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July 22, 2017 2:54 PM   Subscribe

Everyone knows the correct name for a raccoon is Trash Panda, but did you know about Duck Puppies? And you can probably guess the common name for a Fart Squirrel without peeking, but how about a Land Cloud? Bread Moisturizer (not an animal)? Or my favorite, the Dogtor? A few more are here; check out @CorrectNames for the rest.
posted by Johnny Wallflower (47 comments total) 18 users marked this as a favorite
 
Shit Tickets
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 2:55 PM on July 22, 2017 [1 favorite]


Beep Beep I'm a Land Cloud
doesn't really work, does it?
posted by Wolfdog at 3:07 PM on July 22, 2017 [2 favorites]


Also, "Alsatian" is much more pleasant to the ear than the silly consonant mishmash of "Dogtor".

I'm sorry, Johnny Wallflower, but this site is just largely incorrect.
posted by Wolfdog at 3:26 PM on July 22, 2017 [1 favorite]




they always have to put the Nope in there

otherwise a good list, bront!
posted by supermedusa at 3:30 PM on July 22, 2017


Live action Pingu gets a Noot! Noot! from me.
posted by ambrosen at 3:32 PM on July 22, 2017


"Butter" is "bread moisturizer" but "bread" is "raw toast" and so shouldn't "butter" be "raw toast moisturizer?" /pedantry
posted by carmicha at 3:41 PM on July 22, 2017 [3 favorites]


Furry Land Starfish
Spider Bear
Fear Flower
posted by supermedusa at 3:44 PM on July 22, 2017 [2 favorites]


Seals = Sea Puppers
Otters = Sea Kittens
posted by Jon Mitchell at 3:45 PM on July 22, 2017 [1 favorite]


"Butter" is "bread moisturizer" but "bread" is "raw toast" and so shouldn't "butter" be "raw toast moisturizer?" /pedantry

this is a good point, as there seem to be a few categories into which all things belong:

all birds are some sort of chicken
all black and white things are either zebras or pandas

so yeah, is it 'bread' or 'raw toast' that we are moisturizing???
posted by supermedusa at 3:46 PM on July 22, 2017


I learned what a Bin Chicken is recently.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 3:48 PM on July 22, 2017 [2 favorites]


Mayonnaise = sammich lube
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 3:49 PM on July 22, 2017 [1 favorite]


There are repeats. For example: the black and white vegan tiger is also called a prison pony.
posted by ambrosen at 3:50 PM on July 22, 2017 [1 favorite]


Q: What's black and white and read al...
A: IT'S A ZEBRA OF SOME SORT
posted by Wolfdog at 3:58 PM on July 22, 2017 [1 favorite]


"Butter" is "bread moisturizer" but "bread" is "raw toast" and so shouldn't "butter" be "raw toast moisturizer?" /pedantry

This appeals to the same part of me that loves really long convoluted kennings in Icelandic sagas. (Which, I suppose, is more or less what these are, sans the Icelandic bit.)
posted by darchildre at 4:01 PM on July 22, 2017 [5 favorites]


And here I always thought the correct name for raccoons was "little assholes."
posted by Thorzdad at 4:24 PM on July 22, 2017 [3 favorites]


My favorite discovery in high school German was that the word for glove is handshoe.
posted by Bruce H. at 4:24 PM on July 22, 2017 [20 favorites]


"Butter" is "bread moisturizer" but "bread" is "raw toast" and so shouldn't "butter" be "raw toast moisturizer?" /pedantry

This appeals to the same part of me that loves really long Convoluted kennings in Icelandic sagas. (Which, I suppose, is more or less what these are, sans the Icelandic bit.)


These and the kennings share a certain disregard for the transitive property. Like iirc from proofreading a novel about Vikings, Odin is the Allfather, and ravens are Odin's Messengers, and war is a Ravens' Feast instead of being a Feast for the Allfather's Messengers. Except it could be that if you needed a lot of syllables to round out a stanza.
posted by dialMforMara at 4:34 PM on July 22, 2017 [2 favorites]


Whistle Pig.
posted by DarthDuckie at 4:36 PM on July 22, 2017 [1 favorite]


SO and I completely lost our shit because we call bread "raw toast". It mostly started as her mocking for always saying that I'm going to feed the ducks "raw oatmeal".
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 4:41 PM on July 22, 2017


rat = pocket dog
posted by monkeymike at 4:41 PM on July 22, 2017 [2 favorites]


Also, damn you for making me miss Twitter!
posted by monkeymike at 4:42 PM on July 22, 2017


avocado = alligator pear [real]
posted by oulipian at 4:53 PM on July 22, 2017 [1 favorite]


Q: What's black and white and read all over?
A: Okay, who's been writing on my panda???

Capybaras are Hulk Hamsters
Ferrets are Water-Shy Otters
Hedgehogs are Living Scrub Brushes
Condors are Buzzards With Good PR

Bagels are Unsweetened Donuts
Muffins are Unfrosted Cupcakes
Grapefruit are Overgrown Spoiled Lemons
Ramen is Poverty Spaghetti
Eggs have always been Henfruit

the Twitter logo is the Bluebird of Asshole-ness
the Apple logo is Always Short One Byte
the McDonalds logo is the Bent French Fries

And why are there multiple "Correct Names" for penguins and giraffes and zebras??? Make up your mind!
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:55 PM on July 22, 2017 [3 favorites]


Is there an awkward "I've read Vernor Vinge" secret handshake we can do?
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 4:58 PM on July 22, 2017 [2 favorites]


rat = pocket dog

DING! DING! DING! We have a winner! Rats are the cutest.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 5:03 PM on July 22, 2017 [4 favorites]


Mice are the cutest. Rats have halfway outgrown the cute. (I love meeses to pieces)
posted by oneswellfoop at 5:05 PM on July 22, 2017 [1 favorite]


Danger noodles
posted by triggerfinger at 5:28 PM on July 22, 2017 [2 favorites]


Cockroaches = Counter crickets
Bedbugs = Mattress mosquitoes
Squid = Beak sleeves
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 5:30 PM on July 22, 2017 [2 favorites]


It is going to get progressively more and more difficult to tell when people have suffered brain lesions because of this internet thing.
posted by srboisvert at 5:43 PM on July 22, 2017 [14 favorites]


Brain lesions = Mind stains
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 6:21 PM on July 22, 2017 [5 favorites]


MetaFilter: people have suffered brain lesions because of this internet thing
posted by Wolfdog at 6:28 PM on July 22, 2017 [3 favorites]


My brain is already turned to soup from online poisoning so I’m just going to go as hard as I can before it gives out completely. This helps.
posted by reluctant early bird at 7:48 PM on July 22, 2017 [3 favorites]


Horse Tornado.

(see also)
posted by sebastienbailard at 7:56 PM on July 22, 2017 [5 favorites]


Cow - Fodder geburner
Horse - Clippenclopen fodder geburner
Zebra - Pinstrippensuitenwearing clippencloppen fodder geburner.
posted by X4ster at 8:33 PM on July 22, 2017 [4 favorites]


"Butter" is "bread moisturizer" but "bread" is "raw toast" and so shouldn't "butter" be "raw toast moisturizer?" /pedantry

I would argue no, for the same reason "pasta sauce" isn't referred to as "cooked noodles sauce."
posted by chrominance at 8:43 PM on July 22, 2017


Meat Spin!
posted by sebastienbailard at 9:21 PM on July 22, 2017 [1 favorite]


Info Prong
posted by tomcooke at 1:19 AM on July 23, 2017 [3 favorites]


'Jumbuk' is an indigenous Australian word for 'cloud', and it is indeed applied to sheep.

"Down came a jumbuk to drink at the billabong..."

- Banjo Patterson.
posted by emf at 2:01 AM on July 23, 2017 [1 favorite]


Many extra points for the "True Names" reference.
posted by lhauser at 11:00 AM on July 23, 2017 [2 favorites]


Cow - Fodder geburner
Horse - Clippenclopen fodder geburner
Zebra - Pinstrippensuitenwearing clippencloppen fodder geburner.


in my head these are being recited by the Swedish Chef. it really works.
posted by supermedusa at 11:00 AM on July 23, 2017 [5 favorites]


At a loss for the actual word, I once called the attic the "upstairs basement". It's stuck with my friends ever since.
posted by sourwookie at 12:10 PM on July 23, 2017 [1 favorite]


Seal = water sausage
posted by good in a vacuum at 2:13 PM on July 23, 2017


Dicknose Monkey is ok but it doesn't beat Dutch Monkey, which is what the Malays call it.
posted by BinGregory at 7:35 PM on July 23, 2017


Rats = Roof Rabbits, according to the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers of blessed memory
posted by BinGregory at 7:37 PM on July 23, 2017


I once saw some local news story where a little girl referred to nostrils as "inside noses" and I still think about that all the time
posted by danb at 10:23 PM on July 23, 2017 [2 favorites]


This is an eellogofusciouhipoppokunurious post.
posted by Wordshore at 8:40 AM on July 30, 2017 [1 favorite]


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