In color!

July 30, 2017 4:02 PM

The script for a seventh, unmade episode of Police Squad! has been released by one of the show’s creators.
posted by DoctorFedora (21 comments total)

This is wonderfully timely given Josh Marshall's recent post at Talking Points Memo about Leslie Nielsen and the Meaning of Life. Thank you for sharing!
posted by helpthebear at 4:41 PM on July 30, 2017 [5 favorites]

But who was the Guest Star, and how were they killed?
posted by Guy Smiley at 4:47 PM on July 30, 2017 [7 favorites]

I've finally found a script I can love! A good, clean love...without utensils.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:59 PM on July 30, 2017 [2 favorites]

Among the great tragedies of culture were the early deaths of Mozart and Fitzgerald, and the cancelling of Police Squad after four episodes. Bitter. Bitter.
posted by Modest House at 5:26 PM on July 30, 2017 [6 favorites]

Metafilter: You'll have to go...I'm on fire.
posted by Naberius at 5:46 PM on July 30, 2017 [1 favorite]

This is an amazing scene:

DREBIN (V.O.)
Danny’s mother lived on the East Side. I decided to pay her a visit to see if she knew anything.

DANNY'S MOTHER, clearly upset, on the verge of tears, walks to and opens the door. Drebin is there.

DREBIN (CONT’D)
Mrs. Morgan, I'm from the police.

MOTHER
Please go away.

DREBIN
All right.

He leaves and she shuts the door.

And that's it. She's never mentioned again.
posted by Paragon at 5:54 PM on July 30, 2017 [23 favorites]

I'm surprised there's a script for a seventh episode. The sixth episode clearly shows that they're already out of gags.
posted by Ickster at 6:26 PM on July 30, 2017

That stupid "Cigarette?" "I know." gag never fails to crack me up.

(It's not in this episode, I'm just saying.)
posted by tobascodagama at 6:49 PM on July 30, 2017 [4 favorites]

               REPORTER 2
    What about the rumor that the witness
    is Danny Morgan, a small-time numbers
    runner who works for George Driggett,
    the well-known gangster?

Ironblock belts him -- Reporter 2 flies over the bannister.

Well, now that ol' Spicey is out of a job, I think I know what Melissa McCarthy is doing next.
posted by redct at 6:54 PM on July 30, 2017 [2 favorites]

Fortunately the central gag managed to survive the cancellation of the show and built a new life for itself in Top Secret!
posted by dannyboybell at 7:12 PM on July 30, 2017 [6 favorites]

I enjoyed that very much. This is why I love Metafilter.
posted by irisclara at 8:15 PM on July 30, 2017

Surely this is the best post of the month.
posted by fungible at 8:39 PM on July 30, 2017 [4 favorites]

Oh, I don't know. It's merely fairly good.
And don't call me Shirley
posted by DoctorFedora at 10:32 PM on July 30, 2017 [8 favorites]

I'm surprised there's a script for a seventh episode. The sixth episode clearly shows that they're already out of gags.

Who are you and how did you get in here?
posted by hal9k at 12:57 AM on July 31, 2017 [14 favorites]

Seriously one of the best lines in comedy from Police Squad...

Woman: "Who are you? And how did you get in here?"
Debbin: "I'm a locksmith. And I'm a locksmith."
posted by ninazer0 at 1:51 AM on July 31, 2017 [15 favorites]

I haven't even clicked the link yet and I'm SO EXCITED.
posted by JanetLand at 5:12 AM on July 31, 2017

I meta-enjoyed the constant reminders of how much comedy is in the performance. After every joke that I thought fell flat, I would close my eyes and really imagine hard how it would sound if Nielsen and North and Peter Lupus and William Duell were doing it, and almost every time, it made the joke work.
posted by Etrigan at 6:34 AM on July 31, 2017 [4 favorites]

Seriously one of the best lines in comedy from Police Squad...

That is literally my favorite joke.
posted by Pope Guilty at 8:50 AM on July 31, 2017

"Every cop in the city was out on the street, pounding the pavement..."
posted by doctornemo at 9:47 AM on July 31, 2017 [2 favorites]

So many visual jokes that worked just as well in my imagination. There's not enough of this these days.
posted by Naib at 9:54 AM on July 31, 2017

"With Rex Hamilton as Abraham Lincoln!"
posted by zooropa at 11:40 AM on July 31, 2017 [2 favorites]