Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About
April 30, 2002 10:18 PM   Subscribe

Great link, holloway. Been to most of those, done most of those way too many times. Fortunately, my girlfriend doesn't ask me questions when we rent movies, she just falls asleep, which is frustrating, but not quite as much as this chap seems to deal with.
posted by Ufez Jones at 10:34 PM on April 30, 2002

oh weird, i was just thinking about this page a day or two ago. thanks, holloway.
posted by pikachulolita at 10:37 PM on April 30, 2002

I have a new role model, and her name is Margaret.
posted by iconomy at 10:45 PM on April 30, 2002

Great link. He should probably have his head examined though.

I wasn't aware that I was giving the impression that Margret is something of a trial to live with.

I curl up in a ball, trying to protect my head, and she kicks me repeatedly in the kidneys.
posted by jaden at 10:50 PM on April 30, 2002

Oh, about that two-fingered kit-kat thing: dude, only a freak wouldn't break the fingers apart before eating them. Your girlfriend's absolutely right about that one.
posted by kfury at 11:21 PM on April 30, 2002

This is one of the funniest things I've ever read. I've been reading snippets out loud to my co-workers (um, about which see his counter at the bottom of the page), who likewise are falling off their chairs laughing. For this link, Holloway, you are my new hero.

Also, these two are clearly made for each other.
posted by diddlegnome at 11:23 PM on April 30, 2002

It's coming out in book version in the UK this fall.
posted by GaelFC at 11:34 PM on April 30, 2002

They should get married. They already have a son and they sound like they are married as it is.
posted by banished at 11:37 PM on April 30, 2002

This is just so funny! Had tears in my eyes reading about the kid's haircut fiasco.
posted by cyniczny at 11:53 PM on April 30, 2002

They should get married. They already have a son and they sound like they are married as it is.

"What is it with you Americans and marriage? You seem to have some kind of confusion that makes a ritual inseparable from the thing it announces. I'm sorry to be the one to break this to you, but if you don't have a funeral, you're still dead, OK? No, we're never going to get married. And we've spent the money it would have cost us on a loft conversion."

LOL. I guess he gets that question alot. Or at least enough to address it in the FAQ.
posted by Windigo at 11:55 PM on April 30, 2002

"Before you judge me, just think how many people out there would use this space to put up photographs of their cats."

He's got a good point there.
posted by Nothing at 12:18 AM on May 1, 2002

"She really over-reacts whenever she catches me wearing her underwear."

That makes it all worth it.
posted by maschnitz at 12:39 AM on May 1, 2002

Double post

Pretty old, but just for the sake of cross/reference.
posted by Su at 12:46 AM on May 1, 2002

"She wants to paint the living room yellow. I have not the words."

This whole thing is genius. What else can you say?
posted by dong_resin at 1:07 AM on May 1, 2002

The site also spun off a column in the Guardian's weekend magazine.
posted by rory at 1:54 AM on May 1, 2002

He called me a confused American.....that bastard. Anyhow, you CAN die and not have a funeral, you're just that much more unimportant. :)

"Before you judge me, just think how many people out there would use this space to put up photographs of their cats."

And in response to that... some people like their cats and some people like looking at their cats on the internet dammit. Who is he to take on cat lovers everywhere with his debonair care free thinking his girlfriend is the shit attitude.
posted by banished at 3:24 AM on May 1, 2002

Oh, that was great reading.
Check out the "full moon" javascript 'onmouseover' image at the bottom of the page... very nicely done!
it's a perfect fit.
posted by fatbaq at 5:14 AM on May 1, 2002

I don't think we need to debate the importance of one's pets. Here in Washington even the most powerful are affected by their demise.
posted by Taken Outtacontext at 6:33 AM on May 1, 2002

Margret is sitting at this computer (which is in the attic room, incidentally) typing something. I'm flopped in a chair close by with a paper and pad, scribbling away at a bit of work. I pause and say to her 'Tortoise and turtle is the same word in German, isn't it?'
She stops typing, reaches over, pulls off one of my Birkenstock shoes, throws it down through trapdoor (I hear it thud below, then flip-flop down the stairs) and returns to her typing. All in a single, silent movement.
Your guess is as good as mine, frankly.

posted by ColdChef at 6:37 AM on May 1, 2002

I wouldn't be surprised if, a few months from now, I'm here writing "Ahhh - that reminds me of Margret's role in the John Lennon shooting"...

Amen to that =)
posted by XiBe at 6:37 AM on May 1, 2002

'He's cut the hair off. Do you want me to wrap it in frozen peas and race to the hospital to see if they can do an emergency weave?'

posted by Frasermoo at 7:20 AM on May 1, 2002

Holloway --
I'm at work and frankly shouldn't be laughing this hard... but this is priceless. And this post is why I still metafilter religiously.
posted by krewson at 7:34 AM on May 1, 2002

Hmmm. "metafilter" as a verb. I like it.
posted by ColdChef at 7:40 AM on May 1, 2002

Me too. "Officer, I was standing in line and... and... the guy behind me... he... he metafiltered me!" Sob.
posted by UncleFes at 7:58 AM on May 1, 2002

God that's hysterical. My sleeves are all wet from wiping tears for an hour straight.
posted by jojo at 8:03 AM on May 1, 2002

Conversely, 'I came. I saw. I metafiltered.'
posted by krewson at 8:23 AM on May 1, 2002

"I think, therefore I metafilter."

Eh. You're right, maybe not.
posted by brittney at 8:34 AM on May 1, 2002

Margret thinks I'm vain because... I use a mirror when I shave. During this argument in the bathroom - our fourth most popular location for arguments, it will delight and charm you to learn - Margret proved that shaving with a mirror could only be seen as outrageous narcissism by saying "None of the other men I've been with" (my, but it's all I can do to stop myself hugging her when she begins sentences like that) "None of the other men I've been with used a mirror to shave."
"Ha! Difficult to check up on that, isn't it? As all the other men you've been with can now only communicate by blinking their eyes!" I said. Much later. When Margret had left the house.

very funny link.. thanks.,..

posted by PugAchev at 12:01 PM on May 1, 2002

I never metafilter I didn't... ah, nevermind.
posted by ODiV at 12:20 PM on May 1, 2002

so obviously not big ntk readers here. you should try it, you might like it.
rory - the guardian column follows the website. they started printing it after the mail on sunday ripped him off in a big way.
mill, we salute you and your lovely life-partner! it's like the relationship we never need to have, because you've already done it all, baby.
posted by asok at 1:07 PM on May 1, 2002

I'm terribly jealous of his relationship, actually. My thinking about it has evolved from pity for Margret: "having that great wit turned on her like that, it must be terrible!" to realizing that she probably wins a great majority of their arguments, and that page was his last-ditch effort for parity.
posted by lbergstr at 1:15 PM on May 1, 2002

What the hell are you people laughing at? He's in a long-term relationship with a German girl. You clearly believe that the knife-wielding head-kicking bits are just some sort of metaphor, don't you? Insensitive bastards.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 5:38 PM on May 1, 2002

You beat me to it, asok.

It's old but still good.
posted by emf at 12:15 AM on May 2, 2002

An absolute classic. It's still fun when you go back to read it months down the road.

He's the first Brit whose sense of humor I got.
posted by xena at 9:19 AM on May 2, 2002

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