“I Adore my Lesbian Daughters—Keep them safe.”
June 27, 2017 1:08 PM   Subscribe

Frances Goldin, a 93-year-old mother of two lesbians, has been attending the New York City Pride march for nearly 50 years. And each year, she waves the same sign.

“I didn't know what magic was in that sign. But when I took it to the parade, I was overwhelmed.” This year, Goldin was in the parade for the very first time, on the lead float with her daughter Reeni and, of course, her iconic sign.
posted by roger ackroyd (11 comments total) 36 users marked this as a favorite
 
I'm not crying YOU'RE CRYING
posted by skycrashesdown at 1:12 PM on June 27, 2017 [24 favorites]


Trying to keep it together in a pho restaurant. The waiter looked at me with serious concern while I ordered.

Not going to cry in my tasty soup.

Not going to cry in my tasty soup.

(Also worth noting: The mom in question is actually a seriously badass literary agent.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 1:22 PM on June 27, 2017 [13 favorites]


I was okay until she said that she's phoned the parents of everybody who's asked her to call them.
posted by Lexica at 1:42 PM on June 27, 2017 [21 favorites]


Okay, I wasn't expecting to burst into tears this afternoon, but I did. Good tears.

Thank you Frances. I wish we had more like you.
posted by hippybear at 2:28 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]


This is so lovely!
posted by cooker girl at 3:25 PM on June 27, 2017 [1 favorite]


What a wonderful mom. Unconditional love in action. May every mother's children be kept safe, all races, LBTG, all nationalities.
posted by mermayd at 3:44 PM on June 27, 2017 [4 favorites]


I just want to hug her so bad. All children deserve Moms like that.
posted by kinnakeet at 7:31 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]


I love this woman.
posted by vignettist at 10:11 PM on June 27, 2017


I... I can't imagine my parents with a sign like that, and seeing her march with one for so long gives me so many emotions I find it pretty hard to articulate. Joy, that she exists, and happiness for her daughters, and yearning that I won't ever see a similar expression of pride or love from my own family of origin, and grief for that. There was a similar sign at the Austin Science March that made me tear up and go a bit shaky for the same kinds of reasons.

I don't--in my experience, the good parents, the ones who stand for their kids like that, never quite understand what I'm trying to say when I thank them for carrying that message. It hurts, being cast out; it's worse when it's a subtler kind of shaming, a constant attempt to squeeze you into a constrictive box that doesn't fit and tantrums if you don't show up to be shoved into it. It hurts, and it leaves you feeling utterly defective and broken, especially when it's not a clean break. The narrative of 'bad responses' to coming out always make it seem like it's a one-and-done thing: you say "I'm queer" and your parents boot you out the door and that's that. But especially these days, the bad reactions are so much subtler because.... well, overt homophobia like that isn't fashionable in many circles, it's not done to be an open bigot and anyway, what would the neighbors say if the kid was suddenly gone?

So they try and put on a veneer of welcome, a veneer of acceptance, all the while chipping away at anything you do or say that looks too queer, too unusual, too weird, because why would you act like that, anyway? You're treated as inherently shameful, something to be minimized and tucked away, and could you maybe make it less obvious by growing out your hair or at least putting in some earrings? Or if you won't do it, and you persist in marrying a woman, maybe you could at least act like the breadwinner you have to be instead if she can't support you in the style we hoped for? It's an incomprehending pseudolove, a love for some kid that doesn't fucking exist that you maybe try and pretend to be, because it's better than nothing and hell knows that it's hard to get out on your own as a functional adult without some kind of financial support.

Seeing honest acceptance, public acceptance, not tolerance but outright joy in your childrens' selves in all their glory--that's--it's not exactly healing, but it's a balm anyway. It's... the knowledge that no one will ever stand proud for me like that hasn't faded, but knowing that other people stand for their own children, for love, who take joy in their children for who they are--well, that restores some faith, I think. I hope.

Thanks for showing me this woman. Thank you.
posted by sciatrix at 8:11 AM on June 28, 2017 [12 favorites]


"Keep them safe." I asked my mother to just understand why I didn't feel safe this year, and that was too much to ask.

Keep them safe, she added, because she worried.

The empathy in that request, the support, that just. It floors me.
posted by sciatrix at 8:15 AM on June 28, 2017 [3 favorites]


Unexpectedly dusty in here...
posted by Catbunny at 12:37 PM on June 28, 2017


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