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August 2, 2017 6:26 AM   Subscribe

Aly Stosz is a designer and event planner who also happens to be 6'9" tall. Her older but smaller sister Amanda interviewed her for Got A Girl Crush.
posted by Etrigan (18 comments total) 16 users marked this as a favorite
 


I'm a 6'8" man and I have a hard enough time finding clothes that fit me well. Finding pants as a 6'9" woman must be completely impossible.

I constantly get people asking me how tall I am, making a big deal out of it, asking if I play basketball, etc. I can't imagine how much worse it would be as a woman where there's a strong societal push for you to be someone that validates male feelings. Men tell me "You make me feel short" which in retrospect is just their way of saying "You emasulate me" that's acceptable to say to another man.

Anyway, Aly sounds awesome and if we ever met I'd totally give her a (really) high five.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 6:57 AM on August 2, 2017 [10 favorites]


I have to confess that if I met her I'd probably say "you're really tall". And then apologize, because that's like the dumbest thing in the world, and I hear it far too often myself.
posted by wotsac at 6:57 AM on August 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


(Mr Encyclopedia- fortunately my legs are still short enough - and I lost a fair bit of girth recently - and so for the first time at least since I could buy my own clothes, I can walk into Target and buy a pair of pants. And it feels So Goddamned Good. So good to just walk around in a pair of pants you didn't have to forage. My thoughts are with you and with her on that point.)
posted by wotsac at 7:04 AM on August 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


The still picture that you see in the Youtube video at the end is so, I don't know what the word is, uncanny? As in, I look at it, and my brain tells me something is wrong even though it's an actual photograph of two people. It reminds me of pictures of NBA players standing next to fans.
posted by LSK at 7:06 AM on August 2, 2017


I'm a 6'8" man and I have a hard enough time finding clothes that fit me well. Finding pants as a 6'9" woman must be completely impossible.

I'm 6'4" and my wife is 5'10" and we have the same lament. I can't even imagine the difficulty at your height. It's especially bad with sports gear. I shop for a lot of hiking/skiing clothes and....

I may have written an email to a company asking if they had any men's sizes - after all, the last time I was a 32" inseam, I was 13....

And I love that she says this :
"But of course there is great authority in being strong and tall, and I carry it gently because I know it can be upsetting or intimidating to others."
It's so true - especially among shorter than average men. They are (on average, IME) terrified of tall people and do all sorts of weird things to try and compensate. You really have to go out of your way to make them comfortable.

also, I recall the first time a female friend complained to me about people talking to her chest. I was confused, because... that happens a lot to me and I'm a dude. I very much prefer to have sit-downs with my shorter colleagues as a result.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 7:22 AM on August 2, 2017 [4 favorites]


It reminds me of pictures of NBA players standing next to fans.

Or gymnasts.
posted by Orlop at 7:43 AM on August 2, 2017


And I love that she says this :

"But of course there is great authority in being strong and tall, and I carry it gently because I know it can be upsetting or intimidating to others."


I picked that out as well. I'm only (!) 6'2" and I have worked a lot of customer/client service positions, and for a long time I was convinced that many of my coworkers were simply not good at their jobs, because they would always complain about how rude and aggressive our clients were, while I very rarely experienced that. It took me years to realize that (while I am pretty good at customer service) I have a huge privilege in that I am big and tall and male in a field where that was rarely seen, and many of our shittiest customers were simply wrong-footed by my size and gender. I saw it most clearly when I was a supervisor who worked in an office just off the reception desk. I could hear clients yelling and cursing at my female colleagues, but as soon as I walked out of the office to see what the problem was, they calmed down and became more reasonable almost instantly.

Aly seems like an awesome person, and this was a great interview made greater by the fact that it was her sister doing it - it gave her access to their shared past and a freedom to ask difficult questions that another interviewer couldn't have. Thanks for posting it.

Sorry about the commercial aviation industry, Aly. It's bad enough for me, but I have to imagine it is nearly impossible for her to fly coach.
posted by Rock Steady at 7:58 AM on August 2, 2017 [3 favorites]


The picture (in the YouTube video) of her boyfriend sitting on her lap is the cutest.
posted by roger ackroyd at 8:14 AM on August 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


This is great! I'm a tall trans woman — and being tall is one of the stereotypical trans woman problems (or, more, to the point being viewed as weird/gross/threatening because of it, or being fetishized because of it) — so hearing from cis women who have dealt with the same problems was a Big Deal for me real early in my transition when I was struggling with that.

I've also got a baby nephew who's currently having what might be the first of many rounds with the "people think he's older" problem — the kid's a three-year-old who acts like a three-year-old and has the emotional capacity of a three-year-old and looks like he could well be five, and oh wow do people have less patience for him than for other three-year-olds, even people who know him and know how old he really is.

And all the stuff she says about how messy and complicated actual body positivity is! And those amazing photos of strangers undisguisedly Having Feelings about her body in public! And aaaaaaa yeah wow this is incredible.
posted by nebulawindphone at 8:24 AM on August 2, 2017 [7 favorites]


I want her and Gwendolyn Christie to hang out and be super women together.
posted by Hermione Granger at 8:48 AM on August 2, 2017


It was a really hard thing for me to interpret how people reacted to and received me, especially strangers in public. Because all people use the reflections of ourselves in the responses of others to form our self image.

I had to be ferociously okay with being myself and that made me develop all the beautiful & different qualities that lots of people probably sweep under the rug in order to fit in. I never fit in, I stood out, and I fucking owned it.

I'm so glad to have read this -- thank you for posting it.
posted by brainwane at 10:16 AM on August 2, 2017 [5 favorites]


It's so true - especially among shorter than average men. They are (on average, IME) terrified of tall people and do all sorts of weird things to try and compensate. You really have to go out of your way to make them comfortable.

I'm tall but not exceptionally so (6'2", male), and I have sometimes had trouble when my boss was a man who was much shorter than me. The height difference consciously or sub-consciously pissed him off.

I don't know what the employer-employee dynamic would be for a tall woman, though - especially a woman as tall as Ms. Stosz.
posted by tallmiddleagedgeek at 10:59 AM on August 2, 2017


Wow, I'm just really gay. she sounds lovely.
posted by FirstMateKate at 11:48 AM on August 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


I constantly get people asking me how tall I am, making a big deal out of it, asking if I play basketball, etc.

The other day on Twitter, I saw a post showing a "business card" that a 6'7" tall man handed out.
posted by holborne at 11:52 AM on August 2, 2017 [2 favorites]


I had to be ferociously okay with being myself

Thank you for posting. I am impressed by her self awareness and that thought will stay with me for a good long while.
posted by LuckyMonkey21 at 12:06 PM on August 2, 2017 [2 favorites]


She sounds really nice, and thoughtful. Thanks!
posted by Joe in Australia at 3:21 PM on August 2, 2017


I found this a really powerful, amazing interview, thanks very much for posting it.

thing you've struggled with & against your whole life.

This line leapt out at me. My appearance is wholly unremarkable, but this made me immediately think of my own struggle with a chronic illness (colitis) and the weird paradox of accepting yourself but not being defined by something.

I've found since this principle applies more broadly, to anything that i want to accept about myself whilst not ceding to it, swinging between acceptance and anger.

Anyway, great piece thanks again
posted by smoke at 11:44 PM on August 2, 2017


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