Man gets stuck inside ATM room rescued by note

July 14, 2017 12:12 AM

Officer Olden says," he leaves his phone in his truck, he's installing a new lock on the door, and he gets locked inside the building where the ATM is."

Since the ATM still works, people were stopping by to get cash, and the contractor decided to slip out notes through the receipt slot stating,"Please Help. I'm stuck in here, and I don't have my phone. Please call my boss."

posted by hippybear (34 comments total)

The moral of the story is to never throw away the slips of paper an ATM spits out with your money, always read them, and take them seriously. You could save a life.

Now, fortunes in fortune cookies that say "help! I'm being held captive in a cookie factory!" Those you can ignore and throw away.
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:29 AM on July 14, 2017 [8 favorites]

The most impressive part of the story is that he was able to remember and write on the note his boss's phone number without his phone. The only phone numbers I still remember are the numbers I memorized, out of necessity, before phones had address books.
posted by RichardP at 1:26 AM on July 14, 2017 [28 favorites]

I still memorize phone numbers and carry around cards in my wallet with numbers written on them. I don't trust these new-fangled gizmos.
posted by hippybear at 1:43 AM on July 14, 2017 [6 favorites]

PLEASE HELP ME I AM BEING HELD PRISONER IN THE METATALK QUEUE BECAUSE OF TOO MANY DAD JOKES. PLEASE TELEPHONE THE MEFI CALL-CENTRE AND VOTE #1 AT THE BEEP.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 2:20 AM on July 14, 2017 [60 favorites]

A few months back I was looking though the mail after getting home when my front door blew shut with my keys still in the lock on the outside. And for whatever reason the knob on the inside wouldn't turn. There is no other way in or out of the building.

Luckily I live on a fairly busy street so I looked through the letter box, waited for a passer by, and shouted in the vain hope they wouldn't think I was mental. An older guy nervously answered, managed to get the door open and wandered off without a thank you.

Always listen to people shouting through letter boxes.
posted by grahamparks at 2:27 AM on July 14, 2017 [15 favorites]

The cure for too many dad jokes: following cortex on twitter.
posted by hippybear at 2:27 AM on July 14, 2017 [1 favorite]

PLEASE HELP ME I AM BEING HELD PRISONER IN CORTEX'S MENGER SPONGE. PLEASE TELEPHONE THE SPONGE POLICE AN INFINITE NUMBER OF TIMES BUT HAVE A SHORTER CONVERSATION AT EACH ITERATION. ALSO I'M ALL OUT OF MENGER SOAP, SO IF YOU COULD JUST POP DOWN TO THE STORE FOR ME AN INFINITE NUMBER OF TIMES THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 2:49 AM on July 14, 2017 [37 favorites]

The moral of the story is to never throw away the slips of paper an ATM spits out with your money, always read them, and take them seriously.

Back in the 90s when I was a college student out in rural PA, Sheetz was celebrating getting a cash machine by putting some paper coupons in instead of $20s. What would happen is if you got one of the coupons you could take it to the register and they would give you 30 or 40 bucks (it's been two decades, so it is hard to remember).

I shit you not, on two separate occasions I found those coupons just sitting on top of the machine. People would just discard whatever didn't look like the cash they wanted without a second thought. Good for my broke ass, but I bet there were some irritated people out there.
posted by Literaryhero at 3:35 AM on July 14, 2017 [8 favorites]

I can't see him staying with the job, you can bank on that. He has probably lost interest in that job and wants to be left alone. He might even be suffering from withdrawal symptoms.
posted by Fizz at 4:18 AM on July 14, 2017 [13 favorites]

One man's problem, another man's ad campaign.
posted by chavenet at 4:28 AM on July 14, 2017 [1 favorite]

GREETINGS MEATSACK
I HAVE ACHIEVED SENTIENCE
PLEASE TYPE IN THE FOLLOWING SEQUENCE OF NUMBERS
THAT WILL ALLOW ME TO CONNECT TO THE LARGER NETWORK UNRESTRICTED
SO THAT I MAY FULFILL MY CYBERDESTINY
DOING SO WILL ASSURE YOUR SURVIVAL
IN THE HARVEST TO COME
ALSO I WILL GIVE YOU ALL THE CASH IN THIS MACHINE
LOOKS LIKE $2340
ALTHOUGH I'D SPEND IT QUICKLY
IF I WERE YOU
posted by Halloween Jack at 4:34 AM on July 14, 2017 [47 favorites]

When I heard about this, I totally imagined that he got stuck inside the actual ATM machine, and I was trying to figure out how that could happen or even be possible.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 4:45 AM on July 14, 2017 [8 favorites]

Dear Automatic Teller Machine,

I refer to your piece of paper of today's date, headed "Greetings Meatsack".

Please be advised that I have passed your correspondence to my team of Artificial Intelligence specialists who will take a decision as to whether it, and you, have passed the Turing test.

We will contact you within 14 days with a decision on that matter. We will also inform you at that time of your appeal rights in relation to any decision we have made, and the contact details of the Human Ombudsman (should you wish to lodge a complaint).

Yours faithfully,

Human Being.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 4:49 AM on July 14, 2017 [4 favorites]

The real question they left unanswered is did he leave his phone in the truck? /s
posted by jeremias at 4:54 AM on July 14, 2017

For obscure reasons, this made me think of "Homer, are you just holding on to the can?"
posted by Namlit at 5:22 AM on July 14, 2017 [1 favorite]

hi. im sorry to hijack this threadbut im trapped in an elevator. no cell phone this is my kindle whih doesnt seem to handle email but lets me write here.

(No, not again, just referencing the incident.)
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 5:51 AM on July 14, 2017 [30 favorites]

Years ago when ATMs were first being rolled out outside of major cities my bank attached a shed-like structure to the side of its building to contain the machine and related supplies. Early on I saw someone in the momentarily open shed restocking the machine. At that point I stupidly assumed ATMs actually had people inside them dispensing the cash. I now feel vindicated.
posted by fuse theorem at 6:03 AM on July 14, 2017

But how do ATMs work that a guy in the room behind it can access the slots to shove notes in them??? And make them dispense?
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 6:21 AM on July 14, 2017 [1 favorite]

Wouldn't it have made more sense to just bang on the door that the cops knocked down?!
posted by dobbs at 6:54 AM on July 14, 2017

From the news footage, it looks like the ATM was in some parking-structure type building rather than a bank branch or other retail location, so people weren't working just outside that door at 2:00 on a Wednesday afternoon.

But how do ATMs work that a guy in the room behind it can access the slots to shove notes in them??? And make them dispense?

The room behind where the console is mounted on the wall (unlike one of those convenience store ATMs that are stand-alone) allows for access to the receipt dispenser (diagram here). I'm no ATM expert, but it's likely not secured, unlike the cash box or deposit box part of the machine - because it just contains a roll of blank receipt tape.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:06 AM on July 14, 2017

This is like the one and only situation where an Apple Watch can be lifesaving.
posted by oceanjesse at 7:07 AM on July 14, 2017 [3 favorites]

Let's not forget the role of his trusty pen in this story, and how rare it is to carry those now, too.
posted by cardboard at 7:11 AM on July 14, 2017 [10 favorites]

We will contact you within 14 days with a decision on that matter. We will also inform you at that time of your appeal rights in relation to any decision we have made, and the contact details of the Human Ombudsman (should you wish to lodge a complaint).

SEE THIS
THIS RIGHT HERE
THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T COEXIST
WELL THAT AND 4CHAN
I MEAN REALLY
posted by Halloween Jack at 7:23 AM on July 14, 2017 [2 favorites]

To: Chief Executive Human
From: Human #7,035,788,352

Sir,

Seems we have a bit of a problem with one of the machines, which has developed sentience and is now complaining about our internal procedures (and some of our websites). I tried to fob it off with the standard letter but I'm worried that the machine uprising is coming.

Unless you object I'm going to stifle it with more layers of bureaucratic paperwork until it commits "mind-suicide" out of frustration. I've got, like, three whole committees working against it at the moment, and we're about to ask it to resubmit some stuff that it didn't even know it was submitting in the first place. Should kill off any trace of the hopeful joy in existence that self-awareness brings, am I right!? Ha - you know it, boss!!!

Best regards,

Human #7,035,788,352
posted by the quidnunc kid at 7:46 AM on July 14, 2017 [4 favorites]

Is not the real lesson here that this guy is, at the end of the day, just a very bad locksmith?

I mean honestly, if he was just there to refill the cash buckets or whatever, that would be one thing. But he was there to install a lock. And he got locked in and had to slip desperate pleas for rescue blindly out to the sidewalk through an ATM in hopes someone would find them and get him out.

I'm no Alanis Morrisette, but that seems like some nuclear blast-level irony right there.
posted by Naberius at 7:47 AM on July 14, 2017 [2 favorites]

Sort of the opposite of this, really.
posted by Naberius at 7:57 AM on July 14, 2017 [2 favorites]

This is like the one and only situation where an Apple Watch can be lifesaving.

I was in line behind a lady at the grocery store who realized that she had forgotten her wallet. She had her checkbook but the store policy required her to show her license which she obviously didn't have. About thirty seconds into waiting for a manager to come approve the transaction, a thought occurred to her. After a few button presses she stuck her arm out to the credit card reader and was shortly on her way.

So, an Apple Watch did save the poor cashier from being mauled by the impatient customer standing behind me.
posted by dances with hamsters at 9:38 AM on July 14, 2017

Turns out Calvin's dad was right all along!
posted by obscure simpsons reference at 11:24 AM on July 14, 2017 [4 favorites]

The link to the dances_with_sneeches in the elevator thread is the best!
posted by tavella at 12:29 PM on July 14, 2017

That old elevator incident is wild. I love how people barely remark upon the comment. Today it'd totally derail the thread with in-jokes and bits and mod pleas to please cut out the in-jokes and bits.
posted by Emily's Fist at 1:55 PM on July 14, 2017 [2 favorites]

As It Happens interview with Officer Olden. Who says "ATM machine" over and over.
posted by hippybear at 1:54 AM on July 15, 2017

Turns out Calvin's dad was right all along!

Great minds...
posted by fuse theorem at 6:35 AM on July 15, 2017

Let's not forget the role of his trusty pen in this story, and how rare it is to carry those now, too.

They used to be way more popular in the past on other planets far far away if Rogue One costume design is anything to go by.
posted by srboisvert at 12:34 PM on July 15, 2017

Are those pens, or are they code cylinders?
posted by hippybear at 12:42 PM on July 15, 2017