") is the cheesiest slang for weed I've ever heard someone actually use unironically.
posted by The Card Cheat at 11:05 AM on June 12, 2017 [4 favorites]


All you need to know is right here.

https://imgur.com/gallery/9yGzq
posted by Samizdata at 11:12 AM on June 12, 2017 [13 favorites]


Oh, god, is still as bad and totally wrong as it used to be? *clicks link* No, apparently it's worse.

I swear, the DEA must get these names from grade school kids in the DARE program. And the kids are just like "fuck you, copper" and they make up the most ridiculous names they can.

I have never, ever heard someone call MDMA fuckin' Scooby Snacks in like 20+ years of raving, though it looks like they finally got Molly on the list.

The ones they do get somewhat right are still either wrong or laughably outdated. It looks like half of the ones in cannabis (fuck you, DEA, I'm not calling it by it's racist slave name any more) are just names of commercially produced legal strains. Girl Scout Cookies is one of these, because it tastes vaguely like chocolate and mint. Gorilla Glue, Grasshopper, Green Goddess and Grand Daddy Purp are all other examples. Another major percentage of them, like "popcorn" is just a description of the physical form.

In this case popcorn refers to very small buds or flowers about the size of a pea or smaller, and it's pretty much only available in a legal state that has commercial/industrial processors of flower, as it's a byproduct of using machine based trimmers and processing tools, because the black market doesn't really fuck around with bulk processing, because it's worth a lot more when it's impeccably trimmed and cured.

Speaking of which, "young girls" is usually a reference to small, young cloned cannabis plant cuttings. This word comes from "mother" which they also have listed, which is the mother plant from which clones are cut. And both are actually not correct for the etymology of "marijuana" which specifically means processed, dried leaf and flowers ready to smoke.

And for fuck's sake all those weirdly named ones about mixing PCP are totally made up bullshit. People still don't mix PCP with their cannabis. That's never been a thing that people do, DEA, and it's likely part of your made up bullshit to make people think it's a dangerous gateway drug. If anyone has done that it's because they probably learned about it in the DARE program.

And like 90% of the ones in LSD are just descriptive names of blotter/carrier types and "brands", and a whole buch of those are from the 90s that apparently finally trickled down to the dictionary.
posted by loquacious at 11:16 AM on June 12, 2017 [24 favorites]


Metafilter: Getting paid to yell at their own genitals.
posted by loquacious at 11:24 AM on June 12, 2017 [3 favorites]


"How do you do, fellow kids?"
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 11:24 AM on June 12, 2017 [10 favorites]


Reminds me of the grungespeak hoax
posted by not_the_water at 11:38 AM on June 12, 2017 [4 favorites]


Does anyone have this in a more convenient text form, or at least a downloadable PDF?
posted by dilaudid at 11:38 AM on June 12, 2017


Does anyone have this in a more convenient text form, or at least a downloadable PDF?
posted by dilaudid


Oh no you dilaudidn't.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 11:54 AM on June 12, 2017 [10 favorites]


One the one hand, I feel like this sort of slang is traded in exclusively by law enforcement and ironic stoner movies.

On the other hand, I've had someone unironically try to sell me cocaine at a party by asking me if I "want to go skiing?" At that point I have to wonder if an undercover cop isn't more likely to penetrate his code than is his actual target market.
posted by 256 at 11:55 AM on June 12, 2017


Ya'll need to be following @icetsvu

Dealers are callin' it Dirty Touchdown. Kids try it at parties, next thing they know they're on a plane gettin' paid to rap about Kinder Eggs

It's a nootropic from the dark web called Chicago Rumble. Dude was in his mom's basement postin' on Reddit talkin' some nonsense about Kid Rock's Rosicrucian tunnel picnics

Lab found traces of Xanax and teenager blood. They're callin' it Sour Sushi.

posted by emjaybee at 12:12 PM on June 12, 2017 [10 favorites]


This list is far from authoritative. Don't kids tweak their Shatner's bassoon with Joss Ackland's Spunky Backpack any more?
posted by punilux at 12:40 PM on June 12, 2017 [1 favorite]


Does anyone have this in a more convenient text form, or at least a downloadable PDF?


Yeah, especially as, every time I go to the WaPo it just fades out the whole article.
posted by Samizdata at 12:53 PM on June 12, 2017 [1 favorite]


Which is especially annoying as all I can read is the masthead including "Democracy dies in darkness."

No problem with a whiteout though, right, chaps?
posted by Samizdata at 12:55 PM on June 12, 2017


Ya'll need to be following @icetsvu

I did not know there was a Twitter feed for this. Thank you.

One minor quibble:

Warner says they OD'd on some new narcotic called Cuban Ghost. It's made from maple syrup and Ex-Lax.

Surely this would be "Vermont Volcano" or "Canadian Cascade"?
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 12:55 PM on June 12, 2017 [5 favorites]


Does anyone have this in a more convenient text form, or at least a downloadable PDF?

It's linked in the article, but in case you missed it, here.
It's hardly complete and authoritative, though. I mean, just looking at the Devil Weed Marihuana, they have "jive", "matchbox", and "reefer", but not "mezzroll" or "muggles", which is what I hear all the hep young vipers are getting hooked on these days in their search for crazy new kicks.
posted by Trinity-Gehenna at 1:28 PM on June 12, 2017 [2 favorites]


I've had someone unironically try to sell me cocaine at a party by asking me if I "want to go skiing?"

Many years ago I was out with friends and mentioned that I was getting tired so somebody offered me some 5-hour energy, I assumed that was slang for cocaine. What a let down.
posted by peeedro at 2:00 PM on June 12, 2017 [5 favorites]


This list is incredibly useful, as I, in my old age, have cheerfully adopted the persona of the square "narko " with all the youths at the office. When asked about my plans for the evening I'll frequently say something like "Going to smoke some grass in my water bong."

Although nowadays, I just walk down to the cannabis shop to purchase my safe and legally regulated drugs like a goddamn civilized person.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 2:11 PM on June 12, 2017 [7 favorites]


9/10.

"Devil's Dandruff" my ass.

Fwiw, I haven't smoked weed in 15 years and all my happy hallucinogen memories are 25-30 years old. That said, I have every intention of indulging again before I leave this vale of tears, but I'll be damned before I started asking around for "newspaper", "cactus", and not in a million years for "booty juice".
posted by she's not there at 2:41 PM on June 12, 2017 [2 favorites]


I've heard both scooby snacks (generic) and "go skiing" (coke)... scooby snacks seemed to be used as a generic code word for whatever drug was REALLY being discussed: coulda been MDMA one time, might have been rock the next, etc.. depending on context. Like a generic term for "drug you and i are both going to score/do".

Like "the eagle is in the nest".. the eagle is whatever drug you are procuring.

"party favors" is also kinda generic term, mostly used for cocaine in powder or rock form..
"festive cheer" i've also heard, again coke

also: "soft" or "girls" -cocaine HCL (powder, coke)
"hard" or "boys" - cocaine freebase (rock, crack)

I'm available for consulting gigs.
posted by some loser at 2:42 PM on June 12, 2017 [2 favorites]


Got any booty juice?
posted by loquacious at 5:30 PM on June 12, 2017


"Sydney" was popular fake code for acid when talking on the phone when I was in high school, e.g, is Sydney there, when is Sydney getting there, road trip with Sydney, why the fuck was Sydney so weak last time like I didn't even get tracers uh I mean Sydney really needs to hit the gym.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 5:32 PM on June 12, 2017 [3 favorites]


Great, now the DEA is going to know about the goofy imaginary sea monsters that throw epic road trips.
posted by loquacious at 5:34 PM on June 12, 2017 [1 favorite]


People still don't mix PCP with their cannabis. That's never been a thing that people do

When I was a teenager we ended up with some weed that turned out to have had something added. It got us all kinds of fucked up and I've always wondered what it actually was, if it could have been pcp or what.

Just one more argument for safe, regulated, and legal sales, in my opinion.
posted by Dip Flash at 8:27 PM on June 12, 2017 [1 favorite]


People still don't mix PCP with their cannabis. That's never been a thing that people do

Yeah, I'm also going to say that my experience from nearly 40 years ago disagrees with this statement.
posted by bongo_x at 11:05 PM on June 12, 2017


Yeah, I've encountered Sydney; also his mates Mandy and Charlie. Most annoying "drug slang" I encountered was "meow meow", which I heard exactly zero times in real life despite watching ravers hoover the stuff up in great quantities when nothing else was available. They called it, uh, "mephedrone". Imagine calling a drug by its real name, gee!
posted by doop at 12:30 AM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


And for fuck's sake all those weirdly named ones about mixing PCP are totally made up bullshit. People still don't mix PCP with their cannabis.

When I was a teenager we ended up with some weed that turned out to have had something added. It got us all kinds of fucked up and I've always wondered what it actually was, if it could have been pcp or what.

On one hand, about 95 percent of "that shit was laced man" stories just involve somebody getting too high on regular weed. On the other hand people certainly did smoke PCP back in the day, and that usually meant putting it on some other smokable substance. But from what I've heard, you'd know it pretty quickly.
posted by atoxyl at 3:35 AM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


"hard" or "boys" - cocaine freebase (rock, crack)

some places "boy" is heroin

where the H is tar, "black" vs. "white" (crack/coke) is a pretty obvious one
posted by atoxyl at 3:44 AM on June 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


(heroin is also pretty much the one drug you can actually call "dope" still)
posted by atoxyl at 3:52 AM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


And for fuck's sake all those weirdly named ones about mixing PCP are totally made up bullshit. People still don't mix PCP with their cannabis.


I was going to wait to see if anyone else had this experience but I think this was/is a thing. My experience involved other party drugs in a sketchy situation so who knows, but someone I didn't know smoked me out and within minutes (seconds?) I was in a completely dissociated state with no awareness of time or space. Woke up sort of abruptly an undetermined period of time later with my face pressed into the sand on the beach. I can't rule out DMT except that I have a sense that it lasted much longer than that so I always assumed it was PCP.

Kids, don't do drugs. Or mix them indiscriminately ... with random people you just met ... in the wilderness ... at night!
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 8:50 AM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Agreed w Slarty Bartfast. People CERTAINLY DO mix weed with PCP and sometimes only notify me after I've hit the joint. When all the sounds in the room started taking the effect of a record player slowly spinning to a halt, I knew something was weird....
posted by capnsue at 9:10 AM on June 13, 2017


So this "duck" walks into a bar, and says, Got any "grapes"? And the barman says, This is a bar, we don't sell "grapes". And the "duck" walks out.
posted by flabdablet at 9:51 AM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Got any "salmon"? Sorted!
posted by doop at 11:15 AM on June 13, 2017


On one hand, about 95 percent of "that shit was laced man" stories just involve somebody getting too high on regular weed. On the other hand people certainly did smoke PCP back in the day, and that usually meant putting it on some other smokable substance. But from what I've heard, you'd know it pretty quickly.

I have no idea what was on the stuff we were sold, but it for sure was not just weed. I haven't smoked weed in decades, but now that there are legal recreational weed stores on every corner here, it is funny to remember the days of buying sketchy stuff of unknown quality from a sketchy person from a second or third hand sketchy reference, usually in their stinky apartment with weird roommates and a dog crapping on the floor, or in a 7-11 parking lot. I don't remember any weird slang, just weird people.
posted by Dip Flash at 7:13 PM on June 13, 2017


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