FIXIN'S

June 13, 2017 10:34 AM

Every New Jersey Turnpike Rest Stop, Ranked.
posted by The Whelk (37 comments total)

No pictures of the candy store at Molly Pitcher? Booooooooooooooooooooooooooo
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 10:39 AM on June 13, 2017

I have bought things from that candy store and am still not 100 percent convinced that it really exists.
posted by Etrigan at 10:43 AM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]

Moar Cinnabons always
posted by Melismata at 10:45 AM on June 13, 2017

122 miles long, so quaint.

That said, it somehow has more rest stops than a lot of longer highways.
posted by GuyZero at 10:47 AM on June 13, 2017 [3 favorites]

I'm so delighted that there is a rest stop named "Walt Whitman". Always have been.
posted by poe at 10:47 AM on June 13, 2017

My brother was not made for the stage but despite his natural tendencies he was cast into our 5th grade suburban elementary school production withone fateful line delivered with great emotion, "Molly! Pitcher!"

And so every time you arrive at or pass the most wonderful of NJ rest stops you must, with the same gasping breath and emotion, cry out "Molly! Pitcher!"

And then go get yourself some fried chicken from Roy Rogers (no relation to Fred.)
posted by raccoon409 at 10:50 AM on June 13, 2017 [4 favorites]

The only one I'm sure I've stopped at is Vince Lombardi which seemed perfectly average to me, so I'm happy with this list.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 10:50 AM on June 13, 2017

Both the turnpike and garden state parkway used to have the most horrible, poisonous rest stops after Howard Johnson's that ran them in the 50s bit the dust. There was nothing there safe to eat. Then all the chain food places came in, and at least the food was mediocre and you knew what to expect. Have not been down that way in while. I do remember they named a men's room or toilet for Howard Stern at one point.
posted by mermayd at 10:54 AM on June 13, 2017

I wonder if there is much stop-to-stop variation in waiting times for refueling. Frustration with the absence of quick self serve in NJ led to me fill up in Delaware to avoid spending 15-20 minutes simply trying to buy gas.
posted by exogenous at 11:03 AM on June 13, 2017 [2 favorites]

Molly Pitcher is good. I haven't been to Vince Lombardi in a while, but it used to be pretty awful. When I last visited it fit the description from a trucker in a John McPhee story:

Outside New York City, in his experience, no regional truck stop is less safe than the service area on the New Jersey Turnpike named for Vince Lombardi. His description of it was all but identical to his description of the truck stops of Los Angeles: “The Vince Lombardi plaza is a real dangerous place. Whores. Dope. Guys who’ll hit you over the head and rob you. A lot of unsavory people wandering around, and not your brethren in transport.”

Also, I hate their numbering system; 1, 2, 3 isn't helpful, you can't look at your ticket and figure out when your last chance for a rest area will be before your planned exit. The mile marker and northbound/southbound access should replace the numbers.
posted by peeedro at 11:07 AM on June 13, 2017 [2 favorites]

They've all come to look for America.
 
posted by Herodios at 11:09 AM on June 13, 2017 [8 favorites]

These are service areas, not rest stops. OK, I'm that guy. (You probably already knew that.) Rest stops are parking areas where you can pull off the highway. They might have some kind of bathroom, or they might not. People use them for resting, eliminating, and sometimes hooking up. This latter activity prompted the elimination of hundreds of them around here. People having fun in an unstructured, public manner is not to be tolerated.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 11:14 AM on June 13, 2017 [2 favorites]

If we're doing the Garden State Parkway, Cheesequake wins the best name competition.
posted by asperity at 11:32 AM on June 13, 2017 [5 favorites]

Oh man, that Sbarro steam tray. That is unpleasant.

I think I've only ever stopped at Molly Pitcher, since it's the first Southbound area after Staten Island (likewise for Cheesequake on the GSP).
posted by uncleozzy at 11:32 AM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]

I miss Roy Rogers fried chicken, and it's a shame that the only places you can get it in the entire Northeast, it seems, are NJ Turnpike Rest Stops. Especially since I don't drive.
posted by SansPoint at 11:36 AM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]

I have an entirely irrational dislike of Molly Pitcher because it's where our family car died on the way home from a trip to NYC.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 11:39 AM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]

I went through a Roy Rogers drive-through in a shopping cart once. They wouldn't serve me.
posted by uncleozzy at 11:40 AM on June 13, 2017 [2 favorites]

They have those penny-imprinting gizmos at the ones I visited, so that's nice.
posted by theora55 at 11:51 AM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]

I already knew in my heart that Molly Pitcher towers above all other service areas. It is, however, incredibly nice to have that knowledge validated.
posted by Cranialtorque at 11:58 AM on June 13, 2017 [4 favorites]

I'll admit that Molly Pitcher is very nice, as modern rest areas go, but once upon a time, my children, once upon a time.... way back a few decades, Maryland House (on I--95 in, yes, Maryland) was downright wonderful. It had no chain anythings: rather it had a deli-type dining area and a full meal-service dining room, complete with waitresses and menus and real food. (Like fresh crab cakes!) Nothing in either room was wrapped in plastic, nor did you have to cart a tray around or bus your own table. Just real, made-to-order meals. Even the gift shop was an original featuring Maryland-specific stuff (most of it actually made in Maryland, too), rather than just another bunch of the same made-in-China plastic junk you see everywhere else.

I miss the old Maryland House; the new one is just another bland could-be-anywhere mall food court.
posted by easily confused at 12:15 PM on June 13, 2017 [7 favorites]

To this left coaster this...is as weird a thing as driving in Europe. I've never heard of it, even. Wikipedia has a bit about it.
posted by Ogre Lawless at 12:33 PM on June 13, 2017 [2 favorites]

The signage is atrocious and the urban planning is deranged; you are never going to take the right exit for Newark Airport

It's 13A. It is LITERALLY LABELED NEWARK AIRPORT. This is not rocket science, kids.
posted by aureliobuendia at 1:07 PM on June 13, 2017 [10 favorites]

I miss Roy Rogers fried chicken, and it's a shame that the only places you can get it in the entire Northeast, it seems, are NJ Turnpike Rest Stops. Especially since I don't drive.

It doesn't help you as a non-driver, but the PA Turnpike Rest Stops have a lot of them too.
posted by Etrigan at 1:13 PM on June 13, 2017

As a born and raised Jersey kids I have definite opinions about turnpike rest stops and put those to good use when we drove to my brother's place in Maryland for Christmas. This was endlessly amusing to my wife who is from the west coast and not used to having more than a porta potty available on the highway.
posted by backseatpilot at 1:17 PM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]

The signage is atrocious and the urban planning is deranged; you are never going to take the right exit for Newark Airport

I would say that getting to Newark Airport's not so bad, but leaving (in the direction you intend to leave) is very easy to screw up and may result in unintentional loops on the Turnpike.
posted by asperity at 1:46 PM on June 13, 2017 [3 favorites]

In the 1980s, I saw super-model Cindy Crawford coming out of the ladies room at Joyce Kilmer. There was a crowd waiting. They parted to let her through. She was radiant in a blue, off the shoulder gown. Her face bore a tiny smile as she walked through the gaping mob, but she never looked left and she never looked right as she made her way out the door and down the steps to her waiting limo.
posted by Modest House at 2:24 PM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]

I'm in with Molly Pitcher #1 as well.
I used to be on the NJT and GSP a lot from 1992-2003. Can't say I miss it much.

I was thinking the NJT was the last place I ate at a Roy Rogers, but I'm pretty sure it was at Montvale on the GSP.
That's where it occurred to me that I was always hungrier after eating at RR than before.
posted by MtDewd at 2:25 PM on June 13, 2017

obligatory Steven Universe link
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 3:30 PM on June 13, 2017 [2 favorites]

Holy shit, Arthur Treacher's Fish & Chips still exists?!?
posted by JoeZydeco at 8:17 PM on June 13, 2017

Holy shit, Roy Rogers restaurants still exist?!?

Also, with regards to #12 on the list:

How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore and a
Scotsman, enshrined in but marginalized by history
Until a smash-hit musical made him pop culture worthy
Manage to be the worst turnpike rest stop in New Jersey?
posted by radwolf76 at 12:21 AM on June 14, 2017 [1 favorite]

Younger me was completely shocked when he found out Arthur Treacher was a real person. Younger me was certain they brainstormed to come up with the most british sounding name possible and slapped it on the signs.
posted by cmfletcher at 6:57 AM on June 14, 2017 [2 favorites]

About coming out of Newark airport. My son and I are life-long Jersey residents, my husband has lived here over 40 years. We have all gotten lost and ended up on the Turnpike at least once coming out of the airport. There is often construction and detours, and even when there is not the signs can be confusing and pop up too late to get in the right lane. I once tried to tell a friend coming in from Iowa how to get to my house from the airport, and she ended up somewhere in South Jersey. Nowhere near where we live about 18 miles from the airport.

I too had no idea any Arthur Treachers or Roy Rogers still existed anywhere. Jersey Turnpike...where restaurants named for dead celebrities live on.
posted by mermayd at 9:21 AM on June 14, 2017 [1 favorite]

I was shocked to discover a free-standing Roy Rogers in eastern Leesburg when I first moved to the area. In her previous job my wife would sometimes get lunch there when she had to spend a day at her bank's branch nearby, and immediately regret it.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 11:22 AM on June 14, 2017

I miss the old Maryland House; the new one is just another bland could-be-anywhere mall food court.

The old Maryland House will always be the best rest stop ever, and I am ever so pleased to see it given the recognition it so deserves.

I still stop at the new one whenever I'm in the area, though, out of habit.
posted by Ruki at 12:01 PM on June 14, 2017

Driving from NJ to the Women's March, we talked a lot about Maryland House! It had a super vibe when we got there.

And I don't talk to my husband leaving EWR until we're safely on the road we need to be on. It's a mess.
posted by armacy at 5:15 PM on June 14, 2017

I feel like the Delaware Welcome Center deserves an honorable mention, although it isn't in New Jersey. It is big and well-lit and the restrooms are clean.
posted by Rainbo Vagrant at 10:24 AM on June 18, 2017

We stopped at the DWC on the way to the Women's March. I went inside to buy smokes while the Kid pumped the gas. Except they ran out of gas, but when I came back out, the Kid was wearing a pussy hat made from a woman from Seattle who had knit over 80 of them. We all hugged and took a picture. I happen to be familiar with Newark, but it still drove past three closed gas stations before I found one that still had gas.

When we stopped at Maryland House, there was one sour looking dude in a MAGA hat scowling at all the women. He was thoroughly ignored and clearly hated that. Not even a side eye was given to him. It was delightful.
posted by Ruki at 6:20 PM on June 18, 2017 [1 favorite]