Killability Score™
June 27, 2017 1:48 PM Subscribe
All the Marvel Superheroes Who Should Die in Avengers: Infinity War [Nerdist] “Time to kill some superheroes! Marvel boss Kevin Feige confirmed to JoBlo that Avengers: Infinity War [YouTube] [Extended First Look] will be the last appearance for some central figures of the MCU [wiki], which means they might shuffle off their mortal capes or retire to their secret, woodsy homes… or alien planets or state-of-the-art mansion towers. But hopefully a bunch will get killed. Don’t look at me like that! Marvel needs to show some stakes, especially if the long-promised fight against Thanos is going to live up to the hype as something on a scale we’ve never seen before. Considering their longevity, significance, and power, here are the heroes of Infinity War, ranked by killability.”
posted by Fizz at 1:52 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
"Killed" meaning "dead for like 18 months, and then a reboot" of course.
posted by Chrysostom at 1:58 PM on June 27, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by Chrysostom at 1:58 PM on June 27, 2017 [7 favorites]
"Killed" meaning "dead for like 18 months, and then a reboot" of course.
The word you're looking for is "refinance".
posted by Fizz at 2:00 PM on June 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
The word you're looking for is "refinance".
posted by Fizz at 2:00 PM on June 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
Falcon. Never gonna get their own film, friends with Captain America so death allows for a bit of emoting. Dead man walking. If there are some buddy scenes early in Infinity War this is a certainty.
posted by biffa at 2:03 PM on June 27, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by biffa at 2:03 PM on June 27, 2017 [7 favorites]
They seem oddly invested in character death.
Also, um, is it me that other than Fury (already dead) and Panther (barely here yet) they stick all the black characters at the top, just below the obvious contract expirations? Probably about right but harsh.
Oh yeah and the Vision is there too.
posted by Artw at 2:03 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
Also, um, is it me that other than Fury (already dead) and Panther (barely here yet) they stick all the black characters at the top, just below the obvious contract expirations? Probably about right but harsh.
Oh yeah and the Vision is there too.
posted by Artw at 2:03 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
Dear Mr. Marvel,
There are too many superheroes nowadays. Please eliminate three.
posted by Copronymus at 2:06 PM on June 27, 2017 [38 favorites]
There are too many superheroes nowadays. Please eliminate three.
posted by Copronymus at 2:06 PM on June 27, 2017 [38 favorites]
So this is some kind of ... death pool then?
posted by ZeusHumms at 2:09 PM on June 27, 2017 [61 favorites]
posted by ZeusHumms at 2:09 PM on June 27, 2017 [61 favorites]
There are too many superheroes nowadays. Please eliminate three.
I suddenly envisioned James Gunn taking his "Belko Experiment" storyline and putting it into a future Marvel film.
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 2:12 PM on June 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
I suddenly envisioned James Gunn taking his "Belko Experiment" storyline and putting it into a future Marvel film.
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 2:12 PM on June 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
Kill them all. Let Jack Kirby sort them out.
posted by vibrotronica at 2:21 PM on June 27, 2017 [14 favorites]
posted by vibrotronica at 2:21 PM on June 27, 2017 [14 favorites]
Hey guys! I just remembered Iron Fist!
posted by Artw at 2:21 PM on June 27, 2017 [18 favorites]
posted by Artw at 2:21 PM on June 27, 2017 [18 favorites]
I assume they'd kill Iron Man if for no other reason than not having to pay RDJ would cut the cost of the movies in half.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 2:23 PM on June 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 2:23 PM on June 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
Kill them all off, then reboot the MCU as a buddy cop franchise with Captain America as the uptight rules follower and Thor as his ex-surfer partner.
Have Black Widow as the long suffering senior lieutenant, Doctor Strange as the coroner, and Antman as IT.
Guardians of the Galaxy can be the roaming Scooby-Doo gang.
Samuel L Jackson as the yelling police captain is, I admit, typecasting and a bit stereotypical, but since this is an R rated series, you know the outtakes will be awesome.
posted by madajb at 2:25 PM on June 27, 2017 [32 favorites]
Have Black Widow as the long suffering senior lieutenant, Doctor Strange as the coroner, and Antman as IT.
Guardians of the Galaxy can be the roaming Scooby-Doo gang.
Samuel L Jackson as the yelling police captain is, I admit, typecasting and a bit stereotypical, but since this is an R rated series, you know the outtakes will be awesome.
posted by madajb at 2:25 PM on June 27, 2017 [32 favorites]
The Republican plan: for every new hero they add they must kill two.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 2:26 PM on June 27, 2017 [11 favorites]
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 2:26 PM on June 27, 2017 [11 favorites]
Just chiming in to say kill Hawkeye and make a netflix adaptation of Fraction/Aja's Hawkguy. It's the only way I'll watch anything with capes.
Because it won't have any. Just Russian Mafia Brobrobrobros in adidas track suits.
posted by lmfsilva at 2:27 PM on June 27, 2017 [13 favorites]
Because it won't have any. Just Russian Mafia Brobrobrobros in adidas track suits.
posted by lmfsilva at 2:27 PM on June 27, 2017 [13 favorites]
Doesn't Cap get replaced by bucky barnes at some point in the comics?
posted by Sebmojo at 2:37 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Sebmojo at 2:37 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
They have practically all had temporary or permanent("") replacements at one point or another.
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:42 PM on June 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:42 PM on June 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
You really don't want to look up what Cap is up to in the comics these days.
posted by Artw at 2:44 PM on June 27, 2017 [14 favorites]
posted by Artw at 2:44 PM on June 27, 2017 [14 favorites]
Iron Man will die, War Machine will replace him at half the price, and therefore live.
Captain America will die, and The Winter Soldier will replace him for all the feels, and therefore live.
Vision will die because mindstone.
Heimdall will die, because Idris Elba is busy.
Falcon will live so he can make Winter Soldier & The Falcon buddy pics.
The Guardians of the Galaxy will live because the success of their future depends on their interactions.
Thor will die but will be reincarnated or something as another actor.
Hawkeye will die to give Black Widow something to cry about, or vice versa.
Scarlet Witch will live to mourn Vision.
Black Widow: See Hawkeye
Doctor Strange will live.
Captain Marvel has future movies to live for.
Antman & The Wasp have future movies to live for.
Spider-Man has future movies to live for.
Blank Panther will be the new leader of the Avengers.
Nick Fury: Has become almost as irrelevant as he was in the comic books. Who cares?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:51 PM on June 27, 2017 [13 favorites]
Captain America will die, and The Winter Soldier will replace him for all the feels, and therefore live.
Vision will die because mindstone.
Heimdall will die, because Idris Elba is busy.
Falcon will live so he can make Winter Soldier & The Falcon buddy pics.
The Guardians of the Galaxy will live because the success of their future depends on their interactions.
Thor will die but will be reincarnated or something as another actor.
Hawkeye will die to give Black Widow something to cry about, or vice versa.
Scarlet Witch will live to mourn Vision.
Black Widow: See Hawkeye
Doctor Strange will live.
Captain Marvel has future movies to live for.
Antman & The Wasp have future movies to live for.
Spider-Man has future movies to live for.
Blank Panther will be the new leader of the Avengers.
Nick Fury: Has become almost as irrelevant as he was in the comic books. Who cares?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:51 PM on June 27, 2017 [13 favorites]
Planet Hulk is gonna be awesome.
posted by My Dad at 2:53 PM on June 27, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by My Dad at 2:53 PM on June 27, 2017 [6 favorites]
I'm not up on the MCU, but if they want to replace Rogers and Stark with Monica Rambeau, I'm cool with that.
(Although I really do hope that Evans' Cap sticks around a bit longer. For reasons that I hope are obvious.)
posted by tobascodagama at 2:54 PM on June 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
(Although I really do hope that Evans' Cap sticks around a bit longer. For reasons that I hope are obvious.)
posted by tobascodagama at 2:54 PM on June 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
I have to wonder if the author has any idea what he's talking about, when the photo illustrating War Machine is Tony Stark.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 2:59 PM on June 27, 2017
posted by Kirth Gerson at 2:59 PM on June 27, 2017
That was Tony Stark cradling the badly injured War Machine.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:01 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:01 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
We're going to get to see this image reversed in Infinity War, by the way.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:04 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:04 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
They should totally kill Phil Coulson, again, too. Just to be smart-asses.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:08 PM on June 27, 2017 [9 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:08 PM on June 27, 2017 [9 favorites]
> You really don't want to look up what Cap is up to in the comics these days.
On the contrary, it could be inspiring. Art imitates life, after all... [SPOILER ALERT]
posted by Johann Georg Faust at 3:08 PM on June 27, 2017
On the contrary, it could be inspiring. Art imitates life, after all... [SPOILER ALERT]
posted by Johann Georg Faust at 3:08 PM on June 27, 2017
MAYBE HUGE SPOILERS?
In the comic book version of this story, Thanos has an unrequited crush on the the Incarnation of Death. (Possibly Hela - the Norse goddess of the underworld, Loki's daughter, played by Cate Blanchett in Thor: Ragnarok might fill this role in the movies?) Thanos is a Nice Guy, but Death has put him in the friendzone and refuses to even speak to him.
In an attempt to win her favor, Thanos assembles the Infinity Gauntlet--making him utterly omnipotent--and with a wave of his hand randomly kills half the living beings in the entire universe (including half of Marvel's heroes). Thanos is extremely butthurt that Lady Death does not feel obliged to give him the time of day even after he has given her this Very Nice Gift and goes on to battle and kill most of the rest of the Marvel characters who show up to fight him.
Needless to say, the good guys recover the Gauntlet and use it to bring back to life all the beings Thanos killed. So if it follows the comic, the Infinity War movie could definitely feature the deaths of half or most of the Marvel Cinematic Heroes, but having the Infinity Gauntlet on the table means nobody has to stay dead.
posted by straight at 3:10 PM on June 27, 2017 [11 favorites]
In the comic book version of this story, Thanos has an unrequited crush on the the Incarnation of Death. (Possibly Hela - the Norse goddess of the underworld, Loki's daughter, played by Cate Blanchett in Thor: Ragnarok might fill this role in the movies?) Thanos is a Nice Guy, but Death has put him in the friendzone and refuses to even speak to him.
In an attempt to win her favor, Thanos assembles the Infinity Gauntlet--making him utterly omnipotent--and with a wave of his hand randomly kills half the living beings in the entire universe (including half of Marvel's heroes). Thanos is extremely butthurt that Lady Death does not feel obliged to give him the time of day even after he has given her this Very Nice Gift and goes on to battle and kill most of the rest of the Marvel characters who show up to fight him.
Needless to say, the good guys recover the Gauntlet and use it to bring back to life all the beings Thanos killed. So if it follows the comic, the Infinity War movie could definitely feature the deaths of half or most of the Marvel Cinematic Heroes, but having the Infinity Gauntlet on the table means nobody has to stay dead.
posted by straight at 3:10 PM on June 27, 2017 [11 favorites]
The entry for Vision misreads that Mjolnir scene pretty egregiously if you're looking for something to get grumbly about
posted by knuckle tattoos at 3:11 PM on June 27, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by knuckle tattoos at 3:11 PM on June 27, 2017 [6 favorites]
I just want to see thanos working on a farm. Kill whatever heroes need to be killed to get us there, please and thank you marvel.
posted by dazed_one at 3:17 PM on June 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by dazed_one at 3:17 PM on June 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
I figure Winter Soldier/Bucky Barnes is at the top of the list, simply because he needs a good redemption arc. That puts Scarlet Witch in the line of fire, too. Dr. Strange as relatively new and moderately but not spectacularly successful at the box office would also be an easy sacrifice.
posted by praemunire at 3:24 PM on June 27, 2017
posted by praemunire at 3:24 PM on June 27, 2017
ALL THESE HEROES ARE YOURS
EXCEPT HOWARD THE DUCK
ATTEMPT NO KILLINGS THERE
posted by delfin at 3:24 PM on June 27, 2017 [53 favorites]
EXCEPT HOWARD THE DUCK
ATTEMPT NO KILLINGS THERE
posted by delfin at 3:24 PM on June 27, 2017 [53 favorites]
I'd say nobody gives a shit about The Vision, but apparent he's just had a decent run on a comic so maybe they do.
posted by Artw at 3:26 PM on June 27, 2017
posted by Artw at 3:26 PM on June 27, 2017
Oh and nobody gives a shit times super one million for either of the Macimoff twins, kill away at will.
Basically we should all just forget Ultron ever happened.
posted by Artw at 3:27 PM on June 27, 2017
Basically we should all just forget Ultron ever happened.
posted by Artw at 3:27 PM on June 27, 2017
I'm kind of hoping Wanda sticks around a little while so that we can get her doing "NO...MORE...MUTANTS!"
And everyone kind of stands around and asks, "Who?"
The End.
posted by Four Ds at 3:35 PM on June 27, 2017 [7 favorites]
And everyone kind of stands around and asks, "Who?"
The End.
posted by Four Ds at 3:35 PM on June 27, 2017 [7 favorites]
The only possible way I could get behind losing Paul Bettany's Vision is if Nathan Fillion gets to be Wonder Man in Guardians of the Galaxy 3 and then also plays Vision II, rebuilt by Hank Pym using the mental engrams of Simon Williams.
posted by straight at 3:36 PM on June 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by straight at 3:36 PM on June 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
I'm kind of hoping Wanda sticks around a little while so that we can get her doing "NO...MORE...MUTANTS!"
Surely it will be the other way around. If Marvel ever gets back the X-Men movie rights, Wanda will say "NO MORE INHUMANS!" and suddenly the X-Men will always have been part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Magneto will be her dad again, and we can all stop pretending to care about Blackagar Boltagon.
posted by straight at 3:39 PM on June 27, 2017 [9 favorites]
Surely it will be the other way around. If Marvel ever gets back the X-Men movie rights, Wanda will say "NO MORE INHUMANS!" and suddenly the X-Men will always have been part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Magneto will be her dad again, and we can all stop pretending to care about Blackagar Boltagon.
posted by straight at 3:39 PM on June 27, 2017 [9 favorites]
for either of the Macimoff twins
The Macimoff twins are not experts, and their advice should never be followed.
posted by straight at 3:42 PM on June 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
The Macimoff twins are not experts, and their advice should never be followed.
posted by straight at 3:42 PM on June 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
Ah, yes. It can't be modern entertainment if there isn't a body count.
posted by Thorzdad at 3:43 PM on June 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Thorzdad at 3:43 PM on June 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
From the article: And the only reason not to kill Bucky Barnes is if he’s going to become the new Captain America.
Another reason: The actor who plays him is not even halfway through his NINE-picture Marvel contract.
posted by Iris Gambol at 3:49 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
Another reason: The actor who plays him is not even halfway through his NINE-picture Marvel contract.
posted by Iris Gambol at 3:49 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
All I want is a proper Spawn reboot. Michael Jai White and John Leguizamo did a phenomenal job back in 1997, but we've come a long way with our CGI. We need a new Spawn. It'd also be nice if it was R-Rated as it deserves to be.
posted by Fizz at 3:50 PM on June 27, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by Fizz at 3:50 PM on June 27, 2017 [5 favorites]
That's a lot of eyeliner.
posted by Artw at 3:50 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Artw at 3:50 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
UUUUUGH I have never detested my fellow MeFites more. How dare you. I'm hereby spending the rest of my day in a huff. A HUFF, I SAY!
None of them should die. It's fine if they all survive. It's totally fine.
I mean I wouldn't cry about Tony or Clint but still.
posted by scaryblackdeath at 3:50 PM on June 27, 2017 [9 favorites]
None of them should die. It's fine if they all survive. It's totally fine.
I mean I wouldn't cry about Tony or Clint but still.
posted by scaryblackdeath at 3:50 PM on June 27, 2017 [9 favorites]
Actually didn't falcon already get crippled? killing him would be a bit insult/injury/tropey.
Oh and nobody gives a shit times super one million for either of the Macimoff twins, kill away at will.
Basically we should all just forget Ultron ever happened.
Negatory, I liked magic lady though mostly for that scene where hawkeye is all "I'm fighting robots on a floating island. I have a bow. None of this makes any sense".
posted by Sebmojo at 3:50 PM on June 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
Oh and nobody gives a shit times super one million for either of the Macimoff twins, kill away at will.
Basically we should all just forget Ultron ever happened.
Negatory, I liked magic lady though mostly for that scene where hawkeye is all "I'm fighting robots on a floating island. I have a bow. None of this makes any sense".
posted by Sebmojo at 3:50 PM on June 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
and we can all stop pretending to care about Blackagar Boltagon.
He's is a solo series that's kind of great right now.
(Royals is also good. Look at me giving a shit about The Inhumans when they are not busy being the shit X-Men.)
posted by Artw at 3:51 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
He's is a solo series that's kind of great right now.
(Royals is also good. Look at me giving a shit about The Inhumans when they are not busy being the shit X-Men.)
posted by Artw at 3:51 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
Basically we should all just forget Ultron ever happened.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who really hated Ultron. It was boooooooooooring.
Just give me a proper Captain America/Winter Soldier buddy cop film.
posted by Fizz at 3:56 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
I'm glad I'm not the only one who really hated Ultron. It was boooooooooooring.
Just give me a proper Captain America/Winter Soldier buddy cop film.
posted by Fizz at 3:56 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
The actor who plays him is not even halfway through his NINE-picture Marvel contract.
So you're saying the long-term contract he had to sign says he'll be making these movies till the end of time?
posted by The Tensor at 3:57 PM on June 27, 2017 [7 favorites]
So you're saying the long-term contract he had to sign says he'll be making these movies till the end of time?
posted by The Tensor at 3:57 PM on June 27, 2017 [7 favorites]
To infinity.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:58 PM on June 27, 2017
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:58 PM on June 27, 2017
Macimoff
Is this some kind of fan in-joke?
posted by Sangermaine at 4:00 PM on June 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
Is this some kind of fan in-joke?
posted by Sangermaine at 4:00 PM on June 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
They should kill off Spider-Man, then have the words 'Fuck you, Sony' appear on screen, superimposed on the green goblin's hand giving the audience the finger, with the goblin's laughter as the accompanying soundtrack.
posted by biffa at 4:08 PM on June 27, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by biffa at 4:08 PM on June 27, 2017 [7 favorites]
Killing off Tony Stark and replacing with Riri Williams would do a lot to liven up the franchise.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 4:14 PM on June 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 4:14 PM on June 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
I'd say nobody gives a shit about The Vision, but apparent he's just had a decent run on a comic so maybe they do.
At this point it should be entirely obvious that nobody in Marvel's comics and movies divisions has any idea the other exists.
posted by Pope Guilty at 4:24 PM on June 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
At this point it should be entirely obvious that nobody in Marvel's comics and movies divisions has any idea the other exists.
posted by Pope Guilty at 4:24 PM on June 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
Hey, we're getting He Stood Alone at Gjallerbru, aren't we?
posted by Artw at 4:28 PM on June 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by Artw at 4:28 PM on June 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
Gauntlet-powered Thanos definitely kills just about everyone in the comics and there's a pretty intense standoff with the embodiments of various aspects of the 606 universe. Even the Living Tribunal gets involved IIRC, and he's pretty much 2nd place after the One-Above-All right? So rolling stuff back like a couple human lives is trivial.
So yeah, they can kill everyone and undo it instantly, that's a precious Marvel tradition. Permadeath is for solo movies, with some exceptions — Vision perhaps because of the mind gem, and possibly Thor so they can do the reborn thing.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 4:32 PM on June 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
So yeah, they can kill everyone and undo it instantly, that's a precious Marvel tradition. Permadeath is for solo movies, with some exceptions — Vision perhaps because of the mind gem, and possibly Thor so they can do the reborn thing.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 4:32 PM on June 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
I'd say nobody gives a shit about The Vision, but apparent he's just had a decent run on a comic so maybe they do.
And it was a wonderful run it was. I'm going to re-read it soon, then a third reading sometime soon after that, and then a fourth, fifth, sixth, and on and on.
You know what? Kill him off in the movies and let FX do a series like they did with "Legion." I'm sure they could pull off a TV version of that last comics run of Vision.
posted by NoMich at 5:06 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
And it was a wonderful run it was. I'm going to re-read it soon, then a third reading sometime soon after that, and then a fourth, fifth, sixth, and on and on.
You know what? Kill him off in the movies and let FX do a series like they did with "Legion." I'm sure they could pull off a TV version of that last comics run of Vision.
posted by NoMich at 5:06 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
Hawkeye is the Platonic ideal of an expendable character. What has he brought to any of these films? He's a guy that shoots arrows at powerful beings from beyond time and space. Get real! (It doesn't help that Jeremy Renner is dull as dishwater.)
They might as well get rid of Black Widow as well since TPTB plainly have no plans to do anything interesting with the character, like give her a stand-alone film. Quit wasting ScarJo's time!
posted by orrnyereg at 5:08 PM on June 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
They might as well get rid of Black Widow as well since TPTB plainly have no plans to do anything interesting with the character, like give her a stand-alone film. Quit wasting ScarJo's time!
posted by orrnyereg at 5:08 PM on June 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
Acceptable Cap-related endings:
1) Steve retires. Sam and Bucky share the shield. Steve, Bucky, and Sam live together in domestic bliss in a choose-your-own-romantic-combination-all-are-perfect-and-valid relationship happiness.
2) Steve is briefly dead. Bucky takes up the shield, Steve comes back to life, Steve and Bucky ride off into the sunset or space together. Sam gets the shield, and whines about it endlessly, so Steve and Bucky occasionally come back to share Cap duties with him.
3) Steve and Bucky both die, but after a really emotional moment together. Like, hey MCU, maybe they could just, like, hug? It's been a rough century for them! Let them hug. Foreheads touching together Pacific Rim style also acceptable. Anyways, Sam gets the shield. SURPRISE, Steve and Bucky aren't dead, but they're happy to let most of the world assume they are, so their war can finally be over and they can stop fighting. Steve can return to his art. Bucky can do something quiet and gentle involving zero violence.
Anyway these are basically the only three options, thank you for your time. No matter what actually happens in the MCU, I'm just going to roll with one of these. But Hawkeye can definitely die. So can Vision. I'd be a little sad about Tony, but not that sad, he's had his time. Just leave Steve, Sam, Natasha, and the Jameses Barnes and Rhodes alone and we're good.
posted by yasaman at 5:29 PM on June 27, 2017 [15 favorites]
1) Steve retires. Sam and Bucky share the shield. Steve, Bucky, and Sam live together in domestic bliss in a choose-your-own-romantic-combination-all-are-perfect-and-valid relationship happiness.
2) Steve is briefly dead. Bucky takes up the shield, Steve comes back to life, Steve and Bucky ride off into the sunset or space together. Sam gets the shield, and whines about it endlessly, so Steve and Bucky occasionally come back to share Cap duties with him.
3) Steve and Bucky both die, but after a really emotional moment together. Like, hey MCU, maybe they could just, like, hug? It's been a rough century for them! Let them hug. Foreheads touching together Pacific Rim style also acceptable. Anyways, Sam gets the shield. SURPRISE, Steve and Bucky aren't dead, but they're happy to let most of the world assume they are, so their war can finally be over and they can stop fighting. Steve can return to his art. Bucky can do something quiet and gentle involving zero violence.
Anyway these are basically the only three options, thank you for your time. No matter what actually happens in the MCU, I'm just going to roll with one of these. But Hawkeye can definitely die. So can Vision. I'd be a little sad about Tony, but not that sad, he's had his time. Just leave Steve, Sam, Natasha, and the Jameses Barnes and Rhodes alone and we're good.
posted by yasaman at 5:29 PM on June 27, 2017 [15 favorites]
The best part about killing Iron Man and Thor will be that they can finally stop with the stupid, "Hey - where's Pepper Potts and Jane Foster at?" "Oh, hey, they're just over that hill there. Doing Pepper Potts and Jane Foster stuff. It's all very hush hush. They're totally still part of the MCU!"
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:30 PM on June 27, 2017 [8 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:30 PM on June 27, 2017 [8 favorites]
The Avengers are going to have way less villains to fight without Tony around to create them all.
posted by Artw at 5:31 PM on June 27, 2017 [13 favorites]
posted by Artw at 5:31 PM on June 27, 2017 [13 favorites]
Jane Foster is at a farm! She's happy there, it's a nice place!
posted by Artw at 5:32 PM on June 27, 2017 [12 favorites]
posted by Artw at 5:32 PM on June 27, 2017 [12 favorites]
It's canon that Squirrel Girl can defeat Galactus, but has she ever taken on Thanos? I forget.
Squirrel Girl and Tippy-Toe 4 eva
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 5:34 PM on June 27, 2017 [6 favorites]
Squirrel Girl and Tippy-Toe 4 eva
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 5:34 PM on June 27, 2017 [6 favorites]
Hey, we're getting He Stood Alone at Gjallerbru, aren't we?
Yeah, we almost definitely are. I think that you-know-who was in one of the Thor: Ragnarok trailers.
It's canon that Squirrel Girl can defeat Galactus, but has she ever taken on Thanos?
Signs point to yes.
posted by tobascodagama at 5:36 PM on June 27, 2017 [7 favorites]
Yeah, we almost definitely are. I think that you-know-who was in one of the Thor: Ragnarok trailers.
It's canon that Squirrel Girl can defeat Galactus, but has she ever taken on Thanos?
Signs point to yes.
posted by tobascodagama at 5:36 PM on June 27, 2017 [7 favorites]
You'd think that would be impossible, but I've heard that Thanos has really bad nut allergies.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:39 PM on June 27, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:39 PM on June 27, 2017 [5 favorites]
Galactus is good now. And orange. He's on an Avengers style team with a bunch of other cosmic entities.
Also should totally be on twitter.
posted by Artw at 5:45 PM on June 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
Also should totally be on twitter.
posted by Artw at 5:45 PM on June 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
So I'm old ... is Infinity War like a retread/reboot of Secret Wars from the 80s where all the heroes and villains get together and have a giant uberwar for no reason in the most boring series of comics ever? Or is it better than that? I've watched most of the movies and the part at the end where they go .... "and the macguffin was really .... an INFINITY STONE!" is to me the worst and least interesting part. I would just prefer a cool movie about the Avengers or Dr. Strange or whatever.
posted by freecellwizard at 6:26 PM on June 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by freecellwizard at 6:26 PM on June 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
I've enjoyed some of the MCU movies* as not really a superhero comics person, so take this with the requisite grains of salt, but what I want more than anything else in the world is a solid two hour, documentary-format film covering the design and construction of the Mark 2 armor, comprised mostly of all the archival footage Tony has from the process that we just never got to see in the first Iron Man. Like I want to see him machining every actuator, and rubber ducking the camera at 3 AM as he bangs his head against a feedback loop in the avionics control system that just won't go away, and brainstorming the diagnostic test criteria with J.A.R.V.I.S. for the new arc reactor. Then, and only then, can RDJ move on with his career.
I suspect I am not the target audience for these movies, though.
* The first two Cap movies, especially the second, and Dr. Strange. None of the actual flagship Avengers movies, ironically, but this could be because Joss Whedon is bad at being good.
posted by invitapriore at 6:47 PM on June 27, 2017 [12 favorites]
I suspect I am not the target audience for these movies, though.
* The first two Cap movies, especially the second, and Dr. Strange. None of the actual flagship Avengers movies, ironically, but this could be because Joss Whedon is bad at being good.
posted by invitapriore at 6:47 PM on June 27, 2017 [12 favorites]
I would totally watch that movie.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:55 PM on June 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:55 PM on June 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
Meanwhile, the Marvel Heroes video game (sort of a Diablo-style MMO where the "character classes" are individual Marvel characters) just announced today:
"NO MORE FANTASTIC FOUR!"
Apparently Marvel (presumably to stick their finger in Fox's eye) has just revoked the game's license to use the Silver Surfer and the Fantastic Four (Reed, Ben, Johnny, & Sue) as playable characters. People who have already unlocked those characters will be able to keep them, but as of July 1, players won't be able to unlock them or obtain any additional costumes or accessories for them. Boom. Marvel just made the First Family disappear, practically overnight.
posted by straight at 8:09 PM on June 27, 2017
"NO MORE FANTASTIC FOUR!"
Apparently Marvel (presumably to stick their finger in Fox's eye) has just revoked the game's license to use the Silver Surfer and the Fantastic Four (Reed, Ben, Johnny, & Sue) as playable characters. People who have already unlocked those characters will be able to keep them, but as of July 1, players won't be able to unlock them or obtain any additional costumes or accessories for them. Boom. Marvel just made the First Family disappear, practically overnight.
posted by straight at 8:09 PM on June 27, 2017
I would totally watch that movie.
Me, too. It'd be like a two-hour long One Day Build but with Tony Stark instead of asavage. Or maybe both of them.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 8:11 PM on June 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
Me, too. It'd be like a two-hour long One Day Build but with Tony Stark instead of asavage. Or maybe both of them.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 8:11 PM on June 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
Apparently Marvel (presumably to stick their finger in Fox's eye) has just revoked the game's license to use the Silver Surfer and the Fantastic Four (Reed, Ben, Johnny, & Sue) as playable characters.
Well, damn. Thing was one of my favorite characters in the game because he rode around in a poorly-rendered Fantasticar and wouldn't shut up about Yancy Street.
posted by Spatch at 8:24 PM on June 27, 2017
Well, damn. Thing was one of my favorite characters in the game because he rode around in a poorly-rendered Fantasticar and wouldn't shut up about Yancy Street.
posted by Spatch at 8:24 PM on June 27, 2017
So I'm old ... is Infinity War like a retread/reboot of Secret Wars from the 80s where all the heroes and villains get together and have a giant uberwar for no reason in the most boring series of comics ever?
It's not entirely clear yet, but other than the name it really seems to be more like a retelling of the original Infinity Gauntlet story? Or maybe they decided to smash the two together. Which might make sense in that there's not that much movie in Infinity Gauntlet, but it doesn't make sense in that who the fuck cares about the whole Magus thing if this movie is the first time we're meeting this version of Adam Warlock to begin with?
posted by tobascodagama at 8:32 PM on June 27, 2017
It's not entirely clear yet, but other than the name it really seems to be more like a retelling of the original Infinity Gauntlet story? Or maybe they decided to smash the two together. Which might make sense in that there's not that much movie in Infinity Gauntlet, but it doesn't make sense in that who the fuck cares about the whole Magus thing if this movie is the first time we're meeting this version of Adam Warlock to begin with?
posted by tobascodagama at 8:32 PM on June 27, 2017
is Infinity War like a retread/reboot of Secret Wars from the 80s
While it uses some of the iconography of the classic 1991 Jim Starlin & George Pérez story "Thanos: The Infinity Gauntlet," I'm guessing the actual story will probably be more like the 1977 "Thanos War" that ended in Avengers Annual #7.
While the Thanos War had Thanos threatening to extinguish stars by collecting "Soul Gems" (rather than the later terms "Infinity Stones" and "Infinity Gauntlet" the movies have been referencing). "Infinity Gauntlet" was really much more of a Silver Surfer / Adam Warlock story with the Avengers as side characters and much more focus on cosmic entities like Galactus, Mephisto, Death, Eternity, and The Living Tribunal. The earlier "Thanos War," while also featuring Warlock as a central character, was much more of an Avengers story and didn't depend so much on all the cosmic mythology.
While James Gunn has made noises about maybe including Warlock as a characters in Guardians #3, I really doubt they're going to try to make him the protagonist of Infinity War, and I suspect Vision might end up taking Warlock's role in the story.
posted by straight at 8:32 PM on June 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
While it uses some of the iconography of the classic 1991 Jim Starlin & George Pérez story "Thanos: The Infinity Gauntlet," I'm guessing the actual story will probably be more like the 1977 "Thanos War" that ended in Avengers Annual #7.
While the Thanos War had Thanos threatening to extinguish stars by collecting "Soul Gems" (rather than the later terms "Infinity Stones" and "Infinity Gauntlet" the movies have been referencing). "Infinity Gauntlet" was really much more of a Silver Surfer / Adam Warlock story with the Avengers as side characters and much more focus on cosmic entities like Galactus, Mephisto, Death, Eternity, and The Living Tribunal. The earlier "Thanos War," while also featuring Warlock as a central character, was much more of an Avengers story and didn't depend so much on all the cosmic mythology.
While James Gunn has made noises about maybe including Warlock as a characters in Guardians #3, I really doubt they're going to try to make him the protagonist of Infinity War, and I suspect Vision might end up taking Warlock's role in the story.
posted by straight at 8:32 PM on June 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
MCU is big on magic rocks.
posted by Artw at 8:57 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Artw at 8:57 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
It's canon that Squirrel Girl can defeat Galactus, but has she ever taken on Thanos?
Not only did she do so, she bonded with Galactus over it.
posted by Pope Guilty at 9:02 PM on June 27, 2017 [9 favorites]
Not only did she do so, she bonded with Galactus over it.
posted by Pope Guilty at 9:02 PM on June 27, 2017 [9 favorites]
I'm sort of sad at all the crossover stuff, because I enjoy the hell out of the Guardians of the Galaxy franchise, but prior to that, the last Marvel movie I saw was...Iron Man 2, I think?
posted by infinitywaltz at 10:06 PM on June 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by infinitywaltz at 10:06 PM on June 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
They build off each other and reinforce each other but I suspect watching the lot is less necessary than you fear - I can't think of any of them that would be outright incomprehensible without watching all the rest, though it probably helps to watch each sub-franchise in chronological order. By the time you get to Civil War you probably are going to get more out of it by watching at least an Iron Man or Avengers movie, but it's not like you're going to be totally locked out.
posted by Artw at 10:14 PM on June 27, 2017
posted by Artw at 10:14 PM on June 27, 2017
Eh, they stick to their continuity about as well as a bunch of actual comics, so don't sweat it.
posted by pan at 10:25 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by pan at 10:25 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
The characterizations in Age of Ultron are completely different from in all the other films, including The Avengers, but it's all fine, don't worry.
posted by Artw at 10:40 PM on June 27, 2017
posted by Artw at 10:40 PM on June 27, 2017
From the article: And the only reason not to kill Bucky Barnes is if he’s going to become the new Captain America.
Another reason: The actor who plays him is not even halfway through his NINE-picture Marvel contract.
Yeah, just look at the actors’ contracts to see who’s going to get killed off when. Why do you think Nick Fury lasted like 2 movies? Sam Jackson ain’t signing no 9 picture deal.
New Spider Man guy? Prob has 6 movies left in his deal. Alive.
Black Widow? ScarJo was already a star, so she didn’t sign a long deal. Dead soon if not next movie.
Iron Man? RDJ is already on one movie deal at a time. Super dead.
Thor, Cap? Those guys signed 8 picture deals, but they are a decent way though them. Alive for now, but dead soon.
Black Panther? Newer actor, prob did the 8 picture deal. He’ll be around for a long while.
Etc.
posted by sideshow at 12:48 AM on June 28, 2017 [1 favorite]
Another reason: The actor who plays him is not even halfway through his NINE-picture Marvel contract.
Yeah, just look at the actors’ contracts to see who’s going to get killed off when. Why do you think Nick Fury lasted like 2 movies? Sam Jackson ain’t signing no 9 picture deal.
New Spider Man guy? Prob has 6 movies left in his deal. Alive.
Black Widow? ScarJo was already a star, so she didn’t sign a long deal. Dead soon if not next movie.
Iron Man? RDJ is already on one movie deal at a time. Super dead.
Thor, Cap? Those guys signed 8 picture deals, but they are a decent way though them. Alive for now, but dead soon.
Black Panther? Newer actor, prob did the 8 picture deal. He’ll be around for a long while.
Etc.
posted by sideshow at 12:48 AM on June 28, 2017 [1 favorite]
One interesting thing is whether the MCU will adopt the same "revolving door" approach to death so commonly used in the comics. And, if so, will a movie audience unaccustomed to that approach swallow it? Given that they're going to have to put new actors in the major roles at some point, I'd have thought a "passing the torch" approach might be more useful there.
posted by Paul Slade at 1:34 AM on June 28, 2017
posted by Paul Slade at 1:34 AM on June 28, 2017
I suddenly envisioned James Gunn taking his "Belko Experiment" storyline and putting it into a future Marvel film.
I have nothing useful to add here, I just wanted to share that for a brief moment in my life, when I heard James Gunn was working on the Guardians of the Galaxy film, I had misunderstood that as Tim Gunn (of Project Runway), and was both confused and delighted to see how that was going to turn out.
While I love the Guardians films, I still kind of want to see that version.
posted by Greasy Eyed Gristle Man at 5:48 AM on June 28, 2017 [4 favorites]
I have nothing useful to add here, I just wanted to share that for a brief moment in my life, when I heard James Gunn was working on the Guardians of the Galaxy film, I had misunderstood that as Tim Gunn (of Project Runway), and was both confused and delighted to see how that was going to turn out.
While I love the Guardians films, I still kind of want to see that version.
posted by Greasy Eyed Gristle Man at 5:48 AM on June 28, 2017 [4 favorites]
Yeah, just look at the actors’ contracts to see who’s going to get killed off when. Why do you think Nick Fury lasted like 2 movies? Sam Jackson ain’t signing no 9 picture deal.
Maybe I am missing the joke here, but Jackson was the first in the MCU and, if memory serves, the first actor in Hollywood to sign a nine-picture deal. Remember that things like the post-credits scene in Iron Man count as one movie (even if Nick Fury only is onscreen for 45 seconds) and it is pretty easy to get to nine movies.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 5:55 AM on June 28, 2017 [3 favorites]
Maybe I am missing the joke here, but Jackson was the first in the MCU and, if memory serves, the first actor in Hollywood to sign a nine-picture deal. Remember that things like the post-credits scene in Iron Man count as one movie (even if Nick Fury only is onscreen for 45 seconds) and it is pretty easy to get to nine movies.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 5:55 AM on June 28, 2017 [3 favorites]
Honestly, if I want to catch up, I read Wikipedia/Marvel Wikia and roll my eyes at how often epic crossover arcs happen. Feels like once every two years.
posted by ZeusHumms at 6:04 AM on June 28, 2017
posted by ZeusHumms at 6:04 AM on June 28, 2017
Christ, we'd be lucky if they were so infrequent. They barely end before a new one begins these days.
posted by Artw at 6:06 AM on June 28, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Artw at 6:06 AM on June 28, 2017 [2 favorites]
Thor will die but will be reincarnated or something as another actor.
The answer, my friends, is right in front of us.
Summer 2018 must prepare itself for RISE OF THE THUNDERFROG.
posted by delfin at 6:38 AM on June 28, 2017 [3 favorites]
The answer, my friends, is right in front of us.
Summer 2018 must prepare itself for RISE OF THE THUNDERFROG.
posted by delfin at 6:38 AM on June 28, 2017 [3 favorites]
Will nobody shed a tear for onscreen supervillains, who, Loki and Thanos excepted, generally last about a movie before being extrajudicially murdered?
posted by Artw at 6:41 AM on June 28, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Artw at 6:41 AM on June 28, 2017 [1 favorite]
Killing off Thor, though, in theory (and even if just "killing") presents the opportunity to introduce Beta-Ray Bill, who fits somewhat nicely into the GOTG environment.
posted by AzraelBrown at 6:58 AM on June 28, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by AzraelBrown at 6:58 AM on June 28, 2017 [2 favorites]
If Ego the Living Planet can be in a multi-million dollar movie featuring Howard a Duck in a cameo then sure, Beta Ray Bill, why not. All bets are off really.
posted by Artw at 7:17 AM on June 28, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Artw at 7:17 AM on June 28, 2017 [3 favorites]
Well, damn. Thing was one of my favorite characters in the game because he rode around in a poorly-rendered Fantasticar and wouldn't shut up about Yancy Street.
Also he has a "power" called "Watch it, Hotshot!" which is just Ben getting hit in the face with a fireball that merely annoys him but damages surrounding enemies.
Screw it. I had just saved up enough in-game currency to unlock Spider-Man in time for whatever special things they do as movie tie-ins, but I'm gonna unlock Ben and Reed instead (already have Sue, Johnny, and Norrin) just to thumb my nose at Marvel for being so petty. Gonna be rollling around everywhere as Mr. Fantastic while the newbs play Spider-Man and wonder why they can't play any FF characters.
I'd love for some reporter to ask Stan Lee what he thinks of Marvel canceling the Fantastic Four comic book and erasing the FF from all their merchandising and video games.
posted by straight at 10:50 AM on June 28, 2017
Also he has a "power" called "Watch it, Hotshot!" which is just Ben getting hit in the face with a fireball that merely annoys him but damages surrounding enemies.
Screw it. I had just saved up enough in-game currency to unlock Spider-Man in time for whatever special things they do as movie tie-ins, but I'm gonna unlock Ben and Reed instead (already have Sue, Johnny, and Norrin) just to thumb my nose at Marvel for being so petty. Gonna be rollling around everywhere as Mr. Fantastic while the newbs play Spider-Man and wonder why they can't play any FF characters.
I'd love for some reporter to ask Stan Lee what he thinks of Marvel canceling the Fantastic Four comic book and erasing the FF from all their merchandising and video games.
posted by straight at 10:50 AM on June 28, 2017
As long as the checks aren't bouncing, I don't think Stan gives a shit.
posted by tobascodagama at 10:59 AM on June 28, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by tobascodagama at 10:59 AM on June 28, 2017 [2 favorites]
Excelsior, True Believers!
(His cameo in GOTG 2 really is his best cameo)
posted by Artw at 11:02 AM on June 28, 2017 [2 favorites]
(His cameo in GOTG 2 really is his best cameo)
posted by Artw at 11:02 AM on June 28, 2017 [2 favorites]
is Infinity War like a retread/reboot of Secret Wars from the 80s
Also, I forgot the totally forgettable comic mini-series actually named "Infinity War" which was a terrible follow up to the "Infinity Gauntlet" story in which Thanos and Warlock team up with Earth's heroes to fight Warlock's evil duplicate and a bunch of weird doppleganger versions of all the Earth's heroes, with again a bunch of bickering among Eternity, The Living Tribunal, and other crazy Cosmic Entities.
I'll buy and eat the t-shirt Marvel sells based on the cover of the 80s Secret Wars with the X-Men and Fantastic Four erased and replaced with Blackagon Boltagar and a bunch of the Marvel Netflix heroes if the Avengers Infinity War movie borrows anything at all from the the "Infinity War" comics.
posted by straight at 11:14 AM on June 28, 2017
Also, I forgot the totally forgettable comic mini-series actually named "Infinity War" which was a terrible follow up to the "Infinity Gauntlet" story in which Thanos and Warlock team up with Earth's heroes to fight Warlock's evil duplicate and a bunch of weird doppleganger versions of all the Earth's heroes, with again a bunch of bickering among Eternity, The Living Tribunal, and other crazy Cosmic Entities.
I'll buy and eat the t-shirt Marvel sells based on the cover of the 80s Secret Wars with the X-Men and Fantastic Four erased and replaced with Blackagon Boltagar and a bunch of the Marvel Netflix heroes if the Avengers Infinity War movie borrows anything at all from the the "Infinity War" comics.
posted by straight at 11:14 AM on June 28, 2017
Jane Foster is at a farm! She's happy there, it's a nice magical place!
posted by Sebmojo at 3:47 PM on June 28, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Sebmojo at 3:47 PM on June 28, 2017 [3 favorites]
I can't believe there are so many crossovers: Publication history of Marvel Comics crossover events
posted by ZeusHumms at 9:27 AM on June 29, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by ZeusHumms at 9:27 AM on June 29, 2017 [1 favorite]
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