Quit smiling, ya idiot, you're supposed to be professional
July 12, 2017 3:25 PM   Subscribe

Please enjoy this anodyne for troubled times: Adorable Raccoon Babies Make Human Friend [sprightly music, titles]. BoredPanda offers more evidence of the animal's infernal charm. What could be better, you ask? Raccoon and dogs! Inside Edition promo [voiceover and music], Youtube channel.
posted by Johnny Wallflower (16 comments total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
 
Those are juvenile or pubescent raccoons, not babies. You can tell because baby raccoons don't have the distinctive dark eye masks. They have to earn those by killing someone in prison.
posted by Anoplura at 3:32 PM on July 12, 2017 [36 favorites]


"Difficult to train?" Sounds like a bet to me!
posted by rhizome at 4:17 PM on July 12, 2017 [6 favorites]


This seems like a good time to point out that there is also a "Pumpkin the Raccoon" Instagram account.

https://www.instagram.com/pumpkintheraccoon/?hl=en
posted by interstitial at 4:35 PM on July 12, 2017 [3 favorites]


Some are less charming.
posted by Splunge at 4:37 PM on July 12, 2017 [2 favorites]


Oh geez, the swimming and the scampering! Too much cute.
posted by Fig at 5:14 PM on July 12, 2017 [1 favorite]


Nopenopenopenopenope

I used to think raccoons were cute until I saw one in my garage eating the garage kitty's food*!!! Dude looked at me like he was gonna knife me I swear to god.

*garage kitty is the neighbor's kitty who wants to live with us so my husband obliges him by feeding him....and providing a nice, heating-pad heated carrier for him in the winter...
posted by cooker girl at 5:27 PM on July 12, 2017 [3 favorites]


When I was small a tornado tore up a yard adjacent to ours, leaving two orphaned raccoon babies. My mother got instructions from the Pittsburgh Zoo (this was in Western PA) on feeding them and we successfully raised them. This was in the early 60s.

As pets they were fascinating and fun--Hans loved riding around in the basket on my bike, and Fritz would come when called. It wasn't all cuddles--just yesterday my sister showed me the scar on her hand where, 50 years ago, Fritz got her good. "I was brushing his tail, getting ready to put a nice bow on it," she explained, still insulted.

What I most remember is the way they smelled as babies. It was a lovely, wild smell, not at all bad.

Thanks for posting. Those voices gave me goosebumps.
posted by kinnakeet at 5:44 PM on July 12, 2017 [20 favorites]


There's an absolutely massive raccoon somewhere in my neighborhood, though I've only spotted it a couple of times when I was getting home very late. Once it was shinnying down our neighbor's drainpipe; another time I interrupted its leisurely perusal of our garbage cans. Both times it did not seem even slightly scared of me, and sauntered away at its own pace. It is as big as a medium-sized dog, so, fair enough I guess.
posted by nonasuch at 6:35 PM on July 12, 2017 [1 favorite]


Sorry, but Mallory Ortberg got raccoons' number over a year ago: ALL-HANDS NO-FEET TRASH-CAT WITH A DOG’S STOMACH AND A POSSUM’S HEART, indeed.
posted by Cash4Lead at 7:20 PM on July 12, 2017 [6 favorites]


When I was a student in Austin decades before Austin was a destination, I had a place out in the hills with a fair amount of wildlife. Because I'm me, I fed the racoon that showed up on my porch. I didn't try to pet him or anything, but he'd hang out with me while I got stoned, and dint mess up my stuff, so we were cool.

Then one winter, he showed up, multiple trips, carrying a litter of kittens. There were almost frozen, and clearly starving, but with some help from a phone vet, and some friends, we saved the whole litter. Those kittens went on to be outside inside cats, who would hang with the racoon. Two of the cats, for the next twenty years of their lives, would hold food in their paws and wash kibble in the water dish.

I've a soft spot for raccoons, the adorable little varmints.
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 9:26 PM on July 12, 2017 [32 favorites]


It took just sixty years to domesticate foxes.

Why hasn't someone started domesticating raccoons yet? Specifically, why haven't they started sixty years ago?

I want a pet raccoon so badly.
posted by MrVisible at 12:24 AM on July 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


p.s. bonus points for the title
posted by cooker girl at 5:41 AM on July 13, 2017


Raccoons have not-quite opposable thumbs which alone should make them a no-go for a pet. Imagine the chaos!
posted by orrnyereg at 6:45 AM on July 13, 2017


(Raccoons are the best.)
posted by Navelgazer at 7:56 AM on July 13, 2017


I've heard anecdotal stories of people raising young raccoons - in all cases, they turn feral shortly after puberty.
posted by porpoise at 3:47 PM on July 13, 2017


'Sup?
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 10:12 PM on July 14, 2017 [1 favorite]


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