You Can’t Sue People for Being Mean to You, Bob
August 2, 2017 7:50 AM   Subscribe

ACLU brief on behalf of John Oliver The ACLU finally gets to enjoy itself.
posted by blurker (56 comments total) 71 users marked this as a favorite
 
Someday I hope to include a line this good in an official document

III. Anyone Can Legally Say “Eat Shit, Bob!”
posted by DigDoug at 7:59 AM on August 2, 2017 [25 favorites]


Are we sure it wasn't written by John Oliver?
posted by AFABulous at 8:00 AM on August 2, 2017 [4 favorites]


Yes! I will enjoy reading this. His segment with Colbert and his hilarious facial expressions since he "can't talk about" the lawsuit was a gem.
posted by amanda at 8:01 AM on August 2, 2017 [5 favorites]


And with regard to the Dr. Evil remark, it should be remembered that truth is an absolute defense to a claim of defamation.

Gold.
posted by The Bellman at 8:03 AM on August 2, 2017 [19 favorites]


Never before have I enjoyed a table of contents so much.
posted by noneuclidean at 8:04 AM on August 2, 2017 [3 favorites]


“[A]fter the live taping, Defendant Oliver exclaimed to the audience that having someone in a squirrel costume tell Bob Murray to ‘Eat Shit’ was a ‘dream come true.’”

Ain't it, though?
posted by amanda at 8:04 AM on August 2, 2017 [2 favorites]


segment with Colbert ... he "can't talk about" the lawsuit

Ah! So this is that one. Thanks amanda.
(thamanda)
posted by quinndexter at 8:06 AM on August 2, 2017


Sorry, here's the link to the Colbert bit!
posted by amanda at 8:08 AM on August 2, 2017 [7 favorites]


This is GLORIOUS.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
I. Interest of Amicus Curiae & Required Disclosures.
1 II. A Brief History of Plaintiffs’ Attempts to Chill Speech by Abusing the Legal System. 1 A. Plaintiffs Frequently Abuse the Legal System to Attack Protected Speech.
2 B. The Ridiculous Case at Hand.
2 III. Anyone Can Legally Say “Eat Shit, Bob!”
5 A. Plaintiffs’ Motion for a Temporary Restraining Order is Ridiculous. Courts Can’t Tell Media Companies How to Report, Bob.
5 1. All of John Oliver’s Speech Was Protected by the First Amendment. You Can’t Sue People for Being Mean to You, Bob.
5 2. Plaintiff’s Requested Injunction is Clearly Unconstitutional. You Can’t Get a Court Order Telling the Press How to Cover Stories, Bob
8 B. The Court Should Dismiss This Action & Assess Sanctions.
10 IV. Conclusion
This is the LWT entire episode that's being referenced. Hands down the best thing they've done since going after the American Petroleum Institute last season.
posted by zarq at 8:10 AM on August 2, 2017 [18 favorites]


I saw this earlier and noticed this bit at the end of the document:
CERTIFICATE OF SERVICE
I, Jamie Lynn Crofts, do hereby certify that on August 1, 2017, I electronically filed a true and exact copy of BRIEF AMICUS CURIAE OF THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION OF WEST VIRGINIA FOUNDATION IN OPPOSITION TO PLAINTIFFS’ MOTION FOR A TEMPORARY RESTRAINING ORDER AND IN SUPPORT OF DISMISSAL AND RULE 11 SANCTIONS

with the Clerk of Court using the CM/ECF System, with copies provided to:
Can any mefi lawyers explain the intention and purpose of this part and the list of lawyers that come afterwards? I'm curious because I know two of the lawyers listed.

And perhaps based on this week's brutal takedown of Alex Jones maybe we can look forward to another filing from the ACLU?
posted by mmascolino at 8:14 AM on August 2, 2017 [2 favorites]


Does anyone know why John Oliver was wearing a 1st Cav Division pin in his segment with Colbert?

Just curious.
posted by xthlc at 8:15 AM on August 2, 2017


His wife is a former combat medic for the 1st Cav.
posted by zarq at 8:19 AM on August 2, 2017 [22 favorites]


Woop, nevermind, I apparently forgot how to Google.

http://martinsburgcollege.edu/military-love-story-kate-norley-and-john-oliver/
posted by xthlc at 8:19 AM on August 2, 2017 [8 favorites]


There is nothing about this that is not utterly delightful.
posted by rtha at 8:29 AM on August 2, 2017 [4 favorites]


I intend to include the footnote "Everyone is allowed to have dreams." in pretty much every document I write in the future.
posted by solotoro at 8:31 AM on August 2, 2017 [21 favorites]


Can any mefi lawyers explain the intention and purpose of this part and the list of lawyers that come afterwards?

The certificate of service is attached to every document filed in a case. It is the filing party's statement that the document was properly filed -- in this case using the court's electronic filing system ("CM/ECF" aka "PACER") -- and sent to the attorneys on the case.

In this case, since the ACLU is an amicus and not a party, that list of lawyers is probably all of the lawyers representing any party in the case. That's belt-and-suspenders here since they all get it through ECF anyway.
posted by The Bellman at 8:32 AM on August 2, 2017 [5 favorites]


That's belt-and-suspenders here since they all get it through ECF anyway.

Some district courts don't even require it if everyone is an ECF user (the court where I practice doesn't). I'm waiting for other people to get out of a meeting, so I checked and the Northern District of West Virginia does require one, though.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 8:48 AM on August 2, 2017 [2 favorites]


"This case is about Plaintiff Robert E. (“Bob”) Murray not liking a television program and somehow believing that is a legally actionable offense." <-- burnt to a crisp
posted by en forme de poire at 9:06 AM on August 2, 2017 [20 favorites]


Plaintiffs argue that Defendants will use their “unique powers” to “access . . . millions of West Virginians, to bias the potential jurors who will determine their fate.” Pl’s Mem. at 3. (These special powers must include magic, as West Virginia has under 2 million residents).


FTW
posted by chavenet at 9:10 AM on August 2, 2017 [14 favorites]


Because Bill Murray played a guy named Bob in "What about Bob?", my brain keeps dishing up some very confusing mental images and dialogue in which everyone on both sides of this is played by Bill Murray.
posted by randomkeystrike at 9:11 AM on August 2, 2017 [5 favorites]


Is there a brief available for people who try to ration their exposure to daily news and have no idea what this is about?
posted by ardgedee at 9:22 AM on August 2, 2017


John Oliver is being sued for a bit he did on Last Week tonight about Bob Murray. Zarq posted the LWT bit in this comment.

The suit is ridiculous and the WV ACLU is having a bit of fun with the brief.
posted by blurker at 9:29 AM on August 2, 2017 [2 favorites]


Brb, sending this to my attorney friends and letting them know I've brought them CANDY.
posted by bile and syntax at 9:35 AM on August 2, 2017 [3 favorites]


"It is apt that one of Plaintiffs’ objections to the show is about a human-sized squirrell named Mr. Nutterbutter, because this case is nuts. Which also begs the question: is Mr. Nutterbutter one of the 50 Doe Defendants included in this action?"
posted by dnash at 9:44 AM on August 2, 2017


After this long list of losses in Ohio, it appears that Bob Murray has now decided to try his luck with abusing West Virginia’s court system

And with regard to the Dr. Evil remark, it should be remembered that truth is an absolute defense to a claim of defamation. E.g. Syl. Pt. 1, Crump v. Beckley Newspapers, Inc., 173 W. Va. 699, 699 (1984). [insert ACTUAL NO JOKE side-by-side photos of of Dr. Evil and Murray smirking]

Bob Murray thinks John Oliver was mean to him, and he doesn’t want him to be mean again. While that is sad for Bob Murray, it is unconstitutional for a court to order such relief.

FUCKING SAVAGE

A friend of a friend used to work in the counsel's office at HBO. To a regular ol' corporate drone like me, it sounded super-glamorous -- checking rights contracts for HBO shows, getting clearance for shows to mention specific brand names, negotiating contracts with the producing companies of famous people, and so on. Sometimes, she'd even get calls from the set!

Getting to read this brief for work, though? PRETTY FUCKING COOL. I'll even forgive the ACLU for using begs the question incorrectly.
posted by joyceanmachine at 9:44 AM on August 2, 2017 [8 favorites]


Can any mefi lawyers explain the intention and purpose of this part and the list of lawyers that come afterwards?

Others already attended to the certification itself, the ECF, and the list of attorneys. I think it's worth exploring the rest, though:

...BRIEF AMICUS CURIAE OF THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION OF WEST VIRGINIA FOUNDATION...
Ok, that part's obvious.

...IN OPPOSITION TO PLAINTIFFS’ MOTION FOR A TEMPORARY RESTRAINING ORDER...
This is the core. They are specifically responding to Bob and his lawyers wanting a TRO, restricting Oliver's (and LWT's) ability to speak on matters pertaining to Bob. Important, as part of the episode is pointing out exactly how litigious Bob is.

...AND IN SUPPORT OF DISMISSAL...
Basically, this is saying that the brief submitted explicitly supports the contention that the case should simply be dismissed, not merely that the TRO shouldn't be issued.

...AND RULE 11 SANCTIONS...
This part, I love. Calling for Rule 11 Sanctions means that, according to the brief's arguments, the court should impose penalties directly on the *lawyers* who filed the TRO petition, on the basis that it was a frivolous action that the lawyers knowingly did in an attempt to abuse the legal system itself.
posted by mystyk at 9:45 AM on August 2, 2017 [30 favorites]



Is there a brief available for people who try to ration their exposure to daily news and have no idea what this is about?


Text version of what this is about:
Robert E. Murray is CEO of Murray Energy Corporation . . . one of the largest independent operators of coal mines in the United States.

Murray and his companies were [part owners of the] Crandall Canyon Mine in Utah . . . The mine made headline news when six miners were trapped by a collapse in August 2007. Ten days later, three rescue workers were killed by a subsequent collapse. The six miners were later declared dead and their bodies were never recovered.

Prior to the collapse, the Crandall Canyon Mine had received 64 violations and $12,000 in fines. . . . some news agencies reported troubling violations at other Murray operations. CNN specifically cited Murray's Illinois Galatia mine, which had almost 3,500 safety citations in the prior two and a half years.

Murray has filed over a dozen defamation lawsuits against journalists and newspapers, none of which reached judgment in his favor.

In June 2017, Murray Energy issued a cease and desist letter to [John Oliver's teevy show] Last Week Tonight following the show's attempt to obtain comment about the coal industry.

The show went ahead with the episode which host John Oliver discussed the Crandall Canyon Mine collapse and expressed the opinion that Murray did not do enough to protect his miners’ safety. Three days later, Murray [sued] Oliver, the show's writers, HBO, and Time Warner . . . [alleging that] Oliver "incited viewers to do harm to Mr. Murray and his companies."
posted by Herodios at 9:53 AM on August 2, 2017 [4 favorites]


Thanks for the background, everybody!
posted by ardgedee at 9:57 AM on August 2, 2017


I passed this around the office yesterday to much delight. We all dream of being able to write a brief that includes such section headings as "Anyone Can Legally Say “Eat Shit, Bob!”" I also deeply love the choice to define Plaintiff Robert E. Murray as "Bob" seemingly solely for the lolz.
posted by yasaman at 10:02 AM on August 2, 2017 [5 favorites]


Which also begs the question: is Mr. Nutterbutter one of the 50 Doe Defendants included in this action?

In yet another libel case filed by Plaintiffs, the court noted that the article in question “engage[d] in conjecture that Murray may have acted out of spite, which begs the response of: so what?"

Beyond priceless.
posted by CosmicRayCharles at 10:09 AM on August 2, 2017 [1 favorite]



The Complaint also interestingly claims that “nothing has ever stressed [Bob Murray] more than [John Oliver’s] vicious and untruthful attack.”
As one media outlet asked, “[I]s he really saying that a late night British comedian on a premium channel has caused him more stress than the time that one of his mines collapsed and killed a group of his employees? If so . . . that’s . . . weird.”
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 10:15 AM on August 2, 2017 [39 favorites]


[insert ACTUAL NO JOKE side-by-side photos of of Dr. Evil and Murray smirking]

Holy sh**, is that an actual skull ring on Dr. Evil's Bob Murray's pinkie finger?
posted by heatherlogan at 10:25 AM on August 2, 2017 [6 favorites]


CosmicRayCharles: "In yet another libel case filed by Plaintiffs, the court noted that the article in question “engage[d] in conjecture that Murray may have acted out of spite, which begs the response of: so what?""

I'm surprised they don't cite Arkell v. Pressdram
posted by chavenet at 10:29 AM on August 2, 2017 [6 favorites]


my brain keeps dishing up some very confusing mental images and dialogue in which everyone on both sides of this is played by Bill Murray.

I would watch that movie.
posted by nubs at 10:35 AM on August 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


I remain pleased with the way the ACLU spends my hard-earned dollars.
posted by Lame_username at 10:35 AM on August 2, 2017 [28 favorites]


I'm gonna be cackling about ", Bob!" for the rest of the day.
posted by Space Kitty at 10:36 AM on August 2, 2017


As one media outlet asked, “[I]s he really saying that a late night British comedian on a premium channel has caused him more stress than the time that one of his mines collapsed and killed a group of his employees? If so . . . that’s . . . weird.”

Weird, yet almost certainly true!
posted by enn at 10:41 AM on August 2, 2017 [4 favorites]


I feel like all of the amazingly wonderful passages in this thing have already been highlighted but half of my job is reading tedious legal briefs and this is beyond delightful.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 10:41 AM on August 2, 2017 [4 favorites]


This is completely, utterly wonderful and I loved reading it and am so glad I was able to download the PDF.

(But, eek: is this a typo? "All prior restraints on expression are presumptively constitutional ..." line 4, p 9 - surely they meant "unconstitutional"?)

"they have really hit the protected speech jackpot!"
posted by kristi at 11:09 AM on August 2, 2017 [2 favorites]


There's a few typos that slipped in. I've seen worse, including from the Department of Justice.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 12:11 PM on August 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


I noticed the typos but supposed it was some legalese phrasing I don't get. I guess it's forgivable, they're not representing the Predisent.
posted by adept256 at 12:45 PM on August 2, 2017 [3 favorites]


"Apparently because the Plaintiffs' delicate sensibilities were offended, they clutched their pearls and filed this suit."
posted by Iris Gambol at 1:09 PM on August 2, 2017 [5 favorites]


I'm gonna be cackling about ", Bob!" for the rest of the day.

Presumably, so will Rowan Atkinson.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:21 PM on August 2, 2017 [3 favorites]


Those footnotes would not be out of place in a Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett novel.
posted by offalark at 1:31 PM on August 2, 2017 [5 favorites]


It's worth noting that John Oliver's Moisture-Armored Tactical Assault Wipes are still available for only $1m each.

In this case John absolutely knew what he was doing, was careful to go just far enough. And Bob took the bait. It's surprising, because anyone could see this was a trap. He was begging you to sue Bob, you just set up the punchline.

With these tactical wipes, which are parodying Alex Jones merch, I am certain they already had a buyer before they made the post. It's going to be fun finding out who! The million bucks goes to Doctors Without Borders.
posted by adept256 at 1:38 PM on August 2, 2017


"It's worth noting that John Oliver's Moisture-Armored Tactical Assault Wipes are still available for only $1m each."

But wait, HBO is offering me 10% off on my first order .... $900k - a deal!
posted by mbo at 2:14 PM on August 2, 2017 [3 favorites]


Heh, it looks like a condom package and says JO on it
posted by AFABulous at 2:57 PM on August 2, 2017 [2 favorites]


Guys. You guys.

In that Dr Evil photo, Bob Murray is wearing a skull pinky ring.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 3:28 PM on August 2, 2017 [3 favorites]


Leonard French, everybody’s favourite copyright attorney, YouTuber, geek, esq., scheduled a quick hour long livestream talking through this brief. While wearing an Eeyore hat. Archival footage available on YouTube.
posted by Martijn at 3:35 PM on August 2, 2017 [4 favorites]


Everything about this is fucking delightful, Bob! Thank you for posting it!
posted by grapesaresour at 4:14 PM on August 2, 2017


As previously alluded to, the ACLU is always worth supporting. On some days even more so. The donate link for ACLU of West Virginia Foundation was quick end easy to use.
posted by booksarelame at 5:01 PM on August 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


Holy fucking shit that John Oliver/Alex Jones clip...so much more crazy than I could even...holy fucking shit. How could you even be so crazy and stupid? How could my midwestern racist family members who have a reasonable basic education but nevertheless I don't speak with anymore be so crazy and stupid?
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 6:23 PM on August 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


Back when the lawsuit happened some of us in the Fanfare post for the episode found the text of Murray's complaint. Here it is on the Daily Beast's website. DJWeezy found a PDF download. It's pretty lulzworthy on its face. It basically says that Oliver and HBO are in league with Obama and Hillary Clinton to destroy US coal, assumes this is legally actionable, and even claims the episode is literally killing him.
posted by JHarris at 1:42 AM on August 3, 2017 [3 favorites]


"88. Since the date of the broadcast, and due to the stress and physical damage caused by the malicious and defamatory conduct of Defendants, and resulting misconduct of others incited by Defendants' conduct, Mr. Murray's health has significantly worsened, likely further reducing his already limited life expectancy due to his Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis.
89. No reasonable person could be expected to endure the emotional distress and physical damage that Mr. Murray has suffered as a result of Defendants' conduct."
posted by JHarris at 1:54 AM on August 3, 2017 [1 favorite]


FTFFiling:
"No reasonable person could be expected to endure the emotional distress and physical damage that Mr. Murray has suffered as a result of Defendants' conduct."
Welp, I'm convinced!
posted by wenestvedt at 5:41 AM on August 3, 2017


That is the first legal brief i ever read from beginning to end in my life. I was laughing a bit but when the got to the photos of Dr. Evil and Murry side by side preceded by "And with regard to the Dr. Evil remark, it should be remembered that truth is an absolute defense to a claim of defamation" I just lost it.
posted by lordrunningclam at 8:27 AM on August 3, 2017 [5 favorites]


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