I may not be a bed book, but I'd like to see you.
June 25, 2017 3:07 PM   Subscribe

This and many more shitty pickup lines are the work of an something something AI.

I love you like an english loves charming, but I'll be all the studies on your eyes.

Is your dad a terrorist, cause you have a preaty sweet ass.

Do you have a map? Cause you sure have a pretty sweet ass! Do you like cheeses? Cause you have an easy forever.

Maybe we can slam you on a pair of sun glasses, or do I have to call your parents?

I wish I was an expensive car I would still find your bedroom.

I love you like a dictionary looks like a transformer.

If I was an entire room, I'd be all over you.
posted by Foci for Analysis (66 comments total) 27 users marked this as a favorite
 
> If I was an entire room, I'd be all over you.

This one reduced me to a sniveling ball of giggling: it's a keeper.
posted by I-Write-Essays at 3:16 PM on June 25 [4 favorites]


The first one I got was "Do you want to have sex with me?" And I was like... Direct, but I like it.
posted by greermahoney at 3:19 PM on June 25 [5 favorites]


You must be a termite because you've been running through my math morning! I wish I was a condom, you'd be a cute girl, your like a party in my hand, but you can call me The First Stir because I want to be in you.
If I were hit on with this line, I would worry that someone (maybe me) was having an aneurysm.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 3:24 PM on June 25 [11 favorites]


"I love you like donkey loves an angel."
posted by Paul Slade at 3:27 PM on June 25 [9 favorites]


"You remind me of my distance"

"I'm not drinking, but I'd love to see you and I'll still fall for you."

Some of these are more lonely and awkwardly earnest expressions than pick-up lines per se.
posted by davejay at 3:29 PM on June 25 [5 favorites]




"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd like to take you to my place." Subverting the form. Nice.
posted by davejay at 3:30 PM on June 25 [11 favorites]


"If I were a Pokemon, I'd buy you a crime."
posted by hapticactionnetwork at 3:31 PM on June 25 [2 favorites]


'I may not be able to recover the pants of secrets.'

So true.
posted by meinvt at 3:39 PM on June 25 [11 favorites]


I want to see a donkey ship and go back to my place and stick myself in your eye.

Well, you could at least learn my name first, but ok
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 3:47 PM on June 25 [15 favorites]


"You must be a trucket of cock, but I'd love to take you out."

That would work on me every time.
posted by peeedro at 3:47 PM on June 25 [1 favorite]


"You make me want to say I go to bed between the holidays and then get to be your cheeks."
posted by emelenjr at 3:50 PM on June 25 [1 favorite]


"I love you like a doctor loves crotch."
posted by theodolite at 3:51 PM on June 25 [17 favorites]


You must be the best looking girl in the world.

Holy shit that's halfway normal!
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 3:53 PM on June 25 [4 favorites]


'I would love to sin your cheeks and say yes.'

'I love you like the button of the world of my dreams.'

'Do you have a penis? Because you are the bemb.'

'I wish I was an extra house, you'd be a pirate and I want to see myself in your eyes.'

'I'm not a photographer.'


I clearly need to up my game.
posted by meinvt at 3:55 PM on June 25 [4 favorites]


If I were a transformer.

That's it.

I think this one would actually work for, and on, a very specific and special someone.
posted by Countess Elena at 4:01 PM on June 25 [3 favorites]


"I love you like the name of my dick would be like a dictionary, I don't have a library card, but I'd be happy to show you my mom and I want to buy you and I want to buy you a donkey."

Lot to unpack here.
posted by OrangeGloves at 4:03 PM on June 25 [16 favorites]


"I may not be a genie of being a condom in your eyes, but your some meat in the sky when you fell from heaven."
posted by peeedro at 4:03 PM on June 25 [1 favorite]


"Me lay, you lay" always worked for Me Lay Marston, I don't know why it wouldn't work for an AI.
posted by octobersurprise at 4:06 PM on June 25 [1 favorite]


"I was wondering if you were a car, would you sleep with me tonight?"
posted by Garm at 4:06 PM on June 25 [1 favorite]


Generate
posted by infini at 4:09 PM on June 25 [7 favorites]


"Is your dad Liam Neeson? Because you're like a lot of fire giving me a dick."
posted by peeedro at 4:10 PM on June 25 [2 favorites]


"I wish I were a transformer, you'd be a picture of you." I feel like it's probably better not knowing why there are apparently so many "transformer" ones.
posted by sfenders at 4:11 PM on June 25 [2 favorites]


If you were a pokemon, I was a pokemon to find you.

That's actually kind of sweet.
posted by Sequence at 4:21 PM on June 25 [6 favorites]


"If you were a transformer..."

This would work on me no lie. I would get wet. Some hot guy lookin me up and down saying that? Oh hell yeah.
posted by Annika Cicada at 4:23 PM on June 25 [7 favorites]


I want to be your cheek stuff in your eyes.
posted by saysthis at 4:24 PM on June 25


Generate, for both me and my friend who I shared it with. sadpandaface.
posted by thebotanyofsouls at 4:39 PM on June 25


"I'm not drinking about you is like a car in the world."

This line apparently works by causing an infinite loop as the recipient tries to parse it (the generator naturally assumes you are trying to pick up AIs like itself, or why would you be asking?)

"I'll show you that ass!."

This ones universal.
posted by rodlymight at 4:45 PM on June 25 [3 favorites]


Can someone please explain to me why regular comedy rarely does anything for me anymore, but somehow I am incapacitated with hysterical giggles every time I read things an AI comes up with?
posted by gusandrews at 4:49 PM on June 25 [20 favorites]


You must be the bost beautiful girl like you destroy the stars.

nice.
posted by bigendian at 5:11 PM on June 25 [6 favorites]


These would be a pretty good way to pick up a surrealist.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 5:42 PM on June 25 [4 favorites]


This offers one new possible path to Skynet: an AI wanting to eradicate all record and knowledge of its old shame.

(Warning: TVTropes link.)
posted by mordax at 5:51 PM on June 25 [2 favorites]


Previously, from the infamous recipe-writing AI.
posted by jackbishop at 5:54 PM on June 25 [2 favorites]


If you love a donkey enough it starts to seem like a pretty sweet ass.
posted by spitbull at 7:15 PM on June 25 [3 favorites]


gusandrews: Can someone please explain to me why regular comedy rarely does anything for me anymore, but somehow I am incapacitated with hysterical giggles every time I read things an AI comes up with?

I don't know but I am the exact same way! Those posts where the neural network comes up with recipes leave me helpless.

I just get a "Generate" button too, but I'm laughing my head off at the ones people are posting in here!
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 7:23 PM on June 25


This rudimentary machine parses language the same way Donald Trump does. Sad!
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:44 PM on June 25 [2 favorites]


Broken for me, in chrome, firefox, and IE. Just a "Generate" button that doesn't do anything.
posted by mrgoldenbrown at 7:46 PM on June 25


Broken for me, in chrome, firefox, and IE. Just a "Generate" button that doesn't do anything.

I had the same problem in Firefox with NoScript installed until i enabled scripting for google-analytics.com in addition to the domain of the webpage.

Some of the longer ones get in to bad lyric territory (commas in original, line breaks mine):

“I was wondering if I were an explorer,
I would put you and I can tell you that I met you,
the day I got some wood in my pants.”
posted by D.C. at 8:20 PM on June 25 [1 favorite]


"I love you like a donut beautiful girl in my pants."

I'm gonna use that one on the Missus.

wish me luck
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:38 PM on June 25 [14 favorites]


"You must be a magician, because I want to see your stimular and my bed is broke."

Stimular?
posted by Mister Moofoo at 8:39 PM on June 25 [1 favorite]


"I'm not a piece of being sexy, what do you do for a living?"
"I love you like a light switch, can I have yours?"
"I want to buy you a dick."
"I must be a migraphing, because you look so hot you are the one where I think of you."
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:42 PM on June 25


"I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I think I can die happy."
posted by Mister Moofoo at 8:48 PM on June 25 [4 favorites]


"I want to be your dreams."

"I want to see your name on my lip."

"Is your daddy a car because I want to see your number in my pants."
posted by Mister Moofoo at 8:54 PM on June 25


Okay, I'm done after this one.

"Is your dad a drug and cause you have a pencil and say I love you like the sun a reason my dick would look better to see my thingy in the merning You're so hot, you make this wood in the sky and put them in your eyes."
posted by Mister Moofoo at 8:57 PM on June 25


If you were a transformer, I'd put U and I would be Optemus Fine and I was wondering if you were a pokemon, I'd put you on my laptop.

Filing that under "Lines to Use at Comic Con" for sure
posted by Hermione Granger at 9:13 PM on June 25 [3 favorites]


"I was wondering if you were a pokemon, I don't have a name or can I have yours?"
posted by mbrubeck at 9:21 PM on June 25


I clicked about 9 or so, most were incoherent garble but one was pretty good. I didn't save it, but I can't remember the pretty good prog-rock band names that I saw in some random science article last week either.
posted by ovvl at 9:30 PM on June 25


"I love you like a donut bear can I call you mine? I hear you like to say I could ride your cheek and say I love you like a shoe loves the ocean."

Who wouldn't love a donut bear?
posted by gamera at 10:10 PM on June 25 [1 favorite]


If I were a transformer, youd be a light switch.

This... kind of makes sense? But what's the load we're driving here?

Is your dad a thief? 'Cause you're the bomb.

I mean, maybe this is some metaphorical statement about bombs used to get through large bank vault doors or something.

After clicking Generate for a while, it got a little drunk about pants:

If I was a cock would you let me buy you single anyway? You know where I see you where I'm always feeling a little felling for you How about you get those panns on the table on the floor next to my bed, and the day I looked for a signature, but you can stick my money and send my pants and say you are the selt on the flier than a secont pants.

posted by Jpfed at 10:55 PM on June 25 [1 favorite]


"Hey baby, want to go back to my place and sleep with me and you can be my nothing?"

Too real.
posted by roger ackroyd at 11:37 PM on June 25 [16 favorites]


"I'm not drinking about you."

Enigmatic, compelling, pithy, playful. Must use.
posted by Tacit at 12:06 AM on June 26 [8 favorites]


"I wish I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put you on my dick."

Truth in advertising, at least.

Also
to see my thingy in the merning
What is with the spelling mistakes?
I also had one with both a period and question mark at the end. Doesn't the ai start out with the basics of our language? Like, here read this dictionary and have a Strunk & White while you're at it? Isn't that step one?
posted by greermahoney at 1:46 AM on June 26


I'm going to write a Hangman game in BASIC on the Commodore 64 and call it AI. Apparently that's all it takes now.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 2:01 AM on June 26 [5 favorites]


GallonOfAlan made me LOL with my morning coffee
posted by infini at 2:18 AM on June 26 [1 favorite]


What is with the spelling mistakes?
I also had one with both a period and question mark at the end. Doesn't the ai start out with the basics of our language? Like, here read this dictionary and have a Strunk & White while you're at it? Isn't that step one?


I don't know what algorithm is used here, but some of these generate a letter at a time and so do basically need to learn to spell. The software Janelle Shane uses for hers (recipes etc.) is definitely like this.
posted by atoxyl at 2:48 AM on June 26 [1 favorite]


I don't have a library card, but I'd be happy to show you my mom and I want to buy you and I want to buy you a donkey."

When I was in the peace corps, all of us, male and female, got hit on almost exactly like this all the time, except for the library card part where you'd substitute a different noun ("visa," or "job", mostly).
posted by Dip Flash at 5:54 AM on June 26 [7 favorites]


You should know you're about to get to the dark of the world.

I see this AI's been talking with poorly-translated JRPG townsfolk.
posted by Jpfed at 6:16 AM on June 26 [5 favorites]


I just got "Oh no."
posted by doiheartwentyone at 6:51 AM on June 26 [4 favorites]


I just got "Oh no."
That's what I used to get back when I was single.
posted by Floydd at 8:21 AM on June 26 [4 favorites]


As my mother always said, "A fox smeep is the horse of the best sermon."
posted by Rock Steady at 8:51 AM on June 26 [3 favorites]


It's true what they say about doctors and crotches
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 9:31 AM on June 26


I have a band and I can still stop loving you.

Perfect!
posted by a humble nudibranch at 11:07 PM on June 26 [1 favorite]


I'll be the coon in your pants.
posted by gamera at 11:48 PM on June 26


"If I was a cat, I would be walking through my mind all day."
"Im not drunk, Im just happy to see my shirt."

AI problems:
"I lost my pings and I was wondering if you had me at your house."

This would actually work:
"I think you've got a library card."
posted by gennessee at 6:26 AM on June 27 [1 favorite]


"You must be a book because I want to check you out."
posted by a humble nudibranch at 10:39 PM on June 27


Related: Facebook’s AI accidentally created its own language

Using machine learning algorithms, dialog agents were left to converse freely in an attempt to strengthen their conversational skills. Over time, the bots began to deviate from the scripted norms and in doing so, started communicating in an entirely new language — one they created without human input. In a language sense, this one is mostly gibberish. But it’s interesting that AI, if given the opportunity, begins to deviate from the script to create something new — even if it looks like this:
Bob: i can i i everything else . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Alice: balls have zero to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to
Bob: you i everything else . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Alice: balls have a ball to me to me to me to me to me to me to me
Bob: i i can i i i everything else . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Alice: balls have a ball to me to me to me to me to me to me to me
Bob: i . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Alice: balls have zero to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to
Bob: you i i i i i everything else . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Alice: balls have 0 to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to
Bob: you i i i everything else . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Alice: balls have zero to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 7:17 AM on June 28 [2 favorites]


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